I was in bed, couldn't sleep, got up and ate. I am now 240 calories over for the day. I only burnt 321 with my workout today. Not cool. Didn't I just write it's just food? In all fairness, my stomach was grumbling. Excuses, excuses. I don't do this often, thankfully, but I'm not happy with myself.
Feeling very frustrated tonight. I am not where i should be weight wise. I should have lost much more by now. Is my health problem stalling things? I know the pain is wearing me down. I hate whining about that all the time, but it is very real.
Talked to hubby on the phone tonight. He's been out of town all week and will be home tomorrow. He asked me about my pain. Well, yeah, it's still here. When I do a cardio, I pick very carefully what I will do. I go for high calorie burners. Yesterday and today both I did a cardio and burnt in the low 300s. That tells me how I'm feeling, because typically I'll burn 450ish. But...at least I worked out.
This has been a bad month pain wise. I just looked at my workout calendar on my blog and I'm actually proud that I was able to work out so much. My heart rate monitor watch beeps at me each week that I'm not hitting my target, and I smile back and think it's a miracle I did what I did.
I want so much more than this. I want to be athletic. I want my body to cooperate. sigh
I don't have a lot of energy. This whole business has been very draining. i just wrote about losing that zest and I really want it back. I need to dig deep to find it, it's crucial.
I will find it--hopefully sooner than later. Only a couple weeks to go until my surgery. I hope to hell that he can find what's causing the pain and fix it. I think every bit of energy I have right now is on that--meditating, praying, projecting health, visualizing, etc.
I hate being such a downer all the time.
Many a day I was too heavy to workout-
ReplyDeleteso i did the bouncer/rebounder sitting down.
and just light stretching - "sittersize!" style.
We might not all be 100% on fire all the time.
But that's good - as we are all learning to be
just regular people with ups and downs.
Kinda learn as we go!
Hugs! You are doing great Jo. Don't put yourself down thinking you should be farther along with weight loss. All that does is set you up to put you back on the wrong path. Stay focused on the goal and focus on maintaining until your surgery. After you recover, I know you'll get your zest back and be ready (and able) to do they things you dream of!
ReplyDeleteThere are many of us in the doldrums lately...keeping on our toes is tiring work.
ReplyDeleteYou're not a downer my friend. You're one of us, and none of us are perfect. You have more strength and determination in you than 95% of everyone else around. The pain you're dealing with is horrible, I hope and pray you find relief. Thinking of you this morning.
ReplyDeleteBack to that second sentence---Listen, you've made some incredible mental changes---and that's bigger, more important, than anything you could possibly do with food and exercise. Jo, some of these changes are the kind that you just can't take back...and nobody, not anything, can take them from you. I wish you recovery, peace, and comfort in the knowledge that this time is truly different than any other. Try to smile today---even if you don't really feel like it---because your strength and perseverance makes me smile. I'm feeling it.
My best always
Sean
You have a right to be down. You are in pain. I hope your surgery takes care of that so you can feel better in every way.
ReplyDeleteLook at your sidebar my dear..I see a beautiful woman who has been acheiving her dream, consistantly losing weight and posting weekly about it..I see a woman who through home adversities has carved out a schedule for herself. I see a woman who in the beginning did not take care of herself, but others first. She changed that. She takes care of herself first and makes her health a priority. And in doing so her son and husband has followed suit. I see a woman who continues to shine and shows me by example that I too can do this. I love you my friend. Stop being so hard on yourself. Love yourself a little more. I know you will get past this. ((((((JO))))))
ReplyDeleteI am impressed by your motivation despite the pain! I hope the pain eases up until surgery date. You are doing fantastic despite the pain :(
ReplyDelete