For someone who suffers from seasonal depression, March is one of the greatest things. It means warm temps on the way, it means spring, it means sunshine, it means relief!
I'm feeling better. I'm not 100%, but I feel it lifting. I'm getting more productive. I'm getting there.
I had recently tried to do a Kick Ass Challenge. The depression was too much and it was not the right time. I just recently joined a challenge that supports our military and is raising money to fight PTSD. Huge incentive for me, I want to help our brave warriors who give so much. So I'm feeling VERY fired up.
The game plan:
The Skogg System
I had SO MUCH success with this program this past fall, it's time to do another rotation! I will also do a few of the weight machines at the gym and will do cardio there, too.
Exciting news for me: At the gym the other night, I was surrounded by people jogging and I got a little competitive. I upped the pace on the treadmill and DID IT. I jogged 2 minutes, then slowed it down and walked 2 minutes. I did this off and on for a half hour. WOW Never ever thought I could. I had two mantras during to keep me going: I can do anything for a minute. When that minute was up, I switched to CRUSH IT.
So I'm fired up, it's spring, and it's time to get the ball rolling!!!
Let's all crush it!
Showing posts with label Notes to Self. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Notes to Self. Show all posts
3.05.2012
2.21.2012
Health
Sometimes taking care of your health involves more than counting calories and worrying about losing weight.
This SAD has been awful and I did start taking an antidepressant. It has "kicked in" and put me in a very groggy state. I'm playing around now with timing of taking the medication. I have also cut the pill in half, which helped for a bit. I had a bad wave of depression hit me tonight, so I took a full pill again.
I want so badly to get the last 30ish pounds off. Right now I'm holding steady at 175, which is okay. Right now the focus is to get the chemicals in my brain balanced.
My journey has always been about health. Right now the SAD takes priority.
That said, it's important to keep working out. I've been keeping up with my walking. Sometimes I go to the gym, sometimes I work out at home. It's funny, I joined the gym to be around people and get out of my comfort zone. That has happened. It's nice to smile at people, chat in the dressing room, and have a bit of small talk while on a machine. However, there aren't always people around when I work out. It can be very lonely. I do get a better strength workout at the gym than what I do at home because there is more equipment. That said, working out at home to DVDs is great, too. I like the cardio better. I like the fact that I'm not alone--there are people doing the same thing with me, even though they're on film. LOL
The two together are a nice mix. Balance.
In other news, my husband and I were invited to test for our first stripe in karate. That will happen in about two weeks. I've come a long way, baby. When I started this blog three years ago, I never would have dreamed I'd be in karate. I love it. It's hard, it's out of my comfort zone, it's very foreign. Yet here I am, learning, meeting new people, and succeeding.
It's amazing how life has changed in the past three years.
This SAD has been awful and I did start taking an antidepressant. It has "kicked in" and put me in a very groggy state. I'm playing around now with timing of taking the medication. I have also cut the pill in half, which helped for a bit. I had a bad wave of depression hit me tonight, so I took a full pill again.
I want so badly to get the last 30ish pounds off. Right now I'm holding steady at 175, which is okay. Right now the focus is to get the chemicals in my brain balanced.
My journey has always been about health. Right now the SAD takes priority.
That said, it's important to keep working out. I've been keeping up with my walking. Sometimes I go to the gym, sometimes I work out at home. It's funny, I joined the gym to be around people and get out of my comfort zone. That has happened. It's nice to smile at people, chat in the dressing room, and have a bit of small talk while on a machine. However, there aren't always people around when I work out. It can be very lonely. I do get a better strength workout at the gym than what I do at home because there is more equipment. That said, working out at home to DVDs is great, too. I like the cardio better. I like the fact that I'm not alone--there are people doing the same thing with me, even though they're on film. LOL
The two together are a nice mix. Balance.
In other news, my husband and I were invited to test for our first stripe in karate. That will happen in about two weeks. I've come a long way, baby. When I started this blog three years ago, I never would have dreamed I'd be in karate. I love it. It's hard, it's out of my comfort zone, it's very foreign. Yet here I am, learning, meeting new people, and succeeding.
It's amazing how life has changed in the past three years.
1.15.2012
Life Has Changed!!!
It's been awhile since I've blogged. I was thinking about that last night and I've kind of hidden myself from my blog and the blog world because I didn't like my attitude the past year. My blog reflected it. 2011 (and before) was full of pain, physical and mental. The physical was so bad it got me, I was negative, I was "ugly" with my thoughts and words. That's here and I didn't want to face it.
It is what it is. That part of my journey was a necessary evil, I suppose. I'm better now. I've sure changed a hell of a lot, too.
At the current moment I'm battling SAD. I'm taking 3000 IU of Vitamin D daily and sitting with my light box. I have moments of slight depression, but NOTHING like last year. The worst thing this year is intense, horrible food cravings. I'm thinking it was about December and I was hungry! Physically hungry! My stomach started growling. I don't think I've ever been that hungry. All I wanted were carbs. It was a battle. However, when I did some research I found that a symptom of SAD is carb cravings. It releases a chemical in our brains to help fight the depression. Go figure.
Now? I'm still hungry, but not to the degree that I was. My carb cravings are greatly reduced, but still there. I can deal with it now.
What's new in my life:
We have officially stopped homeschooling. My son was accepted into an online charter school which starts the end of the month. This was a HUGE weight lifted from my shoulders. I hated teaching math, and he had far surpassed me in science. Now he can spread his wings and fly, I don't have to worry about transcripts, and he'll be college bound. It was bittersweet, I was down for a few days. That was our way of life for over seven years. I did a damned good job for him. He learned well and his standardized test scores were off the charts. Now he needs to learn differently, with instructors with different expectations. I'll spend a week or two helping him adjust to the new style, and then he'll be on his own. (Well, just like he would if he were going to a brick and mortar school. I'll still be checking on him!)
I joined Soldiers' Angels at the beginning of November and I absolutely love it. It filled a void in my life, a need to volunteer and make a difference while supporting our troops. I have met the most wonderful people through this, both soldiers and other angels, and I am just blessed. I have adopted three and I write to at least four new soldiers each week, sometimes more. I was extremely blessed to hear back from a female and she inspires me greatly. I chat at night with two other soldiers, and with one in particular, I am constantly laughing. This has greatly enriched my life in many ways.
I joined karate! I decided I needed to do something physical outside of the house. I googled martial arts and my hometown and found a karate club. I went and watched one night and joined on the spot. When I came home, talked to my husband, I asked him to join with me. He did. We go three times a week, started the end of November, and while I totally suck at it, LOL, we are loving it. It's a great group of people and we're both expanding our minds.
Our karate is held at a local health club. Going there three times a week, we'd walk by the weight area. They have a machine called a Gravitron. I watched someone using that one night while we were in karate. Oh, I wanted to try that. It's a pull-up/chin up/triceps dip assist machine. That sold me on the membership. Anyway, through our insurance, we were able to get a reduced rate. We joined Wednesday and I worked out at the gym for the first time Friday. Waiting on the paperwork, but will go again Monday.
What, me going out of the house and working out in public? Yup. Me. Because I can. Still a little iffy on the confidence, only because it's new. I'm going for the weights. It's definitely the BOY area. I've already met some nice people, and that was one of the main reasons to do this.
I released a lot of people from my life. Those who sabotaged me. Those I used to meet at McDonald's. Those who tried to get me to stray from my new lifestyle. They were unhealthy for me. It's time to meet new people. I finally have the confidence.
About the beginning of December, I went into maintenance mode intentionally. I lost a lot of weight fast and hit a size 14. I had not been in a size 14 for nearly 20 years. This journey has always been about health, and the getting thinner part was just a great bonus. Until now. It kind of freaked me out. My husband said that I went from being fat to pudgy. He no longer sees me as fat. That freaks me out. Yes, it makes me happy, but it is STRANGE. I cannot describe my feelings. I needed to stop, maintain, and let my mind catch up with my body.
The thing is, I'm now scared. I'm scared to move forward. I'm scared of the unknown. I'm scared of getting thinner. Believe it or not, it is more difficult NOW than it was at 282.5 pounds. I don't know why. I'm getting close to "normal" and I haven't been "normal" in so long, that it's frightening to me.
So what do I do when I'm scared? Run, hide my head under the covers and make the world go away? Nope. Now I face my fears. If I can join a gym and go there, I can face this. It's not going to be easy, but I will. So tomorrow I'm going to start Jo's Kick Ass 60-Day Challenge. Will write more about that later. I'm going to blog every day. Blogging prolifically got me going in the first place, and I need the help to finish this off.
2012 is the year I'll meet goal.
Speaking of goal, I don't have one other than an idea of what I want to look like. Do I want to pick a number? I don't know. A very good blogging friend is an inch shorter than I am, hit 145 and was very fit. She wore a size 8. I thought she looked fantastic. So 145? If I'm MUSCLE, which is the plan, might just be my goal. I can't say with certainty because I'll know it when I get there.
Fitness: Time to kick it up. I had TREMENDOUS results doing The Skogg System, walking and watching my calories. I lost over 40 pounds in four months. I built muscle! I could see it in my shoulders, I could feel it under my remaining fat. I love kettlebells and Michael Skogg is a great instructor. So why the gym then, a gym with no kettlebells? Because my need to be around people is greater, my need to get out into the world. In the perfect world, I'd live in Portland and go to the Skogg's gym. But I don't. So I plan on doing one Skogg DVD a week, and doing a total body weight workout 3x a week at the gym. I also plan on bumping up my cardio. I am going to walk 30 minutes daily still. (At least 30 minutes.) That's my meditation time and I won't give that up for anything. However, I'm going to add some HIIT, some step aerobics, and the stair stepper and elliptical at the gym, too.
It's time to kick ass.
In this 60-day challenge, I also plan on challenging myself to be more productive in my home. Still thinking through what all I want to accomplish in that area.
So tomorrow, world, here I come.
It is what it is. That part of my journey was a necessary evil, I suppose. I'm better now. I've sure changed a hell of a lot, too.
At the current moment I'm battling SAD. I'm taking 3000 IU of Vitamin D daily and sitting with my light box. I have moments of slight depression, but NOTHING like last year. The worst thing this year is intense, horrible food cravings. I'm thinking it was about December and I was hungry! Physically hungry! My stomach started growling. I don't think I've ever been that hungry. All I wanted were carbs. It was a battle. However, when I did some research I found that a symptom of SAD is carb cravings. It releases a chemical in our brains to help fight the depression. Go figure.
Now? I'm still hungry, but not to the degree that I was. My carb cravings are greatly reduced, but still there. I can deal with it now.
What's new in my life:
We have officially stopped homeschooling. My son was accepted into an online charter school which starts the end of the month. This was a HUGE weight lifted from my shoulders. I hated teaching math, and he had far surpassed me in science. Now he can spread his wings and fly, I don't have to worry about transcripts, and he'll be college bound. It was bittersweet, I was down for a few days. That was our way of life for over seven years. I did a damned good job for him. He learned well and his standardized test scores were off the charts. Now he needs to learn differently, with instructors with different expectations. I'll spend a week or two helping him adjust to the new style, and then he'll be on his own. (Well, just like he would if he were going to a brick and mortar school. I'll still be checking on him!)
I joined Soldiers' Angels at the beginning of November and I absolutely love it. It filled a void in my life, a need to volunteer and make a difference while supporting our troops. I have met the most wonderful people through this, both soldiers and other angels, and I am just blessed. I have adopted three and I write to at least four new soldiers each week, sometimes more. I was extremely blessed to hear back from a female and she inspires me greatly. I chat at night with two other soldiers, and with one in particular, I am constantly laughing. This has greatly enriched my life in many ways.
I joined karate! I decided I needed to do something physical outside of the house. I googled martial arts and my hometown and found a karate club. I went and watched one night and joined on the spot. When I came home, talked to my husband, I asked him to join with me. He did. We go three times a week, started the end of November, and while I totally suck at it, LOL, we are loving it. It's a great group of people and we're both expanding our minds.
Our karate is held at a local health club. Going there three times a week, we'd walk by the weight area. They have a machine called a Gravitron. I watched someone using that one night while we were in karate. Oh, I wanted to try that. It's a pull-up/chin up/triceps dip assist machine. That sold me on the membership. Anyway, through our insurance, we were able to get a reduced rate. We joined Wednesday and I worked out at the gym for the first time Friday. Waiting on the paperwork, but will go again Monday.
What, me going out of the house and working out in public? Yup. Me. Because I can. Still a little iffy on the confidence, only because it's new. I'm going for the weights. It's definitely the BOY area. I've already met some nice people, and that was one of the main reasons to do this.
I released a lot of people from my life. Those who sabotaged me. Those I used to meet at McDonald's. Those who tried to get me to stray from my new lifestyle. They were unhealthy for me. It's time to meet new people. I finally have the confidence.
About the beginning of December, I went into maintenance mode intentionally. I lost a lot of weight fast and hit a size 14. I had not been in a size 14 for nearly 20 years. This journey has always been about health, and the getting thinner part was just a great bonus. Until now. It kind of freaked me out. My husband said that I went from being fat to pudgy. He no longer sees me as fat. That freaks me out. Yes, it makes me happy, but it is STRANGE. I cannot describe my feelings. I needed to stop, maintain, and let my mind catch up with my body.
The thing is, I'm now scared. I'm scared to move forward. I'm scared of the unknown. I'm scared of getting thinner. Believe it or not, it is more difficult NOW than it was at 282.5 pounds. I don't know why. I'm getting close to "normal" and I haven't been "normal" in so long, that it's frightening to me.
So what do I do when I'm scared? Run, hide my head under the covers and make the world go away? Nope. Now I face my fears. If I can join a gym and go there, I can face this. It's not going to be easy, but I will. So tomorrow I'm going to start Jo's Kick Ass 60-Day Challenge. Will write more about that later. I'm going to blog every day. Blogging prolifically got me going in the first place, and I need the help to finish this off.
2012 is the year I'll meet goal.
Speaking of goal, I don't have one other than an idea of what I want to look like. Do I want to pick a number? I don't know. A very good blogging friend is an inch shorter than I am, hit 145 and was very fit. She wore a size 8. I thought she looked fantastic. So 145? If I'm MUSCLE, which is the plan, might just be my goal. I can't say with certainty because I'll know it when I get there.
Fitness: Time to kick it up. I had TREMENDOUS results doing The Skogg System, walking and watching my calories. I lost over 40 pounds in four months. I built muscle! I could see it in my shoulders, I could feel it under my remaining fat. I love kettlebells and Michael Skogg is a great instructor. So why the gym then, a gym with no kettlebells? Because my need to be around people is greater, my need to get out into the world. In the perfect world, I'd live in Portland and go to the Skogg's gym. But I don't. So I plan on doing one Skogg DVD a week, and doing a total body weight workout 3x a week at the gym. I also plan on bumping up my cardio. I am going to walk 30 minutes daily still. (At least 30 minutes.) That's my meditation time and I won't give that up for anything. However, I'm going to add some HIIT, some step aerobics, and the stair stepper and elliptical at the gym, too.
It's time to kick ass.
In this 60-day challenge, I also plan on challenging myself to be more productive in my home. Still thinking through what all I want to accomplish in that area.
So tomorrow, world, here I come.
8.09.2011
Rejuvination
My son and I took off Sunday morning for him to meet up with a friend and then for us to have some fun. And fun we had. We went to a city 100 miles from us and had a blast. While he was visiting his friend, I hit the thrift stores. Loved it. Only got three books, but I love looking at "stuff."
When I picked him up, we went out to dinner and then hit the hotel's swimming pool. I wish we had a pool in our town. I love swimming and doing stretches in the water. Really, really enjoyed this.
Today we got up early and hit it hard. We went to the mall, to a Target--what a luxury that is!, to a TJ Maxx and to a sporting goods store. Now that I'm into fitness, I actually love sporting goods stores.
When we finished, we decided to hit the city's parks. We walked along a river, saw a beautiful waterfall, and put in many steps. We went to a tourist tower and climbed to the top. It was 8 flights. When we got to the top, I got in MOM mode with a young teenage girl who had climbed over the railing and was sitting on the very edge. Accident waiting to happen. I told her to get back immediately. I was thinking about calling the cops on her and had my cell phone in hand, but thankfully she climbed back to safety. Her friend said, "Why did you listen to her and not me?" I said, "Because I'm a scary, mean mom and she knew I meant business." lol The girl responded because she's an adult. They left, and when they got to the bottom and were walking away, the girl turned back and waved at me. No ill will on her part--testing her boundaries, and she was fortunate enough this tough momma cared enough to speak up.
Anyway, we then decided to visit other parks in the area. We took another pathway and enjoyed that. The weather was cool, I think it only got to 80. It was just the perfect day. Good company, beautiful, new fresh scenery--couldn't ask for a better day.
And then we came home. It was *wonderful* to have two days away from all my troubles, all my concerns and just be free. It was extremely rejuvenating and I came home with a fresh, much improved attitude. Not long after we got home, two of our dogs started growling at each other, hubby came home and was grumbling about something, the sink was full of dirty dishes, the cat box needed attending--it was nice while it lasted! lol
I feel better, though, and I'm so appreciative that we were able to get away for a short little jaunt.
I was too tired to do a workout today--I figure with all that walking in sunshine today, that would have to be good enough. I got in almost 24,000 steps on my fitbit and my activity was steady the entire day.
It was a good day.
I deserved it! =)
Tomorrow, it's back to The Skogg System kettlebells with hubby and a light cardio workout. I have a fresh new attitude, so my spirits are much better.
Bring it.
When I picked him up, we went out to dinner and then hit the hotel's swimming pool. I wish we had a pool in our town. I love swimming and doing stretches in the water. Really, really enjoyed this.
Today we got up early and hit it hard. We went to the mall, to a Target--what a luxury that is!, to a TJ Maxx and to a sporting goods store. Now that I'm into fitness, I actually love sporting goods stores.
When we finished, we decided to hit the city's parks. We walked along a river, saw a beautiful waterfall, and put in many steps. We went to a tourist tower and climbed to the top. It was 8 flights. When we got to the top, I got in MOM mode with a young teenage girl who had climbed over the railing and was sitting on the very edge. Accident waiting to happen. I told her to get back immediately. I was thinking about calling the cops on her and had my cell phone in hand, but thankfully she climbed back to safety. Her friend said, "Why did you listen to her and not me?" I said, "Because I'm a scary, mean mom and she knew I meant business." lol The girl responded because she's an adult. They left, and when they got to the bottom and were walking away, the girl turned back and waved at me. No ill will on her part--testing her boundaries, and she was fortunate enough this tough momma cared enough to speak up.
Anyway, we then decided to visit other parks in the area. We took another pathway and enjoyed that. The weather was cool, I think it only got to 80. It was just the perfect day. Good company, beautiful, new fresh scenery--couldn't ask for a better day.
And then we came home. It was *wonderful* to have two days away from all my troubles, all my concerns and just be free. It was extremely rejuvenating and I came home with a fresh, much improved attitude. Not long after we got home, two of our dogs started growling at each other, hubby came home and was grumbling about something, the sink was full of dirty dishes, the cat box needed attending--it was nice while it lasted! lol
I feel better, though, and I'm so appreciative that we were able to get away for a short little jaunt.
I was too tired to do a workout today--I figure with all that walking in sunshine today, that would have to be good enough. I got in almost 24,000 steps on my fitbit and my activity was steady the entire day.
It was a good day.
I deserved it! =)
Tomorrow, it's back to The Skogg System kettlebells with hubby and a light cardio workout. I have a fresh new attitude, so my spirits are much better.
Bring it.
7.31.2011
jinx
I don't normally believe in jinxes, but every time I post that I'm starting to feel better, wham, I get a big dose of depression slapped in my face. So I won't mention that I am feeling better and that I think I'm taking a turn for the better. Ahem.
No official workout today, but broke 20,000 steps. Kept busy. Tonight we ran to Wally World to buy milk and I picked up a baby 5# kettlebell. I got this to practice. Form is everything with kettlebell training and I want to practice a lot--I'm a perfectionist. So, I spent the $13 for the junk Danskin kettlebell so I could practice. We *love* The Skogg System and he has a fantastic instructional DVD, so I'll be doing it often until my form is perfect. The cleans and snatches are the two I'm having problems with at the moment. I can do them beautifully with a dumbbell, but the kettlebell is trickier. So if I can perfect form with a baby bell, I'll be using my big guns in no time.
Went through my exercise DVDs looking for cardio workouts besides step. I was looking for some lower intensity workouts. I found a Christi Taylor DVD called Fit to Dance that I have never done! I can't believe it. I previewed it tonight and I cannot wait to do it tomorrow. Christi Taylor is one of my all-time favorite instructors and she's coming out of her retirement to make a new step DVD. I'm feeling in the Christi mood--she's so positive, cheerful and, well to be corny, delightful. She's definitely a spirit lifter.
Pip has not had another seizure, knock on wood.
My eating has been spot on this week. Absolutely perfect. The scale went up a pound. GRRR. All these years I knew something was wrong--I just knew it--and I was right, I had that kidney stone that had been there forever. I still have a gut feeling that something is really screwed up with my metabolism. I feel it just like I knew about the kidney stone. There's something amiss. However, I will march on.
All through my journey, it has never bothered me when hubby and son ate things that I chose not to eat in front of me. Until now, that is. With the sodium restriction, it really cuts out a lot of foods I can eat. I'm not a big hot dog eater. I'll have a couple a few times a year and enjoy them, but I never crave them. Well, hubby bought hot dogs this week and the smell is killing me. I also told him to hide his peanuts and to please not eat them in front of me. I can't eat nuts and it's starting to bother me because he eats them every day. And last week, my son made some muffins. When he was finished and out of the kitchen, I took the air deodorizer spray and sprayed so much in the kitchen you would have thought it was a garden. I'm not liking this at all, because people need to eat. It's not fair to them. It's not really fair to me that I have these darned restrictions, but it is what it is. I'll get better as time goes on because I'm pretty stubborn. Right now I'd prefer to walk around with a clothes pin on my nose. lol
That's it from the peanut-less gallery tonight.
No official workout today, but broke 20,000 steps. Kept busy. Tonight we ran to Wally World to buy milk and I picked up a baby 5# kettlebell. I got this to practice. Form is everything with kettlebell training and I want to practice a lot--I'm a perfectionist. So, I spent the $13 for the junk Danskin kettlebell so I could practice. We *love* The Skogg System and he has a fantastic instructional DVD, so I'll be doing it often until my form is perfect. The cleans and snatches are the two I'm having problems with at the moment. I can do them beautifully with a dumbbell, but the kettlebell is trickier. So if I can perfect form with a baby bell, I'll be using my big guns in no time.
Went through my exercise DVDs looking for cardio workouts besides step. I was looking for some lower intensity workouts. I found a Christi Taylor DVD called Fit to Dance that I have never done! I can't believe it. I previewed it tonight and I cannot wait to do it tomorrow. Christi Taylor is one of my all-time favorite instructors and she's coming out of her retirement to make a new step DVD. I'm feeling in the Christi mood--she's so positive, cheerful and, well to be corny, delightful. She's definitely a spirit lifter.
Pip has not had another seizure, knock on wood.
My eating has been spot on this week. Absolutely perfect. The scale went up a pound. GRRR. All these years I knew something was wrong--I just knew it--and I was right, I had that kidney stone that had been there forever. I still have a gut feeling that something is really screwed up with my metabolism. I feel it just like I knew about the kidney stone. There's something amiss. However, I will march on.
All through my journey, it has never bothered me when hubby and son ate things that I chose not to eat in front of me. Until now, that is. With the sodium restriction, it really cuts out a lot of foods I can eat. I'm not a big hot dog eater. I'll have a couple a few times a year and enjoy them, but I never crave them. Well, hubby bought hot dogs this week and the smell is killing me. I also told him to hide his peanuts and to please not eat them in front of me. I can't eat nuts and it's starting to bother me because he eats them every day. And last week, my son made some muffins. When he was finished and out of the kitchen, I took the air deodorizer spray and sprayed so much in the kitchen you would have thought it was a garden. I'm not liking this at all, because people need to eat. It's not fair to them. It's not really fair to me that I have these darned restrictions, but it is what it is. I'll get better as time goes on because I'm pretty stubborn. Right now I'd prefer to walk around with a clothes pin on my nose. lol
That's it from the peanut-less gallery tonight.
7.22.2011
Bye Fire
Could not handle the flames, my eyes are too old. Feel like a plain white background for awhile--it's neutral, that's what I need.
Got extremely irritated and stressed this afternoon and so I laid down with my iPod and listened to a hypnosis downlowd from Dr. Amen? (spg?) I had to pay for it, but it was good. It's actually a weight-loss hypnosis thing, but I knew it would help me relax--and it did! Good stuff. Then when I got up, I was starving. lol...so much for the weight-loss hypnosis part working. ;-)
Discovered that both Starkist and Chicken of the Sea make low-salt tuna. Thrilled about that because there's 750 mg of sodium in a can of Chicken of the Sea. Was disheartened to learn my grocery stores don't sell it. I could put a request in, but I could also order online.
Yesterday had a killer day with step count: 26,300! Will not be repeating that today, but will be in the upper teens again.
Ordered a blood pressure monitor, more glucose blood test strip strips (I'm not diabetic but I watch my blood sugar) and a new kitchen scale today. The new scale measures fluid ounces as well, which is why I bought--that plus my old WW scale is stained, ugly, and the plastic is cracked. It's been well used.
I'm still struggling with my feelings on this medication that has been prescribed. I do not think it's healthy for my heart, my lipids and my blood sugar. Plus, my blood pressure is normal and this is a high dosage of blood pressure medication. Am I going to pass out if I take it? So I may (or may not) cut a pill into fourths and take one fourth a day to see what it does.
I am a complete and utter chicken shit and cannot bring myself to call the doctor about this. This is my character flaw, has nothing to do with anyone else, but I just don't want to deal with it. So I may write a letter listing all my concerns--and that list is damned long. This is partly why I bought the blood pressure monitor today and the glucose test strips. I still cannot fathom taking a medication that may raise blood sugar, triglycerides and LDL. I already fought those battles and WON. Why go backwards health wise! Yet this medication is the standard treatment for what I've got. I am so torn. My gut says no and hell no. My inner good-girl says I should follow doctor's orders. It just seems wrong, though.
Got extremely irritated and stressed this afternoon and so I laid down with my iPod and listened to a hypnosis downlowd from Dr. Amen? (spg?) I had to pay for it, but it was good. It's actually a weight-loss hypnosis thing, but I knew it would help me relax--and it did! Good stuff. Then when I got up, I was starving. lol...so much for the weight-loss hypnosis part working. ;-)
Discovered that both Starkist and Chicken of the Sea make low-salt tuna. Thrilled about that because there's 750 mg of sodium in a can of Chicken of the Sea. Was disheartened to learn my grocery stores don't sell it. I could put a request in, but I could also order online.
Yesterday had a killer day with step count: 26,300! Will not be repeating that today, but will be in the upper teens again.
Ordered a blood pressure monitor, more glucose blood test strip strips (I'm not diabetic but I watch my blood sugar) and a new kitchen scale today. The new scale measures fluid ounces as well, which is why I bought--that plus my old WW scale is stained, ugly, and the plastic is cracked. It's been well used.
I'm still struggling with my feelings on this medication that has been prescribed. I do not think it's healthy for my heart, my lipids and my blood sugar. Plus, my blood pressure is normal and this is a high dosage of blood pressure medication. Am I going to pass out if I take it? So I may (or may not) cut a pill into fourths and take one fourth a day to see what it does.
I am a complete and utter chicken shit and cannot bring myself to call the doctor about this. This is my character flaw, has nothing to do with anyone else, but I just don't want to deal with it. So I may write a letter listing all my concerns--and that list is damned long. This is partly why I bought the blood pressure monitor today and the glucose test strips. I still cannot fathom taking a medication that may raise blood sugar, triglycerides and LDL. I already fought those battles and WON. Why go backwards health wise! Yet this medication is the standard treatment for what I've got. I am so torn. My gut says no and hell no. My inner good-girl says I should follow doctor's orders. It just seems wrong, though.
7.07.2011
Doin' Better
Calmer, not so upset, not so sad and blue. I started walking in the evenings for an hour. I've always loved walking alone (well, with a dog) because it's great for thinking things through. Today I did a strength workout and my evening walk was very tiring. I didn't have much oomph.
That's all.
That's all.
7.03.2011
Broken
I am feeling so broken. I spent the majority of the day in bed--just depression. I'm just so upset, angry then sad, angry then sad.
Happy 4th. Tomorrow hubby and son will enjoy the activities. I will stay home. Oh, one of the joys of my issues--can't be away from a toilet that long anymore. I don't like the 4th either because that's when mom had a heart attack in front of me and went into a coma. That was a long time ago, but when I look in the sky at the fireworks, I think of her and that night. But the lack of toilet is the real issue.
I think I shall become a hermit, order my groceries to delivered, and never go anywhere. Or not. Now I just time things so I can get to a bathroom. I know every toilet in town.
I am absolutely dreading going to the doctor in a couple weeks. Terrified he is going to read me the riot act and be mean. Think about it, he already had his nurse call me to tell me to cut out the sodium so it must have been bad. WTF
I just feel like giving up, wishing there was some "pill" form of food that met all my needs. I'm hungry, I don't know what to eat, and I end up NOT eating for a long time and then breaking down because I'm hungry and eating too much. This is not a good cycle, and this is not a good disease for someone that already had food issues.
Food is scary to me now. Food never scared me before.
It is not a matter of using a calorie budget. It's chemistry. I hate chemistry.
This just f*cking sucks. As my mood continues to worsen, so does my language. I do swear in real life, but try to keep the blog G- or PG-rated.
I should go to the doctor for depression, but as I've stated before, I don't trust the GPs at either clinic in town. If they can't find a simple kidney stone, I do NOT want them messing with my brain. And the fact of the matter is, a pill is not going to take the cause of the depression away. I just need to come to terms with it. It is what it is, but I'm NOT wanting to be lectured by the doctor especially since I have worked SO hard at not sodium, oxalate reduction and drinking all the water. I've followed the rules. He won't believe me--doctors never do.
Argh. Late-night, insomnia-induced blogging--not the best time to blog, but truth really pours out.
Happy 4th. Tomorrow hubby and son will enjoy the activities. I will stay home. Oh, one of the joys of my issues--can't be away from a toilet that long anymore. I don't like the 4th either because that's when mom had a heart attack in front of me and went into a coma. That was a long time ago, but when I look in the sky at the fireworks, I think of her and that night. But the lack of toilet is the real issue.
I think I shall become a hermit, order my groceries to delivered, and never go anywhere. Or not. Now I just time things so I can get to a bathroom. I know every toilet in town.
I am absolutely dreading going to the doctor in a couple weeks. Terrified he is going to read me the riot act and be mean. Think about it, he already had his nurse call me to tell me to cut out the sodium so it must have been bad. WTF
I just feel like giving up, wishing there was some "pill" form of food that met all my needs. I'm hungry, I don't know what to eat, and I end up NOT eating for a long time and then breaking down because I'm hungry and eating too much. This is not a good cycle, and this is not a good disease for someone that already had food issues.
Food is scary to me now. Food never scared me before.
It is not a matter of using a calorie budget. It's chemistry. I hate chemistry.
This just f*cking sucks. As my mood continues to worsen, so does my language. I do swear in real life, but try to keep the blog G- or PG-rated.
I should go to the doctor for depression, but as I've stated before, I don't trust the GPs at either clinic in town. If they can't find a simple kidney stone, I do NOT want them messing with my brain. And the fact of the matter is, a pill is not going to take the cause of the depression away. I just need to come to terms with it. It is what it is, but I'm NOT wanting to be lectured by the doctor especially since I have worked SO hard at not sodium, oxalate reduction and drinking all the water. I've followed the rules. He won't believe me--doctors never do.
Argh. Late-night, insomnia-induced blogging--not the best time to blog, but truth really pours out.
6.30.2011
Good While it Lasted...
I had three awesome days. Felt good, cheerful, hopeful, etc. And then the phone rang.
It was my urologist's office. I have an appointment in a couple weeks; however, the doctor thought it was important enough to have his nurse give me a call to tell me to "Limit my sodium NOW, it's really important."
Um, yeah, have been. I just felt deflated. If it's bad that they call two weeks before the appointment, oy. I'm actually dreading this appointment.
It's just funny. I never feared kidney stones. I feared diabetes and heart disease. Now I have this--the horrid diet which still pisses me off although I've kind of accepted it, I have no choice. I do watch my sodium. Gees, I've had to "give up" lots of foods I liked because of sodium content. I love soup, but am not touching it. Lots of things not worth listing.
I just wonder if things will ever get squared away. I feel as my health quest has been a big fiasco: I've been getting unhealthier as time marches on.
I feel like I'm 90. Can't go an hour without peeing, can't eat sodium, and other things.
I was in a bad mood all day. I did get a good step count in, but I did not do a workout. I had the f*ck it mentality, the why bother, I give up. Those thoughts are fleeting because right after I have them, the "but then what would I do?" springs to mind. I'm no quitter, I just keep having too many bumps in the road.
Once again, I need an emergency plan for when this hits me. I don't quite know what to do. I was thinking I should do my all-time favorite workout when I'm in my mood: Cardio Step Mix by The FIRM. Exercise really lifts the mood and I always feel better. Not today, though, I was to stubborn and pissed off. Maybe I could go hit my husband's punching bag. lol That would be a good workout and get rid of some of my frustration. Or not--I don't like "manly" exercises.
Sometimes I am my own worst enemy.
Marching on: Tomorrow is a fresh new day, I plan on doing Tough Cardio Mix by The FIRM, and paying bills. If I can get those two things accomplished, I'll be pleased.
I wish I had a magic wand or some faerie dust or something magical. I'd sprinkle it and make all health problems for everyone disappear.
It was my urologist's office. I have an appointment in a couple weeks; however, the doctor thought it was important enough to have his nurse give me a call to tell me to "Limit my sodium NOW, it's really important."
Um, yeah, have been. I just felt deflated. If it's bad that they call two weeks before the appointment, oy. I'm actually dreading this appointment.
It's just funny. I never feared kidney stones. I feared diabetes and heart disease. Now I have this--the horrid diet which still pisses me off although I've kind of accepted it, I have no choice. I do watch my sodium. Gees, I've had to "give up" lots of foods I liked because of sodium content. I love soup, but am not touching it. Lots of things not worth listing.
I just wonder if things will ever get squared away. I feel as my health quest has been a big fiasco: I've been getting unhealthier as time marches on.
I feel like I'm 90. Can't go an hour without peeing, can't eat sodium, and other things.
I was in a bad mood all day. I did get a good step count in, but I did not do a workout. I had the f*ck it mentality, the why bother, I give up. Those thoughts are fleeting because right after I have them, the "but then what would I do?" springs to mind. I'm no quitter, I just keep having too many bumps in the road.
Once again, I need an emergency plan for when this hits me. I don't quite know what to do. I was thinking I should do my all-time favorite workout when I'm in my mood: Cardio Step Mix by The FIRM. Exercise really lifts the mood and I always feel better. Not today, though, I was to stubborn and pissed off. Maybe I could go hit my husband's punching bag. lol That would be a good workout and get rid of some of my frustration. Or not--I don't like "manly" exercises.
Sometimes I am my own worst enemy.
Marching on: Tomorrow is a fresh new day, I plan on doing Tough Cardio Mix by The FIRM, and paying bills. If I can get those two things accomplished, I'll be pleased.
I wish I had a magic wand or some faerie dust or something magical. I'd sprinkle it and make all health problems for everyone disappear.
6.26.2011
Blog Therapy
Sometimes I think there is amazing power in writing something down--and sometimes that happens when you write for yourself and for people to read, if they stumble across it. It's therapy to get it off your chest.
I was upset last night. This morning, it was my first thought. The bottom line is this: No one is perfect. People have shortcomings. I have many. People have wonderful qualities. I have many. My friends have shortcomings and wonderful qualities. It's kind of nice to know what those shortcomings are, though, so that a person can gauge their relationship. What I would do for a friend is different than what others would do for a friend. It's not right or wrong. Feelings get hurt: that's the nature of life. It is what it is.
So now I know. I know it, I have mulled it over, I've stored it in my memory bank, and now I move on.
Everyone has stinking thinking at times. It is inevitable. What we do when we have a negative thought, how we work through it, is what matters. Last night I just needed to ramble. I did, it was therapeutic to me, and now it's done.
Thank you for your comments. It does mean a lot to me when people take the time to comment and give support.
So with more clear vision this morning, I'm going to write a list of my stresses for myself. I'm going to brainstorm and write down a list of things I can do to help myself with those. Then I'm going to put it to action. This is a difficult task, because one really needs to step out of her shoes to do it, to come up with solutions. If I get stuck, I'll ask for help. I always remember that rule, five years from now will this bother you. I do know that some things the answer will be yes. Those will be my priority areas.
Most important is to get my brain in the right direction for weight loss.
Another thing I'm going to do, and this may take me awhile, is write an Emergency Preparedness List for when I'm in the dumps. I need a list that I can read of all the good things, all my loves in life, family, friends, joys, good qualities. It's far to easy to get sucked into that vacuum of negativity. I think we need to take root, know our strengths and be reminded of them when we are hurting. So call it a self-esteem board, a positive list, a happy place marker, a dream board, whatever, I think it's important. When we focus on the really good things in life, the crap seems so small in comparison.
On my Emergency Preparedness List, I'm going to include things to do, places to go, things to see. Sometimes I just feel so stuck that I don't even want to go anywhere. It will be my escape plan, my emergency exit for when I need to escape negativity. The number one place I can go when stressed, though, is my living room. Sometimes all I need to do is pop in an exercise DVD and I am transported into a different dimension. I forget everything and just enjoy working hard.
And that's that. A good night's sleep, a better perspective, a little rambling free writing, support from bloggers=much better now.
I was upset last night. This morning, it was my first thought. The bottom line is this: No one is perfect. People have shortcomings. I have many. People have wonderful qualities. I have many. My friends have shortcomings and wonderful qualities. It's kind of nice to know what those shortcomings are, though, so that a person can gauge their relationship. What I would do for a friend is different than what others would do for a friend. It's not right or wrong. Feelings get hurt: that's the nature of life. It is what it is.
So now I know. I know it, I have mulled it over, I've stored it in my memory bank, and now I move on.
Everyone has stinking thinking at times. It is inevitable. What we do when we have a negative thought, how we work through it, is what matters. Last night I just needed to ramble. I did, it was therapeutic to me, and now it's done.
Thank you for your comments. It does mean a lot to me when people take the time to comment and give support.
So with more clear vision this morning, I'm going to write a list of my stresses for myself. I'm going to brainstorm and write down a list of things I can do to help myself with those. Then I'm going to put it to action. This is a difficult task, because one really needs to step out of her shoes to do it, to come up with solutions. If I get stuck, I'll ask for help. I always remember that rule, five years from now will this bother you. I do know that some things the answer will be yes. Those will be my priority areas.
Most important is to get my brain in the right direction for weight loss.
Another thing I'm going to do, and this may take me awhile, is write an Emergency Preparedness List for when I'm in the dumps. I need a list that I can read of all the good things, all my loves in life, family, friends, joys, good qualities. It's far to easy to get sucked into that vacuum of negativity. I think we need to take root, know our strengths and be reminded of them when we are hurting. So call it a self-esteem board, a positive list, a happy place marker, a dream board, whatever, I think it's important. When we focus on the really good things in life, the crap seems so small in comparison.
On my Emergency Preparedness List, I'm going to include things to do, places to go, things to see. Sometimes I just feel so stuck that I don't even want to go anywhere. It will be my escape plan, my emergency exit for when I need to escape negativity. The number one place I can go when stressed, though, is my living room. Sometimes all I need to do is pop in an exercise DVD and I am transported into a different dimension. I forget everything and just enjoy working hard.
And that's that. A good night's sleep, a better perspective, a little rambling free writing, support from bloggers=much better now.
Meltdown
I'm having a meltdown tonight.
I'm very stressed out. Over extended family issues, over life in general, over a hurt from my best friend. Sometimes I feel as if the life is just being squeezed out of me.
Sometimes I feel like an inherent failure, like everything I touch turns to--well, the opposite of gold. Stinking thinking.
My best friend told me on the phone tonight that she would not stand up for me in a certain situation. It's a situation where if the table was turned, I would absolutely stand up for her. After we hung up, I was just in tears. I would never, ever do that to her. I'm also frustrated that for years, I've been the one to call her weekly (we don't live in the same town) and when I get down and out, when I was so depressed, six weeks passed before she bothered to call here. Now I could have picked up the phone, so I will own that, but what kind of friend does not reach out when she knows you're hurting.
I have many stresses right now I'm dealing with. I just feel blah, like I'm going to crack.
Sh*t happens. Life isn't always pretty. It's inevitable. How we handle it defines our character. I think. Marching on, carrying forward, trying so hard to figure things out.
I told my son tonight I don't want to be the best at anything, I only want to be MY best. Why do I feel like I fail at that sometimes? Because it's inevitable, those kinds of feelings happen. I know I'm no failure, no loser. Just not enjoying the times when I'm in that negative mode.
My depression is so much better, I'm still not 100%, but I think many of the things I'm eluding to here are the underlying cause of my woes. I think they're surfacing because I need to deal with them once and for all.
Weight loss is mostly mental. It really is. Frame of mind is where it's at. My frame of mind hasn't been in the right place for weight loss for a long time. Just when I get going again, start up that exercising again, watching food really close, my body decides that it still loves being fat and doesn't want to budge an ounce. I find that frustrating, too.
So many stresses. We took a family walk this morning and then I ran on the rebounder this afternoon. Still didn't alleviate my stress today. I need to find a better way to relax, to enjoy, to find some peace.
I let stinking thinking get to me way to often. Hurt feelings are hard for me to deal with. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. Frankly, broken bones heal but sometimes the wounds caused from words run so deep they never heal. I think that phrase is phooy.
Anyway, I just needed to free write tonight, just get my random, crazy thoughts out there to relieve some stress. And it helped a bit. For now. I can't fix the world, but I can fix me.
Bottom line is this: Tonight, I'm hurting. Tomorrow will be better.
I'm very stressed out. Over extended family issues, over life in general, over a hurt from my best friend. Sometimes I feel as if the life is just being squeezed out of me.
Sometimes I feel like an inherent failure, like everything I touch turns to--well, the opposite of gold. Stinking thinking.
My best friend told me on the phone tonight that she would not stand up for me in a certain situation. It's a situation where if the table was turned, I would absolutely stand up for her. After we hung up, I was just in tears. I would never, ever do that to her. I'm also frustrated that for years, I've been the one to call her weekly (we don't live in the same town) and when I get down and out, when I was so depressed, six weeks passed before she bothered to call here. Now I could have picked up the phone, so I will own that, but what kind of friend does not reach out when she knows you're hurting.
I have many stresses right now I'm dealing with. I just feel blah, like I'm going to crack.
Sh*t happens. Life isn't always pretty. It's inevitable. How we handle it defines our character. I think. Marching on, carrying forward, trying so hard to figure things out.
I told my son tonight I don't want to be the best at anything, I only want to be MY best. Why do I feel like I fail at that sometimes? Because it's inevitable, those kinds of feelings happen. I know I'm no failure, no loser. Just not enjoying the times when I'm in that negative mode.
My depression is so much better, I'm still not 100%, but I think many of the things I'm eluding to here are the underlying cause of my woes. I think they're surfacing because I need to deal with them once and for all.
Weight loss is mostly mental. It really is. Frame of mind is where it's at. My frame of mind hasn't been in the right place for weight loss for a long time. Just when I get going again, start up that exercising again, watching food really close, my body decides that it still loves being fat and doesn't want to budge an ounce. I find that frustrating, too.
So many stresses. We took a family walk this morning and then I ran on the rebounder this afternoon. Still didn't alleviate my stress today. I need to find a better way to relax, to enjoy, to find some peace.
I let stinking thinking get to me way to often. Hurt feelings are hard for me to deal with. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. Frankly, broken bones heal but sometimes the wounds caused from words run so deep they never heal. I think that phrase is phooy.
Anyway, I just needed to free write tonight, just get my random, crazy thoughts out there to relieve some stress. And it helped a bit. For now. I can't fix the world, but I can fix me.
Bottom line is this: Tonight, I'm hurting. Tomorrow will be better.
6.12.2011
The Truth
Discovered this lovely gem while reading online. Thought I'd share.
“The Truth”
“I will believe the truth about myself
no matter how beautiful it is:
I believe in my power
to transform indifference into love.
I believe I have an amazing gift
to keep hope alive in the face of despair.
I believe I have the remarkable skill
of deleting bitterness from my life.
I believe in my budding potential
to live with a nonviolent heart.
I believe in my passion to speak the truth
even when it isn’t popular.
I believe I have the strength of will
to be peace in a world of violence.
I believe in my miraculous capacity
for unconditional love.
I will believe the truth about myself
no matter how beautiful it is.”
~Macrina Wiederkehr
from “Seven Sacred Pauses, Living Mindfully Through the Hours of the Day”
“The Truth”
“I will believe the truth about myself
no matter how beautiful it is:
I believe in my power
to transform indifference into love.
I believe I have an amazing gift
to keep hope alive in the face of despair.
I believe I have the remarkable skill
of deleting bitterness from my life.
I believe in my budding potential
to live with a nonviolent heart.
I believe in my passion to speak the truth
even when it isn’t popular.
I believe I have the strength of will
to be peace in a world of violence.
I believe in my miraculous capacity
for unconditional love.
I will believe the truth about myself
no matter how beautiful it is.”
~Macrina Wiederkehr
from “Seven Sacred Pauses, Living Mindfully Through the Hours of the Day”
6.08.2011
Self-Esteem ???
Someone very close to me told me today that "having no self-esteem makes me not pretty. I was also told I am always angry: angry at the world, my family and everything.
No time for me to respond to anything, but I will here.
There was a day when I had no self-esteem. It waivers some still today, but I'm pretty confident about how far I've come, my abilities and who I am. I would never, ever describe myself as someone who didn't have self esteem. I don't see myself in that light at all. I would describe myself as brutally honest, I know my strengths and weaknesses. The comment floored me and hurt me beyond words. So this person thinks I'm ugly because I have no self esteem. Wow--I just--I don't know what to say. That stung.
Anger.
Do I have anger? Sure.
Do I have joy? Sure.
Do I have love? Sure.
Do I have laughter? Sure.
Do I have trust? Well, I have issues with that one. I do with the two most important people in my life.
Do I have fear? Sure.
Do I have awe? Sure.
Do I have disappointment? Sure.
My point? I'm human. I'm not angry at the world. I'm not angry at everything. I'm not angry with my immediate family.
Dare I ever share a feeling, express my thoughts and this person will label me. This person doesn't listen when I'm happy, when I'm laughing, when I have joy. I do have all those.
Me thinks the problem is not with me. Me thinks the problem is that the person who accused me of having no self-esteem and being ugly and having anger has those problems his/her self. It's called PROJECTION.
I'm human, subject to error. I never claimed to be perfect. My feelings really got hurt today. Today I had sadness.
I am human.
No time for me to respond to anything, but I will here.
There was a day when I had no self-esteem. It waivers some still today, but I'm pretty confident about how far I've come, my abilities and who I am. I would never, ever describe myself as someone who didn't have self esteem. I don't see myself in that light at all. I would describe myself as brutally honest, I know my strengths and weaknesses. The comment floored me and hurt me beyond words. So this person thinks I'm ugly because I have no self esteem. Wow--I just--I don't know what to say. That stung.
Anger.
Do I have anger? Sure.
Do I have joy? Sure.
Do I have love? Sure.
Do I have laughter? Sure.
Do I have trust? Well, I have issues with that one. I do with the two most important people in my life.
Do I have fear? Sure.
Do I have awe? Sure.
Do I have disappointment? Sure.
My point? I'm human. I'm not angry at the world. I'm not angry at everything. I'm not angry with my immediate family.
Dare I ever share a feeling, express my thoughts and this person will label me. This person doesn't listen when I'm happy, when I'm laughing, when I have joy. I do have all those.
Me thinks the problem is not with me. Me thinks the problem is that the person who accused me of having no self-esteem and being ugly and having anger has those problems his/her self. It's called PROJECTION.
I'm human, subject to error. I never claimed to be perfect. My feelings really got hurt today. Today I had sadness.
I am human.
5.24.2011
Day 2 of the Rotation
Today I did my workout, The Firm's Core Cardio 1 and an ab workout. I plan on something light tonight.
Observations: My glutes are screaming! DOMS from triceps work as well. It's good to have those feelings. Tomorrow is another strength workout and I'm fearful of what it will do to my screaming glutes, but I need to remind myself that it's good to work out when one has DOMS. The soreness will probably be gone tomorrow anyway. I love my Firms. If I could have only one "set" or instructor or brand, it would be the Benson-era Firms. Thankfully I'm not limited, as I'm a vidiot to the core and love many instructors.
My heart rate monitor broke! The battery appeared dead, so I replaced it. It worked, had me re-log all the information, then when I put the back on it, it quit again. Not happy as I use that on my rebounder because the fitbit doesn't work correctly on there, and I also use it to actually watch my heart rate! Will have hubby look at it. Hoping that I don't need to buy a new one. It has had a lot of use, though. It's one of my can't-live-without items, though. (So is my fitbit.)
Food great today. Out of salad, so hubby is running to the store later tonight for me--bless his complaining heart. lol
This is the last day of my son's after-school class and I'm thrilled--Tuesday freedom! We love his class, love the instructor, and it's a great outlet for him, but it makes Tuesdays crazy as I also do all my errands on Tuesdays. I do that to save time, gas, energy--and it always makes for a busy and somewhat stressful day.
I can't think of anything else to say. Drinking tons of water, getting tons of movement, feeling so much better. Going to do some light movement tonight, I don't know what it will be yet, though. Watching a Cathe video that arrived in today's mail that I traded for--I definitely don't have energy for that!
Observations: My glutes are screaming! DOMS from triceps work as well. It's good to have those feelings. Tomorrow is another strength workout and I'm fearful of what it will do to my screaming glutes, but I need to remind myself that it's good to work out when one has DOMS. The soreness will probably be gone tomorrow anyway. I love my Firms. If I could have only one "set" or instructor or brand, it would be the Benson-era Firms. Thankfully I'm not limited, as I'm a vidiot to the core and love many instructors.
My heart rate monitor broke! The battery appeared dead, so I replaced it. It worked, had me re-log all the information, then when I put the back on it, it quit again. Not happy as I use that on my rebounder because the fitbit doesn't work correctly on there, and I also use it to actually watch my heart rate! Will have hubby look at it. Hoping that I don't need to buy a new one. It has had a lot of use, though. It's one of my can't-live-without items, though. (So is my fitbit.)
Food great today. Out of salad, so hubby is running to the store later tonight for me--bless his complaining heart. lol
This is the last day of my son's after-school class and I'm thrilled--Tuesday freedom! We love his class, love the instructor, and it's a great outlet for him, but it makes Tuesdays crazy as I also do all my errands on Tuesdays. I do that to save time, gas, energy--and it always makes for a busy and somewhat stressful day.
I can't think of anything else to say. Drinking tons of water, getting tons of movement, feeling so much better. Going to do some light movement tonight, I don't know what it will be yet, though. Watching a Cathe video that arrived in today's mail that I traded for--I definitely don't have energy for that!
5.04.2011
I'm Still Kickin'
I haven't been posting here...not much to say, I guess.
Depression is still mild--which is a good thing, that's far better than where I've been the past months. The music lifts my spirits so much, and on days I forget to plug that iPod into a dock, I drag and wilt. When I have my music going, I'm better.
My sleep is getting better! I'm actually sleeping! I'm up to an average of 5 hours a night, which is great. I haven't taken a sleep aid for awhile. To me, this is a sure sign the depression is heading out.
Food plan--still working on it. 15% protein, 45% carbs and 40% fat is the plan. (For anyone new to my blog, the low protein is due to kidney issues, not my choice.) I am still maintaining right now. The tricky part is to find enough food to eat where I feel full. Bumping my fat intake up so much means a lot of calories for olive oil--basically my fat of choice. I'm finding it very difficult to get enough volume of food while keeping calories low and eating what I'm allowed to eat. It's a work in progress.
I've been working hard on getting my step count back to 20,000--most days I've hit it or close. Today I won't but it's close. I'm doing this because I want to start doing doubles again: One workout in the morning, one in the evening. I'm not quite ready/conditioned but very, very close.
I'm down to about one or two pops a week now. I used to drink a lot of diet pop. It's all about the water now, especially with lots of lemon juice and ice! I'm hoping to change my body's pH and get more alkaline. I still drink about a cup and a half of decaf coffee a day, but that's it. I'm NOT giving that up. Still indulging in the Starbucks brand and loving every last drop of it.
That's it. Things are moving along, I'm much more hopeful now, spring is here, we have some sunshine sometimes, and it's time for rebirth and renewal. I'm ready to get rolling again. Just have to figure out the food thing, which has been such a struggle since January.
It's time to work on a really get tough-get serious exercise rotation.
Depression is still mild--which is a good thing, that's far better than where I've been the past months. The music lifts my spirits so much, and on days I forget to plug that iPod into a dock, I drag and wilt. When I have my music going, I'm better.
My sleep is getting better! I'm actually sleeping! I'm up to an average of 5 hours a night, which is great. I haven't taken a sleep aid for awhile. To me, this is a sure sign the depression is heading out.
Food plan--still working on it. 15% protein, 45% carbs and 40% fat is the plan. (For anyone new to my blog, the low protein is due to kidney issues, not my choice.) I am still maintaining right now. The tricky part is to find enough food to eat where I feel full. Bumping my fat intake up so much means a lot of calories for olive oil--basically my fat of choice. I'm finding it very difficult to get enough volume of food while keeping calories low and eating what I'm allowed to eat. It's a work in progress.
I've been working hard on getting my step count back to 20,000--most days I've hit it or close. Today I won't but it's close. I'm doing this because I want to start doing doubles again: One workout in the morning, one in the evening. I'm not quite ready/conditioned but very, very close.
I'm down to about one or two pops a week now. I used to drink a lot of diet pop. It's all about the water now, especially with lots of lemon juice and ice! I'm hoping to change my body's pH and get more alkaline. I still drink about a cup and a half of decaf coffee a day, but that's it. I'm NOT giving that up. Still indulging in the Starbucks brand and loving every last drop of it.
That's it. Things are moving along, I'm much more hopeful now, spring is here, we have some sunshine sometimes, and it's time for rebirth and renewal. I'm ready to get rolling again. Just have to figure out the food thing, which has been such a struggle since January.
It's time to work on a really get tough-get serious exercise rotation.
4.21.2011
What's Up?
Well, glad I asked myself that question. Feeling loquacious tonight, so here goes:
My computer died and I had to get a new one. I've been adjusting to it. Missing all my bookmarks, still transferring files. The old one barely runs, so I am able to access stuff.
My dishwasher died. I did not get a new one. Instead, I've gone back in time to hand washing dishes. It's therapeutic and I really don't mind doing it. Will not be replacing the portable dishwasher as I appreciate the free space more than the convenience of the appliance.
Been in maintenance mode intentionally. Depression has been very bad and I overwhelmed myself by reading tons of books and researching. It actually depressed me more than it helped. So I decided to just hang for a bit, maintaining my wonderful loss and waiting for the pain of the depression to ease.
Exercise has not been the best. I have not been updating my little box at the top of my blog. I continue to get over 10,000 steps a day and an occasional workout in despite everything.
Basically, I've been pretty bad off. I've spent a lot of time horizontal. I watch my NCIS disks. I also discovered a TV show from the early 90s had been uploaded onto YouTube and I watched every upload. Homefront. Ever hear of it? I loved it then, love it now. It was a post WWII drama and it was an excellent show.
Injured my feet! Bought new thongs--er, flipflops. (My age is showing! ha) I wore them about two hours a few days ago and managed to produce some nasty blisters in between my toes. To top it off, I also had really bad cracked heels again on both feet--been fighting that all winter. The past few days I was wobbling. I still broke 10,000 steps each day, though.
Yesterday and today I had a slight turn. Felt a bit better yesterday. Today? I was dancing in my kitchen. The show Homefront piqued my memory. I have always loved the Big Band era of music, so I opened up iTunes and had credit left! Yay! I bought myself about five Big Band songs. In The Mood, Sing Sing Sing, Accentuate the Positive, etc. Wow, what a spirit lifter having some pumping music driving me--the first two songs just make you want to jitterbug! In fact, hubby and I did jitterbug in the kitchen when he came home from lunch the other day.
I think this music, which touched my history-loving heart, got my flames going a bit. I felt better today. I felt a little cheerful. How wonderful. I don't want to jinx myself--I've had so many false starts trying to get over this depression, but my gut tells me it's going to move on. I have a strong and reliable gut reaction, so I'm hopeful.
The tune Accentuate the Positive is stuck in my brain, and it's a great song to have there. Here are the lyrics:
Gather 'round me, everybody
Gather 'round me while I'm preachin'
Feel a sermon comin' on me
The topic will be sin and that's what I'm ag'in'
If you wanna hear my story
The settle back and just sit tight
While I start reviewin'
The attitude of doin' rightYou've got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
And latch on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mister In-Between
You've got to spread joy up to the maximum
Bring gloom down to the minimum
Have faith or pandemonium's
Liable to walk upon the scene
To illustrate my last remark
Jonah in the whale, Noah in the ark
What did they do just when everything looked so dark?
(Man, they said "We'd better accentuate the positive")
("Eliminate the negative")
("And latch on to the affirmative")
Don't mess with Mister In-Between (No!)
Don't mess with Mister In-Between
(Ya got to spread joy up to the maximum)
(Bring gloom down to the minimum)
(Have faith or pandemonium's)
(Liable to walk upon the scene)
You got to ac (yes, yes) -cent-tchu-ate the positive
Eliminate (yes, yes) the negative
And latch (yes, yes) on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mister In-Between
No, don't mess with Mister In-Between
3.29.2011
Gratitude Not Attitude
I'm on Facebook and have an account that is for fitness/health/diet only. I love it and check it daily. Many of my "friends" are Beachbody coaches. Most are not obnoxious, but some drive me crazy. In fact, I have unfriended the obnoxious Beachbody coaches. I have to say this about most of the BB coaches...they are always posting inspirational phrases and quotes. It is nice to read all that positive stuff on a daily basis.
Gratitude. I'm grateful for many things and choose not to dwell in the past. Well, I choose to try not to dwell or to stop myself when I do start dwelling. It's a start. ;-)
So yesterday one of the BB coaches posted this: Have gratitude...not an attitude. I LOVE it!!! It's my new mantra. I have shortened it a bit, though: Gratitude not attitude.
Now, putting that new mantra into place isn't easy. Was telling the hubby about it and I flat-out said: It's easier to be pissed off. It's easier to be mad, pissy, whiny, grumpy, etc., than to look at the bright side.
I've never been a the glass is half-full kind of girl. I see the glass as in the middle. I call myself a realist, I see what is before me. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. So it's hard to be cheery. With the kidney stone stuff, I've been a half-empty girl, but I'm sick of talking about kidney stones...
So I'm going with the fake it until you make it stance. I keep reminding myself, whenever I get in a grumpy mood, gratitude not attitude. Come on spring, hurry up and get here I'm sick of it being 15-20 degrees below normal--oh, wait: I'm so happy it's not the middle of winter, 30 below zero--gratitude, not attitude. (That's definitely faking it.)
I'm working on it. Our minds are powerful things--and what we think, how we think, sets the tone for everything. So I'll opt to fake it until I make it.
Gratitude. I'm grateful for many things and choose not to dwell in the past. Well, I choose to try not to dwell or to stop myself when I do start dwelling. It's a start. ;-)
3.24.2011
Money, Books, TV and Salad
Money. I cannot spend any more money. This Kindle is great, but I want to read books that cost money, not the freebies. sigh Cannot buy any more books! Or exercise DVDs! Oh, my biggest downfalls.
Last night I decided I needed a little inspiration and I bought Half-Assed: A Weight-Loss Memoir. I stayed up more than half the night reading. I had no idea it was written by The Pasta Queen. I remember finding her blog long ago and playing with her photos on her site. I'm enjoying the book very much.
While reading more than half the night, I turned the TV on and the only thing that looked remotely good was a show called Downsized. I think that's the name. Fascinating. I kept thinking of our own finances, and how we could improve. I'd watch a bit, then get engrossed in the book, then watch some more. There was one episode where the father bought the mother a fake Starbucks cup and the ingredients for her own coffee drink so she could save money. I wondered why she hadn't done that all along, but I think I'm a bit more frugal.
Anyway, we were discussing this show at lunch today and talking about my spending. We eat out about once a month now. Maybe twice, but usually just once. My son and I go to The Olive Garden after his orthodontist appointment and enjoy it immensely. One of the things I love about The OG, as I call it, is their salad. I love salad. It never tastes as good at home as it does there.
I did buy a bottle of their dressing when we were last there. It's not the best ingredients for me and my kidney diet. I'm going to have to work on my own version of their dressing. At any rate, I get the dressing on the side and a little goes a long way. Still, at home, it's not the same. I've decided the difference is that their salad is served on chilled plates. We talked about this, and DS suggested I buy salad plates and keep them in the fridge. Brilliant--will do that.
And that brings us back to money. Must not spend money. Curb my spending habits. There's just always something I want/have to have. The question is, will I buy salad plates???
I'm a compulsive eater. I didn't get to 282.5 pounds without having the compulsion issue. I am usually pretty good with money, but if I were to place a bet on this, my bet would be this: I'll buy the plates due to compulsion.
It's a vicious circle, isn't it?
3.23.2011
Random Tidbits
My scale? It seems to like the same number. It's stuck there. That's okay, I just keep plugging away. It will get sick of that number soon enough.
Went to Wal-Mart last night and found Sean Anderson's favorite Joseph's Pitas. I can't wait to try one for lunch today! They look fluffy, soft and yummy. The ingredients list is good for a bread item and they're only 60 calories. I was so excited to find them. They were in the deli, not the bread aisle. I never go into the deli section but just happened to on a whim last night--lucky me!
It's snowing. It's March 23 and it's snowing. It's cold. It's 30 but feels like 20. Humidity is high from melting snow, all-day rain yesterday, and a touch of wind. Brrrr. Poor doggies, I'm a wimp, I don't want to go play with them. Funny how in January/February when it's 20 below, I can go outside with them and it is nasty cold but doable for a few minutes. Now? It feels much colder, only because we've had a touch of warmth. Spring is coming, and soon I'll be complaining that it's too hot and humid. lol
I bought a Kindle. The greatest thing ever. For years I have had difficulty reading books because my left eye goes completely blurry when reading. I can read a computer screen, but only a page or two at a time from a book--and I have to be sitting perfectly straight to do that. I've even been seen by a neurologist and had an MRI to figure the problem out, but they couldn't. I snuggled up in bed last night and read 1/3 of a book in an hour--I almost cried, I was in heaven. My eye did not go blurry, and I did enlarge the type on the screen. Why did I wait so long to get one? I've got many books to make up for! Plan on getting as many freebies as I can, but the very first book I bought was one of my favorites, Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui by Karen Kingston. I have the book in paperback, but due to the above reasons, I can't read very long. It has been updated and I felt it was just the right book for my first purchase.
Before I started this journey in February of 2009, my husband, son and I did a massive declutter spree on this house. We filled a dumpster, we donated van loads of stuff to the library, to the animal shelter, and to Salvation Army. The Epilepsy Foundation is my choice for donations, but they don't have a local pick up and we needed to unload now. Every room was gone through, decluttered and organized. It was liberating. I honestly believe it gave me the energy to start this journey.
Well, that was two years ago, I am a little bit of a clutter bug, and we've done some projects around the house that created clutter and it's time to do it again. I had read that book before we started the last declutter, and it's time to get inspired to do it again. I feel a major spring clean coming on.
I look at it as getting unstuck. I have been stuck for quite awhile, stuck in pain, in attitude, in depression, in frustration--and it's a physical way of making something great happen. So, soon, very soon, I'll be kicking booty here and decluttering again, washing walls, spring cleaning, and bringing back some loving, clean, fresh energy into this house.
Spring just brings out the energy, the life, the rebirth, doesn't it?
When you clear your clutter, get organized and fresh, you have more energy to devote to the things you love and to your goals. I'm ready for a fresh infusion of that energy!
3.10.2011
Nothing Happened
I rescheduled our appointment for today. I was fully expecting something to happen with this kidney stone--but nothing did. It's still sort of just twinging, waving, whatever, and the kidney--I can feel it. It doesn't hurt, but I'm very aware of its existence.
So I was a little freaked out today and did nothing. I did hit over 14,000 steps, but I didn't do a formal workout. I should have. I've worked out through much worse, I just kind got a bit scared.
And that's that.
Tomorrow is a fresh new day, and even though something is going on down there, I'm just going to revert to pre-discovery-of-the-kidney stone days and work out and go on with life.
You just never know! I didn't want to take a chance on being out of town and having something hit me, though. I suppose it was worth it.
Oh...the scale? Was up 1 1/2 pounds this morning. I know that was water weight, but not what I wanted to see at all. It gets so frustrating.--but I keep on plugging away, scale be damned. It does tick me off, I've had awesome deficits this week. Oh well.
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