Has anyone noticed that I have NOT filled in a single day on my exercise calender for the entire month of June?
Someone, everyone, PLEASE...call me on it.
I need some tough love here.
I sat around and moped, doing nothing today.
I need a drill sargeant. I need someone to give me a kick in the pants to make me go.
Lecture me, remind me why I exercise, make me feel guilty, motivate me...
I can't do this alone.
There's NO reason why I did not exercise yesterday or today. Not one.
grrrrr
6.06.2009
When the Going Gets Tough
The tough go shopping.
I was bored today and desperately needed to get out of the house. I had errands to run this morning, and it was such a beautiful day, I couldn't bare to be stuck in the house in the afternoon.
My son and I decided to go to the two local thrift stores and our one antique store. We also hit a church garage sale. I had no cash with me, so my sweet son spotted me $1.25 at the garage sale.
At the sale, I found a brand new lamp shade identical to one I already have. I took my Mom's lamps from the living room, but threw out the old, gross shades. For one year, I have been missing a lamp shade...purely out of forgetting to get a new pair when I was out and about. I had a nice shade from an old lamp, but only one. Sheesh, am I thrilled that I finally took care of that eye sore for $1!
The cool thing, though, was I did really well at the thrift stores. I got six 2X shirts. I'm wearing a 3X now. With my belly so large, I used to wear a 4X but the shirts were too big, but I needed them that big to cover my belly. So I bought two 3X this past February to shrink into and they fit fine. Well, imagine my surprise when five of the six 2X shirts fit me! Woot! The bad thing was that I bought them to shrink into, for later this summer. Will have to be on the lookout for the next size down. Gasp!
I found a pair of size 20 shorts. I'm wearing a 22 now and they're loose. I could get the 20s on, I could wear them, but they are a bit too snug for my comfort level. I was shocked they went on, though.
I got a couple night gowns because mine are falling off my shoulders.
Finally, I found two pair of pants to work out in. Ugly orange and a hot pink. Nothing I'd want to wear out and about, but good for sweating in.
All for under $20. I just don't have the cash for a new wardrobe as I'm shrinking, so thrifting is great.
Here's the funny part. When I was showing DH my score, he rolled his eyes and he said...get this, I can't believe he said this..."It will be awhile before you can wear those shirts."
HA! That's why I tried them on before I washed them. Usually I'm kind of "ewwww, wash first" but I had to prove him wrong.
Shows him right for being too open with what he was thinking. Some things you should just keep to yourself.
I love to prove people wrong.
I did not exercise today. However, today did more to lift my spirits than anything.
I was bored today and desperately needed to get out of the house. I had errands to run this morning, and it was such a beautiful day, I couldn't bare to be stuck in the house in the afternoon.
My son and I decided to go to the two local thrift stores and our one antique store. We also hit a church garage sale. I had no cash with me, so my sweet son spotted me $1.25 at the garage sale.
At the sale, I found a brand new lamp shade identical to one I already have. I took my Mom's lamps from the living room, but threw out the old, gross shades. For one year, I have been missing a lamp shade...purely out of forgetting to get a new pair when I was out and about. I had a nice shade from an old lamp, but only one. Sheesh, am I thrilled that I finally took care of that eye sore for $1!
The cool thing, though, was I did really well at the thrift stores. I got six 2X shirts. I'm wearing a 3X now. With my belly so large, I used to wear a 4X but the shirts were too big, but I needed them that big to cover my belly. So I bought two 3X this past February to shrink into and they fit fine. Well, imagine my surprise when five of the six 2X shirts fit me! Woot! The bad thing was that I bought them to shrink into, for later this summer. Will have to be on the lookout for the next size down. Gasp!
I found a pair of size 20 shorts. I'm wearing a 22 now and they're loose. I could get the 20s on, I could wear them, but they are a bit too snug for my comfort level. I was shocked they went on, though.
I got a couple night gowns because mine are falling off my shoulders.
Finally, I found two pair of pants to work out in. Ugly orange and a hot pink. Nothing I'd want to wear out and about, but good for sweating in.
All for under $20. I just don't have the cash for a new wardrobe as I'm shrinking, so thrifting is great.
Here's the funny part. When I was showing DH my score, he rolled his eyes and he said...get this, I can't believe he said this..."It will be awhile before you can wear those shirts."
HA! That's why I tried them on before I washed them. Usually I'm kind of "ewwww, wash first" but I had to prove him wrong.
Shows him right for being too open with what he was thinking. Some things you should just keep to yourself.
I love to prove people wrong.
I did not exercise today. However, today did more to lift my spirits than anything.
6.04.2009
Thursday
Much better day. Yay.
My doctor called me this afternoon with the results of the biopsy and blood tests. Biopsy: fine, no cancer. Yay. Blood tests: All good BUT my triglycerides have gone from 200 last year to over 400 this year. Holy cr*p, batman. Shoot. Shoot, shoot, shoot. I was convinced in my mind they would have gone down!
So I did stress over that for a bit. Then I was reading online again about triglycerides, and a couple sites mentioned that prolonged periods with stress can raise them. Well, I definitely have had that.
I decided to quit worrying about them.
I am thrilled with the rest of my blood work--it's all gone in the right direction. Rome wasn't built in a day, so I will continue to work on triglycerides. I know what to do: limit carbs--cough cough sputter, continue with exercise, and work on relaxing.
The doctor wants me to take fish oil that she sells in her office rather than my fish oil. I order mercury-free fish oil off the internet, but apparently, hers is a much higher dosage.
I'll keep plugging away. The more weight I lose, the chances are that the triglycerides will go down.
And I AM going to celebrate the rest of the blood work being NORMAL. That is cause for celebration, as I've worked hard and made a great improvement.
I will work out tomorrow. I got a lot of walking in at our class tonight, but tomorrow will be a real workout.
Day by day, those changes will add up.
The best part of the day: I was standing outside of the car, my husband walked up to me and said, "Wow, I can really notice your weight loss!" Cool.
My doctor called me this afternoon with the results of the biopsy and blood tests. Biopsy: fine, no cancer. Yay. Blood tests: All good BUT my triglycerides have gone from 200 last year to over 400 this year. Holy cr*p, batman. Shoot. Shoot, shoot, shoot. I was convinced in my mind they would have gone down!
So I did stress over that for a bit. Then I was reading online again about triglycerides, and a couple sites mentioned that prolonged periods with stress can raise them. Well, I definitely have had that.
I decided to quit worrying about them.
I am thrilled with the rest of my blood work--it's all gone in the right direction. Rome wasn't built in a day, so I will continue to work on triglycerides. I know what to do: limit carbs--cough cough sputter, continue with exercise, and work on relaxing.
The doctor wants me to take fish oil that she sells in her office rather than my fish oil. I order mercury-free fish oil off the internet, but apparently, hers is a much higher dosage.
I'll keep plugging away. The more weight I lose, the chances are that the triglycerides will go down.
And I AM going to celebrate the rest of the blood work being NORMAL. That is cause for celebration, as I've worked hard and made a great improvement.
I will work out tomorrow. I got a lot of walking in at our class tonight, but tomorrow will be a real workout.
Day by day, those changes will add up.
The best part of the day: I was standing outside of the car, my husband walked up to me and said, "Wow, I can really notice your weight loss!" Cool.
6.03.2009
Wednesday
"Something weight-loss related."
There, I wrote it. I promised yesterday that I would write something weight-loss related, and by golly, I did. Actually, that's all I can come up with.
Ha ha
Another crampy, crappy day. I go from lightly crampy to couch crampy. I spent the majority of the day on the couch. Pity party and cramps both led me there. I'm just coming to terms with worst case scenario.
Tomorrow I have to get out of the house. We're about out of milk, and we don't have fresh veggies, so I must go to the grocery store. Tomorrow night is our last obedience class. YAY Also our last Taco Bell night, boo. lol I love a good bean burrito and taco and I will miss that part.
I don't have a lot of umph yet, so no exercise again today. I despise looking at that empty calendar. This is NOT how I expected this week to go at all! I won't exercise tomorrow because I have so much to do and we walk a lot at class.
Friday, come hell or high water, I'll meet up with Richard in my living room. I may do a shorter tape, but I will.
6.02.2009
Tuesday and More Whine
I hate looking at that blank exercise calendar. It really bugs me that I haven't worked out for two days. I'm in no shape to, though. I wonder if I feel better tomorrow if I should.
The sharp, stabbing pain subsided and now I have a severe case of cramps. Motrin has been pumped into my system all day and just took the edge off. Tonight I went to my cabinet, opened it up, took the left over bottle of Vicodin out and took one. I had a sinus infection last August and the doctor gave me Vicodin. I didn't take them all.
My husband came home from work and found me on the couch in my nightgown. lol Sweet man made dinner. Just guess what he made? Crockpot cheeseburgers, only on the stove and not in the crockpot. Yeah, he' a keeper.
He then disappeared into the basement for the evening because he knows how I am. You know how it is an unspoken rule that when men get sick, they're big babies? They whine, they moan, they carry on like the world is ending? Well, my hubby is not that way at all. But I am. At least I admit it.
Why is it that when you are sick and on the couch, nothing good is on TV? We have cable, lots of channels, HBO...nothing. I was really wishing I had the boxed sets of Sex and the City (a very naughty show that that sometimes embarrasses me and DS can't be around) or Big Love, which I love...but I don't have those.
I quit laughing, but my sense of humor is still around. I'm really not moaning, just whining a tad bit. And really, when you're alone in a room, there's no reason to whine because no one is paying any attention. So instead I come here to whine. Ha!
While lying on the couch, I tried to think about something to write about weigh-loss related on this blog and couldn't. I guess I have a one-track mind.
My son's Sims 3 came today and he installed it immediately. At first he was disappointed, he was expecting better. After playing a couple hours (we are done with school) he told me he loves it and it is much better than Sims 2.
That's it.
Yes, I stayed within points today. Woot! It would make me feel a heck of a lot worse to go off plan than comfort food would make me feel. I didn't get my veggies in because I need to go to the store and I couldn't go to the store because I didn't feel well and I didn't dare ask DH to go to the store because he worked all day and cooked supper and.... like my run-on sentence? That's the pill kicking in and talking for me.
With that, I'm going to crawl into bed.
Tomorrow I will write something weight-loss related. I promise. At least I can justify that my blog header says: My journey to health, and all this whining is related to my health.
The sharp, stabbing pain subsided and now I have a severe case of cramps. Motrin has been pumped into my system all day and just took the edge off. Tonight I went to my cabinet, opened it up, took the left over bottle of Vicodin out and took one. I had a sinus infection last August and the doctor gave me Vicodin. I didn't take them all.
My husband came home from work and found me on the couch in my nightgown. lol Sweet man made dinner. Just guess what he made? Crockpot cheeseburgers, only on the stove and not in the crockpot. Yeah, he' a keeper.
He then disappeared into the basement for the evening because he knows how I am. You know how it is an unspoken rule that when men get sick, they're big babies? They whine, they moan, they carry on like the world is ending? Well, my hubby is not that way at all. But I am. At least I admit it.
Why is it that when you are sick and on the couch, nothing good is on TV? We have cable, lots of channels, HBO...nothing. I was really wishing I had the boxed sets of Sex and the City (a very naughty show that that sometimes embarrasses me and DS can't be around) or Big Love, which I love...but I don't have those.
I quit laughing, but my sense of humor is still around. I'm really not moaning, just whining a tad bit. And really, when you're alone in a room, there's no reason to whine because no one is paying any attention. So instead I come here to whine. Ha!
While lying on the couch, I tried to think about something to write about weigh-loss related on this blog and couldn't. I guess I have a one-track mind.
My son's Sims 3 came today and he installed it immediately. At first he was disappointed, he was expecting better. After playing a couple hours (we are done with school) he told me he loves it and it is much better than Sims 2.
That's it.
Yes, I stayed within points today. Woot! It would make me feel a heck of a lot worse to go off plan than comfort food would make me feel. I didn't get my veggies in because I need to go to the store and I couldn't go to the store because I didn't feel well and I didn't dare ask DH to go to the store because he worked all day and cooked supper and.... like my run-on sentence? That's the pill kicking in and talking for me.
With that, I'm going to crawl into bed.
Tomorrow I will write something weight-loss related. I promise. At least I can justify that my blog header says: My journey to health, and all this whining is related to my health.
Laugh With Me
Not long after I got off the computer this morning, I started doing chores. I was emptying the dishwasher when a pain hit me, a down-in-that-area pain. It was very sharp and doubled me over. It was over in three seconds.
Spooky.
Continued emptying the dishwasher. Boom, it hit again. Finished the dishwasher and sat down for a spell. Boom, another one. I took some Motrin.
Boom, boom, boom. I started timing it. Every 2-7 or 8 minutes, boom.
Called the doctor's office. She called me back 10 minutes later. (What a saint, to actually have a doctor call me back!) Told her my symptoms, she told me it was the ovarian cyst rupturing. Told me what to watch for and when to call back if need be.
Then the funny part: Expect this to last another 24 hours or so.
Yippy Skippy! I get to experience a sharp pain that doubles me over every 2-8 minutes for the next 24 hours or so. Aren't I lucky? (Yes, I am lucky, worse things could happen.) But still....I am laughing hysterically, watching the clock, grabbing a pillow to hold tight when a boom booms.
No exercise yesterday due to the cramps from the procedure.
No exercise today due to the booms.
Good grief, Charlie Brown.
A sense of humor will get me through this! And yes, my sense of humor is sincere. What else can you do, ya know? Might as well laugh at it!
Spooky.
Continued emptying the dishwasher. Boom, it hit again. Finished the dishwasher and sat down for a spell. Boom, another one. I took some Motrin.
Boom, boom, boom. I started timing it. Every 2-7 or 8 minutes, boom.
Called the doctor's office. She called me back 10 minutes later. (What a saint, to actually have a doctor call me back!) Told her my symptoms, she told me it was the ovarian cyst rupturing. Told me what to watch for and when to call back if need be.
Then the funny part: Expect this to last another 24 hours or so.
Yippy Skippy! I get to experience a sharp pain that doubles me over every 2-8 minutes for the next 24 hours or so. Aren't I lucky? (Yes, I am lucky, worse things could happen.) But still....I am laughing hysterically, watching the clock, grabbing a pillow to hold tight when a boom booms.
No exercise yesterday due to the cramps from the procedure.
No exercise today due to the booms.
Good grief, Charlie Brown.
A sense of humor will get me through this! And yes, my sense of humor is sincere. What else can you do, ya know? Might as well laugh at it!
Menu Planning Week 16
I'm a day behind, a grocery store run behind. Thankfully we went out to eat last night!
1-Taco Bell night, our last :(
2-Crockpot Cheeseburgers...yes, again. Love 'em, have tons of burger to use up
3-Spaghetti, Salad, Mock French Bread
4-Italian Chicken, Brown Rice, Salad
5-Steaks, Baked Potatoes, Salad (whatever steak is left in the freezer)
6-Steamed Chicken, Brown Rice, Salad
We made the switch from white to brown rice. I was dreading that, thinking it would taste awful. Wow, was I pleasantly surprised! It's actually good.
We are really getting in a rut, and I need to go through my recipes and spice things up a bit. Will do when I have more time.
Lunches: sandwiches, salads
Snacks: Apples, breakfast cookies, popcorn, baby carrots
I am really enjoying salads now. I always have one after I work out--it's a healthy food reward.
1-Taco Bell night, our last :(
2-Crockpot Cheeseburgers...yes, again. Love 'em, have tons of burger to use up
3-Spaghetti, Salad, Mock French Bread
4-Italian Chicken, Brown Rice, Salad
5-Steaks, Baked Potatoes, Salad (whatever steak is left in the freezer)
6-Steamed Chicken, Brown Rice, Salad
We made the switch from white to brown rice. I was dreading that, thinking it would taste awful. Wow, was I pleasantly surprised! It's actually good.
We are really getting in a rut, and I need to go through my recipes and spice things up a bit. Will do when I have more time.
Lunches: sandwiches, salads
Snacks: Apples, breakfast cookies, popcorn, baby carrots
I am really enjoying salads now. I always have one after I work out--it's a healthy food reward.
Thank You!!!
I got a comment yesterday I wanted to share and talk about.
Anne H. wrote: Just reading through these comments...what a supportive little community this is. Virtual, somewhat anonymous, but sincere and truly concerned for each other. I'm glad you have good people who you can borrow strength and encouragement from---just like the strength and joy you share with us through your blog!
She nailed it. I started this blog when I started my journey. I hoped I would find a few kindred spirits along the way, and make a few online friends. Wow, did I ever get more than that. I have received fantastic support and friendship.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I feel the same way about the bloggers I read: I want to give support, I wish the best, and I get sad when sad things happen, I get happy when great things happen. It is a wonderful community. Again, thank you!
~~~
So yesterday wasn't the best day. I decided to wallow in it. I decided to take one day and be sad, upset, ticked off, and go through all the ugly emotions. Yes, that includes being scared out of my mind. Yes, it could be worse. I don't have the biopsy results back, as I know they're looking for a couple things. Yet, it's no fun to go through.
Hubby took me to dinner. We went to my favorite Mexican restaurant. The thought of overeating didn't even enter my mind. I did really well. Going crazy with eating would only have made me feel worse. I stayed within points.
I can't let it overtake my life. So today is a new day, I'm feeling better, not cramping anymore, so I'm going to clean the house and finish up on the laundry. I have 16 days before I know anything for sure, unless something shows up on the biopsy, I have until Monday. I'm not going to waste precious time.
Yes, it will be in the back of my mind. Yes, I will be praying for ablation rather than a hysterectomy. It is what it is, though. Stuff is always in the back of my mind. Life goes on.
I need to get this week's menus planned, groceries purchased, and things done. I need to get going. Taking the time to really feel yesterday helped. Life's not always pretty or easy. Instead of numbing, we need to feel. That sharpens the senses so when life is good, we can feel it all the more.
Anne H. wrote: Just reading through these comments...what a supportive little community this is. Virtual, somewhat anonymous, but sincere and truly concerned for each other. I'm glad you have good people who you can borrow strength and encouragement from---just like the strength and joy you share with us through your blog!
She nailed it. I started this blog when I started my journey. I hoped I would find a few kindred spirits along the way, and make a few online friends. Wow, did I ever get more than that. I have received fantastic support and friendship.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I feel the same way about the bloggers I read: I want to give support, I wish the best, and I get sad when sad things happen, I get happy when great things happen. It is a wonderful community. Again, thank you!
~~~
So yesterday wasn't the best day. I decided to wallow in it. I decided to take one day and be sad, upset, ticked off, and go through all the ugly emotions. Yes, that includes being scared out of my mind. Yes, it could be worse. I don't have the biopsy results back, as I know they're looking for a couple things. Yet, it's no fun to go through.
Hubby took me to dinner. We went to my favorite Mexican restaurant. The thought of overeating didn't even enter my mind. I did really well. Going crazy with eating would only have made me feel worse. I stayed within points.
I can't let it overtake my life. So today is a new day, I'm feeling better, not cramping anymore, so I'm going to clean the house and finish up on the laundry. I have 16 days before I know anything for sure, unless something shows up on the biopsy, I have until Monday. I'm not going to waste precious time.
Yes, it will be in the back of my mind. Yes, I will be praying for ablation rather than a hysterectomy. It is what it is, though. Stuff is always in the back of my mind. Life goes on.
I need to get this week's menus planned, groceries purchased, and things done. I need to get going. Taking the time to really feel yesterday helped. Life's not always pretty or easy. Instead of numbing, we need to feel. That sharpens the senses so when life is good, we can feel it all the more.
6.01.2009
Well, Hell
I had my doctor appointment this morning.
It is so refreshing to have doctor who listens to what I have to say.
It is not refreshing to have a biopsy taken at the appointment. I cried out a few times. It hurt like hell.
After the biopsy, I had two ultrasounds...inside and outside. The tech was wonderful and told me about everything she found. I told her I had never had a tech talk me through it, and she responded, "But it's your body." She was fantastic.
So she found three fibroids, but suspects there are more. There is also an ovarian cyst.
I had blood work drawn today and have to go back tomorrow morning for a fasting draw as well.
Blood pressure was high, then the nurse re-tested me and it was normal. 120 something over 70 something.
My mind is mush.
I see a gynecologist later in the month.
I suspect I'm headed for a hysterectomy. While I don't plan on having any more babies, it doesn't thrill me. Nothing is set in stone, and there are options, but I have my gut feeling.
I've had fibroids and fibroid surgery before, a myomectomy. I was 28 at at the time, very young for such a thing. So I doubt this will get any better.
My blood sugar was great, at 90.
The pain that I mention every once in while in my bowel, the doctor suspects might be endometriosis.
While it's nice to learn that I'm not crazy, that there is an explanation for my periods from hell, I'm feeling very unsettled.
The doctor never looked at the list I typed up. Didn't matter because she took her time with me and we covered all of my concerns. She says my leg swelling in my right leg is due to varicose veins. If it gets bad, I can take water pills.
I'm shaky. Not panic attack shaky, just upset my little world shaky.
Ugh.
My son was worried and I told him not to be. There are so many worse things.
It is so refreshing to have doctor who listens to what I have to say.
It is not refreshing to have a biopsy taken at the appointment. I cried out a few times. It hurt like hell.
After the biopsy, I had two ultrasounds...inside and outside. The tech was wonderful and told me about everything she found. I told her I had never had a tech talk me through it, and she responded, "But it's your body." She was fantastic.
So she found three fibroids, but suspects there are more. There is also an ovarian cyst.
I had blood work drawn today and have to go back tomorrow morning for a fasting draw as well.
Blood pressure was high, then the nurse re-tested me and it was normal. 120 something over 70 something.
My mind is mush.
I see a gynecologist later in the month.
I suspect I'm headed for a hysterectomy. While I don't plan on having any more babies, it doesn't thrill me. Nothing is set in stone, and there are options, but I have my gut feeling.
I've had fibroids and fibroid surgery before, a myomectomy. I was 28 at at the time, very young for such a thing. So I doubt this will get any better.
My blood sugar was great, at 90.
The pain that I mention every once in while in my bowel, the doctor suspects might be endometriosis.
While it's nice to learn that I'm not crazy, that there is an explanation for my periods from hell, I'm feeling very unsettled.
The doctor never looked at the list I typed up. Didn't matter because she took her time with me and we covered all of my concerns. She says my leg swelling in my right leg is due to varicose veins. If it gets bad, I can take water pills.
I'm shaky. Not panic attack shaky, just upset my little world shaky.
Ugh.
My son was worried and I told him not to be. There are so many worse things.
Monday Morning Weigh-In
254.5
-.5
Total: -28
These itty-bitty losses aren't much fun, BUT it all adds up--so it's good!
-.5
Total: -28
These itty-bitty losses aren't much fun, BUT it all adds up--so it's good!
5.31.2009
Yesterday = Bad
It was a really bad day emotionally for me. I stayed within points, but I did not eat well. I had two big salads, but I also had some major comfort food going on. Mac and cheese, anyone?
I asked my husband to sit and visit with me. That was the mistake. He sat down, and I was talking about how hard weekends are for me--I need to write about weekends some time--and while I was in mid thought, he got up, walked away from the table and never came back.
I sat there stunned, not believing what just happened. Normally when I'm not emotional, I would call him on it. Yesterday, the tears just rolled. And to top it off, about 20 minutes later, he came up and got on my case for complaining about weekends because we are a single-income family and don't have money to spend.
I kind of snapped at him, told him that he has absolutely no right to get on my case about anything when he had not heard me out and given me the opportunity to complete what I was saying.
I had a good crying spree, went to bed and napped a couple hours, got up and made mac and cheese, then surfed the rest of the night, giving DH the silent treatment.
Today I had to explain to him how rude his actions were, how they made me feel and to make up for it, he said he'd go get breakfast, do I have enough points for an Egg McMuffin. Thanks but no thanks.
No marriage is perfect. People do some pretty stupid things. I do. Dang, it stings when we are on the receiving end, though.
I know he felt bad because he started doing laundry. I think he did about five loads last night. Guilt loads.
I did not work out yesterday. I've missed two days in a row. This morning I am absolutely craving it. That exercise gives my body a release, like it gets out all the frustrations through sweat. I'm waiting on my breakfast to digest a bit, and then I'm going to go meet with Richard in my living room.
This little emotional funk or emotional snit I'm in is hormonal. The best way for me to counter it is to submerge myself in positives.
I've got the most terrific kid a mother could ask for. I have three great dogs and two sweet kitties. I have a husband who is normally a pretty great guy. Just like I'm normally a great gal. We're both human. I'm taking charge of my health. We're done with school: Three months of freedom ahead! I have a tremendous support network for my journey: Thank you, everyone! I have five fewer loads of laundry to get done today. lol For the most part, I'm pretty content and happy. I've got great friends, even though none live in my town. I've got a pretty rich life.
There, I feel better.
I asked my husband to sit and visit with me. That was the mistake. He sat down, and I was talking about how hard weekends are for me--I need to write about weekends some time--and while I was in mid thought, he got up, walked away from the table and never came back.
I sat there stunned, not believing what just happened. Normally when I'm not emotional, I would call him on it. Yesterday, the tears just rolled. And to top it off, about 20 minutes later, he came up and got on my case for complaining about weekends because we are a single-income family and don't have money to spend.
I kind of snapped at him, told him that he has absolutely no right to get on my case about anything when he had not heard me out and given me the opportunity to complete what I was saying.
I had a good crying spree, went to bed and napped a couple hours, got up and made mac and cheese, then surfed the rest of the night, giving DH the silent treatment.
Today I had to explain to him how rude his actions were, how they made me feel and to make up for it, he said he'd go get breakfast, do I have enough points for an Egg McMuffin. Thanks but no thanks.
No marriage is perfect. People do some pretty stupid things. I do. Dang, it stings when we are on the receiving end, though.
I know he felt bad because he started doing laundry. I think he did about five loads last night. Guilt loads.
I did not work out yesterday. I've missed two days in a row. This morning I am absolutely craving it. That exercise gives my body a release, like it gets out all the frustrations through sweat. I'm waiting on my breakfast to digest a bit, and then I'm going to go meet with Richard in my living room.
This little emotional funk or emotional snit I'm in is hormonal. The best way for me to counter it is to submerge myself in positives.
I've got the most terrific kid a mother could ask for. I have three great dogs and two sweet kitties. I have a husband who is normally a pretty great guy. Just like I'm normally a great gal. We're both human. I'm taking charge of my health. We're done with school: Three months of freedom ahead! I have a tremendous support network for my journey: Thank you, everyone! I have five fewer loads of laundry to get done today. lol For the most part, I'm pretty content and happy. I've got great friends, even though none live in my town. I've got a pretty rich life.
There, I feel better.
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