I Bought a Girdle

Yesterday when I was reading blogs, I laughed out loud when I read Tena's blog. She wrote a post titled It's Still a Girdle. Amen sister, call it what it is!

I bought myself one pair of pants and four new tops along with my pajama bottoms. The shirts were all size 18/20. Gee, the last time I was in that size range, I don't remember clothing sizes being slashed like that. I was thrilled to buy a top with the number 18 on it. My pants were size 20.

The only problem was that I could not button the last button--the part around my spare tire. I didn't want to buy bigger-sized shirts as I know I'm shrinking, so I bought them all anyway.

When we walked into JCPenney, I headed for the lingerie section. I carefully scouted out a clerk that was older and more my size. The cute skinny clerk came up to me and asked if she could help me as I was making a bee-line to the clerk I wanted, so I said thanks, I'm just looking. It wasn't a lie because I was just looking for a clerk I'd feel comfortable with.

I then went up to the "like me" clerk and she was very friendly and helpful. I explained I was in the process of losing weight, that I had just bought four shirts but couldn't button the last button--or could button it, but was afraid it would pop. I was about to ask for the "girdle" section when she beat me to it. She said, "You need a cincher."

She took me to the cinchers. Oh my. I had no idea what a cincher was. I looked at the thing, with a million hooks like bra hooks, and thought: NO WAY. The largest size she had was a 2X. I knew that wouldn't work, as that area is bigger and out of proportion to the rest of me. I was right, it did not work. I also asked her about Spanx, as I've read a lot about them.

JCPenney's carries Flexees, which are like Spanx. She handed me an XL, and I asked if she had a 2X. She did. I tried both. I could wear the XL, but it was so tight I feared I wouldn't be able to breathe and worse, I feared I would split the seams on the thing. The 2X was snug and believe it or not, it actually felt good on me.

I hope that JCPenney's did not have security people watching me try on clothes. I would have had them rolling with laughter. When I had the 2X Flexees on, I couldn't see that it cinched me in. I would focus on my gut, line it up with the crack in the door in my line of sight, then I'd pull it down fast so I could see a difference. I did it about 10 times. Kind of like a before/after of someone sucking their gut in. Even I was laughing at myself. I wasn't sure, couldn't see a difference, but I bought it anyway.

So as Tena stated, call it what you will: Spanx, supportive undergarment, whatever, it's still a flippin' girdle. Thankfully it's not the rubbery, weird smelling version that my skinny mother wore in the late 60s.

When we got home, I tried on all my clothes for hubby. The first thing I did was put on my Flexees, then my pants, and then the shirts. Guess what? It worked! It cinched me just enough to get that last button buttoned.

I debated posting this. Who in their right mind wants to admit they bought a girdle? The thing is, I get so much help reading others' blogs, that maybe someone else out there has the same last-button problem that I did. The garment actually felt good. Who woulda thunk it?

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In that department, I also had a NSV. As I was walking into the changing room to try these things on, an older clerk, in front of customers!!!, said, "Oh, you're trying on our torture devices." I was not pleased that she did that. It was embarrassing enough that I was doing it, but I didn't need it announced. I had folded the things up to try to get in there discretely. So I turned the situation around.

I turned to her and said, "Yes, I am. You see, I have lost almost 45 pounds and I bought some new clothes today. I fit into a size 18/20 but my tummy isn't catching up with the rest of my body and I couldn't button the bottom button. So instead of buying clothing too big for me, and knowing I am going to continue to lose weight, I thought I might try these Spanx."

How's that for bringing a little glory to myself? I could have fumed, turned beet red, and sulked. I could have said nothing. Instead, I celebrated my victory. The clerk got very excited! She congratulated me. I noticed the customers she was helping smiled. (Two middle-aged women like me, but thinner.) She looked me up and down and then said: I want to know how you're doing it, because you are firm! You look good. I smiled, said Weight Watchers, and went into the dressing room.

She may have been placating me, I don't know. My husband told me that I do look pretty firm--more so than I did at my highest. Instead of getting upset--well, it did upset me that she said that out loud--I handled the situation. Six months ago that would have had me running down the mall to find the nearest cinnamon roll I could find. Monday, I was assertive and stood up for myself, and did it in a nice manner.