I don't want to share this, but I have decided I have to keep my blog going which means sharing my journey. I do go back and read it from time to time and it's nice to have the history there--the good, the bad and the indifferent.
The pain, the very pain that was so severe from January to June, relieved by surgery in June, is back. It's back, it's angry, and I'm miserable.
It's been rearing its ugly head here and there. About a month or so ago we went on a 3-mile family walk. It was so severe that DH actually offered to go home and get the car. I had too much pride for that, but I was crying and he even had to take the leash to my Pippy Pup.
It's been there a few times but it left shortly so I was hopeful. Well, Wednesday it came and has not left. I broke down and cried this afternoon. I told hubby that I just cannot deal with this. I can't. It will break me. I'm cracking.
I'm so upset, so depressed, and miserable. I can't do my workouts--that's awful! I can't bend over, I can't lift my right leg--a knee lift. Can't clean the bath tub, or empty trash cans. Yesterday I was able to vacuum some of the floors. It's frustrating to not be able to do normal day-to-day thing. I can do dishes.
Zero energy. It just sucks the life right out of me. I lie down A LOT. I hate lying down,I'm an active person now. Tonight I actually watched 1 1/2 hours of TV without getting up! Aside from NCIS, I just don't watch TV. And when I watch NCIS, I march in place.
This sucks. Have not called the doctor yet. I'm dreading it. I'm dreading the "wait and see," the lack of compassion for the pain. I'm not asking for meds, because frankly, they don't work. I took a left over pain pill from my surgery yesterday. I think it was Vicodin. It numbed the pain but didn't take it away. I hate the feeling of being drugged up, so why bother.
So I'm trying to be proactive, drop the inflammation in my body, watch my blood sugar spikes--today was great!, continue to move. Believe it or not, I managed to get 12,000 steps in. Each and every step had pain with it and I didn't want to take it, but I DID IT. I did it for me.
So I'm very sad, scared and frustrated right now.
That's life.
Believe it or not, I forgot to weigh in this morning. That says something as I'm a daily weigher.
This just sucks.
I am really sorry you're going through this. As bad as it seems (and feels), know that it is possible to lose weight even without exercise. It's harder, for sure, but if you can stay in control of your eating you can get through. I hope you find something to ease your pain :(
ReplyDeleteHugs, hugs, and more hugs! I am so sorry you are feeling bad. Can you see another doctor? Perhaps someone else can help in a way no one has thought of yet? I don't know, just throwing it out there. I hate to hear that you are in pain again. Chronic pain is no way to live. Hope you can find some relief.
ReplyDeleteI'm praying that things get better for you soon. Hang in there and keep the faith that better pain-free days are ahead.
ReplyDeleteChronic pain is no way to live. Dieting/exercise is hard enough when you are entirely healthy. Do what Lynn said and keep your diet under control and move as much as you possibly can.
ReplyDeleteOh Jo, I am so sorry that your pain is back again! That is beyond sucky. PLEASE go back to the doctor and demand help. Change doctors if necessary, but don't just try to live in this kind of pain.
ReplyDeleteIf you're stuck on the couch, do kegels! Yes, it is weird and sorta TMI, but I hear it is actually quite a tummy workout! :)
Or, can you just use arm weights while your sitting down? I don't know, just little things like that to keep you from feeling crazy about missing workouts. Me? I'd just shrug it off, but it is what makes you the happiest, so try to do tiny things that will (if nothing else) make you feel MENTALLY better. ;)
Hang in there...this too WILL pass! Email if you want to talk...
Jo - giant hugs to you. My advice - get a new doctor. If you aren't getting the relief you need from this one, it is time to get a new one.
ReplyDeleteI read today's post and am so glad that you are feeling relief....just had to say though: the sheer willpower you have by getting in 12,000 steps while being in that much pain is astounding. Your strength is amazing. Will hope tomorrow continues to bring more relief.
ReplyDelete