Getting "It" Together Part 2

If you've read my blog for awhile, you know I whine and complain about the kidney stone thing. Well, I was supposed to do that 24-hour urine test this past March. I have not done it. The doctor's office has called and left messages on my phone. I have not returned the phone calls.

I know--no lectures needed. I have been so pro-active with my health, but this just threw me for a loop. It put me into a depression the likes I have never seen before.

The food restrictions are the worst and I'm at the point where I'm getting on with life. I follow the rules pretty well, I do have occasional cheats and if I do have a cheat, I drink tons of water. It's been difficult saying goodbye to almonds--all nuts, All Bran, spinach, beans, soy, etc., etc., etc. I'm there, though.

So I'm feeling better emotionally and thinking I need to get this test done. I decided I'd do it this week sometime. My son is gone at camp and I won't worry about urine contaminating his food. I won't worry about him knocking over the urine container in the fridge. I'm still grossed out beyond words about having to store 24 hours' worth of urine in my fridge, but the cooler idea won't work because we figured the dogs would get into it. Anyway, right when I decided to get this done, I got a letter in the mail.

They used my full name. It reminded me of mom, when I was in deep trouble as a kid: the full name, including my middle name. All caps and bolded! lol Dr. X would like to see you on this date. You must complete the urine test two weeks prior. yada, yada, yada

I laughed. He's going to hunt me down and get me back in there come hell or high water.

I feel like a shmuck. I just don't mess around with my health. Trying to figure out why I did not do this test, I've come up with two conclusions. One, I needed to not think about the whole kidney stone business. I needed to put it out of my mind. It was excruciating for years, doctors blew me off, I had two unnecessary surgeries when a simple x-ray would have found the problem. Water under the bridge, but I think I was so upset about all that, that I didn't want to face it.

Two: Don't mess with my food. Actually, when discussing this with my husband, I used the F-bomb. I'm still struggling trying to find filling and nutritious foods to replace what I can no longer eat. The last words out of my doctor's mouth when I had the stent removed were this: Follow this diet, do the urine test, and then we'll make further modifications to your diet.

Damn it, I don't want *any* modifications. I was doing well. My blood work was great. I was full on fewer calories. Now I'm always hungry. I don't want to further modify anything. So it freaked me out. I buried my head in the sand.

Well, getting my shit together as I'm doing, I'm facing it head on. I'm not happy about it, I'm certain I'll have to make further adjustments because I can almost always feel my kidney which can't be right. It is what it is.

Time to put on the big-girl panties, face it, adjust, move on and get rid of the rest of this weight.

It's hard, but I will make it. One step at a time.