Friday Night Blues

My body is swollen and puffy. I'm up a few pounds--it's water, I have not cheated on my food. I have had one hell of a bad week. Still hurting. Today as I was doing laundry, I was bringing a basket up the stairs and I normally stack it on my side--that hurt. Halfway up the stairs I had to stop to rest, because with every step up I had pain.

This sucks.

This is not like cramps, this is very intense, double-me-over pain. It shoots. Sometimes it's just a major pain in the neck, but other times it's really bad--like this week.

This week stupid (me) also pulled a dumb stunt. (No, I'm not stupid unless I do something stupid.) One night that I couldn't sleep, I took my computer into the living room, sat it on my Transfirmer which is 14 inches high, and I cleaned my hard drive. I was clicking for a couple hours. My right hand was at a weird angle. The next morning I could not bend my hand and it was throbbing and swollen. I wore my wrist brace and that helped a lot. That night, Stupid (yeah, I was stupid again) wore the wrist brace to bed. The following morning, I woke up in extreme pain. My thumb. I couldn't move it at all. Took the brace off, poured myself a cup of coffee, took some Motrin, rested my thumb on the coffee cup. After a few minutes I could make mini circles with my thumb. Later in the day, all was well.

Ahem. It's one thing to have something going on (the lower-right quadrant pain) that I have no control over. It's a completely different ball game when I do stupid things to myself! In the words of Red Foreman, "Dumb Ass!" lol I'm laughing now, but sheesh. My hand is much better today, only slightly swollen.

I need to make a decision. I just completed 30 days of my "mini-pill" that I was prescribed. Do I try another month on the pill to see if we can get the ovulation stopped, or do I call the doctor next week and tell him I'm in pain again. He told me to call if I was in pain.

Thing is, I can't say why right now, but I won't be able to have surgery until April. (I'll share why in April.) So I'm torn on what to do.

I have not exercised all week. Hubby suggested I take the dogs for a walk. I explained I can't--one tug of a border collie will engage my core and I'll be doubling over. I have to stop and lean on the grocery cart when at Wal-Mart because this really takes every drop of energy I have.

I am just SO MAD. This is messing up my life so much. I just want to scream, punch the punching bag, and have a major temper tantrum. Other times I just want to cry with frustration. It hurts, damn it! There...mini tantrum.

Such is life. We have ups and downs. I miss working out. It has become a part of me like brushing my teeth. It feels so wrong when I can't. I feel so off. I'm still feeling very toxic--and that shows with my swelling. I have no idea what that is about or how that happened. I have slept more this week--reminds me of when I was at my highest weight. I slept then because I had to--I was so exhausted. That's how I've felt this week.

Shoot, this week anything that required reaching up or bending over I asked my son to do. I have gone about my daily grind, but not with as much gusto. Today I called a sick day with school. My son was very happy--he curled up on the couch and read some physics books all day long. I paid bills, worked on laundry, and tried my hardest to relax. It did help my spirits considerably. Of course I took a long nap as well.

And through it all, I must say my eating has been routine. The stress has not done me in. I still weigh everything I eat, I still watch my protein/fat and carbs. That's become routine. Triumph there. I'm not even craving things (chocolate) like I used to when stressed out. I have been very stressed. So I guess there really is a bright side.

I hate writing whiny posts, I really do--but this is my blog, my story--and this part of my health is a very important part of my journey. It's as important as the victories. We all struggle, we all have something going on--and I know I get so inspired when I read how well people do through their struggles. I'm not doing that well emotionally--I'm so frustrated--but the food is good.

Health is very important. This just reiterates that point. It sucks to be 44 years old and stopping in Wal-mart to rest--I feel like an old woman. Yes, I pretend to read a label on something, but in reality I am mortified.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend full of sunshine.