Back to Fatty Issues

I am at 273.5 on the scale. Up one pound from weigh-in Monday. My ankle/foot/leg is still swollen.

I am NOT freaked out about this. Why? The greater good. I'm on plan, eating better than I have, counting points, drinking water and putting myself first. Bodies do weird things, and water weight fluctuates.

So my stinkin' thinkin' is gone, I'm okay, going with the flow, and doing my thing.

This may not seem like much, but I've come a long way. The last time I did WW, I would have been in tears over this. The last time I did WW, I always had a loss and never a break even or gain. I was Perfect. Being Perfect for 10 months is what did me in. Fast forward a few years and I know Perfect doesn't exist, and if it does, it's a bad thing.

So, I'm happy.

My Other Puppies...

Just to be fair, because I love them all, here are photos of my other puppies.

A is the tri-colored handsome boy and T is the paint. T always gets the most "he's beautiful" comments when we're out and about -- and he is, but A has the most gorgeous body--it's perfect. Pip's mom is T's mom and Pip's dad is A's dad. So he's half brothers to each. A and T are both close to a year and a half old. We weren't going to get another puppy, but Pip was available (he wasn't picked by the 50 some people on the breeder's pick list!!)--and I knew it was fate. DH said no, then the next day from work he called and said okay, get him.

The rest is history.

Tired...

I had planned a long post tonight, but I'm just too tired. Will have to wait.

We had a busy day. School in the morning and early afternoon, the puppy needed a bath desperately, then we drove an hour to the most awesome vet in the world for booster shots. Ran to the pet store, to Game Stop for a promised Nintendo DS game for my son (I'm a horrible mother, I bought him Grand Theft Auto!) Ran to Taco Bell, consumed 15 points of heaven -- I could live there, I love it so much. Then puppy kindergarten with my precious baby.

I was so proud of him this week, he didn't pee or poop in class! Woo-hoo. lol Oh, the things we get excited about.

Since I've already posted fat pictures, here's another one of me and my baby Pip. FYI, my hair isn't greasy, it's drying and has gel in it. lol Oh, and the shirt is just like the before pix I posted which was green. When you're fat, you buy cheap shirts and get two in different colors because you want to get out of the store in a hurry. lol

I love this little guy SOO much. We have three dogs, all border collies. This one is mine.

My Photo Post...

I live with a lot of fear...fear of the unknown and fear of the known. I have generalized anxiety disorder. I have always had fear of having my photo taken -- when I got fat, that is. The photo on the side bar was one that woke me up. Yesterday's photos that I posted, though, really hit me.

I need to feel those emotions. I need to write them down. I need them in stone, because damn it, I don't ever want to be here again.

When hubby got home from work yesterday afternoon, I showed him that blog post. And then I cried. Then sobbed. Good man gave me a hug. I was pretty darned low yesterday.

This journey is about health, as mine is poor. This journey is about quality of life. While I may be alive and kickin', my quality of life sucks. Physical pain, high triglycerides, pre-diabetes, yada, yada, and emotional pain. Such as...

When I checked in at the motel last week, they had screwed up my reservation. I had requested a ground-floor room. Any guesses as to why I wanted a ground-floor room? (STAIRS) I ended up getting a room with two double beds on the ground floor at no extra cost to me due to their mistake. The nice lady at the counter said, "I have hip problems climbing stairs, too." I said nothing about hip problems. I explained that I had a lot of stuff to carry in, but mostly I wanted on the ground floor due to the fact I had a 3-month old puppy with me that when need be, I'd have to run outside fast. So she just looked at me and assumed hip problems. Yes, I have issues with my right hip. But still!

So anyway, I need to write these emotions down because when I feel a binge coming on, I need to read in my own words about the emotions and the physical limitations I'm experiencing now to keep me on the straight and narrow.

So the photos made me sad and freaked me out. I posted them anyway. I faced my fears. I was honest with what I wrote. This is a food and exercise journey but mostly it's a mind journey. As hard as that post was for me, it's the right direction to get this right in my mind.

Swollen

Last night we were going to have spaghetti for supper. Trouble was, I forgot to buy sauce at the store. Rather than going to the store and buying the sauce, we decided to go out to eat. Everyone wanted Subway. I got my favorite, a roast beef sandwich.

This morning? I was up 1 1/2 pounds and my leg/ankle/foot is swollen so much that it is throbbing and painful. Getting my shoe on took awhile. I have to put it on as far as it will go (it's a tennis shoe mule) and walk around until the water moves out of my foot and I can get more of the shoe on.

Note to self: While Subway may be point-friendly, it is NOT Jo-friendly. This has happened to me before, eating at Subway, and I have to remember to stop. I just can't do it. I'm sucking down water like there's no tomorrow, but it will probably take a couple days to shed the water.

So the number on the scale doesn't bother me, I can see with my own eyes why the gain.

Tonight I am going to go to the grocery store again. I have some extra cash and I'm going to stock up on some basics--so I will always have something to prepare for supper even if I don't have meat thawed. That may mean a couple boxes of Tuna Helper, jars of spaghetti sauce, salad and sandwich makings, etc.

Am I the Only One?

Am I the only weight-loss blogger out here that does not watch The Biggest Loser?

I watched a few episodes the first season it was on. While I found it fascinating, I found the weekly losses unrealistic for us common folk who weren't in that kind of setting. Comparing my 1- or 2-pound loss with a 14-pound loss (or larger) was just too much for me. So I quit watching it.

After reading many weight-loss blogs, it appears I'm the only one who doesn't watch it, won't partake in a Biggest Loser challenge, and dare I admit it, I don't like the gal who has the exercise video everyone is raving about. Give me Richard Simmons any day. lol

There, I've come clean, I've admitted that I just don't like The Biggest Loser. I feel better now. And now I'm hoping I haven't scared or ticked off those who read my blog. =)

Monday...

Today was good eating wise. I got terribly hungry this afternoon and had a garbage snack. It was 62 degrees out -- very warm for where I live -- so I had a Slim-a-Bear. While yummy, not very filling.

My stomach hurt most of the day. I have noticed if I drink something ice cold, such as a diet soda, the pain eases considerably. Weird, huh.

My main problem today was fatigue. I got up at 7, which is early for me. Showered and took DS for a donut. No, I didn't have one--didn't even want one. We got home, started school an hour early, and by 9:30 am I could not keep my eyes open. Seriously. I was so overcome with exhaustion that I simply had to lie down. I did. DS did his assigned reading and read in his science text while I slept a little over an hour.

Got up, contniued on with school, DH showed up for lunch, we all ate, got out in the sun for a bit with the doggies, and then sat down to do school again. It hit me again. Overwhelming fatigue.

I took another nap. I simply could not function.

What the heck is wrong with me? Getting up an hour earlier shouldn't have done it. I went to bed by 11 last night and got a good 8 hours.

This is the "quality of life" that I am trying to improve. That is no quality of life when you can't keep your eyes open. It's kind of scary.

Come on, weight, fall off me...come on body, respond and start feeling better.

It's funny, I really do notice a bit more energy. Tonight after supper, we took the dogs for a walk. I normally wouldn't do that. So what's up with the sleepiness during the day?

It stinks. I had a lot of other things to do today besides school and didn't get them done. School comes first.

Argh.