Menstruation

Oh boy, that title will make the men run!

Names I know for menstruation:

Period, on the rag, the curse, Aunt Flo, Uncle TOM, the monthlies, out of commission, the butcher, the monthly gift, crimson wave, that time of the month, monthly girlfriend, I'm broken, my friend is visiting, the scarlet letter, women troubles, women problems, not a good time, the cycle, on my cycle, red tide, and a generic man's name. For some reason growing up, we, meaning my friends and female family members, all chose a man's name for our monthlies.

I'd like to add one to that: hell on earth.

A couple of years ago, Always came out with their Have a Happy Period campaign. The first time I saw a commercial, it made my blood boil. Not long after that, a brilliant woman wrote a letter to Proctor and Gamble. If you haven't seen that letter, you can read it here.

As much as I hate the stupid Happy Period bit, I still use Always. If I were to use a Diva cup, I know that my cup would runneth over. For one fleeting moment, I thought about making my own re-usable sanitary pads. The eww factor kicked in high gear, so it really was a fleeting moment that I entertained that idea.

A lot of people are offended by the term on the rag. I'm not. When my mom was a child, that' s what they used, rags. In my 4th grade for girls only health class, we learned all about this stuff. I remember well we were studying the Indians native to Wyoming at the time. Another girl and I got the giggles, and I raised my had with a question: What did they use? The whole class burst out in laughter because everyone was thinking the same thing. The nurse, without batting an eye, answered: Dry leaves. Today, with more life experience and being more politically correct, I do wonder what people of past and ancient times used--but not enough to research it.

My aunt told me a story about my mom once. My grandmother was not very nice to mom when she was growing up. Every Christmas my mom received one Christmas gift from her parents. Somewhere in her teen years, my mom's one gift was a Kotex belt. Wow, what a sweet mother--not. I do know that my mom had to buy her own pads with her own money or else use rags. She told me that story many times. Can you imagine?

My mother gave me the talk before I had that 4th grade health class, the class where the windows were covered with butcher paper and the boys were trying to peek in. For that, I was glad. My mom gave me my own belt, showed me where the Kotex were kept, and read to me the sweet little coming of age book.

A year later, in the 5th grade, I experienced my first period. I told mom, got that belt and pad out, and mom called me in sick. I was horrified by the experience. How embarrassing. The worst part was we had a basketball game after school that day, I was the star center, and she wanted me to miss. After begging and pleading, mom let me go. I had to wear red pants. Good grief!

That game was quite the experience. Have you ever played basketball with a 2x4 in between your legs? That's exactly what that big, thick pad stuck into a belt felt like. Yuck.

I don't remember when adhesive pads came out, but they were wonderful. Growing up we always called them Kotex, because mom did, but now I call them pads. Have you ever heard the joke about the woman who had an insurance man sitting at her kitchen table and she asked her son to go get her a pad, and he came running back with a maxi-pad instead of a notepad? The whole subject is more open now than when I was a kid.

My sweet hubby has no problem whatsoever picking up pads for me at the grocery store. He even knows my preferred brand and to get super absorbency. lol

I was ten years old when the curse came to visit me. I will be 44 on Saturday. Thirty-four years of the curse. Wow, makes me feel old. From day 1 I have been plagued by cramps, heavy flow, clotting and misery. Back then Ibuprofen was not over the counter and Tylenol and Aspirin did nothing. Mom wouldn't buy Midol, perhaps it was too expensive. I don't know her reason. Thankfully Ibuprofen came on the market, and it worked fairly well with the pain most of the time.

This morning my period started. Man, am I brutally honest here on this blog. I wouldn't say that to anyone in real life. Anyway, I remembered my discussion with my new OBGYN and before I had any pain, I popped 800mg of Ibuprofen. I will do so around the clock. He told me this should prevent my uterus from spasming, which is what causes me so much pain. I used to just wait until the cramps started.

This should be the last bad period I ever experience. That just blows my mind. I think God was watching out for me, because I was expecting it to start this weekend, while I'll be away. Instead I'll be home where I can experience the heavy flow and misery due to the fibroids. By the time I leave to pick up my son, the worst will be over.

The procedure I'm having, an ablation, stops flow altogether in 50% of women. The other 50% have very light bleeding. With no flow or light flow, there is no reason for the uterus to spasm. The doc is going to "dig out" the fibroids, so there will be no more irritation and clotting.

I cannot imagine a life with no monthly pain. I cannot imagine not going through an entire package of Always Super each month. I am very excited about that part. Very hopeful. I'm still not looking forward to the surgery part at all, but I am excited.

So to Always--yes, this will be a happy period. The last one. The last miserable period, and that makes me happy.

I do know that my hormones will be the same, and I will have to figure something out about that. That anxiety I experienced Monday, missing my son so bad--it could have been because I was in tune with him, or it could have been the anxiety I get before every period. I think it was the later. I did take two Xanax this week. I do with every period. So I'm half-way there.

The relief of not experiencing the monthly pain from here on out will probably do a lot of good for my mental status. I just dread knowing I'll be out of commission for two days every month due to pain, due to the fact the Ibuprofen doesn't take it all away.

So today I'm hopeful. I will have a happy period. I can't believe the last of 34 years--wow.