Lost Photo

Trying to boost my self esteem tonight, I was looking at photos. I found the top photo. It SHOCKS me. I know I was fat, big, but I actually don't remember being this big. Funny thing is, I still see myself as huge and when I pull clothes out of the dryer, I still think they've shrunk.  I have a very warped sense of my own self.  Thought I'd share. While I still have a ways to go, I've come a long way!!!

HURT

I have hurt to the depths of my soul, every cell in my body.  I just cannot figure out what to do with my life. What I'm doing right now is just not working for me.  At all.  It's a life not worth living.

When you cannot get a job, when you cannot even get an interview for a "crap" job (meaning below 8 bucks an hour), you're pretty much a loser.  Yes, I worked for almost seven months and made under $8 an hour. Fortunately I liked what I did enough that it wasn't that bad. I transferred to supposedly the same job and it wasn't, I gave notice after my second day.  And now I'm unemployed.

School.  I'm looking at going back to school for a bachelor's degree. That is a huge bucket list for me.  I am plagued by self-doubt, insecurity, lack of confidence, fear...every negative emotion there is.  Oh, and how the heck will I pay for it???

But that all brings me to diet.  Today I blew it. Depression hit me hard, I spent the majority of the day in bed.  And I did the horrible thing I just don't do:  I ordered Pizza Hut.  Yup, I ate it.  Guaranteed, I'll be up five pounds tomorrow mostly due to sodium.

My mentor told me, "So, you ate bad tonight, get back on target tomorrow."  Made it seem so easy.  And it is. It really is--if only I can convince myself of that and not continue to beat myself up.

I also did not work out tonight.

So, the day is over. I'm ready for a new one.  Tomorrow will be better.

I just cannot seem to bring it altogether, dietary intake/fitness/mental outlook. You need all three to lose, get fit and succeed.

UGH

Tomorrow is another day.  We all can do it!

GET TOUGH! DO THE WORK!!!

Do the work, that's one of my FAVORITE sayings now because it is what it takes to get where you're going.

Struggling with a lot of foot pain. Severe.  Had to take a rest day yesterday from my kettlebells because the foot pain was so bad I couldn't walk.  Today it's better.

Struggling with getting my caloric intake to my magic numbers.  Hungry.  THAT is mind over matter, and habit.  Getting there.

Came across a quote today that I love:

I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. -Michael Jordan

Isn't that great?  Our failures make us succeed.

Never give up.  Anything is possible!

Ouch!!!

Well, I'm back.  Life isn't always fair, I don't always make wise choices, and, well, here I am.  I need to put health first again.  The others will fall into place.

To lose fat, it is imperative to have a supportive community. One must give support, one must receive support. Blogging did that for me.

To get healthy, one must make smart choices and work hard. I'm back on the wagon doing the World Kettlebell Club's Pentathlon.

I am plagued with problems with my feet from plantar fasciitis to burning, prickling sensations.  The latter, the doctor insists will go away now that I no longer work on my feet.  I just hope.  The plantar fasciitis, well, June 2nd is the day it started, the day of my first 5K.  Hopefully it will end soon.

I need to take an open and honest look at my food. While I eat healthier than 90% of the people out there--ask me how I know--I could eat much healthier.

So back to blogging.  If you read this, drop me a line so I can follow your blog!

I am NOT pleased with that scale. Nor am I pleased to announce I've already lost 7 pounds.  Oh well, it is what it is, water under the bridge, time to move on and get busy.

Time to DO THE WORK!!!