Of Great Importance to Me

I need to get my shit together.

There, I said it. I typically do not swear online, but it's a HUGE reality. I need to regroup, get organized, and get going.

I've spent the better part of this year in a depression the likes of which I have never had before. Should have gone to the doctor, but I'm too stubborn for that. It's lifting now. I'm seeing things more clearly. Doesn't mean I'm cured by any means, but I'm better.

Exercise: Back on track with a vengeance. I feel my muscles tightening up again. I am sweaty, sweaty, sweaty! It is a great feeling to sort laundry and find sweat-soaked workout clothes. Exercise: Check.

Food: This is the biggie for me. I spent the last year not losing much at all. I even renamed the blog to The Tortoise. I measured everything, didn't cheat, and didn't lose. I went low-cal, higher cal, zig-zag: nada.

I think it's time for me to admit this: At this point I need to quit making family meals. I need to make "them" and "me" meals. I never wanted to do this, but I'm going to have to get drastic here and fend for myself. Lowest calorie biggest "full" bang I can find that I like. That does not always coincide with what my family likes.

I think I'm going to try to drop calories lower than I have. (And I'm *not* talking dangerously low at all.) I exercise hard, I average anywhere between 15,000 and 20,000+ steps a day. I move this body so I need some fuel.

The biggest thing I have to do is face this head on mentally. I've struggled so much lately with the whole bad mentality lately. Life was too hard there for awhile and I coasted along. No regrets about that AT ALL. I did what I had to do to get through. That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I have issues that I need to tackle, issues that I don't necessarily want to share here because they're too personal.

My health is too damned important to pussyfoot around anymore. I need to get this weight off. The weight probably caused the kidney stone issues to begin with. I don't know which came first, the insulin resistance or the weight, but having the weight in a healthy place will drastically improve the insulin resistance. And everything else.

It's time.

I'm getting my shit together.

1985 Just Called

I have a fitness friend who loves to rebound like I do. She recommended a video from 1985. She even offered to mail it to me for me to borrow. It was so cheap on Amazon that I bought it instead. The video is Jump To It! The lovely Dan Finnegan and her sister Debbie Smith put this video out, and it screams 1985. The lead is dressed in the then-cute leotard with two different colored slouch socks, head band, and high-top shoes. The music is very 80s.

Today we call that cheese. Then it was cool. It doesn't bother me in the least because I lived through that era, and aside from having my son, the 80s were probably the best time of my life.

The workout itself kicked my butt from here to Sunday. I did preview it and she did a slow warm up, then a super long stretch. I did not do either of those. I do not believe in stretching at the beginning of a workout. It's a quirk of mine, but stretching comes at the end when your muscles are warm. Plus, why start, get your heart rate up, then stop to stretch?

Started with the workout and it was fast and furious. They were doing high kicks which I did not do. My heart rate skyrocketed within minutes. It was tough! I lost sight of the outfits and the 80s music quickly, I was just trying to keep up! The various routines varied in tempo, and thankfully some were easy, but others had me huffing and puffing.

This is a keeper. It boiled down to 30 minutes of pure butt-kicking cardio which I loved. I have a new goal to make it through this video completely without altering, slowing down, changing steps--that means keeping up on beat, doing those kicks. I think it may take me awhile!

It's fun to find things from the past.

And speaking of workouts, I am now on week 4 of my FIRM 90 Day Rotation. This is the longest I have ever gone on a rotation. I'm shocked. I am missing Cathe DVDs and Gin and step very much, but I'm loving my FIRMS and I keep reminding myself it won't last forever. As my fitness builds back up again, I know I'll be doing more doubles. I've done a few already, including today. So hopefully I can add in more step to this rotation as time goes. However, the rotation does get tougher as it goes along, so I'm in for a ride. I do believe I will make it through! I've always wanted to say, "I've done The FIRM's 90 Day Rotation!" I'll get to say that in 8 more weeks!!!

The Truth

Discovered this lovely gem while reading online. Thought I'd share.

“The Truth”

“I will believe the truth about myself
no matter how beautiful it is:

I believe in my power
to transform indifference into love.
I believe I have an amazing gift
to keep hope alive in the face of despair.
I believe I have the remarkable skill
of deleting bitterness from my life.
I believe in my budding potential
to live with a nonviolent heart.
I believe in my passion to speak the truth
even when it isn’t popular.
I believe I have the strength of will
to be peace in a world of violence.
I believe in my miraculous capacity
for unconditional love.

I will believe the truth about myself
no matter how beautiful it is.”
~Macrina Wiederkehr
from “Seven Sacred Pauses, Living Mindfully Through the Hours of the Day”