Skin Burn!

Well, I've been logging tons of steps lately. Today I walked 23 miles, over 50,000 steps.

Word to the wise: Wear pants that fit. I woke up with my thighs throbbing. They were beet red. I have a skin burn!

I took a bath then but some burn lotion on. Feeling a bit better.

Today I wore a pair of really nice sweat pants (my hubby hates them and doesn't think they're nice lol) and they were a size too large. All that walking, rubbing, caused the skin burn.

Oh joy.

Time to go shopping for some relaxed at-home wear that FITS.

Live and learn!

Jo's Day Out

So Tuesday arrived and I couldn't get my son in to see the orthodontist until Thursday. Hubby was home sick, sweet son was miserable, so what does any good mother do? Leave.

I hopped in the car, drove an hour to civilization, and went shopping.

Hit some thrift stores and found nothing.

On to "real" stores. First up, Kohl's. Humbling. Tried on a few pair of size 16 capris and couldn't get any to zip. Was rather disgusted with the selection, though, as they all seemed to be the low rise versions with 2-inch zippers. I bought one nightgown which was on sale.

Next up, I went to a strip mall. I bought four pair of capris at Dress Barn. On sale, nice and cool for summer, and light cotton so they'll be cool. Size? 14-16. Talk about vanity sizing--after not being able to fit into a 16 at Kohl's, then going there and fitting into a 14-16, I just have to laugh.

Next I went into foreign territory. Old Navy. I've been into an Old Navy once for about three minutes. The store intimidated me. It was hip--too hip for me. Plus I was too big to shop there. I decided to put my brave on and go in anyway. I ended up getting three shirts there. I liked it--cheap clothes, but on the other hand, it was cheap clothes. lol It felt really good to walk through, find my size, try on and have things fit. Small victory there. I will shop at Old Navy, but it's not my favorite store.

By this time it was well after lunch time, I was tired and hungry. I am NOT a shopper. I do not enjoy it, I hate trying clothes on, and I get tired. My mom, who had heart disease, could out shop me every single time we went out. I was in my 20s back then and a lot thinner, too. It's just not my thing.

I filled up on a burrito and a taco at Taco Bell. Yum. I brought my own caffeine-free pop and ate in the car. It was nice--peace and quiet!

Then I hit Herberger's. I don't know if that's a nation-wide chain or not, but there are Herbeger's everywhere I've lived. Nice quality clothing, many old ladyish, but good sales. I dug deep, found a few tops and left happy.

It poured rain the entire day. I was tired, cranky, and cold so I stopped for a decaf at Starbucks. Yum...enjoyed that the whole way home.

When I pulled into town, I stopped at Wal-Mart. I found two more pair of capris, $5 and $10 each. I bought a few more tops and a nightgown on sale for $5. (The nightgowns are in case I have to be in the hospital overnight--want my own, new stuff to wear.) I also picked up a couple of shirts at $5 a pop, and two pair of velour sweat pants. They don't have regular sweat pants in stock right now, so I bought my two pair at $3 apiece. Hubby had fun making fun of those: "My MOM wore those. I bet your mom did too, didn't she?" Umm, yes, she did, and she had the matching top to go with. I don't care, I'm cold and they're comfy and dagnabit, they were $3 each!

So now I have clothes to wear. Yay.

I must say the dressing room experience was odd. You all know those big mirrors that show everything, and I mean everything. I still gasped, ewwed, and looked away fast when undressing. Then I decided to open my eyes and really look. Yup, I'm still fat. However, I can really see changes. I can see possibilities. I have hope! lol I was able to say to myself: Yup, you still have a ways to go, but damn, girl, good job! I kept thinking back to what I looked like at 282. It really helped put all those lumps and bumps I'm still seeing into perspective.

I'll make it. I can and I will. It may be slow going, but it's going!

Good scores, good sales, and I didn't spend that much money. Size 16s for all the bottoms (except those funny 14-16s) and XLGs for tops. Boobs and tummy make most larges just too tight. I did not shop in the Women's department except at Wal-mart--I did buy one top that was a 1X there. Otherwise, I didn't even look in that section.

No one looked at me funny, I didn't even feel uncomfortable. I put on my confidence hat and wore it proudly. That felt great.

So what was the first outfit I chose to wear today? Pajamas--an old pair. I've come down with the same crud hubby and son have. Felt miserable all day, took a long nap this afternoon, and just zoned. Sweet son did work out with me this afternoon, bless his heart. I wouldn't have, otherwise.

So I faced Old Navy, the "regular" department, my loathing of shopping in general, and dressing room mirrors. Came home with some decent clothes that should get me through summer--time will tell. Enjoyed Taco Bell and loved my Starbucks. Not a bad day.

Monday Morning Weigh-In

208.5
-3

I absolutely *have* to go shopping sometime today. I have no clothes. My tops are too big and I have one pair of jeans. My sweats are too large, and the only other thing I have to wear are exercise capris--which I have the proper size, but those I can't really wear in public.

Imperative that I get some shorts/capris to wear.

The weird thing is buying size 16s. They can be found in both the plus size and regular department. I still have that mindset that if I go searching in the regular sizes, people might look at me and wonder why I'm in there. When will that mindset leave me? Just like being stuck on the size 18 capris I donated--they're too large, I couldn't wear them even if I hadn't donated them. My mind needs to grasp my body's size.

And for what it's worth, I don't really care what people think...so perhaps it's not being afraid of people wondering why I'm in the regular size department, perhaps it's just me not feeling....worthy? lol I don't know. I do know I need to get over it and fast because I am at the stage where getting dressed in the morning is not an option because I have nothing to put on.

You know, this is actually a good feeling, knowing I've shrunk so much I have no clothes. While I don't want to spend a lot of money at the stage of the game on clothing, I sure am in desperate need of some jeans/capris/shorts. I'll check our two thrift stores first, then I'll hit the mart stores.

I Bought a Girdle

Yesterday when I was reading blogs, I laughed out loud when I read Tena's blog. She wrote a post titled It's Still a Girdle. Amen sister, call it what it is!

I bought myself one pair of pants and four new tops along with my pajama bottoms. The shirts were all size 18/20. Gee, the last time I was in that size range, I don't remember clothing sizes being slashed like that. I was thrilled to buy a top with the number 18 on it. My pants were size 20.

The only problem was that I could not button the last button--the part around my spare tire. I didn't want to buy bigger-sized shirts as I know I'm shrinking, so I bought them all anyway.

When we walked into JCPenney, I headed for the lingerie section. I carefully scouted out a clerk that was older and more my size. The cute skinny clerk came up to me and asked if she could help me as I was making a bee-line to the clerk I wanted, so I said thanks, I'm just looking. It wasn't a lie because I was just looking for a clerk I'd feel comfortable with.

I then went up to the "like me" clerk and she was very friendly and helpful. I explained I was in the process of losing weight, that I had just bought four shirts but couldn't button the last button--or could button it, but was afraid it would pop. I was about to ask for the "girdle" section when she beat me to it. She said, "You need a cincher."

She took me to the cinchers. Oh my. I had no idea what a cincher was. I looked at the thing, with a million hooks like bra hooks, and thought: NO WAY. The largest size she had was a 2X. I knew that wouldn't work, as that area is bigger and out of proportion to the rest of me. I was right, it did not work. I also asked her about Spanx, as I've read a lot about them.

JCPenney's carries Flexees, which are like Spanx. She handed me an XL, and I asked if she had a 2X. She did. I tried both. I could wear the XL, but it was so tight I feared I wouldn't be able to breathe and worse, I feared I would split the seams on the thing. The 2X was snug and believe it or not, it actually felt good on me.

I hope that JCPenney's did not have security people watching me try on clothes. I would have had them rolling with laughter. When I had the 2X Flexees on, I couldn't see that it cinched me in. I would focus on my gut, line it up with the crack in the door in my line of sight, then I'd pull it down fast so I could see a difference. I did it about 10 times. Kind of like a before/after of someone sucking their gut in. Even I was laughing at myself. I wasn't sure, couldn't see a difference, but I bought it anyway.

So as Tena stated, call it what you will: Spanx, supportive undergarment, whatever, it's still a flippin' girdle. Thankfully it's not the rubbery, weird smelling version that my skinny mother wore in the late 60s.

When we got home, I tried on all my clothes for hubby. The first thing I did was put on my Flexees, then my pants, and then the shirts. Guess what? It worked! It cinched me just enough to get that last button buttoned.

I debated posting this. Who in their right mind wants to admit they bought a girdle? The thing is, I get so much help reading others' blogs, that maybe someone else out there has the same last-button problem that I did. The garment actually felt good. Who woulda thunk it?

~~~

In that department, I also had a NSV. As I was walking into the changing room to try these things on, an older clerk, in front of customers!!!, said, "Oh, you're trying on our torture devices." I was not pleased that she did that. It was embarrassing enough that I was doing it, but I didn't need it announced. I had folded the things up to try to get in there discretely. So I turned the situation around.

I turned to her and said, "Yes, I am. You see, I have lost almost 45 pounds and I bought some new clothes today. I fit into a size 18/20 but my tummy isn't catching up with the rest of my body and I couldn't button the bottom button. So instead of buying clothing too big for me, and knowing I am going to continue to lose weight, I thought I might try these Spanx."

How's that for bringing a little glory to myself? I could have fumed, turned beet red, and sulked. I could have said nothing. Instead, I celebrated my victory. The clerk got very excited! She congratulated me. I noticed the customers she was helping smiled. (Two middle-aged women like me, but thinner.) She looked me up and down and then said: I want to know how you're doing it, because you are firm! You look good. I smiled, said Weight Watchers, and went into the dressing room.

She may have been placating me, I don't know. My husband told me that I do look pretty firm--more so than I did at my highest. Instead of getting upset--well, it did upset me that she said that out loud--I handled the situation. Six months ago that would have had me running down the mall to find the nearest cinnamon roll I could find. Monday, I was assertive and stood up for myself, and did it in a nice manner.