Friday Night Blues

My body is swollen and puffy. I'm up a few pounds--it's water, I have not cheated on my food. I have had one hell of a bad week. Still hurting. Today as I was doing laundry, I was bringing a basket up the stairs and I normally stack it on my side--that hurt. Halfway up the stairs I had to stop to rest, because with every step up I had pain.

This sucks.

This is not like cramps, this is very intense, double-me-over pain. It shoots. Sometimes it's just a major pain in the neck, but other times it's really bad--like this week.

This week stupid (me) also pulled a dumb stunt. (No, I'm not stupid unless I do something stupid.) One night that I couldn't sleep, I took my computer into the living room, sat it on my Transfirmer which is 14 inches high, and I cleaned my hard drive. I was clicking for a couple hours. My right hand was at a weird angle. The next morning I could not bend my hand and it was throbbing and swollen. I wore my wrist brace and that helped a lot. That night, Stupid (yeah, I was stupid again) wore the wrist brace to bed. The following morning, I woke up in extreme pain. My thumb. I couldn't move it at all. Took the brace off, poured myself a cup of coffee, took some Motrin, rested my thumb on the coffee cup. After a few minutes I could make mini circles with my thumb. Later in the day, all was well.

Ahem. It's one thing to have something going on (the lower-right quadrant pain) that I have no control over. It's a completely different ball game when I do stupid things to myself! In the words of Red Foreman, "Dumb Ass!" lol I'm laughing now, but sheesh. My hand is much better today, only slightly swollen.

I need to make a decision. I just completed 30 days of my "mini-pill" that I was prescribed. Do I try another month on the pill to see if we can get the ovulation stopped, or do I call the doctor next week and tell him I'm in pain again. He told me to call if I was in pain.

Thing is, I can't say why right now, but I won't be able to have surgery until April. (I'll share why in April.) So I'm torn on what to do.

I have not exercised all week. Hubby suggested I take the dogs for a walk. I explained I can't--one tug of a border collie will engage my core and I'll be doubling over. I have to stop and lean on the grocery cart when at Wal-Mart because this really takes every drop of energy I have.

I am just SO MAD. This is messing up my life so much. I just want to scream, punch the punching bag, and have a major temper tantrum. Other times I just want to cry with frustration. It hurts, damn it! There...mini tantrum.

Such is life. We have ups and downs. I miss working out. It has become a part of me like brushing my teeth. It feels so wrong when I can't. I feel so off. I'm still feeling very toxic--and that shows with my swelling. I have no idea what that is about or how that happened. I have slept more this week--reminds me of when I was at my highest weight. I slept then because I had to--I was so exhausted. That's how I've felt this week.

Shoot, this week anything that required reaching up or bending over I asked my son to do. I have gone about my daily grind, but not with as much gusto. Today I called a sick day with school. My son was very happy--he curled up on the couch and read some physics books all day long. I paid bills, worked on laundry, and tried my hardest to relax. It did help my spirits considerably. Of course I took a long nap as well.

And through it all, I must say my eating has been routine. The stress has not done me in. I still weigh everything I eat, I still watch my protein/fat and carbs. That's become routine. Triumph there. I'm not even craving things (chocolate) like I used to when stressed out. I have been very stressed. So I guess there really is a bright side.

I hate writing whiny posts, I really do--but this is my blog, my story--and this part of my health is a very important part of my journey. It's as important as the victories. We all struggle, we all have something going on--and I know I get so inspired when I read how well people do through their struggles. I'm not doing that well emotionally--I'm so frustrated--but the food is good.

Health is very important. This just reiterates that point. It sucks to be 44 years old and stopping in Wal-mart to rest--I feel like an old woman. Yes, I pretend to read a label on something, but in reality I am mortified.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend full of sunshine.

Exercise = Sleep

I didn't work out today. I didn't work out yesterday. Last night I was up until 3. Here it is almost 2 and I'm still wide eyed and bushy tailed.

Exercise is the cure to my insomnia. I think that's why I feel so toxic--I'm not sweating enough!

Why didn't I work out today? Madame Ovary was angry at me. After supper I was hurting so bad I passed out on the love seat. (I didn't literally pass out, I just fell asleep. lol) Could be another reason I'm wide eyed and bushy tailed now.

So...no pain, no gain. Today it was too intense to work out. There has to be something I can do when I'm hurting, though. I can't twist, I can't bend my right leg up (knee lift) and bending over hurts. So I could walk--but I don't want to walk outside because sometimes I get a surge and bend over. Sometimes I feel light headed. I have tried so hard to like Leslie Sansone, but I just--don't. Bouncing on the rebounder is out. Riding the Airdyne--no, as I have to bend my leg.

Oh, the horror of it all. I could probably do a light step routine as long as I don't bend my knee at a 90-degree angle. I just feel like my fitness is slipping away when Madame Ovary is being cruel. Tomorrow I'll play around if I'm hurting still. There just has to be something, and I'm smart, I can figure it out.

On a brighter note, I ordered Power 90 for my son. It arrived today. I had no problem sitting my lard as--no, my large--no, my butt down in front of the computer and watching the first disk. I liked it. It is much easier than P90X, but not easy. I actually liked the cardio portion of the first disk--enough that I will incorporate it in my routine. I liked the sculpting as well. So I'll work the whole thing into my "rotation." Rotation said loosely, of course.

Power 90 is perfect for my son. I don't think he'll like it because he doesn't like videos, yet Tony Horton teaches good form and it's a good routine. It moves fast. Plus it's "manly" enough, not girly at all. I even think DS will enjoy the cardio--as much as he can like prescribed cardio. As homeschoolers, physical education has always been being active, snow boarding, riding a bike, ice skating, sledding, walking the dogs, playing...now we get to take that up a notch and do real workouts. Of course he's a teenager now and he's old enough it's safer for him to do strength workouts. Power 90 averages 30 minutes per workout, which is perfect. Win, win, win. He starts tomorrow.

Planting the seed. Somehow I inspired my husband to work out. He's doing a fantastic job. That old saying about teaching by example...my son is definitely getting that! My son would pick up weights and do some moves now and then. He took an interest. Having Power 90 and a prescribed rotation should kick it up a notch for him, it will be a great learning tool, and my hope is that this will last him a lifetime. I've told him he only has one body and to learn to take care of it now.

I will help him the first few times so he learns proper form. I worry about knees and careless injuries. So he's not going to be happy, but mom is going to be vigilant about squats, lunges and proper from.

We're supposed to have some sunshine tomorrow afternoon. Crossing my fingers! We'll have to take a long walk.

Weight was still the same. I've always been a daily weigher...and I know that scale is not liking my lack of working out. Neither am I, I want some endorphines and sweat.

Thankful. When I have sh*tty days, like today, I really try to look deep and find things to be thankful for.

• I'm thankful for Power 90--so I don't have to come up with a program for my son.

• I'm thankful for my sweet son who is the joy of my life.

• I'm thankful that hubby cooked supper because when I got home from errands and picking DS up from art class, I was hurting. Hubby came through for me.
  
• I'm thankful for my puppies who always give me love.
  
• Thankful for my kitty who has decided that he absolutely needs to sit on my lap several times a day. Nothing like having a furry fluff ball purring to relax me.

• I'm thankful that it's warm and the snow is starting to melt. I can see grass in a few spots in our yard.
  
• I'm thankful for Liquid Plumr (sic) because my bath tub drain is sluggish. It always does the trick.

• Thankful for Wal-Mart because when I was hurting, I only had to go to one store to buy milk and Liquid Plumr.

• Thankful for my new bras that arrived today. They are so comfortable.
  
• And, of course, I'm thankful that the girls have shrunk enough that I needed to buy new bras in the first place!

Noxious Toxic

That's how I feel: toxic. I haven't felt well for several days. My system, my body, just feels toxic. The ovary (whom I really should name, as I refer to it so much) has been giving me pains, although not bad, just annoying. My system feels unclean, like I need to fast and clear things out--yet I don't ever fast.

The sun has not shone in over a week. That is really starting to get to me. We aren't expected to have a full day of sunshine until this weekend. We usually keep all lights off except when we are in our school room working--yesterday I turned the lights on all over the house to brighten things up. It helped tremendously.

Exercise has been hit or miss because I haven't felt well.

Loved P90X but did ***not*** love being stuck in a routine, a set rotation, and I'm afraid that I'm just going to use certain disks according to my style. I do not look at this as a fail at all, I look at it as a win in that I know me well enough to know that the love of exercise will be stripped from me if I have to follow someone else's plan. For now. I plan on using the strength disks in P90X in my regular rotation. My regular rotation is strength three times a week with whatever cardio I want. I was missing my Cathe step tapes too much, as step is my thing. I was missing my Firms too much, as I love the Firm.

Now? All I need to do is feel better so that I can get back in my great routine.

I was only down a half pound this week. I blame that on going out of my exercise routine that was working so well, as I certainly ate within my calorie allotment. I think the key to weight loss, for me, is exercise. When I bumped things up consistently, the weight started coming off better. Have a screwy week? Get a screwy loss. Go figure.

I bought Power 90 for my son. He is ready to start working out, and I don't have the time, or desire to develop a routine for him. He doesn't have the desire to sit and read a book and come up with his own. So Power 90 is it because Tony Horton is a man, and not some prissy girl on one of mom's videos. lol The workouts are much shorter than P90X as well. And to start out, it's one strength DVD and once we've gone through it a couple times and he has his form down pat, he'll be able to do it on his own. I think it's a great introduction for him. And the benefit of buying Power 90 for him? I can use it, too. And I probably will. It is set to arrive today, and I'm anxious to watch and read the materials to learn the rotation. DS doesn't know better about rotations, he'll just do whatever. I'm a rebel, and do what I want to do. lol

Haven't had insomnia for a very long time. Last night I was awake until 3am. DS and I both overslept, and we're working on school at a fast and furious pace to catch up. We will get it done before he leaves for his art class.

Speaking of school, it's time for me to get back into teacher mode as he's done with his assignment. Plus, I need to fill up my water. Whenever I feel toxic, I drink lots of water.

Here's to hope: Hope for a good night's sleep, feeling better, and SUNSHINE.

p.s. I do hope to do an entire P90X rotation some day. I think timing is not right at the moment. I think I'd rather wait until I'm down in weight more. I enjoy doing doubles (working out twice a day) and that isn't the plan with P90X. So I'm going to stick with what works right now, and look forward to a P90X rotation to fine tune things later down the road.