Why is it that in my quest for better health, my health has taken a nose dive?
Tonight I feel old, achy, and I hurt. Kidney stones, fibroids, ovarian cysts, adhesions, pain, two surgeries, yada, yada, yada. The last few months (years!) have taken a toll on me. I am worn out. I am physically and mentally exhausted.
This stinks.
I will not give up.
My mom used to phoo-phoo the term survivor. She said everyone survives or else they die. She said she prevailed. Yes, I like that. Mom's been gone nearly 18 years, but I still hold her near and dear. Mom prevailed over many things, but died at 59 way too young. She was always ill.
I will prevail.
Damn, why does it have to be so hard?
Another "episode" tonight that had me bawling so hard my chin was shaking and wouldn't stop. I ended up in my bed in some weird position which looked crazy. I practiced deep breathing. Finally it stopped as suddenly as it came on. Then I just ached. Again.
It is so hard to keep a chipper, positive attitude. I do have hope, though. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully.
I managed to break 10,000 steps today. For that, I am very proud. No workout, just getting up and moving every so often. It helps physically and mentally.
Thursday can't come soon enough.
maybe you could convince them to get rid of your kidney stones and your uterus at the same time???
ReplyDeleteCouldn't hurt.
I hope you feel better soon!
Dang, Jo. I'm sorry. I really am. And I feel helpless. Nothing I can do to help you. Except be there if you want to talk.
ReplyDeleteYou are going to be a superhero when you overcome all of this. You are a very strong woman. May have to get pushy with the doctors about getting some things done.
((HUGS))
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ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, Jo. I do know how you feel. I've been in your boat and I sank. (I'm pretty sure we've talked about this before, I had 8 (or 9?) major surgeries in 3 years, ovarian cysts, ovarian rupture, hysterectomy, adhesions, etc. etc.) The pain wore me down and the frequent short stretches of bed rest ate away my muscles. Like you, my health struggles began once I'd lost 140 pounds.
ReplyDeleteAll I can tell you is do not give up. I gave up. There was never a conscious decision made, but I slowly lost my grip and quickly gained it all back. You'll do better. Stay present and aware every single day no matter how worn down and disgusted you get with the whole situation.
Pain is a bastard coated bastard with a gooey bastard center and it WILL take you down if you let it. So don't. Let my big fat butt serve as motivation. Don't let this happen to you, sweetie.
So sorry that as you have lost weight, these health struggles have arisen. Isn't there something they can do to get rid of your stones?
ReplyDeleteYou have been through so much. Here's hoping that all this clears up as you lose weight and get healthier. Do what your mom said: prevail. I lost my mom too young too (52). She would have loved "prevail."
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry sweetie!! :)
ReplyDeleteI hope you are feeling better soon!
I am sooooo sorry to hear how much pain you are in. Hugs!
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