I had mentioned on Sunday I was weepy all day then cried. Well, I figured the weepy business out. I told DH Sunday that this was very similar to how I felt after having our baby--when I would cry at a Tide commercial. The only difference is I didn't have that euphoric feeling, the feeling of overwhelming love.
I told him I knew it had to be hormones. I was right. My second period of this month started today. I had one on the 3rd that lasted six days, then a week from hell with pain, and now still in pain and another period.
This is scaring me. This is just like my sister, who was diagnosed with ovarian cancer--it was how her periods were a few years before being diagnosed.
Not good at all.
To top all that off, I was up 2 stinking pounds this morning. There's no way possible, it has to be water, because I am on the money with my calories. Ugh.
~~~~
As for being negative on the blog--yes, I know this is my blog and my journey. But I am sick of the negativity. I'm tired of blogging about it. I really am. Thing is, I can't come up with anything else to say right now. lol
5.18.2010
5.17.2010
A Sad Anniversary
My Dad died two years ago today. I don't cry or get upset, as he was 81 and it was his time. I do miss him, though. Watching HBO's The Pacific has had me wondering what his WWII experience was, as he was a Marine in the South Pacific.
~~~
I hate that this blog has become so negative. I cringe and I'm not posting like I used to. I'll just share that the past week has been very hellish as the pain has been very high. Tried to work out on Saturday, and made it 30 minutes through a step routine and had to stop as I was hurting too much. Today I was feeling desperate for a strength workout, so I put in a Cathe STS disk. Surprisingly, I was able to do most of it even though I was in pain. Interestingly, the overhead presses hurt my pain area really bad so I just didn't do them. Also had to modify the push ups that I already modify. lol I felt pleased and much better knowing I did my weights, though.
Pain is still really bad tonight, and I hope to do a cardio tomorrow--time will tell.
It's growing old, fast. I broke down yesterday and sobbed. Actually I wept off and on all day and then finally broke into sobs. Pain, stress and worry, not being able to move like I want to, it just all hit yesterday. Much better today, no tears--even on dad's anniversary.
I have such hope that this pain can be taken care of--and I keep thinking how lucky I am to have the hope and the probability that it will be eliminated. My heart aches for those who suffer chronic pain, especially with no hope of getting relief. Counting my lucky stars on that.
Weighed in the same, which just makes me so mad. I can't help but wonder if the stress, the "whatever is wrong" is just messing up my losses. Of course not being able to exercise doesn't help, either.
Tomorrow I'll try a cardio. Tomorrow I'll also exercise patience. Four weeks from today until surgery. Seems so far away, especially after a week like the past week. Saying prayers, crossing my fingers, and filled with hope.
Can't wait until I can be more positive here--but this just consumes me and I'm not a perky change-the-subject type person. I wear it all on my sleeve.
~~~
Miss you, Dad.
~~~
I hate that this blog has become so negative. I cringe and I'm not posting like I used to. I'll just share that the past week has been very hellish as the pain has been very high. Tried to work out on Saturday, and made it 30 minutes through a step routine and had to stop as I was hurting too much. Today I was feeling desperate for a strength workout, so I put in a Cathe STS disk. Surprisingly, I was able to do most of it even though I was in pain. Interestingly, the overhead presses hurt my pain area really bad so I just didn't do them. Also had to modify the push ups that I already modify. lol I felt pleased and much better knowing I did my weights, though.
Pain is still really bad tonight, and I hope to do a cardio tomorrow--time will tell.
It's growing old, fast. I broke down yesterday and sobbed. Actually I wept off and on all day and then finally broke into sobs. Pain, stress and worry, not being able to move like I want to, it just all hit yesterday. Much better today, no tears--even on dad's anniversary.
I have such hope that this pain can be taken care of--and I keep thinking how lucky I am to have the hope and the probability that it will be eliminated. My heart aches for those who suffer chronic pain, especially with no hope of getting relief. Counting my lucky stars on that.
Weighed in the same, which just makes me so mad. I can't help but wonder if the stress, the "whatever is wrong" is just messing up my losses. Of course not being able to exercise doesn't help, either.
Tomorrow I'll try a cardio. Tomorrow I'll also exercise patience. Four weeks from today until surgery. Seems so far away, especially after a week like the past week. Saying prayers, crossing my fingers, and filled with hope.
Can't wait until I can be more positive here--but this just consumes me and I'm not a perky change-the-subject type person. I wear it all on my sleeve.
~~~
Miss you, Dad.
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