And Again...

Richard Simmons Sweatin' to the Oldies....DONE! Two days in a row. Woot!

Now I'm off to do my menu planning and grocery list. Hopefully I'll make it to the store tonight.

Take That, Fat

I just worked out.

I did Richard Simmons' Sweatin' to the Oldies.

I stink. I sweat a lot. I didn't think I'd make it through the whole thing, but I DID. AND...it was fun!

Woo-hoo!

Saturday Thoughts

Today I added more vitamins into my mix. I am now taking 2 Omega 3s, a multi, Vitamin C 2 times a day, Vitamin E, 2 baby aspirin, and my prescription medication. Next week I'm going to add some more into the mix.

Have a few NSVs. My bras fit much, much better. No longer do I feel like I am being cut in two. I can breathe while wearing them. I can move while wearing them. This is such a huge relief to me. When I take them off, I no longer have the lines where they were.

My shorts that I wore last summer made an appearance, as we finally received lovely weather. I'm glad to say they fit better than last summer. Nice and comfortable!

I like to run around the house in t-shirts & shorts or sweats and wear "real clothes" when I go out. I'm all about comfort. I pulled a t-shirt out of my drawer this morning that I hadn't worn in a long time due to the fact it was very snug around my big belly. It is now loose around that shrinking but still big belly. I was thrilled!

I had a crabby fit this morning at the expense of my poor husband. He did something that really made me mad and I let him know it! I apologized later (even though he was in the wrong, ha ha) for my outburst. Upon reflection, I know that I was projecting my anger at myself on him. I'm upset with myself that I was so lazy this past week.

Fortunately, someone turned on my light switch and I got up and got to work today. Laundry's going, things are getting cleaned, picked up, etc. Life's getting back to normal but for my crabby attack. I'm about do menu planning.

And that's it. I'm feeling better, but still a bit scared. I need to take responsibility for my actions and take the bull by the horns. I'm doing that. One day at a time.

Lazy A$$ Revisited

As I sit at my computer at 10 am still in my jammies, I have to admit it's time to take responsibility for some things.

I do need to get over being lazy in areas. I AM lazy in areas. As part of finding my new normal, I need to own it, fix it, take it to a place where I'm more comfortable and make it habit.

1) Not showering immediately when I get up in the morning.

This sets the tone for the whole day, and I mess it up almost every day.

2) I'm lazy with housework.

3) I'm lazy with laundry.

4) I'm lazy with bill paying.

5) I'm lazy regarding exercise.

6) I'm lazy with kitchen organization/grocery shopping.

I don't thaw the chicken or the meat when I'm supposed to which sets us up for
dinner issues. This happens frequently. I'm also lazy when it comes
time to do a weekly shopping trip.

7) I'm lazy concerning special projects, things that need to get done.

8) Going to bed at a decent hour, getting up at a decent hour. Define decent hour! We start school around 9:30-10. In the beginning of the school year it's 9 and it slips a few minutes here and there.

Gees, when looking at this list, I can say that my housewifely duties are not getting done in proper order.

Now, there are a lot of areas in my life where I am not lazy. Homeschool, for one. That is my number one priority. It has to be. This takes a lot of time on my part just for organization, research, etc. There are many other areas that I won't list, because they're not the focus of my thinking.

I am not a multi-tasker. I don't do it well at all. I am the type that hyperfocuses, and I do the task at hand very well. Throw something else into the mix and I'm overwhelmed.

I can take any one of the items on my list for a week and do them really well. One week recently I was up and showered every morning. I fell short, though.

I think I make life more difficult for myself by being lazy. Most times all the items on my list I blow off simply out of laziness. Sometimes it's out of guilt: I need to do X now instead of Y or Z. I haven't done C, so how dare I start with F.

Today I'm going to work on a routine that will fit our life. I'm going to get off my lazy butt and get going.

Soon I'll post about my issue with weekends...that's even scarier.

I'm in a quest to find a new normal. New food, new body, rejuvenated spirit, new routines. I can do that--it's all connected.

Less Than 31 Cents a Day

We've all seen those commercials on TV that state you can support a child for less than 50 cents a day...you know, the ones that break your heart and touch you deeply.

I don't support any of those, but I do have my favorite charities. (The Epilepsy Foundation is my favorite, as my sweet son has epilepsy.) I contribute whenever I can. I remember a couple Christmases ago, I read about a homeschool family who had a house fire and lost everything. I sent them a check for what would have been my Christmas present. I couldn't imagine being in their shoes, especially at Christmas.

Anyway, a few years back I was a member at Richard Simmons Clubhouse. I liked it. The people were great. I didn't participate fully because I wasn't working a program. As I stated recently, I have always had a love for Richard Simmons. I think he draws great people to him as well. So I was looking at his site and considering joining up.

When I looked at the cost plans, there was one that was $109.50 for 364 days. That works out to less than 31 cents a day.

When we think about all we do for others, because we want to, we often forget ourselves. I do. Mom always eats a cold dinner, mom always goes to bed last as she's straightening the house, mom always picks up the pieces. Moms do that.

I got to thinking, though, why not support myself as my favorite charity? Put myself first!?! I mean I'm in a world of hurt, literally. I have pain daily. I am working so hard on getting myself healthy. Like on the airplane, we need to put our oxygen mask on first, then help others. Well, I need to do everything I can to take care of myself so I can better help others.

So I'm going to do it. I'm going to join. The only thing holding me back is a user name. I'm not very good at user names, and I want something fun and creative, and I just don't have creative juices to do that. Help?

If this is to become my new normal, I need to surround myself with positive vibes and inspiration. Like I do on the blog. I can have both, and will. I need to immerse myself in it so it becomes second nature, where I don't need to think.

So I will. As soon as I come up with a user name.

~~~
I in no way am making light of the desperate need of children that need help that we see in those commercials. I just made the connection that I donate to my favorite causes, I just need to donate to myself as well.

Commonalities

As I read weight loss blogs, I am beginning to see many commonalities.

Many have anxiety issues. Many do not want any attention drawn to themselves. Many use food as comfort.

I fit all three, which is probably why I've seen that in other bloggers.

I don't want attention drawn to myself whatsoever. I had a small wedding on purpose. I like to be in things, but on the side.

My favorite place to be is in my home. I'm a hermit by choice, although I'm not quite a hermit.

I have not told a single soul I know about this blog, other than my son and husband. I have not told anyone that I am on Weight Watchers again. I don't want the attention drawn to me, I don't want the lectures that I get from everyone--the lectures basically are that I should do what they tell me, what suits them, with no open mindedness to see that I need this journey to be my way.

After listening to the lectures, I get emotional and want to eat.

The anxiety? I've got no answers for that one.

It makes me feel so much less alone, learning there are others that share my struggles. It makes me feel less weak. I shouldn't feel weak at all, because we're all different, but I think that's a societal interpretation that I have accepted.

Bottom line is this: Strangers, who have become friends, have helped me in this journey far more than the people that love me, except for my hubby and son. I have found common bonds with strangers/now friends that fill a need I have not fulfilled in real life.

This blogging business is good therapy.

2-Month Anniversary

Today marks two full months on Weight Watchers. I have officially lost 17 pounds, although the scale was down a little yesterday and again today. I have lost 6% of my starting body weight. My BMI has gone from 47 to 44.2.

I'm having my moments and thinking my way through them. Usually I'm okay.

I need to exercise more.

I need to eat more variety--at dinner. I like my routine for breakfast and lunch. I seem to be making the same things over and over for dinner, though.

I have not craved sweets hardly at all. We did get an ice cream cone at McDonald's one night, and I do have an occasional breakfast cookie. Otherwise I'm good. Tonight while reading blogs, I saw a picture of a Vitabrownie. Oh my gosh, I drooled. Stay away, stay very far away.

I need more veggies and fruits. That's the story of my life.

I feel full with breads, carbs.

I go for the biggest bang for the points. High volume, filling foods.

~~~~

I don't really reward myself with things for goals reached. I never know what to get. I'm not a jewelry person, so a charm bracelet wouldn't work. I don't really want to spend the money: less is more. I think the changes in my body are reward enough.

Today, though, I bought myself the Richard Simmons collection from QVC. Ang mentioned it on her blog and I followed her link. I have had this in my Amazon wish list for a long time, but at QVC I got two more DVDs for the same price.

I love Richard Simmons. I always have and always will. I need to force myself to work out daily with him. Walking the dog at night has been great to get me going, and something I must continue. He's a border collie, after all, and the breed needs to exercise. My hubby walks the older dogs in the morning. That walk is not enough, though.

~~~

I take things one day at a time. One meal at a time, really. In the back of my mind, I am constantly thinking. I think to the time I lost 72 pounds and ended up gaining it back plus 20 some. I think, "When will I be able to eat normally again?" Then I think to that 72 pounds. The answer is never. The answer is there must be a new normal. That was a lesson I did not learn the last time.

~~~

Most importantly, I hope my health is better. I hope my blood work will reflect all my work. My blood pressure was on the high end of normal. I hope it's better now. I was borderline diabetic. I hope that my blood sugar is better.

I feel a little better. I have a bit more zip in my step. I'm still tired a lot, I still have pains and aches, swelling in my leg, foot and ankle. I'm getting there, though.

~~~

The journey continues. I am worth it.