Chaos Central

It's been too long since I blogged.

I've been in a lot of emotional pain. Depression really bad again.  I went to the doctor, tried another anti-depressant and he said he wanted me to see a therapist.  Grrrrrrr.  I'd gone to a few counselors in the past and it was a waste of time. However, I was hurting SO bad I went last week.

Diagnosos:  PSTD, post traumatic stress disorder and Acute Stress Disorder.  Three people involved, but one did the extreme damage.

Lovely.  I think that's why my weight loss stopped. I got to a point that I all those layers had shed away and I was exposed. It was time to figure out WHY I got that way to begin with.  Things happen for a reason, and while this depression SUCKS, it's for the better because I am getting help now.

PTSD is pretty serious, and it explains my sleep issues, my fear issues, my lack of confidence, my--well, almost everything. Life changed a few years ago and it's time to get better and take it back. I've done the work for the physical part, I still have some left to go, but I've lots over 100 pounds and improved my fitness. Now it's time to take care of the inside.

Speaking of physical, I'm teaching myself to run.  I have a 5K I want to do in July. I am terrible at running, I don't know if I'm going to be able to run the 5K or not.  I just do my best.  Never ever thought I'd do that, but it's for some people I met recently who lost their son in the war and I love them to pieces and it means a lot for me to do this.  So in his name, Jon, I will give it my all.