Today is the anniversary of my mother's death. I thought of it briefly when I awoke, but put it out of my mind. Then at exactly the time she passed, I thought of her, looked at the clock and was somewhat shocked. Why did I think of her that exact moment? I remember exactly what transpired 17 years ago today as if it was yesterday. I still miss her very much, but the pain and tears are long gone, replaced with wonderful (and some not-so-wonderful) memories.
I'm feeling a touch of depression set in. Don't know where it's coming from, but I've had a couple "pajama days" this week and that's not a good sign. Tomorrow we're going to the big city and I hope to get lots of sunshine, lots of thrifting, and a nice lunch out to lift my spirits. I think I'm just a bit uncertain about my health--I think that's what's causing it. So I need to come to terms with things and soon!
Food's been great, I've done two days now of my 90-day rotation. Still laughing about it, how long will I last? I hate set rotations--yet I ***love*** The Firm and it is proving to be the best way to get back in the groove of working out again.
I had the most phenominal dream this morning. I'll probably write about it later, I'm still processing now. I think the dream touched on some things I've been worrying about--some of my issues. It was strange, but I could see connections.
That's about it. Fighting the dark cloud so it doesn't hover over me.
7.07.2010
7.06.2010
Monday Morning Weigh-In
Yes, I know it's Tuesday, not Monday. It feels like Monday after a 3-day weekend, though.
Today's weight: 204
I shot up a gazillion pounds the day after surgery and I've been busting my tail to get back to 204. Finally, I've made it.
My tummy is finally back to its normal size. This just happened within the past couple days. I have a bunch of new stretch marks on my tummy--I'm not very happy about that! Yet, it is what it is.
Exercise goals have changed: I'm going to work on The Firm's 90-Day Rotation. It starts out for the first two-thirds at an intermediate level, then bops back up to advanced the final month. I think that's what my body needs at the moment: Not pushing myself so hard, just a gentle but fun and effective way to get back in the groove. Plus, my Firms just bring me great joy.
Feeling pretty good overall. I am having some pain in the area that was causing me trouble. It has not been to the degree it was prior to surgery, yet it's still there. Another "it is what it is." I've decided the best thing to do is accept that I may have chronic pain from here on out. I'm hopeful we can get it figured out or that it will stop, but if it doesn't, I will just accept it. I hope to quit bitching about it so much.
And that's that. 204. Yes. My eye's still on the prize.
Marching forward.
Today's weight: 204
I shot up a gazillion pounds the day after surgery and I've been busting my tail to get back to 204. Finally, I've made it.
My tummy is finally back to its normal size. This just happened within the past couple days. I have a bunch of new stretch marks on my tummy--I'm not very happy about that! Yet, it is what it is.
Exercise goals have changed: I'm going to work on The Firm's 90-Day Rotation. It starts out for the first two-thirds at an intermediate level, then bops back up to advanced the final month. I think that's what my body needs at the moment: Not pushing myself so hard, just a gentle but fun and effective way to get back in the groove. Plus, my Firms just bring me great joy.
Feeling pretty good overall. I am having some pain in the area that was causing me trouble. It has not been to the degree it was prior to surgery, yet it's still there. Another "it is what it is." I've decided the best thing to do is accept that I may have chronic pain from here on out. I'm hopeful we can get it figured out or that it will stop, but if it doesn't, I will just accept it. I hope to quit bitching about it so much.
And that's that. 204. Yes. My eye's still on the prize.
Marching forward.
7.01.2010
And Go!!!!
That's a little "The Firm" humor. Janet Jones Gretzky says "and go" many, many times in The Firm Volume 2.
And go what? I've been given the green light to do whatever I want exercise wise! No restrictions, I can jump right in!
YAY!!!!!!!!
I also learned that in addition to my bladder being attached to my uterus via adhesions, my bowel was attached to my pelvic wall. No one told us that the day of surgery. He thinks this will alleviate my pain. I took my photos of my surgery and he explained them to me--fascinating. I cracked the joke that the adhesions looked like chicken fat and he said exactly, and that's what they feel like, too. He pointed out my liver and appendix to me as well. No signs of anything bad in there at all. WHEW.
Now here's to hoping there's NO MORE PAIN. Even though I've felt mild discomfort in the area, I've also been mildly crampy everywhere--so as I heal more, it should all go away.
Fingers crossed.
Now I'm going to get my workout gear on....and go! :D
And go what? I've been given the green light to do whatever I want exercise wise! No restrictions, I can jump right in!
YAY!!!!!!!!
I also learned that in addition to my bladder being attached to my uterus via adhesions, my bowel was attached to my pelvic wall. No one told us that the day of surgery. He thinks this will alleviate my pain. I took my photos of my surgery and he explained them to me--fascinating. I cracked the joke that the adhesions looked like chicken fat and he said exactly, and that's what they feel like, too. He pointed out my liver and appendix to me as well. No signs of anything bad in there at all. WHEW.
Now here's to hoping there's NO MORE PAIN. Even though I've felt mild discomfort in the area, I've also been mildly crampy everywhere--so as I heal more, it should all go away.
Fingers crossed.
Now I'm going to get my workout gear on....and go! :D
6.28.2010
Get Tough
It's hard to get tough, but sometimes we must.
I decided I really needed to drop calories. I'm still in a healthy, safe range. I will never go low. I was just eating too high without the benefit of my workouts. The plan was to drop 40-50 calories a day for a week to reduce about 250. Well, as luck would have it, and with careful planning, I dropped 250 calories off today alone. So I'll aim for the same tomorrow. That's all I want to drop--250.
That doesn't mean I wasn't hungry: I was! I believe that was all in my mind, though.
I was a bit naughty today, too. I am not supposed to work out until I see my doctor at the end of the week. I couldn't help it, I had to. I popped in an intermediate tape (I do mostly advanced now!) and used a 4" step as opposed to 6 or 8, and I did 30 minutes of cardio. (I usually do 60 minutes.) It took a lot out of me! I worked up a sweat, but not what I'm used to. My heart rate took a long time to climb, and it didn't get near what it was before surgery. That's FINE with me! In fact, I intentionally took it easy. No jumps, no leaps, no fun stuff. I do not want to over do. So I plan on doing this until I see my doctor.
I will not be touching one of my weights, even though my body is screaming for a good weight workout. That engages the core too much and I was warned not to. So I will be good and obey there. What I did today was equal to a good walk--so I know I didn't over do.
It's time for me to get tough. I've been stuck at a little above 200 for waaaay too long. It's time to face my fear of ONEderland head on and get there. I don't know what it is about having a 1 instead of a 2 in the hundreds position, but it's freaky and scary. My health is worth it, though, and it's time to get tough.
I am tough. I've made it this far. It's taken time, but I've done it in a healthful manner. I've built my fitness up--and I'll build it up again. It's time to bring it home, get where I'm going.
I've got my eye on the prize, now I just have to go get it. And I will. I can and I will.
:D
I decided I really needed to drop calories. I'm still in a healthy, safe range. I will never go low. I was just eating too high without the benefit of my workouts. The plan was to drop 40-50 calories a day for a week to reduce about 250. Well, as luck would have it, and with careful planning, I dropped 250 calories off today alone. So I'll aim for the same tomorrow. That's all I want to drop--250.
That doesn't mean I wasn't hungry: I was! I believe that was all in my mind, though.
I was a bit naughty today, too. I am not supposed to work out until I see my doctor at the end of the week. I couldn't help it, I had to. I popped in an intermediate tape (I do mostly advanced now!) and used a 4" step as opposed to 6 or 8, and I did 30 minutes of cardio. (I usually do 60 minutes.) It took a lot out of me! I worked up a sweat, but not what I'm used to. My heart rate took a long time to climb, and it didn't get near what it was before surgery. That's FINE with me! In fact, I intentionally took it easy. No jumps, no leaps, no fun stuff. I do not want to over do. So I plan on doing this until I see my doctor.
I will not be touching one of my weights, even though my body is screaming for a good weight workout. That engages the core too much and I was warned not to. So I will be good and obey there. What I did today was equal to a good walk--so I know I didn't over do.
It's time for me to get tough. I've been stuck at a little above 200 for waaaay too long. It's time to face my fear of ONEderland head on and get there. I don't know what it is about having a 1 instead of a 2 in the hundreds position, but it's freaky and scary. My health is worth it, though, and it's time to get tough.
I am tough. I've made it this far. It's taken time, but I've done it in a healthful manner. I've built my fitness up--and I'll build it up again. It's time to bring it home, get where I'm going.
I've got my eye on the prize, now I just have to go get it. And I will. I can and I will.
:D
6.27.2010
It's My Birthday :D
I'm 45 today. Amazing, how time flies! Here I am, smack dab in the middle of the 40s.
We had a lovely day. We drove to civilization, went to Target where I didn't find a thing to buy! Then to Olive Garden where I ate too much. Ahem. Then to the book store and for coffee. Mmmm, Starbucks decaf. Finally we hit Best Buy where I bought a Cher Gold CD and forced my poor family to listen to it in the car for an hour on the way home. My son kept asking, "Is that a man?" He just couldn't grasp Cher's voice. lol
No supper, but we did have sugar-free angel food cake. 120 calories worth, and it was good. Ran to Walmart tonight and I bought an ice shaver because I want to make slurpees at home and my blender does not work well. I also bought a Kenny Rogers CD in the $7 bin...when I was a teen I had every vinyl album he did. Hubby never liked him, and I got rid of the albums long ago. I've enjoyd revisiting Ruby, Lucelle, and the Gambler among others tonight.
Body/food/exercise:
Well, my belly is still two inches bigger than pre-surgery. Clothes are tight. I've been 208.5 for several days in a row. I'm still feeling some soreness, especially in the area that pained me so much. I don't know if I'm fixed or not--time will tell. I do have a whole lot more energy now. We drove three hours to pick up DS from summer camp on Friday--and I did the driving. Coming home we decided to drive along the Mississippi River--and it was a gorgeous drive. Again, I was driving, but I pulled over in a small town and asked DH to take over as I was tired. I got tired today, but felt better after a sit and a diet Sierra Mist.
What I've learned is that eating the amount of calories I eat when I exercise does not work when I'm not exercising. It's perfect for maintaining. I need to drop down a bit, and ouch, that's not going to be easy. I see the doctor later this week and am hoping for an okay to work out again. I really like that boost I get from calorie burns. It makes the difference. I'm missing the movement, too.
I have officially gained 4 pounds--but that gain came the day after surgery, not through the week. It just never got back to normal.
So am I worried or upset about the weight gain, the bloated stomach? Nope. It is what it is. It's just a little bump in life's road, and I just need to readjust to get things moving again.
And that's a day in the life of a newly 45-year-old.
We had a lovely day. We drove to civilization, went to Target where I didn't find a thing to buy! Then to Olive Garden where I ate too much. Ahem. Then to the book store and for coffee. Mmmm, Starbucks decaf. Finally we hit Best Buy where I bought a Cher Gold CD and forced my poor family to listen to it in the car for an hour on the way home. My son kept asking, "Is that a man?" He just couldn't grasp Cher's voice. lol
No supper, but we did have sugar-free angel food cake. 120 calories worth, and it was good. Ran to Walmart tonight and I bought an ice shaver because I want to make slurpees at home and my blender does not work well. I also bought a Kenny Rogers CD in the $7 bin...when I was a teen I had every vinyl album he did. Hubby never liked him, and I got rid of the albums long ago. I've enjoyd revisiting Ruby, Lucelle, and the Gambler among others tonight.
Body/food/exercise:
Well, my belly is still two inches bigger than pre-surgery. Clothes are tight. I've been 208.5 for several days in a row. I'm still feeling some soreness, especially in the area that pained me so much. I don't know if I'm fixed or not--time will tell. I do have a whole lot more energy now. We drove three hours to pick up DS from summer camp on Friday--and I did the driving. Coming home we decided to drive along the Mississippi River--and it was a gorgeous drive. Again, I was driving, but I pulled over in a small town and asked DH to take over as I was tired. I got tired today, but felt better after a sit and a diet Sierra Mist.
What I've learned is that eating the amount of calories I eat when I exercise does not work when I'm not exercising. It's perfect for maintaining. I need to drop down a bit, and ouch, that's not going to be easy. I see the doctor later this week and am hoping for an okay to work out again. I really like that boost I get from calorie burns. It makes the difference. I'm missing the movement, too.
I have officially gained 4 pounds--but that gain came the day after surgery, not through the week. It just never got back to normal.
So am I worried or upset about the weight gain, the bloated stomach? Nope. It is what it is. It's just a little bump in life's road, and I just need to readjust to get things moving again.
And that's a day in the life of a newly 45-year-old.
6.21.2010
Monday Morning Weigh-In
208.5
Wow, gain of 4.5 pounds. Shocking. The highest I got post surgery was 211. I've been floating between 208 and 209 the past three days.
My belly is still bloated from the surgery. It's still extremely tender. Funny, as time marches on, it's more sore. My over-all body bloat has diminished, though.
My waist is 2 1/2 inches bigger than pre-surgery. I don't measure often, but I did take a quick one before the surgery and I'm glad I did because it just makes me feel a bit better knowing I'm still in recovery from the surgery.
So, that's that. While I tend to freak out about the number on the scale, this doesn't even phase me because my body is in transition right now. I'm debating putting this on my side bar because I don't think it's a true indication of anything. Not that I'm ashamed of it because I'm not, but I don't think it's accurate. Every other week is a true representation--today it really isn't.
Wow, gain of 4.5 pounds. Shocking. The highest I got post surgery was 211. I've been floating between 208 and 209 the past three days.
My belly is still bloated from the surgery. It's still extremely tender. Funny, as time marches on, it's more sore. My over-all body bloat has diminished, though.
My waist is 2 1/2 inches bigger than pre-surgery. I don't measure often, but I did take a quick one before the surgery and I'm glad I did because it just makes me feel a bit better knowing I'm still in recovery from the surgery.
So, that's that. While I tend to freak out about the number on the scale, this doesn't even phase me because my body is in transition right now. I'm debating putting this on my side bar because I don't think it's a true indication of anything. Not that I'm ashamed of it because I'm not, but I don't think it's accurate. Every other week is a true representation--today it really isn't.
6.20.2010
A Tough Decision
Yesterday I was in a lot of pain. My tummy just hurt. Today wasn't much better. The day before, Friday, hubby and I set of for the next town to pick up his Father's Day gift. The first 10 minutes in the car I was almost crying because I had motion sickness and thought I was going to lose it. After 10 minutes, I settled down and was fine.
So this morning? We were to leave at 7ish to take my son on a three-hour drive to summer camp. I woke up hurting. I will admit "the pain" is back and it has been for three days. Mild mostly, but last night and today it was really hurting. I got up, showered, ate breakfast and started crying. I knew I couldn't handle six hours total in the car today. I stayed home.
That decision has me in tears, because I'm *always* there for my son. I'm going to be worried sick because that's my nature. I had really hoped to take him. In fact, I had hoped to drive a little bit of the journey.
So I'm just very sad today. They left. In fact, I followed them to the interstate because we were out of milk. I've already texted DS once and he's called me to let me know he loved me.
This was just hard. I wanted to go. Now I'm just praying for a safe journey for them, and that my son's father doesn't embarrass him at camp. lol He's at that age where basically our mere existence embarrasses him. I'm in tune with it more than his father is. lol
Sigh. I'm just sad. He'll have a great time without "me" delivering him to camp. But it's something that I wanted to do, something that I enjoyed.
I'm going to lie down and take a much-needed nap now with my cell phone by my side.
:(
So this morning? We were to leave at 7ish to take my son on a three-hour drive to summer camp. I woke up hurting. I will admit "the pain" is back and it has been for three days. Mild mostly, but last night and today it was really hurting. I got up, showered, ate breakfast and started crying. I knew I couldn't handle six hours total in the car today. I stayed home.
That decision has me in tears, because I'm *always* there for my son. I'm going to be worried sick because that's my nature. I had really hoped to take him. In fact, I had hoped to drive a little bit of the journey.
So I'm just very sad today. They left. In fact, I followed them to the interstate because we were out of milk. I've already texted DS once and he's called me to let me know he loved me.
This was just hard. I wanted to go. Now I'm just praying for a safe journey for them, and that my son's father doesn't embarrass him at camp. lol He's at that age where basically our mere existence embarrasses him. I'm in tune with it more than his father is. lol
Sigh. I'm just sad. He'll have a great time without "me" delivering him to camp. But it's something that I wanted to do, something that I enjoyed.
I'm going to lie down and take a much-needed nap now with my cell phone by my side.
:(
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