Mind over matter. I did not want to go to the doctor and get meds. I have a new doctor phobia, and if you've read my blog for any length of time, you'll know why. Plus, I'm the most stubborn person on the face of the earth. So many people have told me that. It is a good thing when you can use that stubbornness to good use.
So I sat down (or it was probably while I was lying down watching NCIS) and my brain was mulling things over and over. What was the worst thing about the depression? The negative thoughts I was having. All those ugly self-thoughts that I knew weren't true but kept popping up. Plus, the why bother, it's not worth it, screw it, I give up--a second batch of negative stuff.
When we hear things over and over, we start to believe it. I have known that forever. I knew I had to put it to a stop.
Music to the rescue. I started off with spending the last of my iTunes money on some big band music. Love it to pieces. I grew up with it as my dad was a WWII vet and mom wasn't that much younger, so they played that stuff on the record player frequently. It was like coming home. No different than exposing our son to 60s, 70s and 80s rock 'n roll.
The big band music got me walking. I knew it wasn't enough. So I sat down at iTunes and google and created a playlist of happy music. I was very picky with my list. Couldn't be music I liked, it had to have a positive, happy message. I needed to hear those positive words over and over again. I needed to get that negative garbage out of my brain.
So I've been listening to this all weekend and it has helped tremendously. I was quite shocked when my hubby today mentioned that he loved my playlist and wanted a few of my songs. Thank you iTunes home sharing!
So here's the list that I play over and over.
A Beautiful Morning (This one is the first song I play when I wake up!)
I Can See Clearly Now
What a Wonderful World
Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive
On the Sunny Side of the Street
Joy to the World
Walking on Sunshine
Sing, Sing, Sing (no words, but driving, heart-pumping swing!)
Here Comes the Sun
Top of the World
Good Day, Sunshine
Be Happy, Don't Worry
Amazingly powerful for me. Just the ticket to get my thinking back on track.
My step count has gone up! Three days in a row I've hit over 20,000 steps. That was my normal before the surgery. That will be my normal again--NOW.
I'm still feeling a bit overwhelmed with daily life. I haven't been able to dig deep and start projects--but it's coming. Right now the focus is just to get into a good routine, make it habit, and go forward.
Just like my workouts, right now I'm doing lighter cardio until I get that 20,000 down pat and then I'll kick it up and start back with my intense cardio, which I love.
Where there's a will, there's a way. Had this not worked, I would have gone to the doctor. But dang, I'm determined. I have my fight on. I'm getting back to normal--wait, better than normal.
