Sunshine!

My last post I asked God for some sunshine. He delivered to our home today.

First of, hubby had a fantastic day at work. I can't share what happened, but it was cause for celebration.

Then, I got some news that was positive in that it released a huge weight off my shoulders. It was a closure that I desperately longed for and needed, and it came totally out of the blue. I never thought I'd see the day. I feel so liberated. It's over. Closure. It's over.

Thank you, God.

So finally, I have a good day to report. I did a workout earlier and then since we went to a local Mexican restaurant, I had to guess at calories. I always worry when there is no nutritional information, but I'm good at estimating. At any rate, even though I did well, I was still nervous and decided to do some damage control just in case. I think if I compare what I ate to national chains, I went a bit over. So I did a rebounding workout. Holy cow, did that kick me hard!

I love rebounding, and I got a new rebounding workout for Christmas and then right after, I traded for a couple more. With the whole kidney store drama, I wasn't able to do them. I haven't stepped on the rebounder since before Christmas. Rebounding is fun, it's great, and is it ever a great leg workout--and my legs are screaming at me! I got the old Urban Rebounding disks. Most of them are short, 20-30 minutes. I think I may add one of the shorter ones every day to my exercise routine. It's fun, but it's also supposed to be very good for the lymphatic system. It's also easy on the joints, I love doing plyometric moves on it.

So great day, great news, great exercise, great food, great family, hubby, sweet son and me.

Our family really needed this wonderful day. =) We are grateful beyond words.

Struggling

I would love to have a truly fantastic, positive post one of these days. I'd love to come here and say: Happy happy, joy joy, everything is rosy! I would love to not report depression. I can report no kidney pain -- YAY! -- but the mental pain is bad. (I can feel my kidney, which I fear isn't good, but it doesn't hurt--I'm just very aware of it. I say it's talking to me.)

Soon, hopefully.

Two steps forward, one step back. Two steps forward, one step back. I just want to go straight now.

Dear God,

I know my troubles are light and small compared to so many, but could I
please have some sunshine for awhile?

Jo

The weight is coming off, but I had gained a few pounds from my last side-bar weight before the surgery, and 15 pounds from the morning of the surgery to the next morning. That happened with both of my surgeries, big weight gain. At least it's moving in the right direction. I am so mad about it, because I'm a slow loser to begin with, but I'm stubborn--I'll get there and beyond.

I was reminded of my mother last night. She was a very angry person for the last several years of her life. I loved her very much, she loved me, but I believe her anger affected her health--I know it did. She was bitter and resentful. When I was reminded of her last night (someone from my past brought her up), I got upset because I didn't want to talk about her. However, I spent the night last night and the day today thinking about her, about anger, bitterness and resentment.

Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

I don't want to drink that poison. I'm not waiting for anyone to die, but the poison part--that, I truly get. I need to work on my resentment toward health care. How hard is it to diagnose a friggin' kidney stone? Why did it take years? Why did I have to have exploratory surgery, when a friggin' x-ray or CT scan would have shown the problem. That ate away at my life for years. I *have* to let that go. It's water under the bridge. It's poison to me. It's just hard to let go because it's easier to be pissed off about it, if that makes any sense.

Don't suppose I'll beat this depression until I take care of this issue. But geeze, six different health professionals in all these years couldn't figure that out? Well, the sixth one did, finally, thankfully. Water under the bridge, let it go, let it go. Why are my hands and mind covered with Super Glue? lol

I would love to have the great qualities my mom had, but I sure don't want to end up bitter, angry and resentful like she was. I don't have any idea how not to be that way, I have no roll model for that.

Lots of work to do.

I deserve better than all that. I certainly don't want my son to learn that.

Ouch, I Have Leg Muscles

Oh, this getting back into good exercise is killing my legs! Sunday I had to take a rest day. I still came in just over 10,000 steps, but my legs were sore. Today they still are and I'm thinking I'll take another rest day. I had really hoped to do a rebounder workout today, but I hopped on to see what it would do to my legs and it hit me in all the wrong spots.

I want everything back to where it was so I can do doubles again! I miss that so much.

I'm going to ice up for a bit and take some ibuprofen. I may do something that doesn't cause too much stress on my legs. I marched in place a bit and that didn't bother them at all. So I may pull out a Leslie DVD. Gag, sputter, ew.

Poor Leslie--she was the only thing could do there for awhile and I got burnt out really bad, plus I would rather do intense work. I find her kind of boring. I tried the Walk It Out for the Wii and I hated it. I just don't like Wii--I don't like anything I've ever done on Wii. Plus, again, it's not that intense.

I'm no killer intensity queen, I would never do a program like Insanity, but I love a tough step workout, some of the tough Firms, and a good run on my rebounder. I love doing cardio on my rebounder.

Sigh. Will get my 10,000 steps today, but not too happy that my legs aren't behaving like I want them to. Hurry up, build back up!