A health, fitness, and weight-loss story.

6.23.2011

I'm DONE.

I did the 24-hour urine test. I just got back from delivering it to the hospital lab.

I hated, hated, hated doing this. I was in a foul mood all day yesterday.

1) What brainiac designed the toilet insert to collect the urine??? It has a tiny indentation to pour--only it doesn't work. The "liquid" does not stay in the indentation, it pours all over the sides. Mess, disgusting mess. I ended up using a disposable cup to collect so I didn't spill. And yes, I did spill and it ran down the outside of the collection container. OY.

2) What brainiac developed the container to store the "liquid"? It was so cheap, the lid didn't fit well. It was too tall to fit in my fridge, so I had to put it in at an angle, then stand it upright. Okay, do you see a problem here? Lid didn't fit/tip to get it in the fridge?

Yes, I spilled a tiny bit of urine in my fridge. Yes, I had a major meltdown over that. I was livid. Yes, I thoroughly sanitized my fridge, bitching the whole time.

That was absolutely revolting to me--plus you could smell urine in the fridge. I'm halfway tempted to throw out all our food; however, everything is sealed so it should be good, plus I intentionally timed this so there wasn't much in the fridge. Nothing got wet, except the paper towels that were on top of the plastic lining that I was storing the jug on. Gross, gross, gross.

3) I refuse to do this again. Ever. I know it's just pee, but it was one of the most disgusting, grossest things I've ever done. Never again. And I know darned well I will be doing it again. But I reserve the right to bitch whenever I feel like it--which is now.

I'm actually in a better mood today and trying to make fun of myself with this post. I was not happy yesterday and emailed my husband to let him know to stay far away from me. He was actually very supportive and didn't get on my last nerve when he got home, thankfully. He thought it was gross, too, and he could smell it.

Oh, and another thing--I had to run to the lab yesterday afternoon to get a second container. I drink 8-10 ounces of water an hour, per doctor's orders. They gave me a jug that holds about a half gallon of liquid. Um, that container was not big enough for the amount of water I drink. Next time I have to do this, and I refuse to ever do it again, I'm demanding two jugs from the get go. But I'm never doing it again.

Yup. I'm a baby. It's no big deal in the scheme of things, but it really repulses me, the thought of urine in my fridge where we keep our food. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

Thanks for allowing me to bitch. It's out of my system and now I can move on with things. It wasn't that bad, really. (Yes it was, it was awful.) It was just a pain to have to stay home all day by the toilet/fridge. Eww. Toilet and fridge should never be used in the same sentence. Ever.

Trying to be goofy and find my sense of humor.

Speaking of sense of humor, I found the funniest blog! It's got adult language, but last night a friend posted a link to it and I laughed so hard I cried. I want a big metal chicken. Here's the blog, and specifically the post that had me roaring.

6.20.2011

Getting "It" Together Part 2

If you've read my blog for awhile, you know I whine and complain about the kidney stone thing. Well, I was supposed to do that 24-hour urine test this past March. I have not done it. The doctor's office has called and left messages on my phone. I have not returned the phone calls.

I know--no lectures needed. I have been so pro-active with my health, but this just threw me for a loop. It put me into a depression the likes I have never seen before.

The food restrictions are the worst and I'm at the point where I'm getting on with life. I follow the rules pretty well, I do have occasional cheats and if I do have a cheat, I drink tons of water. It's been difficult saying goodbye to almonds--all nuts, All Bran, spinach, beans, soy, etc., etc., etc. I'm there, though.

So I'm feeling better emotionally and thinking I need to get this test done. I decided I'd do it this week sometime. My son is gone at camp and I won't worry about urine contaminating his food. I won't worry about him knocking over the urine container in the fridge. I'm still grossed out beyond words about having to store 24 hours' worth of urine in my fridge, but the cooler idea won't work because we figured the dogs would get into it. Anyway, right when I decided to get this done, I got a letter in the mail.

They used my full name. It reminded me of mom, when I was in deep trouble as a kid: the full name, including my middle name. All caps and bolded! lol Dr. X would like to see you on this date. You must complete the urine test two weeks prior. yada, yada, yada

I laughed. He's going to hunt me down and get me back in there come hell or high water.

I feel like a shmuck. I just don't mess around with my health. Trying to figure out why I did not do this test, I've come up with two conclusions. One, I needed to not think about the whole kidney stone business. I needed to put it out of my mind. It was excruciating for years, doctors blew me off, I had two unnecessary surgeries when a simple x-ray would have found the problem. Water under the bridge, but I think I was so upset about all that, that I didn't want to face it.

Two: Don't mess with my food. Actually, when discussing this with my husband, I used the F-bomb. I'm still struggling trying to find filling and nutritious foods to replace what I can no longer eat. The last words out of my doctor's mouth when I had the stent removed were this: Follow this diet, do the urine test, and then we'll make further modifications to your diet.

Damn it, I don't want *any* modifications. I was doing well. My blood work was great. I was full on fewer calories. Now I'm always hungry. I don't want to further modify anything. So it freaked me out. I buried my head in the sand.

Well, getting my shit together as I'm doing, I'm facing it head on. I'm not happy about it, I'm certain I'll have to make further adjustments because I can almost always feel my kidney which can't be right. It is what it is.

Time to put on the big-girl panties, face it, adjust, move on and get rid of the rest of this weight.

It's hard, but I will make it. One step at a time.

6.18.2011

Of Great Importance to Me

I need to get my shit together.

There, I said it. I typically do not swear online, but it's a HUGE reality. I need to regroup, get organized, and get going.

I've spent the better part of this year in a depression the likes of which I have never had before. Should have gone to the doctor, but I'm too stubborn for that. It's lifting now. I'm seeing things more clearly. Doesn't mean I'm cured by any means, but I'm better.

Exercise: Back on track with a vengeance. I feel my muscles tightening up again. I am sweaty, sweaty, sweaty! It is a great feeling to sort laundry and find sweat-soaked workout clothes. Exercise: Check.

Food: This is the biggie for me. I spent the last year not losing much at all. I even renamed the blog to The Tortoise. I measured everything, didn't cheat, and didn't lose. I went low-cal, higher cal, zig-zag: nada.

I think it's time for me to admit this: At this point I need to quit making family meals. I need to make "them" and "me" meals. I never wanted to do this, but I'm going to have to get drastic here and fend for myself. Lowest calorie biggest "full" bang I can find that I like. That does not always coincide with what my family likes.

I think I'm going to try to drop calories lower than I have. (And I'm *not* talking dangerously low at all.) I exercise hard, I average anywhere between 15,000 and 20,000+ steps a day. I move this body so I need some fuel.

The biggest thing I have to do is face this head on mentally. I've struggled so much lately with the whole bad mentality lately. Life was too hard there for awhile and I coasted along. No regrets about that AT ALL. I did what I had to do to get through. That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I have issues that I need to tackle, issues that I don't necessarily want to share here because they're too personal.

My health is too damned important to pussyfoot around anymore. I need to get this weight off. The weight probably caused the kidney stone issues to begin with. I don't know which came first, the insulin resistance or the weight, but having the weight in a healthy place will drastically improve the insulin resistance. And everything else.

It's time.

I'm getting my shit together.

6.15.2011

1985 Just Called

I have a fitness friend who loves to rebound like I do. She recommended a video from 1985. She even offered to mail it to me for me to borrow. It was so cheap on Amazon that I bought it instead. The video is Jump To It! The lovely Dan Finnegan and her sister Debbie Smith put this video out, and it screams 1985. The lead is dressed in the then-cute leotard with two different colored slouch socks, head band, and high-top shoes. The music is very 80s.

Today we call that cheese. Then it was cool. It doesn't bother me in the least because I lived through that era, and aside from having my son, the 80s were probably the best time of my life.

The workout itself kicked my butt from here to Sunday. I did preview it and she did a slow warm up, then a super long stretch. I did not do either of those. I do not believe in stretching at the beginning of a workout. It's a quirk of mine, but stretching comes at the end when your muscles are warm. Plus, why start, get your heart rate up, then stop to stretch?

Started with the workout and it was fast and furious. They were doing high kicks which I did not do. My heart rate skyrocketed within minutes. It was tough! I lost sight of the outfits and the 80s music quickly, I was just trying to keep up! The various routines varied in tempo, and thankfully some were easy, but others had me huffing and puffing.

This is a keeper. It boiled down to 30 minutes of pure butt-kicking cardio which I loved. I have a new goal to make it through this video completely without altering, slowing down, changing steps--that means keeping up on beat, doing those kicks. I think it may take me awhile!

It's fun to find things from the past.

And speaking of workouts, I am now on week 4 of my FIRM 90 Day Rotation. This is the longest I have ever gone on a rotation. I'm shocked. I am missing Cathe DVDs and Gin and step very much, but I'm loving my FIRMS and I keep reminding myself it won't last forever. As my fitness builds back up again, I know I'll be doing more doubles. I've done a few already, including today. So hopefully I can add in more step to this rotation as time goes. However, the rotation does get tougher as it goes along, so I'm in for a ride. I do believe I will make it through! I've always wanted to say, "I've done The FIRM's 90 Day Rotation!" I'll get to say that in 8 more weeks!!!

6.12.2011

The Truth

Discovered this lovely gem while reading online. Thought I'd share.

“The Truth”

“I will believe the truth about myself
no matter how beautiful it is:

I believe in my power
to transform indifference into love.
I believe I have an amazing gift
to keep hope alive in the face of despair.
I believe I have the remarkable skill
of deleting bitterness from my life.
I believe in my budding potential
to live with a nonviolent heart.
I believe in my passion to speak the truth
even when it isn’t popular.
I believe I have the strength of will
to be peace in a world of violence.
I believe in my miraculous capacity
for unconditional love.

I will believe the truth about myself
no matter how beautiful it is.”
~Macrina Wiederkehr
from “Seven Sacred Pauses, Living Mindfully Through the Hours of the Day”

6.08.2011

Self-Esteem ???

Someone very close to me told me today that "having no self-esteem makes me not pretty. I was also told I am always angry: angry at the world, my family and everything.

No time for me to respond to anything, but I will here.

There was a day when I had no self-esteem. It waivers some still today, but I'm pretty confident about how far I've come, my abilities and who I am. I would never, ever describe myself as someone who didn't have self esteem. I don't see myself in that light at all. I would describe myself as brutally honest, I know my strengths and weaknesses. The comment floored me and hurt me beyond words. So this person thinks I'm ugly because I have no self esteem. Wow--I just--I don't know what to say. That stung.

Anger.
Do I have anger? Sure.
Do I have joy? Sure.
Do I have love? Sure.
Do I have laughter? Sure.
Do I have trust? Well, I have issues with that one. I do with the two most important people in my life.
Do I have fear? Sure.
Do I have awe? Sure.
Do I have disappointment? Sure.

My point? I'm human. I'm not angry at the world. I'm not angry at everything. I'm not angry with my immediate family.

Dare I ever share a feeling, express my thoughts and this person will label me. This person doesn't listen when I'm happy, when I'm laughing, when I have joy. I do have all those.

Me thinks the problem is not with me. Me thinks the problem is that the person who accused me of having no self-esteem and being ugly and having anger has those problems his/her self. It's called PROJECTION.

I'm human, subject to error. I never claimed to be perfect. My feelings really got hurt today. Today I had sadness.

I am human.

6.03.2011

ABCDEFood

This is floating around blog-land, I thought it was cute, so I'm stealing copying it from Bonnie at Fat Be Gone. I just can't think of much to blog about lately!

A: is for Apple, what's your favorite variety?

Yummy, Red Delicious!

B: is for Bread, regardless of nutrition, calories, or whole grains what is your favorite type to have a nice big piece of?
Sourdough! Can't find good sourdough where we live, though. California Sourdough is the best. Olive Garden bread sticks would come in a close second.

C: is for Cereal what is your favorite kind currently (just one!)
Kellogg's Complete. I have had them almost every day since I was a small child and they were called 40% Bran Flakes. Guess what? They're on my no-eat and/or limited list now. This is tough!


D: is for Doughnuts, you might not currently be eating them but what kind do you fancy?
Back in the day when I ate them, I liked glazed or chocolate covered glazed. My son had a doughnut about a year ago and I took a nibble and it was horrid! I have no desire nor craving for doughnuts now at all. See, miracles do happen!


E: is for Eggs, how would you like yours prepared?
I love eggs! Scrambled, over easy, hard boiled, poached--they're a happy, healthy food!


F: is for Fat Free, what is your favorite fat free product?
I used to enjoy fat-free sliced cheese. It's really not good, so I quit eating it. The only fat-free product in my house now is fat free half and half and when it's gone, it's not being replaced.



G: is for Groceries, where do you purchase yours at?
We have three grocery stores in our small town and I shop at all three. The bulk of our groceries come from Wal-mart because it's cheaper. Meat comes from a very small chain that recently opened. Produce we prefer to get at stores other than Wal-mart.


H: is for Hot Beverages, what is your favorite hot drink?
Hands-down, Starbucks decaf coffee! YUM Wish we had a Starbucks here!


I: is for Ice Cream, pick a favorite flavor and add a fun topping.
I am not a big ice cream eater. Never really was. I do really enjoy a chocolate/vanilla twist from McDonald's on occasion, though.



J: is for Jams or Jellies, do you eat them, and if so what kind and flavor?
Grape.


K: is for Kashi, name your favorite Kashi product?
I have never tried a single Kashi product--nor will I. They have too many ingredients I can't eat now. :(


L: is for Lunch, what was yours today?
A mixed lettuce salad, a little shredded cabbage, tons of shredded carrots, 2% cottage cheese and a cheese stick.


M: is for microwave, what is your favorite microwave meal/snack?
In our home, microwaves are for heating food. I very rarely make microwave popcorn only not the bagged stuff, I use a microwave popper.


N: is for nutrients, do you like carbs, fats, or proteins best?
All of 'em. Carbs--I'm addicted to carbs, but working on it.


O: is for oil, what kind do you like to use?
Extra virgin olive oil. We do have canola oil on hand, but it's all about the olive oil.


P: is for protein, how do you get yours?
Sparingly. I have to eat a low-protein diet. I enjoy tuna, all kinds of beef, chicken breasts and eggs. I can only have 3 ounces of any meat twice a day, though. Darned purine.


Q: is for Quaker, how do you like your oats?
Regular Quaker oatmeal, not the quick stuff.


R: is for roasting, what is your favorite thing to roast?
Beef!


S: is for sandwich, what’s your favorite kind?
Yum, Subway's roast beef! Have to plan it, though, due to high sodium.


T: is for travel, how do you handle eating while traveling?
Since the kidney stone business, I haven't traveled overnight. I will probably take a bunch of food with me in a cooler and hit a grocery store upon arrival. Plan eating out very carefully.


U: is for unique, what is one of your weirdest food combos?
I can't think of anything too weird. My mom used to like mashed potato and mustard sandwiches, though!


V: is for vitamins, what kind do you take?
I take a multi-vitamin and fish oil daily.


W: is for wasabi, yay or nay?
I don't know what it is! I think it's a hot Japanese sauce, in which case NO WAY! lol


X: is for X-RAY. If we x-rayed your belly right now, what food would we see?
Probably just water. It was egg night, but I'm sure it's digested by now--that was hours ago.


Y: is for youth, what food reminds you of your childhood?
Drawing a complete blank. I guess we used to eat Pringles out of the can a lot.


Z: is for zucchini, how do you prepare it?
I used to put it in spaghetti sauce, but I don't each much pasta now...will have to come up with some new recipes for it.