Monday Morning Weigh In

Well, it was bound to happen. I'm not happy about it, but it's just a number. 239. Up 1 pound. My first gain.

The thing is? I didn't cheat. I didn't exercise, but I didn't cheat on food.

I'm okay with it--well, as okay as anyone can be.

So I think the lack of exercise this month has caught up with me. As I wrote yesterday in my Honeymoon is Over post, I knew this was coming, the scale had not been kind all week. I did my evaluating yesterday, I know what I need to do. I need to move my body.

I need to add, my waist has grown. It was at 40, it is now 42. Imagine that. It proves to me how very important exercise is. I was quite shocked last night when I measured. Actually, quite saddened.

So, all is good--I'm in a good mental place, I have new goals, refreshed thinking and it's time to hit it hard. I had hoped I would not have a gain on this journey. I was hoping for perfection. Perfection is a bad thing, and I have to remind myself of that. My inaction gave me the reminder.

I think I really needed this lesson today to drive home the importance of exercise. Growing waist, a gain? Yeah, lesson learned!!!

~~~

On a different note, my husband came home from work a few minutes ago. It seems that corporate has decided all the engineers need to dress like engineers. Since he has worked here, they have always been able to wear jeans to work. Wouldn't you know, he just bought several brand-new pair of jeans. Aaack. Now they'll all be wearing dockers and button down shirts. All the engineers were groaning because no one's clothes fit them anymore. My husband only has one or two pair at most of casual dress pants. So we're hitting the big city today, going clothes shopping. He wears big and tall because he's 6'5". We usually pay through the nose for the few extra inches in pants that he needs. I'm hoping TJ Maxx and Kohl's will be kind to us money wise and yield some nice clothes. Personally, I worry about the extra laundry. Will I have to, gasp, iron? I haven't ironed clothing in years!

Ugh. What a day. However, counting my blessings: I am still no longer morbidly obese. My husband has a job he loves. I'm not freaked out to the point I feel a binge coming on, but we will hit Taco Bell today for lunch. I'm healthier than I have been in years, I'm happy, and I'm re-charged.

Onward. I will do this!

The Honeymoon is Over

Weight loss is like marriage, it goes through certain stages. At first it's exciting, just like the honeymoon stage of marriage. You're in love, you've chosen a weight loss program that is sensible, you're eating better, the scale is showing you great numbers--it's the center of your life. As time moves on, the excitement wanes, it becomes ordinary and commonplace. Then you go through an adjustment. With time, it all settles and evens out, and you enjoy your weight loss journey and maintenance for life. There will always be ups and downs, but it works.

There are times you are annoyed as hell. Like marriage, when you discover your spouse isn't perfect like you once suspected, you discover that your weight loss program isn't perfect, either. It doesn't meet your moods, it cannot coexist with your desire to de-stress by eating a cheesecake or brownies or movie theater popcorn. Yet like marriage, you stick with it. Sometimes you give it your all, sometimes you just go through the motions.

Like marriage, it's difficult to make it work, but like a marriage, it's worth it.

So in my journey, I've recently gone through that shift from honeymoon to commonplace. The excitement is gone, the drudgery is on. (Not that marriage is drudgery, but the weight loss is--or can be.) I knew this day would come. I was prepared for it. It's now that I need to be more determined than ever. Game on.

I'm a daily weigher. I don't do it to see instant results, I do it to remain mindful. The times in my life when I did not weigh second thing every morning, I would eat whatever and gain. The times in my life when I did weigh daily, my weight and health were always in my mind and I did better. It helps me figure out what foods overload my body with water. It helps me watch my patterns that my body has. This past week the scale has not been kind, even though I have stayed within point range. I can't help but wonder if my stinking thinking (honeymoon is over) has effected that scale. The mind is a powerful thing. I do not get stressed out over numbers, as it is only one way of measuring success. If I stressed about the scale, I wouldn't weigh daily.

I have lost site of some very important things on this journey:

cardio
strength training
mini-goals to improve my eating

My journey has not been one about being sexy, getting skinny, etc. My journey has been about health all along. When I started in February, I thought I was dying. I really believed I was. I thought I had abused my body so much that I wouldn't be able to fix it. I was convinced I had diabetes, that my borderline high blood pressure would no longer be borderline. I knew I had had problems with high triglycerides for years. I couldn't move, bend, walk into a store without getting winded. Getting up in the morning was exhausting. I always hurt and I was always tired. I was in pain. My body, mind and spirit all were in pain.

I need to remember those things. I'm not going back. When the honeymoon is over, it's time to re-evaluate. It's time to remember why one started. I was miserable. I am no longer miserable, but I could sure be better than where I am--that's the whole point of the journey.

I have made great strides these last six months. I've lost 44.5 pounds, I've done a tremendous amount of work on my mental status. I've worked things out, boosted my confidence, and stepped life up a notch.

It's time to move forward. While the excitement is gone, that "Wow, I'm losing, I think can do this" is in the past, it needs to change to "Slow and steady wins the race, I will succeed." My next six months I really need to focus on making my body stronger. I need to focus on that which I have struggled with the most: exercise.

If I can change my food, which was difficult, surely I can develop an exercise program for me. Maybe the honeymoon phase will come back, maybe not. Yet, I am determined. I have beat diabetes, high blood pressure. I'm still on triglyceride meds. My lipid panel was not that great in June. Exercise will help that tremendously. I can do this. I need to strengthen my heart, improve my blood work. I need to find what works for me.

Bottom line: While the honeymoon is over, I have extreme determination to continue to get better. I want health--good health. No, great health.

I can do it.

Popcorn Again

Thanks for the popcorn comments. I need to state that I don't like microwave popcorn. I bought a box of 100 calorie popcorn back in March and there are still some packages left in the box. When my hubby makes himself microwave popcorn (the real stuff) I have to leave the room because I can't stand the smell of it. I don't know why I'm so weird, but I am.

In the past, I used my Stir Crazy to make popcorn. I could use one tablespoon of oil to pop 1/2 cup of popcorn. I have tried to reduce the oil and the popcorn with my Stir Crazy, but I haven't obtained good results. The oil just adds too many points.

And another way I'm weird: I actually like air-popped popcorn.

So on a whim this afternoon, I drove out to our Wally World. They had the Presto PowerPop microwave popcorn maker I had read about. They also had plenty of the cardboard disks for when I run out. $14.95--I bought it on the spot. $2.19 for an 8-pack of cardboard disks.

I came home, scanned the directions, washed the bowl and lid (because I'm weird), dried them, and inserted the cardboard thing--which should last for 12 or more batches without oil. I measured 1/3 cup, which came out to exactly 80 grams of kernels, and threw it in the microwave. Three minutes and 45 seconds later, I had a *huge* bowl of popcorn. It popped so well, the lid raised up! I counted 7 unpopped kernels. I was thrilled!

No longer do I have to clean the counter of popcorn gone wild. It usually shoots everywhere and I'm always picking up kernels off the counter, plus popped corn. My dogs always enjoyed catching the popcorn that fell on the floor. No more.

I ate every last drop of popcorn. Well, I had three border collies sitting at my feet and they each got several bites. My 80 grams of popcorn = 240 calories, 3 grams of fat and 12 grams of fiber. A whopping 4 Weight Watchers points. It was popcorn heaven. It was a lot of popcorn.

Next time I need a snack, I'll cut it in half. The amount of popcorn I ended up with was more than my hubby gets in his microwave bags. We have a dedicated popcorn bowl, and the microwave version fills it, mine overflowed.

I was very impressed and shocked by the popcorn popper. It did have great reviews at Amazon and other places on the net. I'm happy, because I can measure my popcorn and actually consume what I've weighed out. No more 50% loss with the air popper!

One final note, I found that the popcorn was actually better than air-popped. Sometimes air-popped can be a bit, um, chewy. This had the perfect texture. Yay.

Dare I admit further weirdness? I don't salt my popcorn. lol Sometimes I spray some ICBINB or butter-flavored Pam, sometimes not. =)

Balance and Popcorn Poppers

I've spent time this morning catching up on blogs. I commented on some, and read all that were updated on my list. So I am still reading, and I'm learning to cut back. It's difficult because I enjoy leaving comments. The balance was right, though, as I didn't spend a lot of time, came away inspired, and left words where I felt compelled to do so. So, it's all good.

~~~

Popcorn: It's a snack I absolutely love, and have nearly every day. I'm very frustrated with my air popper, though. I weigh out my 40 grams of popcorn, put it in, and half of the kernels spray out unpopped. I feel I'm getting cheated points wise. Then I started doubling...I'd weigh 80 grams, make my popcorn, and weigh the unpopped kernels. Magically, every time, 50% were unpopped. So I felt I was getting my true points value.

It bugs me because I'm wasting popcorn! So I've been looking for a new air popper. I'm thinking I'm going to order the Presto Powerpop Microwave Multi-popper. It gets rave reviews all over the internet. The only bad thing is you have to buy cardboard "powercup concentrators" to be used with it. They're cheap, but I know I'll have to buy online because I live in the boondocks.

For those of you who enjoy microwave popcorn, what popper do you use? Anyone have that Presto popper? I just want my money's worth when I buy popcorn, and I want my points' worth when I make it. I'm tired of 50% spoilage. I would love recommendations!

I'm Back

Tuesday, when I decided to take a break, was a bad day. My son and I had decided to clean out the garage once and for all--it is a disgusting pit. So we set up tables, took everything off shelves, made a garbage pile, moved saws, drills, etc., and were going to conquer it. I figured we'd have the rest of the week, and hubby would be forced to join in because it's his stuff being organized. He just needed the push and the help.

Well, that afternoon after we had completely moved everything around, he called and said, "Guess what, I'm out of town the rest of the week." I was deflated. The garage was in a sorrier state than before we started. We came in the house, my son knocked over and broke a brand-new drinking glass which sent shattered glass everywhere, along with Coke Zero. I was about in tears.

We got that cleaned up, I called hubby and asked if he would help put everything back in the garage because I didn't have the energy to move things around. That night we spent about an hour in the garage, and in that short hour, made a huge dent in its appearance. So it wasn't so bad after all.

I just felt like I needed a break from things, so I decided to not read blogs and not write. What I discovered is that I spend far too much time on the computer. And the really time-consuming part is commenting on blogs. I really bantered back and forth in my head: If I don't comment as much, I'll have more time. Yet, the support I receive from comments is very helpful to me--and I like to give back what I give. Oh, I played this around in my mind, feeling terribly guilty, but knowing...I just can't comment anymore like I have been. I can read blogs, but I am going to have to be selective with comments.

When our school starts up again, it takes a lot of time. I have snippets of time to hop online during the day, but I won't have the time like I had this summer. School comes first, my house needs cleaned, laundry needs done, the dogs need to be played with and exercised, my son needs driven to places, I need to exercise...something has to give.

I feel guilty. I really believe that you get what you give. Yet, there are only so many hours in a day. So I'll still comment, but not like I have been. I don't like it, but it's the best I can do.

My son and I rented 12 movies on Tuesday. We've been watching, laughing, and enjoying. I only rented two that I wanted to see, Twilight and Benjamin Button. Haven't watched Twilight yet, but we watched Benjamin Button last night. That movie touched me beyond what I had expected. Perhaps it's because I have a son who is "different"--I hate to attach any labels to my wonderful boy, but he is not a "typical" child. He has some medical issues, plus he is gifted with learning disabilities, which makes his road a bit tougher. I wept like a baby when the movie ended.

One final note, I felt very weird yesterday and today. I kept thinking it was my heart, and I felt light-headed. Just a bit. Not enough to stop me from doing things, but enough that I was very aware of it. This afternoon it hit me like a ton of bricks: Perhaps this is anxiety? So I took a Xanax. Lo and behold, all the weird feelings went away. We snuggled up and watched a movie, I fell asleep, and I was back to normal. Why? I am usually very aware of when I'm having anxiety issues, but this was just different. I think with hubby out of town, that might have prompted it. He is my rock, and when he's around, I am usually okay. He was amazed that I didn't recognize it.

He is home, safe and sound, all is well in my world.

I'm Tired

I hate to do this, but I'm going to take a short blog break. Only a few days. I'm exhausted. I'm moody. I'm sad. I'm grumpy. I just need a break.

You know things are getting bad when you go to google maps and look for some destination within driving distance because if you don't get out of town, you're going to go crazy. And what's worse, there's no where to go that's within driving distance that has interesting things. I could go to the Twin Cities, but driving in big cities is a big anxiety-inducing thing for me.

Today was a very bad day. Everything went wrong. One phone call changed the plans for my week. I started a major project, cleaning out the garage, and had to stop, put everything back and put it off yet again.

I'm just tired. For some strange reason, I've been grieving my parents again--lots of very vivid dreams, lots of reminders everywhere I turn. It really makes me feel very lonely not having the two people who were always on my side, always loving and supportive, gone. Dad's been gone 15 months and mom 16 years, but I'm grieving both of them. And Denver. I miss Denver. I haven't lived in Denver since 1987, but it will always be home to me.

So we're going to spend a few days just having some fun and just chillin' before school starts up. We're going unplugged. We're not going anywhere, because there's no where to go, but we'll have fun in the middle of nowhere.

So I hope everyone has a great week, stays on their plans, and gets their exercise in. I will say that I'm very proud that even though I'm kind of down right now, I have no desire to stuff food into my mouth. Or shall I say the desire to stay on program is greater than the desire to stuff food in my mouth. lol

fabulosity

Thank you for all the comments today! I was thrilled with the loss.

We have not started school. We start Sept 8 as we follow the local school district's schedule. I am enjoying every last second of freedom, believe me! I still have to map out our science and math for the year. Ugh. That's on tonight's agenda.

When I plan menus, I shouldn't assign days to what we're having. I forgot to thaw chicken, so orange chicken was out. I was going to put the ham in the crockpot, but it was noon when I thought of it--too late. So, we had twice-baked potatoes tonight. Talk about fabulosity! (Hey, I watch The Housewives of New York City, I'm hip, that's where I learned that word. lol)

Dinner was complete silence. Everyone was busy eating. When we were done, I asked, "So, is this a keeper?" A loud yes from both my boys! I thought it was a yes, too. Instead of having a half serving--or rather, one serving, I had an entire potato. We all did. The thing is, that made us short on protein. I asked what the boys thought would be good for a protein choice, and of course hubby said steak. Son complained about the innocent animal that would have to be killed in order for us to have steak. Oy. I can't quite afford that many points for steak, so I'll have to come up with something else. It was so good. I love it when I find something that makes everyone happy.

This will definitely be a favorite side dish in the future, too. If I can come up with a good protein match, though, it will definitely be a staple! I made mine just like Aimee's recipe, but the boys made their own with Promise, full-fat cheese, etc.

We're going to take the doggies for a walk later tonight. I have to work on exercise this week. My exercise calendar is pathetic. My triglycerides won't get lowered unless I get out there walking or moving. My heart won't get stronger, etc., etc., etc. It just goes to show, I'm not a multi-tasker. When I get busy with other things, I let that fall. That should come first. My back's been hurting a lot lately, because I'm not moving.

Why is it so easy to forget or overlook something so critical to our health?