$3125.25

Taken from this blog:

March 31, 2009

Yesterday my pain hit me hard. My pain is a pain I get
out of the blue and/or related to my cycle. I have discussed it with my doctor
many times. It's always in the exact same spot, and sometimes it is so bad it
bends me over. Yesterday I had to lie down as it was so bad. This morning I
awoke to it. Motrin does nothing for the pain. Neither did the anti-spasmodic
meds I once took for it. It sucks. What it's telling me today is that my cycle
is about to start.

When I first showed the doctor where the pain was, he
said, "Why, that's your bowel." The way he said it...it was is if he was Goofy.
I've been experiencing this for quite a few years now, and it's no fun. I have
hopes it will go away as I lose weight and get healthier.

$3125.25 is the cost of the CT scan and radiologist report that finally diagnosed the true problem. I have had this pain for years. I'd have to order my medical records to know for sure, but if I recall, it started the year we started homeschooling, which was 2004. Same story, same spot, same pain. The pain was nicknamed "the pain" by me and my family.

Two surgeries prior to the kidney stone surgery. July of '09, June of '10. Then surgery again in Jan of '11. Why did I have to wait so long for that scan!

I wonder if I've been passing kidney stones all this time--surely it couldn't be the same one, or could it? I read back over my blog and I just got so incredibly sad for myself. That sounds weird. It was as if I had stepped out of my shoes and was reading about someone else, and it just made me sad. Why did she have to suffer so long?

Then I got back in my shoes and remembered all of it, the pain, the frustration, the fact I didn't get pain relief or help or someone thinking outside the gynecologic box.

It was bad. I whined about it a lot here, but my reality was much worse than my whines. I've cried and bawled over all of this. Before I was diagnosed, one night I was in the living room with my family and just started bawling so bad I was shaking violently, I couldn't hold my chin still, and I almost felt as if I would pass out.

This has put such a huge damper on my life. I hardly remember Christmas this year, I was just an emotional and physical mess.

Thank God I made that pain chart. Yes, I was made fun of for making that and I snapped right back. Thank God the gynecologist read it and finally ordered a CT scan. I had assumed it was cycle related. It wasn't. Keeping the chart was the best thing I ever did.

Why did it have to take so long to order the CT scan? Was it the cost? What about the cost of my pain and suffering and my time!!!

The stent has been hell, I won't lie. It's coming out this week, though. I'm afraid of pain after, which is common. It's supposed to be similar to passing a kidney stone as the uterer spasms. It could last a few days. I'm prepared for that. I have the pain meds and I am not afraid to take them.

Right now I'm numb. The reality of one stupid little 8 mm kidney stone has made such a huge impact on my life. I wonder if somehow, some way this has affected my weight loss. Last year sucked for loss--I just wonder if the inflammation--well, I don't know what I wonder. I can count on one hand the times I cheated last year--and my cheats were small, not binges.

God willing, may this be the year of health for me. So many things have improved, may it all come together now. May the weight start coming off again. I'm quite upset as I have gained weight during all this.

The one thing I have learned though all of this, though: I am tough. I am tougher than tough. I am strong. I am determined, I have will power, I have what it takes.

Laughing at that--yes, I've gained a few pounds, some will power. I prefer to call that the result of trauma to the body.

I've got it, I've got the desire, I've got the flame roaring, I'm ready. All I need now is the green light. The weight may come off fast, or it may continue to come off slow. No matter, it's coming off. I'm kicking it to the curb.

$3,125.25. One damned test that costs a few grand could have had me on my way nearly two years ago. Shaking my head at that.

Upgrade

Today I hereby update my status to "just uncomfortable," about a level 2-3 on the pain scale of 1-10. Let's hope it lasts or gets better. No medications again today! Woo-hoo, that means I have a clear mind.

I do know my blog design is set to expire. I'm really mad because they aren't offering my blog background and I can't find another that I love like I love this one. So being the stubborn girl I am, I'm leaving it until it disappears. Then I'll have to find something else. :-p~~~

My husband is a saint. I got up to go to the bathroom last night (I can only sleep about two hours before having to wake up to go!) and when I got back to the bed, the cat had barfed all over it. So in the wee hours of the night, DH and I changed the sheets. I don't even recall him complaining about "the damned cat." (He loves our cats very much--that's actually a warped term of endearment.) DH was just very sweet and offered immediately to help.

Hubby also did all the grocery shopping again tonight. He's just a keeper! My son has been doing a lot of the cooking. I've got two good guys here.

I always feel so negative here, and it has been for so long, so it's good to have a couple positives.

In the Wee Hours

It's nearly 2 in the morning. Here I am wide awake.

The good news today: I didn't take a single pain pill. No motrin, no vicodin. YAY That doesn't mean I was pain free, because I was not. It just means the pain was tolerable and light.

Every single moment I can feel my kidney, the tube in the ureter, and where the tube ends. I still am not used to it, it still creeps me out, and it's still uncomfortable to painful. It comes out next week--hopefully. I have to have an X-ray first, then if that looks good, out it comes.

I had a very bad night Monday. I did a little walking and felt fine after. It boosted my spirits so much. Then toward midnight, I had moderate to high-moderate pain. I had to take Vicodin. I was up all night long, couldn't get comfortable, and was pretty miserable. DH woke up and we had coffee together, which is a rare occurrence. I took Vicodin the whole day Tuesday and did nothing. My step count was under 4000 which is super low for me. Those steps were mostly walking to the bathroom or to the kitchen to get something to drink.

I slept well that night and today? SO much better. Again, I did nothing. Laid in bed, got online for a few minutes, walked to the kitchen and bathroom.

So the key is: Do nothing, I guess.

I am weak, tired, puffy, bloated and fat. I just feel and look toxic. My right leg is very swollen. When I put socks on, the right side had a dent in it. So uncool. My weight is up. That is so frustrating. It's not going back down. So I guess I have to swallow my pride and start fresh once this thing comes out of me. I hate having to re-lose pounds I've already lost, especially since I have been such a slow loser. However, I'd rather re-lose than continue to gain.

I miss working out more than anything. This sedentary lifestyle is for the birds. I want to move, to breathe, to work out...Soon.

Right now I just want the &*(#$ing tube out of me.

This stent business has been much more miserable than I ever imagined. I think it's going to take me awhile to gain back my strength.

I haven't read my last few blog posts over, but my gut is telling me I write the same thing over and over. Mostly I'm writing for myself so I'll remember. What's to remember? This is torture, hell and icky. But today was a big day, no pain meds, and for that I am so happy. May tomorrow be the same.

Hurry up and get here, appointment, so I can heal and get on with life.

Update

Well, yesterday was probably one of the worst days I've had this year. I decided that I no longer needed my narcotics. Yup, I decided it was time to go cold turkey, that I was sick of the "stupid" drug (meaning it makes me goofy) and that I was done.

By noon I was bawling. So instead of taking one pill, this stubborn girl took half a pill. By six p.m. I took a full pill, cried a little, counted my remaining pills out so I could determine how many I could take every day and the few days after the stent is removed. Funny thing is...there is enough for all that. Guess that doctor was pretty smart when writing his prescription.

Today I took my pill at the appointed time, laid back down and had three full hours of sleep. I have not been sleeping well at all. I felt SO much better! Physically and mentally! What a difference pain medication makes.

The pain is not "oh my God I'm dying" like when the stone was trying to move. Instead, it is a dull yet intense ever-present booger. I can feel the stent in every single position. It is icky--I cannot come up with words to describe how foreign and off it is. The top of the stent is in the kidney, and my kidney always hurts. When I urinate, the kidney does a spasm thing and it is not pleasant. I drink a lot! Drink, drink, drink, drink, and drink some more. I potty at least every half hour. So I have that icky kidney pain frequently. The other bothersome pain is in the urethra itself. It is a very intense pressure that is awful. It is extremely uncomfortable to sit. I have to sit at an angle so I'm not putting any weight there. It is one of the most disturbing feelings ever. It never goes away. Warm water numbs it a bit, it intensifies when I urinate, but it's always present.

I hate this. I would say without a doubt the kidney stone was the most painful thing I have ever endured. The stent is the second most painful and bothersome. I had really hoped I wouldn't be popping pain pills throughout this, but it is just too irritating not to.

IT SUCKS

There, whine over.

Because I felt better mentally, tonight I decided to focus on some positives. I got out all my blood work reports and read over them. It just makes me happy to see my lipid panel has improved SO much. Still working on raising the HDL which is a bit too low, but my goodness, I get chills seeing the triglycerides from 403 in June of '09 to 112 in Sept of 10. WOW. So I'm celebrating that again--because I worked my a$$ off to get that and I deserve to celebrate it again!

Also started thinking of my re-entry into the exercise world. I am doing NOTHING right now. I did get over 7000 steps yesterday and today, but they were very gentle and slow steps. I can't do more than that, I don't have the energy. I had hoped to stay around 3000 steps, but lying around is uncomfortable for me. I can stand and lie down and be fairly comfortable, and I can walk very slowly--so I might as well move a tad bit.

I am missing my FIRMs. I think I'll start out with those for strength, going very light with weights. I'm weak, I'm worn out, but I know these workouts by heart and there will be no guesswork, I know to go light. For cardio, I'll start out with Leslie Sansone, Wii's Walk it Out, and then slowly move forward to rebounding and my step DVDs. I'm thinking a week or two and I'll be back to where I want to be exercise wise.

Also been looking over my diet/food intake. Once I know which kind of kidney stones I have, I will be changing some aspects of what I eat. I sure as heck don't want to ever go through this again. Also imperative for me for the rest of my life is to drink a lot of water every single day. I do already, but I've been drinking more to flush the kidney/ureter, and from what I've read, that will continue forever.

Life throws bumps in the road, doesn't it? I was about to lose it there in December. I am SO thankful that we finally discovered what has been giving me pain for these past few years. I'm going to do everything in my power to work on prevention.

My doctor told me that passing a kidney stone is the most painful thing the human body can endure. I just keep thinking of that. I survived that without pain meds. I'm tough. But by golly, I'm using my pain meds now!

Need to get back to my research on hormones/metabolism. Every time I pick up a book to read, I fall asleep. Narcotics will do that. Changes, education, always moving forward.

I don't know if this is the year I'm going to reach my goal weight or not. I do know that I am not giving up. As I sit here, I'm looking at my body. It is so swollen and puffy. If I snapped a photo and shared it (not gonna happen!) you could see it, too. I'm no longer worrying about the scale like I did the other night. It's time for healing, and that water weight will come off when things settle.

I'm getting my groove back, my "it," my gumption, my drive--whatever you want to call it. I never lost it, but it was just an ember for awhile. It's starting to flame up now--that's a good thing.

So that's it. In a nutshell: I hate this stent! Counting the days.

~~~
p.s. My face is naturally oily. Either the meds or the surgery itself has caused my nose and cheeks to be so dry that the skin is flaking. I don't know what to use for this as I've never had this problem. Any suggestions would be welcomed!

~~~~~
A quick shout out to my friend Chrys. I'm so sorry to hear you are passing a kidney stone right now. I feel responsible--as if all my chatter grabbed your kidney's attention, then it felt jealous or something, and decided to shoot one out. I hope it passes quickly and that you don't endure much pain. Take those pain meds! hugs

Soon

Soon this blog will be back to weight loss, fitness and health. Cannot wait.

I'm already planning what I'll do for workouts when I get the green light.

I'm still popping pain pills, but today I was able to take one at a time instead of two. Today I also slept most of the day, which was heavenly. I hadn't been sleeping well at all. Instead, I was just lying down extremely relaxed going in and out of sleep. Never hit REM at all. Hoping tonight I'll sleep through the night. It's funny, last night I woke up at the exact minute that I could take another pain pill! So I did.

My weight....oh boy, this part is disgusting! I gained 10 pounds from the morning of surgery to the next day. I'm still there. Lovely-I'm at 208. I know a lot of that is water, assault on my body. I don't know how fast it will come off. I still have a foreign object in my body, the stent. I am drinking water like crazy and peeing like crazy, but the weight is staying the same. The few weeks before the surgery, my weight was crazy. I'd be up six pounds on day, the next I'd be down four, then up five--it was just nuts going up and down. I've been above and below 200 several times in the past few weeks.

It is what it is. A little unfair in that I didn't even get anything naughty to eat such as cheesecake or chocolate or...

It will level out. I know a lot of things have been going on in my body. The ureter was very inflamed, to the point he said he had to run the scope up 5 times. That's a lot.

The doctor told me that passing a kidney stone is the most painful thing the human body endures.

I'm a bit scared to have the stent removed. Not a bit, a lot. I'm afraid it's really going to hurt. It will be done in his office. I've read that it's like having a pap, and I've read it is as painful as when a kidney stone is passing. Gulp. I'm meditating on this, visualizing a painless removal.

I can feel the stent. It goes from the kidney all the way down into the bladder. I have pressure on the pelvic floor. It hurts to sit. My kidneys, back and flank hurt when I go potty.

BUT...on the bright side, I'm HEALING. Moving forward. Getting better. Soon this will all be behind me and I'll be on my way to goal and beyond.

I have decided the next couple weeks I'm doing NOTHING. Trying to keep my step count around 3000 the whole time. Right now it's time for my body to repair itself, to heal. It's not time to walk to the moon and back. I've been grounded from anything but walking anyway. No Leslie DVDs, no walking in the garage, no marching or dancing to a song on the radio--just rest.

And there you have it. Now it's time to cuddle up and watch some NCIS. Did I mention that on surgery day there was an all-day marathon of NCIS on TV? So the TV in my room was on the entire time. I confess I didn't really watch it, but I did glance up to see my favorite characters from time to time. It was comforting in a weird sort of way.

Surgery Day

I'm home. Got both kidney stones. I'm higher than a kite on morphine at the moment. Will write more later.

I am so, so, so thankful that he was able to removed both stones. I have a stent and am restricted to only walking for the next couple weeks.

Going to bed now.

Please, God, let this be the end of all the pain. I've got things to do! I'm ready to drop the rest of this weight, I'm ready to work out and lift weights and fly high on my step and rebounder. I am ready to embrace life to the fullest.

Good night.

Surgery on Monday

I have two kidney stones, one is 8 mm in the ureter and the other is 6 in the kidney. The doctor is going to laser them if he can reach them. If not, he'll place a stent and try again in a few weeks.

I really liked this doctor. He was pleasant, explained everything on my list of questions before I could ask them. He thinks this has been the source of my pain and that it will all clear up when the stones are gone. The stone in the ureter is causing me the pain.

Once he knows what the stones are made of, he'll be able to recommend preventative measures.

I had blood in my urine again, only I couldn't see it.

He'll use a spinal anesthesia. That's scary to me, remembering my C-section. That was not fun--but it's only seconds that are uncomfortable. After a few weeks, I should be good to go and back to doing whatever I want exercise wise.

I am SOOOOOOOOO hopeful!!

And bless his heart, he gave me medication to help with the pain. I could have kissed him for that.

I have a pre-op exam this afternoon.

This is happening so fast it's making my head spin. It's definitely a good thing, a huge step in the right direction!

Third surgery in 19 months. Wow. You know what they say, the third time is a charm.