Monday Morning Weigh-In

Well, I stayed the same. No gain, no loss.
~~~

I had a hot flash last night. I got out of bed, stuck my head in the freezer, and then applied an ice pack to my forehead. It felt so much better. I also pulled the only book on menopause I own off the bookshelf: The Wisdom of Menopause by Christiane Northrup. I read for a bit, then I did some reading online.

What I've learned and none of my doctors have ever mentioned is that during periomenopause, anxiety and panic attacks are common. They have given me the evil eye when I've mentioned the majority of my panic attacks occur right before or during a period. I'm not looking to them for validation anymore. I know my body.

I have also developed a reaction, of sorts, to caffeine. Some of my worst panic attacks occurred after consuming caffeine. While DH was in Germany, we had a Subway. I got a large Diet Pepsi. Almost immediately after drinking it, my heart rate shot up,I felt a panic attack coming on, I felt like sideways and going to fall over. I actually put my heart rate monitor on during that and my heart rate was high 80s to low 90s for a few hours. That was when I completely gave up caffeine.

Or so I thought. I switched from half-caf coffee to decaf. Little did I know that decaf does have caffeine. I use Folgers and for a shot of dark and heavy, I use a scoop of Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts decaf. One scoop. Well, those two brand are high in caffeine for decaf coffee. I will be switching to Folgers Instant Decaf (cough, cough, sputter) until I can get off coffee altogether. I really enjoy coffee, which sucks. Never liked any tea I have ever tried. The instant decaf is 99.7% caffeine free--which means it still has some caffeine, but much less than I'm used to.

Yesterday morning there was a pot of half caf. Instead of DH pouring his coffee in a thermos as he's kind enough to do for me, I poured myself a cup. I had a reaction. I felt as if I was going to fall out of the shower. Dizzy, light-headed, nasty headache, and what I always though of as a full-blown panic attack. I took a Xanax and laid down and slept. That feeling was with me all day. Ate, drank tons and tons to flush my system, but it didn't go away.

So what I've learned is caffeine is bad, bad, bad for me. No more Starbucks, which makes me want to cry. Yet, I'd much prefer to never have a reaction like that. I'll just have to find something else to drink that is caffeine free and warm. Warm water, anyone? lol

And so it goes.

And on a final note, I have one more revelation this weekend. After reading a bit about menopause, periomenopause, etc., I can't help but wonder if my slow weight loss is a direct result of my ever-changing hormones. I've always known to my core that my hormones were completely out of whack--now I'm wondering if that hasn't affected the weight loss. Really, I hardly ever cheat, I weigh everything that goes in my mouth, I work out when my body says it's okay--scientifically I should be losing at a better rate. This past week I dropped caloric intake on the days I did not work out. Still a zero. No cheating. So it's really something for me to consider. Again, I won't be asking my doctors that question as I know they'll roll their eyes and give me the evil eye again. I don't need their validation on that, though.

It kind of changed my perspective. I have faced adversity on this journey. While I don't mind moaning and whining about it, I don't like admitting the very fact that this has been a struggle health wise. And the most amazing thing of all is I have not let it stop me. I keep going. I am pretty FFT. And if you don't know what FFT is, think back to the move Terms of Endearment, it was a phrase Shirley MacClaine used when she was describing her new relationship.