I'm Back

Tuesday, when I decided to take a break, was a bad day. My son and I had decided to clean out the garage once and for all--it is a disgusting pit. So we set up tables, took everything off shelves, made a garbage pile, moved saws, drills, etc., and were going to conquer it. I figured we'd have the rest of the week, and hubby would be forced to join in because it's his stuff being organized. He just needed the push and the help.

Well, that afternoon after we had completely moved everything around, he called and said, "Guess what, I'm out of town the rest of the week." I was deflated. The garage was in a sorrier state than before we started. We came in the house, my son knocked over and broke a brand-new drinking glass which sent shattered glass everywhere, along with Coke Zero. I was about in tears.

We got that cleaned up, I called hubby and asked if he would help put everything back in the garage because I didn't have the energy to move things around. That night we spent about an hour in the garage, and in that short hour, made a huge dent in its appearance. So it wasn't so bad after all.

I just felt like I needed a break from things, so I decided to not read blogs and not write. What I discovered is that I spend far too much time on the computer. And the really time-consuming part is commenting on blogs. I really bantered back and forth in my head: If I don't comment as much, I'll have more time. Yet, the support I receive from comments is very helpful to me--and I like to give back what I give. Oh, I played this around in my mind, feeling terribly guilty, but knowing...I just can't comment anymore like I have been. I can read blogs, but I am going to have to be selective with comments.

When our school starts up again, it takes a lot of time. I have snippets of time to hop online during the day, but I won't have the time like I had this summer. School comes first, my house needs cleaned, laundry needs done, the dogs need to be played with and exercised, my son needs driven to places, I need to exercise...something has to give.

I feel guilty. I really believe that you get what you give. Yet, there are only so many hours in a day. So I'll still comment, but not like I have been. I don't like it, but it's the best I can do.

My son and I rented 12 movies on Tuesday. We've been watching, laughing, and enjoying. I only rented two that I wanted to see, Twilight and Benjamin Button. Haven't watched Twilight yet, but we watched Benjamin Button last night. That movie touched me beyond what I had expected. Perhaps it's because I have a son who is "different"--I hate to attach any labels to my wonderful boy, but he is not a "typical" child. He has some medical issues, plus he is gifted with learning disabilities, which makes his road a bit tougher. I wept like a baby when the movie ended.

One final note, I felt very weird yesterday and today. I kept thinking it was my heart, and I felt light-headed. Just a bit. Not enough to stop me from doing things, but enough that I was very aware of it. This afternoon it hit me like a ton of bricks: Perhaps this is anxiety? So I took a Xanax. Lo and behold, all the weird feelings went away. We snuggled up and watched a movie, I fell asleep, and I was back to normal. Why? I am usually very aware of when I'm having anxiety issues, but this was just different. I think with hubby out of town, that might have prompted it. He is my rock, and when he's around, I am usually okay. He was amazed that I didn't recognize it.

He is home, safe and sound, all is well in my world.