Great Day!

I had a great day today. I felt good emotionally, I felt good physically, and dare I say it, I was actually happy and content. Knock on wood, don't want to spoil that.

I got SO much work done around the house--felt wonderful.

That's all. Just wanted to share that here as I've been so down in the dumps for so long.

Move along, dark cloud that's been hanging over my head, move along.

My First BIG Wow

I went shopping today. I picked up a couple things and then got in line. I recognized the clerk as one of my son's former playmate's mom. When it was my turn I was friendly and said, "Hi, how are you?" She looked at me kind of weird and said fine, thank you, did you find everything okay?

I thought mmm-kay, somebody wake up on the wrong side of the bed? So I paid, she bagged, and as I was leaving, she said, "Wait, are you XYZ's mom?" I said yes. She said, "Wow, you've lost a lot of weight."

She did not even recognize me! I walked out to my car dumbfounded. She didn't even know who I was. I suppose her mind was turning trying to think while she was checking me out and it dawned on her as I was leaving.

It made my day. And the funny part? It was warm and I wanted to wear a sweatshirt hoodie instead of a winter coat, but I don't have one anymore. DH let me borrow his Vikings hoodie, which is a 2XL and it is huge on me. So my true figure didn't even show. (Boy, was I comfy, though!) Do I really look that different?

I did look at clothes, specifically jeans, and I had to, once again, remind myself not to go to the plus-size section. I wonder how long it will take to break that habit.

It boggles my mind that someone didn't recognize me, though. Wow.

What happened? I don't get it!

So last night I did an all-time favorite workout, The Firm's Cardio Step Mix. This was the first workout that I burned over 500 calories with. Last night? I burned 346. The workout didn't feel difficult to me--I mean it's not easy, but I didn't have an "oh-my-God, can I make it?" feeling through at all. In fact, last night I thought, "Wow, at the end already?"

Okay, so this morning I just did The Firm's Express Cardio. This is a 30-minute workout that usually produces a high calorie burn--always over 200. Calorie burn this morning? 131.

So what happened? Did I go to bed one night and the next morning wake up twice as fit as I was before? Am I going to have to work that much harder for a decent calorie burn from now on? Am I going to have to forgo my favorite workouts (Firms) while in the weight-loss process so I can get the calorie burns I need?

I mean this is a good thing--fitness improving. Actually, it's great. That's what I want. But I'm SHOCKED. My heartrate last night and this morning did not raise as high as when I do, say, my new Christi Taylor workout. I had a hard time getting my heart rate up.

I'm in disbelief. I'm going to have to sit down and study my videos, figure out how I can get a better calorie burn and come up with a game plan. (I'm not a runner, have no desire to run, so that's just not an option.)

So it's great, but it sucks, too, because I'm a creature of habit and want what I want when I want it, and that's just not going to work now.

Morning

It's morning. It's 6:30 am. It's not normal for me to be up and coherent enough to blog at this time of day.

I'm a night owl. I was up until 1 a.m. last night. It's my nature. I like to get up around 8 or 8:30. We try to start school around 9. Hubby is a morning person. He's chipper and happy and annoying as h-e-double-toothpicks. I don't like to get up when he's in such a state. He's bouncy, cheerful and talkative. Me? I need a half hour just to wake up enough to talk. Saying two simple words, "Good morning" is the most I can muster upon arousal.

Last night I was playing with my doggies after everyone else was in bed. I was loving them, they were loving me, snuggling, giving me kisses--it was a lovely bonding time. Then I started feeling really guilty. Hubby used to get up early and take them for a morning walk--before we got our third pup, that is. Border collies are interesting dogs, and quirky, and our three each have a quirk making it impossible -- well, not so fun for him to walk all three together.

First pup likes cars--he wants to herd them. Hubby has worked really well with this guy and it's under control. Second doggie is scared to death of drains in the street. He freaks. You have to cross the street or put something between him and the drain. We've worked with him on this to no avail. This doggie is also afraid of our laundry chute in the hallway. If that chute is open, he won't walk down the hall! Third doggie, mine--Pip, he's not afraid of anything but he barks when he sees people. I've worked with him a lot, but he's still a little reactive (barking) when he sees someone in the distance.

So I was feeling really guilty about my poor doggies missing their morning walks. It's not as if the don't get exercise, hubby takes them into the back yard and plays fetch. Border collies + fetch equals great fun. They live for it. One word, "ball" will set them off. Anyway, at 1 a.m., I wrote a note to my husband and taped it above the coffee pot where he would be sure to see it. It said:

If you can wake me, and I know that's a big if, I will walk the dogs with you.

Well, he did and I did.

I do not like mornings. Oh, I already mentioned that. It was dark, so I threw on sweats and put my hair in a ponytail. 31-degree windchill, south wind blowing 22 mph, and we set out. The air cuts through me, my eyes start pouring water. I just don't get along with cool temps, wind--it drives my eyes crazy. In Minnesota, 31-degree weather is warm. We wish for 31 degrees in January and February.

And we walked. Hubby said it was 12 minutes. I proclaim it 15. The dogs enjoyed it. I hate to admit it, but so did I.

Walking with my husband has always been difficult. He's 6'5", a whole foot taller than I am. His stride -- I have to practically run to keep up with his normal stride. He slowed a bit this morning, I stepped it up and we had a perfect match. My fitness has improved greatly, and I didn't get winded. It wasn't so bad.

Compromising is a good thing. I put my wants aside (wanting to sleep) and he put his aside (wanting to walk normally for him) and we had a nice, quite time together. I also put my selfishness aside and stepped it up for my doggies.

Before, I just couldn't have done this. I didn't have the energy, I couldn't keep up even on a 15-minute walk. I had no balance, I didn't enjoy walking. We walked a bit this summer, with the doggies, and things improved. But today, it was a different story.

When we turned the corner and were a half block from home, I did the unthinkable. I jogged. All the way home. A whole half block. This made my husband jog, because the two dogs he was walking got worked up. I did something quite extraordinary for me. The best thing was that I was able to do it. Now it was a slow jog, but it was a jog.

When we got home I stated: I do not like jogging or running. I have no desire to do it. I will never do a 5-K, a couch-to-whatever it's called program. I don't want to. Yet, it is nice to know that if I wanted to, I could. It made me smile when hubby said he doesn't like to run or jog, either.

So I think we'll just have to do this again tomorrow. And the next day. Doggies will appreciate it, and maybe some day I'll turn into a morning person. Or not, but at least I can get up.

Sunday Afternoon

I'm sitting here at 5:30--er, 4:30, haven't changed the kitchen clock, in my robe, my hair wet in a towel. I just had my post-workout shower.

As I was showering, I popped my leg up on the side of the tub to shave and I stared at my leg in disbelief. Where did the big mound of fat on the outside go? The leg is still fat, but sheesh, I can really see a difference--different from last week. It just amazed me! I thought, "Is this my leg?"

While working out today, I made note for the umpteenth time that it is imperative that I buy new shoes. Why? My feet have shrunk and my shoes are too big for my feet. My feet are not as swollen and it makes a difference in my shoes--my right foot slides around way too much. That's amazing. I've gone years having to buy wide shoes, and being very careful with what I selected so I could get my feet into them. I wonder if I'll be able to buy cute shoes again at the end of this journey!

My arms have permanent definition now. It doesn't leave after workout, they always have those muscle dents. I can feel the bones in my shoulders. We all can see the changes. Now they're still fat, but it's wonderful to see definition when I'm just sitting.

I noticed today while doing the stretch portion of my workout that my flexibility has increased dramatically. Wow. Positions I couldn't even think about getting into before I can now get into without thinking about now!

I weigh less now than when I moved to Minnesota 12 years ago by about 10 pounds. I had more energy then, and my energy and strength is beginning to return. I feel like I've gone back in time 12 years.

My butt is firm, really firm. It feels weird to the touch--not that I go around touching my butt all the time, but it just doesn't feel like me.

I really give credit to all the body changes to The FIRM. It is amazing noticing all these changes. It gives me great hope to what my body will look like when I get to goal, whatever that is. I am so thankful I found The FIRM, but I think that any weight program would do it, I just happen to love the southern belle feel to The FIRM.

Wow.

I feel like a whole new person. And I'm not even halfway there yet! What great hope this gives me.

I like stopping and taking a moment to really count my blessings.

Veggies...

I am proud to announce that today, I got 6 servings of veggies.

I had two huge salads, one for lunch and one as an after-dinner snack. Both were romaine lettuce salads with a minute amount of cabbage, and I added shredded carrots to each.

Yes, I know it isn't varied, but by golly, I did it! And I actually enjoyed it.

Shhh, I didn't say that.

It's a start. In February I wouldn't eat romaine lettuce, so maybe in the next three months of my journey, I'll add another vegetable. lol

2 NSVs today

I had two NSVs today, one was small but fun, the other was hugely significant.

The small one: I have an old shirt that I made for our Cub Scouts pack when I was den leader. It was white, and the den drew designs on it in Sharpie marker. I have no where to wear that now that we're done with Cub Scouts, so I work out in it. Today it slipped off my shoulder. Like in the 80s when we wore our shirts off the shoulder? I thought that was way cool.

The other is huge. I was having a lot of anxiety today for various reasons. I had weird dreams, stressful dreams, all night and I was on high anxiety alert today. I debated exercising, and I put it off to the afternoon. By the time I started, I was about ready to take a Xanax. My stomach was churning, breathing was getting difficult, but I decided to push through it.

As I was exercising, it melted away. I was thinking about it when I started, but it left me almost immediately. When I was finished, I could not believe how well I felt. It was amazing to me. I find it huge. I burnt off all that negative pent-up energy. Wonderful.

Will remember that for in the future. Now if only I could get to the point where the anxiety never hit me, I'd be even better, but I'm running with this victory!

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

The Good: I had an NSV at the store tonight. I caught my reflection in the window. I did a double-take. Now granted, I'm still fat, but I could see a difference! I could see a waist. Not only that, I was carrying myself better, I wasn't slouched, I was proud. I stood there like an idiot and stared, I couldn't help it. Fortunately, there were few people in the store, which is why I prefer to shop at night. Cool!

Our store had TVP, which I read about on Heather's blog today. I can't wait to try it. Will have to cook it up when hubby isn't around, though, and sneak it 1/2 burger 1/2 TVP. I have looked for TVP off and on for years, and I was shocked we had it!

The Bad: I didn't exercise today nor yesterday. I was groggy this afternoon and took a nap. Then I cooked supper, cleaned up, chatted with Richard Simmons and friends--very inspirational, went to the grocery store and here it is 10. Darn it. I need to do this d~a~i~l~y. Tomorrow afternoon I'll meet with Richard in my living room.

The Ugly: Stupid anxiety. No, it wasn't low blood sugar nor was it PMS or cycle related. It was pure stress for the appointment tomorrow, stress for all I have to do and am obviously not getting done, and I think the biggest is the anniversary of Dad's death. I don't do anniversaries well, and that was the worst time of my life for reasons I can't go into but go beyond his illness and death. (Read between the lines there, what kinds of problems happen when someone dies!)

I figure after I get through tomorrow morning, and I may just take a half a Xanax before I go, I'm home free. The other stuff I can deal with as well as possible, but I just don't like doctors too much so it will be nice to be done with that.

I really think all this exercising I'm doing (or not the past 2 days) has made a huge difference in my shape. I remember the last time I did Weight Watchers, it was months before I noticed a difference, before I felt it on my body. Now I get little snippets -- I feel my cheekbones, I feel muscles, I have forearms, my hands are skinnier...I gotta keep that exercise going!

Edited to add: Another ugly: Weight Watchers dropped me 3, THREE, whole points today. Yegads, that's a breakfast cookie! Ouch.

Boring Afternoon, But 2 Great NSVs

Today was my day to volunteer at the library book sale. I dreaded it, and my dread was correct. It was as boring as watching paint dry. It could have been fun but the gal who volunteered with me was one of those women who talk incessantly about themselves, leaving no room for an actual conversation.

Yawn.

She said "shit" many times in front of patrons, "Jesus" and "bitch" were used, too. Have some class, lady. (I say those things in the privacy of my home or with certain people, but I would never do that in public.)

Then the president of our group showed up. I tried to engage him in pleasant conversation. Every time we started talking, she'd interrupt and start blabbing on. I just tuned her out. So did he. She was going on and on about something and in mid-sentence, the man turned and walked away. That made me smile on the inside (because I'm evil.)

I was also very saddened to learn that a good portion of donations are put into recycle piles. We discovered the pile, and there must have been a couple thousand books. I was shocked because there were books I would have bought if my son were younger. There were some of my donations as well. I donated a few sets, textbooks, teachers manuals and workbooks that we didn't use. The textbooks were on the shelves, but the teacher manuals and workbooks were in the recycle. My donations were mint condition, too.

There was an entire box of Zane Grey books, in mint condition.

I didn't understand the logic: put the clean books out and if they don't sell, then put them in the recycling. I will be rethinking what I donate in the future.

I was also dumbfounded to learn that the money from these sales does not buy books like one would assume. The money buys the social things for our library: A coffee bar, a Wii and Wii games. My son has gone to three of the Wii parties for teens, and at two of them, he was the only one to show up.

They need some good leadership. Personally, I'd rather the money go for books!

There's my rant for the day. Now for the NSVs:

It was cold and windy today, but expected to be in the 60s. I wanted to wear a short sleeve shirt, but I didn't have a spring coat that fit well. I have a few that are too tight and too short.

WRONG. I put my favorite blue coat on, expecting to look like a sausage stuffed into its casing, when lo and behold, the coat was long, the sleeves went to my knuckles, and I could zip it up plus put something under if need be. lol

This NSV just shocked me, because I wasn't thinking about weight or fit or anything, just dreading wearing the too-small coat. Wow, what a pleasant surprise.

~~~

One of the volunteers this morning brought in two plates of brownies. Great big, beautiful chocolate brownies. They smelled divine. Another plate of cranberry and orange brownies. They didn't tempt me at all. lol I sat there with the brownies within my reach the entire afternoon and didn't even want one. I did enjoy the smell, but I just had no desire to eat one.

So a weird afternoon. I'm glad I volunteered, it's nice to be helpful. I prefer to be a recluse and not have to deal with self-absorbed yackers, but I had some pleasant moments with patrons. I got out of the house, which is always good. I didn't eat a brownie and my coat was too big.

Not bad at all!

I'm Goofy

I've got the giggles. I'm very tired, trying to relax a bit before heading off to bed. I was just reading TJ's blog, where she posted the picture of "that" and how creepy and scary it is. I so get that. When I first saw "that" I stared at it for about five minutes, blew it up as large as I could, trying to figure out what it was. I still don't know.

Then I got the giggles, and then they got loud. I woke up my son. That's how GOOFY I am. He came out and looked at the picture, rolled his eyes and said, "I know it looks like an alien, but MOM, it's photoshopped." Then he went back to bed.

He took all my tired fun away. I was really laughing about this. All because I read TJ's reaction to it, and I had the SAME reaction the first time I saw it, fearing it could sneak into my house or something.

I then left a stupid and goofy comment on her blog. TJ, congrats on reaching 100 posts. "That" is not your prize. I was just kidding. Forgive me for being tired and silly.

~~~~

In other goofy news, we had our dog obedience class tonight. The teacher didn't show, so the assistant taught the class. Um, no comment. lol Before class, I mentioned that there is an Olive Garden in this town, and since it's my favorite restaurant in the world, we could eat there tonight instead of Taco Bell and celebrate Mother's Day early. Everyone agreed.

After class, my husband pipes up and says: "We can't go to the Olive Garden, we just bought dog food, a new long-line leash, a new water dummy and I don't want to spend the money."

I didn't say a word.

I was driving. Guess--just guess where we ate dinner?

The great news? I ordered my favorite, Cheese Ravioli. I had a large salad with dressing on the side, one breadstick, and by the time I had eaten half the ravioli on my plate, I was STUFFED. I was floored. My stomach must be smaller. I had enough points to eat the whole thing, but I couldn't! This is an absolute first. I used to put away the entire ravioli, a salad, and tons of breadsticks.

I recognized I was full, I stopped eating and got a doggie bag to bring it home. So lunch or dinner tomorrow.

I told my husband after dinner that this is how skinny people live. (I assume.) They enjoy great food that they love from time to time, but they are not gluttons. This is how I want to live the rest of my life, not only recognizing when I'm full, but actually stop eating when I'm full. How cool is that!

Some NSVs

A couple days ago my husband told me that he can see muscles in my forearms. I looked, and by golly, he's right!

The swelling in my right leg/ankle/foot has gone down considerably. It's still there, but not nearly as pronounced. I don't struggle to get my shoe on now--in fact, I don't even think about it when putting my shoe on.

My hands are thinner, I can see the veins.

My tummy is shrinking. I can feel it and I can see it.

My undies are too big. lol

I have noticed that when I sit at the kitchen table, I don't have that great big belly resting on my legs. I could actually feel the weight of it. Now I still have a small amount hanging over and resting, but it is not so blatantly obvious to me.

Today at lunch DH and I were discussing all the things we noticed and I rubbed my cheek. Oh my gosh, I felt a dent in between my cheekbone and the part underneath. Meaning: I have cheekbones again! I had my husband feel it, I had my son feel it, and I sat there and rubbed it over and over, both sides. lol WOW. DH then said he noticed the fat coming off my neck and double chin a little, too. Woo-hoo. I hate having a fat face.

I wish that I had not been a chicken when I started this and actually measured myself. The scale I could handle, but I couldn't handle the numbers on a measuring tape. All I have to go by is the pair of jeans that were skin tight when I started.

All this made me feel great. I then went and looked in the mirror. Yes, I can see the changes. My back even looks better.

I will do pictures in the middle of the month again. I'm anxious to compare them. What is so noticeable to me, will it be in the photos? Perhaps I'm more in tune with my body and I notice the tiny changes more now and they are smaller than I feel they are. I mean, I'm still fat, I weigh 261 pounds, but it doesn't matter, though, because there ARE changes!

Saturday Thoughts

Today I added more vitamins into my mix. I am now taking 2 Omega 3s, a multi, Vitamin C 2 times a day, Vitamin E, 2 baby aspirin, and my prescription medication. Next week I'm going to add some more into the mix.

Have a few NSVs. My bras fit much, much better. No longer do I feel like I am being cut in two. I can breathe while wearing them. I can move while wearing them. This is such a huge relief to me. When I take them off, I no longer have the lines where they were.

My shorts that I wore last summer made an appearance, as we finally received lovely weather. I'm glad to say they fit better than last summer. Nice and comfortable!

I like to run around the house in t-shirts & shorts or sweats and wear "real clothes" when I go out. I'm all about comfort. I pulled a t-shirt out of my drawer this morning that I hadn't worn in a long time due to the fact it was very snug around my big belly. It is now loose around that shrinking but still big belly. I was thrilled!

I had a crabby fit this morning at the expense of my poor husband. He did something that really made me mad and I let him know it! I apologized later (even though he was in the wrong, ha ha) for my outburst. Upon reflection, I know that I was projecting my anger at myself on him. I'm upset with myself that I was so lazy this past week.

Fortunately, someone turned on my light switch and I got up and got to work today. Laundry's going, things are getting cleaned, picked up, etc. Life's getting back to normal but for my crabby attack. I'm about do menu planning.

And that's it. I'm feeling better, but still a bit scared. I need to take responsibility for my actions and take the bull by the horns. I'm doing that. One day at a time.

Dog Class/Working Our Tails Off!

What a great day we had. I am exhausted tonight and so thankful for Weight Watchers.

We had our dog obedience class tonight. I was worried about not getting exercise in tonight, but that was soon alleviated. In class, we practiced heel for an hour. We walked for almost an hour. I would not have been able to do this if I had not lost 16 pounds. Seriously!

I can't believe it, but the sweat poured off me. We walked and changed directions and walked again. The instructor then threw in slow walking. Well, that was easy. Then she said it: Fast walk. She demonstrated, and that lady was running. She then gave the caveat that we would not have to run laps. Out of my mouth popped a loud THANK YOU.

The great thing? Even though we weren't running laps, I WAS ABLE TO RUN IN SHORT BURSTS without dying, embarrassing myself, or collapsing trying to catch my breath. I DID it. I was psyched! Feb 16 when I started WW, I would not have been able to do it.

I had no idea that this obedience class would be so physical. Even my son was exhausted. The dogs? They slept in the car while we ate, while my DH and son ran in to the book store and while DH and I ran into the pet store. They were pooped puppies.

I really am proud of myself. I'm feeling this great at 266, it's only going to get better!

A Funny from Yesterday

So yesterday afternoon I showered late. We were going to doggie class that night and I wanted to be fresh not wilted for class. (It's a hair thing.) So I was in my bathrobe at 3pm. I just let my two older doggies out to go potty while I was putzing around my house.

We don't have a back door in our house. It's a weird design, a smallish house, and they used every square inch to its advantage. So the back door goes to our garage, and then you get to the back yard through the garage.

My pups were out in the back and had free access to the garage.

I completely forgot about the UPS man. My pasta was scheduled to be delivered yesterday afternoon. The UPS man comes between 2 an 3 here. A minute after I let the dogs out, I heard his brakes squealing.

Oh no! He opens our garage door in the front to deliver packages. Weird as it is, he rings that bell, comes in to the garage, and waits for me at that door. Life would be easier if he would use the front door.

The minute I heard his brakes squeal, I ran out the door to bring the dogs in. While doing that, my robe caught on the handle of the door. It ripped as I stepped, and all of a sudden I was standing in my garage, with a UPS man seconds from entering, bare ass naked. There was my robe hanging on the door.

My heart was beating, I heard the foot steps. I screamed: DON'T OPEN THE DOOR! I pried and further ripped my bathrobe, but I got it on. My dogs by this time were going nuts. I ran to the door the UPS man was standing at, cracked it two inches, trying to hold my robe around me and get jumping dogs to behave, in frustration I said: I just got out of the shower, my dogs are going crazy, please just set the package on the ground.

Our eyes met for a second. I was beet red--I could feel it. He sat the package down and left. I was so flustered that I was almost shaking. He drove off, I commanded the dogs to sit, I opened the door and got my package.

Walked into the house, excited for my pasta, but thinking: I bet those UPS delivery guys have seen it all, and he almost did with me. I would have DIED of embarrassment.

Now I think it's funny, but can you imagine? Why would I be naked in my garage? With two dogs? Can you imagine what his thoughts would have been had he not heard my scream and entered the garage???

After I tore open my box, drooled over my pasta, I called my husband to tell him. He didn't think it was funny at all. He wondered why I was so unorganized. He told me to be careful. Sheesh, he has no sense of humor.

I guess the best part of the story is this: My hubby got off work about a half hour after this happened. I was still in that robe. When he got home he laughed about it a little, and for fun I said, "This is what that UPS guy missed" and flashed my husband.

"Whoa! Stop!" My husband said. "Look at your stomach, Jo!" huh??? Not exactly the thing I want to look at, ever. He made me look at it. Guess what? After only what, five, six weeks on Weight Watchers, there is a big visible difference in my stomach. I was stunned! So was he! It's got divots in it. That may not be the right word--my hubby used that word as he's a golfer. You can visibly see where it is shrinking, there's a big line that wasn't there before. Then I felt it. (Sounds like I'm feeling myself up, doesn't it?) When I ran my hand over my tummy, I really noticed the difference.

Wow.

If it hadn't been for the UPS man, we would have never known!

Last Night's Sleep

I woke up with a stiff neck. I knew I would. I slept on the loveseat.

When hubby and I went to get into bed last night, it was discovered the cat had been sick on our bed. Poor thing is 15 years old, so can't be too upset with her. It was after 2, I was too tired to changed sheets, so we slept in the living room.

The good thing? Sleeping on a loveseat means that my foot was elevated on the arm rest all night. I woke up to a normal foot/ankle! Woo-hoo. What's even better? I was back to Monday's weigh-in weight again.

Whew!

It Just Occurred to Me

That every single day this week I was up early (alarm clocks work!), showered and dressed.

This is a huge deal for me. I usually start out the day taking care of the dogs, my son gets up, then we start school and it's afternoon before I shower.

This was one of my wishes. Now how long do they say it takes a habit to form? I like this feeling, and it is definitely a habit I want to get sunk into my brain deeply.