Update

Well, yesterday was probably one of the worst days I've had this year. I decided that I no longer needed my narcotics. Yup, I decided it was time to go cold turkey, that I was sick of the "stupid" drug (meaning it makes me goofy) and that I was done.

By noon I was bawling. So instead of taking one pill, this stubborn girl took half a pill. By six p.m. I took a full pill, cried a little, counted my remaining pills out so I could determine how many I could take every day and the few days after the stent is removed. Funny thing is...there is enough for all that. Guess that doctor was pretty smart when writing his prescription.

Today I took my pill at the appointed time, laid back down and had three full hours of sleep. I have not been sleeping well at all. I felt SO much better! Physically and mentally! What a difference pain medication makes.

The pain is not "oh my God I'm dying" like when the stone was trying to move. Instead, it is a dull yet intense ever-present booger. I can feel the stent in every single position. It is icky--I cannot come up with words to describe how foreign and off it is. The top of the stent is in the kidney, and my kidney always hurts. When I urinate, the kidney does a spasm thing and it is not pleasant. I drink a lot! Drink, drink, drink, drink, and drink some more. I potty at least every half hour. So I have that icky kidney pain frequently. The other bothersome pain is in the urethra itself. It is a very intense pressure that is awful. It is extremely uncomfortable to sit. I have to sit at an angle so I'm not putting any weight there. It is one of the most disturbing feelings ever. It never goes away. Warm water numbs it a bit, it intensifies when I urinate, but it's always present.

I hate this. I would say without a doubt the kidney stone was the most painful thing I have ever endured. The stent is the second most painful and bothersome. I had really hoped I wouldn't be popping pain pills throughout this, but it is just too irritating not to.

IT SUCKS

There, whine over.

Because I felt better mentally, tonight I decided to focus on some positives. I got out all my blood work reports and read over them. It just makes me happy to see my lipid panel has improved SO much. Still working on raising the HDL which is a bit too low, but my goodness, I get chills seeing the triglycerides from 403 in June of '09 to 112 in Sept of 10. WOW. So I'm celebrating that again--because I worked my a$$ off to get that and I deserve to celebrate it again!

Also started thinking of my re-entry into the exercise world. I am doing NOTHING right now. I did get over 7000 steps yesterday and today, but they were very gentle and slow steps. I can't do more than that, I don't have the energy. I had hoped to stay around 3000 steps, but lying around is uncomfortable for me. I can stand and lie down and be fairly comfortable, and I can walk very slowly--so I might as well move a tad bit.

I am missing my FIRMs. I think I'll start out with those for strength, going very light with weights. I'm weak, I'm worn out, but I know these workouts by heart and there will be no guesswork, I know to go light. For cardio, I'll start out with Leslie Sansone, Wii's Walk it Out, and then slowly move forward to rebounding and my step DVDs. I'm thinking a week or two and I'll be back to where I want to be exercise wise.

Also been looking over my diet/food intake. Once I know which kind of kidney stones I have, I will be changing some aspects of what I eat. I sure as heck don't want to ever go through this again. Also imperative for me for the rest of my life is to drink a lot of water every single day. I do already, but I've been drinking more to flush the kidney/ureter, and from what I've read, that will continue forever.

Life throws bumps in the road, doesn't it? I was about to lose it there in December. I am SO thankful that we finally discovered what has been giving me pain for these past few years. I'm going to do everything in my power to work on prevention.

My doctor told me that passing a kidney stone is the most painful thing the human body can endure. I just keep thinking of that. I survived that without pain meds. I'm tough. But by golly, I'm using my pain meds now!

Need to get back to my research on hormones/metabolism. Every time I pick up a book to read, I fall asleep. Narcotics will do that. Changes, education, always moving forward.

I don't know if this is the year I'm going to reach my goal weight or not. I do know that I am not giving up. As I sit here, I'm looking at my body. It is so swollen and puffy. If I snapped a photo and shared it (not gonna happen!) you could see it, too. I'm no longer worrying about the scale like I did the other night. It's time for healing, and that water weight will come off when things settle.

I'm getting my groove back, my "it," my gumption, my drive--whatever you want to call it. I never lost it, but it was just an ember for awhile. It's starting to flame up now--that's a good thing.

So that's it. In a nutshell: I hate this stent! Counting the days.

~~~
p.s. My face is naturally oily. Either the meds or the surgery itself has caused my nose and cheeks to be so dry that the skin is flaking. I don't know what to use for this as I've never had this problem. Any suggestions would be welcomed!

~~~~~
A quick shout out to my friend Chrys. I'm so sorry to hear you are passing a kidney stone right now. I feel responsible--as if all my chatter grabbed your kidney's attention, then it felt jealous or something, and decided to shoot one out. I hope it passes quickly and that you don't endure much pain. Take those pain meds! hugs

Soon

Soon this blog will be back to weight loss, fitness and health. Cannot wait.

I'm already planning what I'll do for workouts when I get the green light.

I'm still popping pain pills, but today I was able to take one at a time instead of two. Today I also slept most of the day, which was heavenly. I hadn't been sleeping well at all. Instead, I was just lying down extremely relaxed going in and out of sleep. Never hit REM at all. Hoping tonight I'll sleep through the night. It's funny, last night I woke up at the exact minute that I could take another pain pill! So I did.

My weight....oh boy, this part is disgusting! I gained 10 pounds from the morning of surgery to the next day. I'm still there. Lovely-I'm at 208. I know a lot of that is water, assault on my body. I don't know how fast it will come off. I still have a foreign object in my body, the stent. I am drinking water like crazy and peeing like crazy, but the weight is staying the same. The few weeks before the surgery, my weight was crazy. I'd be up six pounds on day, the next I'd be down four, then up five--it was just nuts going up and down. I've been above and below 200 several times in the past few weeks.

It is what it is. A little unfair in that I didn't even get anything naughty to eat such as cheesecake or chocolate or...

It will level out. I know a lot of things have been going on in my body. The ureter was very inflamed, to the point he said he had to run the scope up 5 times. That's a lot.

The doctor told me that passing a kidney stone is the most painful thing the human body endures.

I'm a bit scared to have the stent removed. Not a bit, a lot. I'm afraid it's really going to hurt. It will be done in his office. I've read that it's like having a pap, and I've read it is as painful as when a kidney stone is passing. Gulp. I'm meditating on this, visualizing a painless removal.

I can feel the stent. It goes from the kidney all the way down into the bladder. I have pressure on the pelvic floor. It hurts to sit. My kidneys, back and flank hurt when I go potty.

BUT...on the bright side, I'm HEALING. Moving forward. Getting better. Soon this will all be behind me and I'll be on my way to goal and beyond.

I have decided the next couple weeks I'm doing NOTHING. Trying to keep my step count around 3000 the whole time. Right now it's time for my body to repair itself, to heal. It's not time to walk to the moon and back. I've been grounded from anything but walking anyway. No Leslie DVDs, no walking in the garage, no marching or dancing to a song on the radio--just rest.

And there you have it. Now it's time to cuddle up and watch some NCIS. Did I mention that on surgery day there was an all-day marathon of NCIS on TV? So the TV in my room was on the entire time. I confess I didn't really watch it, but I did glance up to see my favorite characters from time to time. It was comforting in a weird sort of way.

Surgery Day

I'm home. Got both kidney stones. I'm higher than a kite on morphine at the moment. Will write more later.

I am so, so, so thankful that he was able to removed both stones. I have a stent and am restricted to only walking for the next couple weeks.

Going to bed now.

Please, God, let this be the end of all the pain. I've got things to do! I'm ready to drop the rest of this weight, I'm ready to work out and lift weights and fly high on my step and rebounder. I am ready to embrace life to the fullest.

Good night.

Surgery on Monday

I have two kidney stones, one is 8 mm in the ureter and the other is 6 in the kidney. The doctor is going to laser them if he can reach them. If not, he'll place a stent and try again in a few weeks.

I really liked this doctor. He was pleasant, explained everything on my list of questions before I could ask them. He thinks this has been the source of my pain and that it will all clear up when the stones are gone. The stone in the ureter is causing me the pain.

Once he knows what the stones are made of, he'll be able to recommend preventative measures.

I had blood in my urine again, only I couldn't see it.

He'll use a spinal anesthesia. That's scary to me, remembering my C-section. That was not fun--but it's only seconds that are uncomfortable. After a few weeks, I should be good to go and back to doing whatever I want exercise wise.

I am SOOOOOOOOO hopeful!!

And bless his heart, he gave me medication to help with the pain. I could have kissed him for that.

I have a pre-op exam this afternoon.

This is happening so fast it's making my head spin. It's definitely a good thing, a huge step in the right direction!

Third surgery in 19 months. Wow. You know what they say, the third time is a charm.

Why Is it?

Why is it that in my quest for better health, my health has taken a nose dive?

Tonight I feel old, achy, and I hurt. Kidney stones, fibroids, ovarian cysts, adhesions, pain, two surgeries, yada, yada, yada. The last few months (years!) have taken a toll on me. I am worn out. I am physically and mentally exhausted.

This stinks.

I will not give up.

My mom used to phoo-phoo the term survivor. She said everyone survives or else they die. She said she prevailed. Yes, I like that. Mom's been gone nearly 18 years, but I still hold her near and dear. Mom prevailed over many things, but died at 59 way too young. She was always ill.

I will prevail.

Damn, why does it have to be so hard?

Another "episode" tonight that had me bawling so hard my chin was shaking and wouldn't stop. I ended up in my bed in some weird position which looked crazy. I practiced deep breathing. Finally it stopped as suddenly as it came on. Then I just ached. Again.

It is so hard to keep a chipper, positive attitude. I do have hope, though. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully.

I managed to break 10,000 steps today. For that, I am very proud. No workout, just getting up and moving every so often. It helps physically and mentally.

Thursday can't come soon enough.

It's a Kidney Stone!

Just got a call from my doctor's office. The CT shows I have a kidney stone. !!!!

Taken from Dr. Google:

Kidney stones may not produce symptoms until they begin to move down the tubes
(ureters) through which urine empties into the bladder. When this happens, the
stones can block the flow of urine out of the kidneys. This causes swelling of
the kidney or kidneys, causing pain. The pain is usually
severe.

Emphasis mine. No sh*t, Sherlock.

I feel so relieved to know what's causing the pain....plus nervous to see what happens next. My doctor is setting up an appointment with an urologist. I'm shaking, I'm teary, I'm relieved, I'm VALIDATED, and I'm feeling so damned strong to know I've gone through this without pain medication--but I'll sure as heck take it if it's offered, no questions asked.

Ring, phone, give me an appointment time, and hopefully it's SOON!

The phone rang as I was typing, I get in on Thursday.

Relief, soon, please. Thank God for the CT scan.

Perplexed

Well, what a day. Doctor wants to rule out kidney stones and get a better picture of what's going on, so I'm having a CT scan tomorrow. Will find the results out in two weeks when he's back in town.

Forgot to ask for pain meds, as DH and I were thrown for a loop by that.

I think this is a good thing because I did have blood in my urine awhile back and I guess I feel comfortable getting it checked out. This should have been done the appointment after my emergency room visit.

So will know more in a couple weeks. In the meanwhile, I will continue to try to relax. There's no way in hell I'm going to take 800 mg of ibuprofen 3x a day for two weeks, though. I value my stomach too much. I think if the pain gets severe, I will call and discuss it.

I'm not very happy, but that's not directed at anyone or any professional, I'm just not very happy. This whole thing is very stressful and I'm just tired. Insomnia has been bad. Eating has not been clean nor good. Ahem. I can help that drastically by getting my butt to the grocery store. You can't eat good food if you don't have it at home.

Life goes on.

When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown