What a day.
Last night my period started. Sorry, to my male readers, but it's my blog, my issues and that pesky monthly Aunt Flo is an issue. Frankly, I have called it many things, but a period is a period. Let me tell you, they're definitely NOT happy.
Anyway, I knew that would mean today would be high-pain day. It was. I was also surprised because I had not had a panic or anxiety during PMS. I was hoping I'd make it through this time without. No such luck.
My son finished all of his standardized test and we are officially done with seventh grade! Woo-hoo. Boo-hoo. He's growing up too fast. I enjoy watching him mature, grow and become such a super young man, but I miss my baby, toddler, young boy, too. It just goes too fast.
After he finished testing, I gathered all the material to send back. That's when I started shaking. That's when the noise started bothering me. It's as if all the noise is magnified 100 times and I cannot hear myself think, nor can I concentrate. I think it took me about 10 minutes to double-check the list of four items that needed to be sent back. I was just flustered. I then had to gather some checks for deposit, three altogether, and that took me about ten minutes, too.
We hopped in the car and drove to the post office. Got that done, purchased new stamps because I missed that they went up and had to pay my postal carrier 13 cents last week that I was short. We then drove to the bank and I swear it took me five minutes to get the three checks out, and then find the deposit slip which was with the checks. The teller kept chatting with me..."How are you today? It's lovely out, isn't it?" (Small town teller boredom, I think.) I wanted to scream shut up I'm trying to think! lol
I found it bizarre. Driving? Fine, not a problem. Doing the minute tasks? Strange, difficult.
Then we drove to the library to return books. Son ran them in while I waited in the car. I wasn't in the mood to get new books. He came out, jumped in and started chattering. He does that from time to time, it's one of his sweet quirks. Right now he's chattering about astronomy and things I don't know about. His dad teaches him in this area. The noise of my sweet child, whom I love more than anything on the face of this earth, was about to send me over the top.
I looked at him and apologized, then asked him to please not talk to me until we get home. That is one of the worst feelings a mother can have--not coping in the moment to the point you have to ask your child to not talk. It makes me teary thinking about it.
This is just CRAZY.
Once we got home, I really started shaking, my breath was rapid and I was just a jittery mess. The dogs all barked when we came in, happy to see us. Son was playful with them and the noise increased. Even though I'm getting loves from my Pip and his brothers (he is a half brother to our other two boys), I just was a mess.
I picked up the phone, called hubby and asked when he was coming home. He asked me why and I said I'm having a Calgon moment. He laughed, understood, told me to take a Xanax, and he'd be home shortly.
I did. He was. I sat, did deep breathing, trying to relax. I was in awful pain all day, too. I needed to take a Motrin, but I chose Xanax--the anxiety was worse. When hubby got home, that sweet man gave me a back rub. He even used lotion, and he never does that. It helped tremendously.
When I got up, ta da, I was fine again. Back to normal.
Thank God for Xanax. And hubby.
I am so sick of this that I could just scream, though.
I have my physical on Monday. I did not think to call the office in time to inform them of my cycle. They normally don't do physicals during cycles. I'm going anyway. I can go back another time for the icky part.
I poked around my blog a bit and made a big list of what all I wanted to discuss. I am thankful that I blog about this stuff, because sometimes I forget it when I'm not experiencing it. I am going to print two copies of my list, one for the doc and one for me. I'm taking a Flair marker so that I can write and scribble notes while the doctor talks.
Top of the list that I want relief from:
periods anxiety leg swelling "the pain" -- that pain I get in my bowel
My list goes on. I wrote down everything I could think of. Blood sugar, lipids, hip pain, blah blah blah. At the very top of the list I wrote out my weight loss chart, my exercise chart....gotta start with the good stuff.
There are no guarantees in life, no guarantees about health. Bad things can happen to people at a moment's notice. But by golly, I am making small steps to better things. My small steps are turning into a great-big mountain. I'm trying to get healthy. That is my number 1 goal. I think the doctor will think I'm either anal, or she'll get that I'm dead serious about this. Hopefully the later, because that is the case.
I did not exercise today. The cramp pain was too bad, shooting down my legs even. I had planned on exercising when I got home from errands. Well, I was too panicky to do so. I remember the time that I was having anxiety and the workout alleviated it--but today I was too far gone to do it.
I hope and pray that I will be able to get some help at this visit. I'm going to ask about hypnotherapy, too. I'm going to ask a million questions.
The day was not lost. We got a lot done, and it was a milestone day: the last day of 7th grade. Yet it was tough emotionally for me. I'm sure my anxiety makes it tough on son, too.
The good thing is tomorrow I should be feeling much better.
5.30.2009
5.29.2009
Blog Help
Anyone who knows anything (which is way more than I know) about blog problems, could you help me out?
I have had a couple people let me know that they can't get on my blog. Others can get on but can't leave comments.
I know that the web ring that I am on, I keep getting kicked out because the new owner can't always get on my blog.
I am clueless. I haven't added anything new for a long time except for the link to Ang's summer challenge. Everything else is the same as it has been for weeks.
I don't have password protection on my comments, yet I still have people that can't comment.
Any computer literates out there that can help me out? I am clueless as to what the problem is. I have no problem ever with the blog loading!
3dognight @ midco . net
Thank you in advance!
I have had a couple people let me know that they can't get on my blog. Others can get on but can't leave comments.
I know that the web ring that I am on, I keep getting kicked out because the new owner can't always get on my blog.
I am clueless. I haven't added anything new for a long time except for the link to Ang's summer challenge. Everything else is the same as it has been for weeks.
I don't have password protection on my comments, yet I still have people that can't comment.
Any computer literates out there that can help me out? I am clueless as to what the problem is. I have no problem ever with the blog loading!
3dognight @ midco . net
Thank you in advance!
5.28.2009
Laughter
Getting ready for obedience class tonight, I put on a pair of denim capris that came straight out of the dryer. They were not small enough for me to think of getting a new size--in the waist. In the butt? Oh my gosh, do they hang. I couldn't believe the amount of extra fabric. I ran to my bedroom, grabbed a hand mirror, stood on a trunk and looked at my butt in the mirror.
On a weight loss journey, you MUST be able to laugh at yourself.
My butt is much smaller. It is very defined (well, in comparison to the rest of my body.) My legs are thinning. But the spare tire? Oh my gosh, it's huge. Here's the funny part. I lifted my shirt up to my waist, and pulled my capris tight across my butt. Right then, my husband walked in the room. Crickets. Neither of us said a word. Then we both burst out in laughter. It appears like I have a size 16 butt with this great-big ring of fat on my hips and belly. It looks like I am a doll, and someone screwed the wrong size, too small bottom on a fat top.
It is hilarious. I can laugh because I know my body is changing. I know that spare tire will be gone. Hopefully soon. I wish the weight would come off in better proportion, but who am I to complain, my butt is getting smaller!
I didn't have a camera handy. I don't know that I want to show that off anyway. The baggy capris in the butt is one thing, but it just looks so weird. It is funny.
All I can say is thank God for long tops.
On a weight loss journey, you MUST be able to laugh at yourself.
My butt is much smaller. It is very defined (well, in comparison to the rest of my body.) My legs are thinning. But the spare tire? Oh my gosh, it's huge. Here's the funny part. I lifted my shirt up to my waist, and pulled my capris tight across my butt. Right then, my husband walked in the room. Crickets. Neither of us said a word. Then we both burst out in laughter. It appears like I have a size 16 butt with this great-big ring of fat on my hips and belly. It looks like I am a doll, and someone screwed the wrong size, too small bottom on a fat top.
It is hilarious. I can laugh because I know my body is changing. I know that spare tire will be gone. Hopefully soon. I wish the weight would come off in better proportion, but who am I to complain, my butt is getting smaller!
I didn't have a camera handy. I don't know that I want to show that off anyway. The baggy capris in the butt is one thing, but it just looks so weird. It is funny.
All I can say is thank God for long tops.
To Erin
To Erin at My Weight Loss Journey: I was going to leave a comment on your latest post, but no comment box comes up. So I'll leave it here: You are doing fantastic!
=)
=)
Taco Bell Day/Attitude
Thursday is our dog obedience class in a town an hour from us. Class is during our normal supper time, so we all eat a snack before class, then we indulge in Taco Bell after class. There is no Taco Bell in my small town, so it is a big treat to eat there.
We have two dog obedience classes left. I cannot wait for class to be done. From the very beginning, these classes were not a good fit. The first night I was confident, having fun and wham, the instructor gave me the "You have to make yourself the most important thing to your dog" spiel. Talk about pulling the wind from my sails. You had to be there, but she made me feel like garbage.
We are clicker trainers. Dog does a behavior we like, immediately click and treat. Everything they know is because we have trained them in this fashion. The class we go to? No clickers allowed, and no treats allowed. It just wasn't a good fit from the start.
We persisted because we forked out $300 total for the three of us to each take our dog through the class. That's a lot of money for us. Besides, the exposure to other dogs can't be replicated in real life. Plus, we need to set the example for our son that even though it isn't the best fit, we need to see it through.
Tonight class is going to stink. I did not practice the new command with Pip at all. I don't think my hubby or son did with their dogs, either. I just kind of gave up caring.
I have saved all the handouts, and figured we'd start fresh with clicker after classes are done.
That's really faulty thinking on my part. I preach "make it your own" about weight loss and getting healthy. I've been irritated from the get-go with these classes, yet I never bothered to make them my own. I didn't put in the effort that I should have. I just went along with it, went through the motions, and marked my time.
And that's what I did my whole life and why I got fat. That's why I lost my health. I just went along with life, went through the motions and marked my time. It got me in a bad way.
Life isn't perfect. When we're given lemons, make lemon water. lol (I don't like lemonade.) I need to learn to deal with imperfection. I need to overcome frustrations. I need to get my stinking thinking under control.
While I'm doing very well on the weight-loss/health front, I need to extend that attitude into all areas of life. I need an even keel on how I handle things. I think I would cope much better with life in general. I think when life throws me curve balls, it would help me handle them better.
What I should have done was to turn my attitude on--because I really can have attitude. Oh, yeah? Watch this. I should have practiced with Pip, using my clicker training at home, and practiced a lot. In the beginning, I did practice, but it lessened over time.
My bad. (I hate that phrase, my bad.)
The whole point of this post is that I need to find balance in everything. Consistency in attitude makes a huge difference. I need to do my best--make my best attempt at everything. Some things I'll be better at than others. That attitude stays with me for life, though. If I let negativity creep in in one area, it will seep into all areas.
Lesson learned.
We have two dog obedience classes left. I cannot wait for class to be done. From the very beginning, these classes were not a good fit. The first night I was confident, having fun and wham, the instructor gave me the "You have to make yourself the most important thing to your dog" spiel. Talk about pulling the wind from my sails. You had to be there, but she made me feel like garbage.
We are clicker trainers. Dog does a behavior we like, immediately click and treat. Everything they know is because we have trained them in this fashion. The class we go to? No clickers allowed, and no treats allowed. It just wasn't a good fit from the start.
We persisted because we forked out $300 total for the three of us to each take our dog through the class. That's a lot of money for us. Besides, the exposure to other dogs can't be replicated in real life. Plus, we need to set the example for our son that even though it isn't the best fit, we need to see it through.
Tonight class is going to stink. I did not practice the new command with Pip at all. I don't think my hubby or son did with their dogs, either. I just kind of gave up caring.
I have saved all the handouts, and figured we'd start fresh with clicker after classes are done.
That's really faulty thinking on my part. I preach "make it your own" about weight loss and getting healthy. I've been irritated from the get-go with these classes, yet I never bothered to make them my own. I didn't put in the effort that I should have. I just went along with it, went through the motions, and marked my time.
And that's what I did my whole life and why I got fat. That's why I lost my health. I just went along with life, went through the motions and marked my time. It got me in a bad way.
Life isn't perfect. When we're given lemons, make lemon water. lol (I don't like lemonade.) I need to learn to deal with imperfection. I need to overcome frustrations. I need to get my stinking thinking under control.
While I'm doing very well on the weight-loss/health front, I need to extend that attitude into all areas of life. I need an even keel on how I handle things. I think I would cope much better with life in general. I think when life throws me curve balls, it would help me handle them better.
What I should have done was to turn my attitude on--because I really can have attitude. Oh, yeah? Watch this. I should have practiced with Pip, using my clicker training at home, and practiced a lot. In the beginning, I did practice, but it lessened over time.
My bad. (I hate that phrase, my bad.)
The whole point of this post is that I need to find balance in everything. Consistency in attitude makes a huge difference. I need to do my best--make my best attempt at everything. Some things I'll be better at than others. That attitude stays with me for life, though. If I let negativity creep in in one area, it will seep into all areas.
Lesson learned.
5.27.2009
I'm Behind!
I'm so behind on reading blogs--sorry, will catch up soon.
It's testing week, so that takes priority over everything.
When I went to get dressed this morning, I noticed I was out of clean clothes. I put on some ugly stuff and sorted laundry. I forgot to do laundry this weekend! Good grief.
Yesterday afternoon after DS's art class, I sat down to visit with him. When we were done talking, I closed my eyes. Five hours later I opened them and was shocked. I had a fever and chills. I ate something because I didn't have all my points in for the day, did some stuff for an hour, and went back to bed. That little nap caused me to lose a day of exercise--which I'm okay with, as obviously my body needed to rest. I'm still a bit feverish today, but not feeling bad. I will do a workout this afternoon.
Blood sugar this morning after a true 8-hour fast was 87. I am elated. I am so glad I bought that meter. I will test once a week for awhile. The last time I had my blood sugar checked at the doctor with an 8-hour fast, it was 125. Ouch. So, great things are happening on the inside. =)
Even though I'm a kind of stressed out this week, mostly because I don't multi-task at all, my mood is still pretty darned good. I am very content and happy. I do tell myself all the time that I'm happy--setting the stage for positive thoughts--but I really am doing pretty well. I've been doing the fake-it-til-you-make-it for awhile with the happy thing, and I think with all the exercise, weight loss, and positive affirmations, it's becoming reality.
I used to wake up in the morning with thoughts of UGH, I hurt, my back aches, everything aches, I have to make it through the day. Very negative, very unenergetic, very, well, nasty. Now I wake up and think: coffee, have my quiet time, wake my son and go. I'm not stuck in that negative rut that I was. My back aches are nearly gone. My morning aches are gone. I'm still not a morning person, and never will be, but I'm starting my days much better.
Now, time to get off the computer, swap loads, and do some further testing.
Hope to catch up on blog reading tonight!
It's testing week, so that takes priority over everything.
When I went to get dressed this morning, I noticed I was out of clean clothes. I put on some ugly stuff and sorted laundry. I forgot to do laundry this weekend! Good grief.
Yesterday afternoon after DS's art class, I sat down to visit with him. When we were done talking, I closed my eyes. Five hours later I opened them and was shocked. I had a fever and chills. I ate something because I didn't have all my points in for the day, did some stuff for an hour, and went back to bed. That little nap caused me to lose a day of exercise--which I'm okay with, as obviously my body needed to rest. I'm still a bit feverish today, but not feeling bad. I will do a workout this afternoon.
Blood sugar this morning after a true 8-hour fast was 87. I am elated. I am so glad I bought that meter. I will test once a week for awhile. The last time I had my blood sugar checked at the doctor with an 8-hour fast, it was 125. Ouch. So, great things are happening on the inside. =)
Even though I'm a kind of stressed out this week, mostly because I don't multi-task at all, my mood is still pretty darned good. I am very content and happy. I do tell myself all the time that I'm happy--setting the stage for positive thoughts--but I really am doing pretty well. I've been doing the fake-it-til-you-make-it for awhile with the happy thing, and I think with all the exercise, weight loss, and positive affirmations, it's becoming reality.
I used to wake up in the morning with thoughts of UGH, I hurt, my back aches, everything aches, I have to make it through the day. Very negative, very unenergetic, very, well, nasty. Now I wake up and think: coffee, have my quiet time, wake my son and go. I'm not stuck in that negative rut that I was. My back aches are nearly gone. My morning aches are gone. I'm still not a morning person, and never will be, but I'm starting my days much better.
Now, time to get off the computer, swap loads, and do some further testing.
Hope to catch up on blog reading tonight!
5.26.2009
Happy Things
1) About 9 o'clock, like a light switch, all hip pain vanished. Yay! I did not do cardio yesterday, but I did do Richard Simmons Tonin' Uptown, which included a very short cardio warm-up, which I did with reduced effort. Then I did the entire tape, working my back, arms, shoulders, etc. It was the perfect solution. I was able to get exercise on my calender, get toning in which I struggle with, and not bother my hip. My hip is fine this morning. Yay!
2) I took my blood sugar this morning. You are supposed to do an 8-10 hour fast. Well, my insomnia kicked in really bad last night. I was up until 4:30. UGH. My sweet husband got up as I was going to bed--like ships in the night, we passed. lol He called at 9 to get me up. I did have a sandwich about 3:30. So I only had a 5 1/2 hour fast. The blood sugar reading was 98. I was pleased, but I don't know if it would be higher or lower if I had waited the full 8 hours. 98 is within normal range. Will do again tomorrow, when hopefully I'll have a good 8-hour fast.
I did do a test reading last night an hour after eating a huge salad with romaine lettuce, 1 cup of shredded carrots (sugar!) and 1/2 cup cottage cheese. The 1-hour reading was 90.
3) My son is taking his standardized test this week. When done, we are done, done, done with school. I don't know who is more excited, him or me.
When all done, I have to finish my major project: scanning my parents' photos for my siblings. I've worked on it all year, with one sibling chomping at the bit that it wasn't done in October. The others know what a job it is and don't care as they know I'm working on them. I have two albums left to scan and some loose pictures. I have scanned thousands of photos so far. Once that is done, I will have the greatest relief ever. That pressure (from one sibling, really) has been hanging over my head all year and I am ready for my freedom.
I have plans: spring clean the house, paint my kitchen, paint the basement, visit hubby's family--those aren't really fun plans!--do some kind of vacation with my son, hit the beach many times, and just play. Of course I'll have to plan school for next year, but I want a good month break before doing that. DS has summer camp to look forward to.
Last night as my mind was racing, which is why I don't sleep, I just kept thinking about how happy I am. It was the greatest feeling, one I haven't felt for a long time. All my hard work is paying off. I'm sure the exercise helps with that a great bit, but I also think the fact that I am actively doing something to better myself is helping.
Life's not easy, and there are always bumps in the road, ups and downs. I'm giving myself a major attitude adjustment and handling the garbage better. It's very exciting to me.
2) I took my blood sugar this morning. You are supposed to do an 8-10 hour fast. Well, my insomnia kicked in really bad last night. I was up until 4:30. UGH. My sweet husband got up as I was going to bed--like ships in the night, we passed. lol He called at 9 to get me up. I did have a sandwich about 3:30. So I only had a 5 1/2 hour fast. The blood sugar reading was 98. I was pleased, but I don't know if it would be higher or lower if I had waited the full 8 hours. 98 is within normal range. Will do again tomorrow, when hopefully I'll have a good 8-hour fast.
I did do a test reading last night an hour after eating a huge salad with romaine lettuce, 1 cup of shredded carrots (sugar!) and 1/2 cup cottage cheese. The 1-hour reading was 90.
3) My son is taking his standardized test this week. When done, we are done, done, done with school. I don't know who is more excited, him or me.
When all done, I have to finish my major project: scanning my parents' photos for my siblings. I've worked on it all year, with one sibling chomping at the bit that it wasn't done in October. The others know what a job it is and don't care as they know I'm working on them. I have two albums left to scan and some loose pictures. I have scanned thousands of photos so far. Once that is done, I will have the greatest relief ever. That pressure (from one sibling, really) has been hanging over my head all year and I am ready for my freedom.
I have plans: spring clean the house, paint my kitchen, paint the basement, visit hubby's family--those aren't really fun plans!--do some kind of vacation with my son, hit the beach many times, and just play. Of course I'll have to plan school for next year, but I want a good month break before doing that. DS has summer camp to look forward to.
Last night as my mind was racing, which is why I don't sleep, I just kept thinking about how happy I am. It was the greatest feeling, one I haven't felt for a long time. All my hard work is paying off. I'm sure the exercise helps with that a great bit, but I also think the fact that I am actively doing something to better myself is helping.
Life's not easy, and there are always bumps in the road, ups and downs. I'm giving myself a major attitude adjustment and handling the garbage better. It's very exciting to me.
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