Too Quiet

I've been too quite this week.

A heartfelt thank you for all the comments on my last post. I read every one several times. The support makes all the difference in the world.

I had an emotional week. Right after I posted my photos, I looked at my blog page. I scrolled up and down, up and down. I was in disbelief. I wept. In fact, I stayed up way late that night with tears streaming down my face.

I'm too close to myself. I always wondered why bloggers couldn't see their losses that were as plain as day! I mean looking at photos it's always so obvious. However, being too close to myself, I fell into that trap. I knew I had lost inches--I knew it, I saw it in my clothes, and I could feel it on my body. However, when I look in the mirror, especially with no clothes on, I saw FAT. I didn't see it. With clothes on, I still was seeing the fat.

Yes, there's still a lot of fat there. Yet I think I had forgotten how big I was. I just know the now. While looking at the photos that night, I remembered. So many things came to my mind such as sitting and having the weight of that big belly on my thighs. It was so uncomfortable. I still have a belly that is too large, and I can sometimes feel it on my legs depending on how I'm sitting, but gone is that heavy weight. The photos also reminded me of how I used to bend over. One leg had to go out straight or to the side, then I'd bend. Had to do that to make room for the belly. Now I just bend.

It was a very emotional week for me. It opened my eyes, I felt great, and full of pride in my hard work.


Toward the end of the week I saw my new doctor. I liked him well enough. He took the time to listen to what I had to say, although I don't know that I got across how bad the pain has been. He wants to try me on no estrogen birth control pills for a few months to get me to quit ovulating. He thinks that the issues are all surrounding my right ovary. I won't go into the details and bore everyone more than I already have. I'm not thrilled with birth control pills, to be honest. I'm scared to death I'll have a weight gain--even though they have no estrogen. I gained a lot the few times I've been on them years ago. I'll give it a try.

Nothing for pain. Grr. He told me to take Aleve. Well, Ibuprofen and Aleve do nothing. So hopefully the pills will kick in.

If the birth control pills do not work, I'll have the ovary removed. Just that ovary. He also wants me to have a tubal, even though I assured him that was not necessary.

I will say this: He started off great. He noticed my weight loss and congratulated me on my 30-pound loss. LMAO!!! I kept telling him it was 69 pounds (as of that morning) and he kept saying 30. He's going by the chart, but I didn't start seeing this doctor until June of last year. So of course he's not going to see a higher weight. Those other 39 pounds lost wanted me to fight for them, so I did. He asked me what I was doing, what my goal was, and to keep up the great work. My doctor never mentions my weight at all. She's morbidly obese herself, which I think is why. Her nurse does, though. I understand that and I'm not looking for kudos from her--just good medical care. It was nice that he brought it up, though.

And finally, my pulse--when I was nervous about the exam--was 64! The nurse took it for the whole minute, none of that 10 seconds multiplied by 6. 64! WOWSER! It was in the 80s when I started. My heart loves what I'm doing!!

So now it's time to go into weekend mode: do laundry, clean the house, finish the errands I've been running, so it can start all over on Monday. Had a great workout this morning and am planning on weights tonight. Pain's been light today, which is great.

Hope everyone has a good weekend.