The Good: I had an NSV at the store tonight. I caught my reflection in the window. I did a double-take. Now granted, I'm still fat, but I could see a difference! I could see a waist. Not only that, I was carrying myself better, I wasn't slouched, I was proud. I stood there like an idiot and stared, I couldn't help it. Fortunately, there were few people in the store, which is why I prefer to shop at night. Cool!
Our store had TVP, which I read about on Heather's blog today. I can't wait to try it. Will have to cook it up when hubby isn't around, though, and sneak it 1/2 burger 1/2 TVP. I have looked for TVP off and on for years, and I was shocked we had it!
The Bad: I didn't exercise today nor yesterday. I was groggy this afternoon and took a nap. Then I cooked supper, cleaned up, chatted with Richard Simmons and friends--very inspirational, went to the grocery store and here it is 10. Darn it. I need to do this d~a~i~l~y. Tomorrow afternoon I'll meet with Richard in my living room.
The Ugly: Stupid anxiety. No, it wasn't low blood sugar nor was it PMS or cycle related. It was pure stress for the appointment tomorrow, stress for all I have to do and am obviously not getting done, and I think the biggest is the anniversary of Dad's death. I don't do anniversaries well, and that was the worst time of my life for reasons I can't go into but go beyond his illness and death. (Read between the lines there, what kinds of problems happen when someone dies!)
I figure after I get through tomorrow morning, and I may just take a half a Xanax before I go, I'm home free. The other stuff I can deal with as well as possible, but I just don't like doctors too much so it will be nice to be done with that.
I really think all this exercising I'm doing (or not the past 2 days) has made a huge difference in my shape. I remember the last time I did Weight Watchers, it was months before I noticed a difference, before I felt it on my body. Now I get little snippets -- I feel my cheekbones, I feel muscles, I have forearms, my hands are skinnier...I gotta keep that exercise going!
Edited to add: Another ugly: Weight Watchers dropped me 3, THREE, whole points today. Yegads, that's a breakfast cookie! Ouch.
5.11.2009
Anxiety
This is my 200th post. Sheesh, I'm yacky!
Anxiety hit me this morning. I was looking for the papers I wanted (IQ test and Educational Psychologist recommendations) and I came across letters from my son's first kindergarten teacher. It made my heart race, it made me angry and I just worked myself into a frenzy. She was an awful teacher. She used to write in a notebook every day and send it home in my son's backpack. He whined today, he peeled a crayon today an then broke it in half, he didn't listen during story time instead he picked rocks out of his shoes. Stuff like that...and he was 5 at the time, all normal 5-year-old behaviors. He was never a whiner, ever. (Well, he does now, but not when young.) He also was not a destructive child, and never once broke a crayon at home. He never broke any toys. He was an intent listener, although he fidgeted...to this day he does the same. She insisted he wasn't listening, but I asked her to have him re-tell the story the next day and she reluctantly relayed that he did. Halfway through the year my son was depressed and we demanded he be put into a different classroom. The principal didn't bat an eyelash, he just did it. And things got better for awhile. (And I will add his second K teacher, and 1st and 2nd great teachers were wonderful.)
That just set me off. I decided I don't need to take his IQ and the report, because they are so old. I can relay the information. I've been his teacher since 3rd grade, so I'm the one now with the current information that needs to be relayed.
About the time my husband was due for lunch, I started shaking bad. It's the anxiety. I shake on the inside and out, if that makes any sense. It came on fast and furious. I am nervous about discussing this tomorrow. I have never met this doctor, although she comes highly recommended from friends.
I broke down and took a Xanax.
Then I started working on my son's camp forms, which take two hours to fill out. And now here I sit ready to sleep due to the Xanax.
My son has worked on his math and science today and he'll do his practice tests later. I am going to take a nap because my body needs it. I am glad I have a well-stocked freezer, as I was able to pull a decent dinner option to thaw.
So I'll hit the store tonight. My list is done, I just need to go.
I hate this anxiety. I hate that I am not strong enough to overcome it on my own. It makes me feel weak. I do love the fact that I have a medication that can help me, though. I know how hard it must be on my body when I am having the shakes. I understand why I have the anxiety today. I just don't understand why I can't roll with the punches. I know logically it is stressful, but why I can't just accept that without these problems is beyond me.
I usually try to sit and do meditations before popping a pill. Sometimes it works, but today it didn't work.
Well, I'm on plan, have my dinner thawing so no room for failure today. I did not work out today, because I plan to walk the dog tonight. I did not exercise yesterday and wonder if that made a difference on the anxiety today. Exercising is such a good release of tension, releases the endorphins, and I wonder if that was a mistake. My calf muscles were hurting, so I thought I should rest. (That and I was in a very bad mood. lol)
Onward!
Anxiety hit me this morning. I was looking for the papers I wanted (IQ test and Educational Psychologist recommendations) and I came across letters from my son's first kindergarten teacher. It made my heart race, it made me angry and I just worked myself into a frenzy. She was an awful teacher. She used to write in a notebook every day and send it home in my son's backpack. He whined today, he peeled a crayon today an then broke it in half, he didn't listen during story time instead he picked rocks out of his shoes. Stuff like that...and he was 5 at the time, all normal 5-year-old behaviors. He was never a whiner, ever. (Well, he does now, but not when young.) He also was not a destructive child, and never once broke a crayon at home. He never broke any toys. He was an intent listener, although he fidgeted...to this day he does the same. She insisted he wasn't listening, but I asked her to have him re-tell the story the next day and she reluctantly relayed that he did. Halfway through the year my son was depressed and we demanded he be put into a different classroom. The principal didn't bat an eyelash, he just did it. And things got better for awhile. (And I will add his second K teacher, and 1st and 2nd great teachers were wonderful.)
That just set me off. I decided I don't need to take his IQ and the report, because they are so old. I can relay the information. I've been his teacher since 3rd grade, so I'm the one now with the current information that needs to be relayed.
About the time my husband was due for lunch, I started shaking bad. It's the anxiety. I shake on the inside and out, if that makes any sense. It came on fast and furious. I am nervous about discussing this tomorrow. I have never met this doctor, although she comes highly recommended from friends.
I broke down and took a Xanax.
Then I started working on my son's camp forms, which take two hours to fill out. And now here I sit ready to sleep due to the Xanax.
My son has worked on his math and science today and he'll do his practice tests later. I am going to take a nap because my body needs it. I am glad I have a well-stocked freezer, as I was able to pull a decent dinner option to thaw.
So I'll hit the store tonight. My list is done, I just need to go.
I hate this anxiety. I hate that I am not strong enough to overcome it on my own. It makes me feel weak. I do love the fact that I have a medication that can help me, though. I know how hard it must be on my body when I am having the shakes. I understand why I have the anxiety today. I just don't understand why I can't roll with the punches. I know logically it is stressful, but why I can't just accept that without these problems is beyond me.
I usually try to sit and do meditations before popping a pill. Sometimes it works, but today it didn't work.
Well, I'm on plan, have my dinner thawing so no room for failure today. I did not work out today, because I plan to walk the dog tonight. I did not exercise yesterday and wonder if that made a difference on the anxiety today. Exercising is such a good release of tension, releases the endorphins, and I wonder if that was a mistake. My calf muscles were hurting, so I thought I should rest. (That and I was in a very bad mood. lol)
Onward!
Monday Weigh-In Day
Oh, it was a good week. What a welcome surprise this morning!
258.5
-2.5 for the week!
Wow, I'm in the 250s now. 1 pound away from my 25-pound goal.
Cool!
258.5
-2.5 for the week!
Wow, I'm in the 250s now. 1 pound away from my 25-pound goal.
Cool!
5.10.2009
Random Tidbits
Sunday night, everyone is in bed but me.
I hate holidays. There, I said it. lol
It's going to be a very stressful week, and I'm already showing signs of it. We're taking my son to the doctor to discuss ADD. Any time we do something for my son, it pains me. It pains me because I love him so much and I don't want him to hurt. It pained me when he was diagnosed with epilepsy last summer. Now on medication, his thinking is clouded and his attention issues are at an all-time high. He's always had focus and attention issues, but meds, puberty, all that...it takes him 2 hours a day to do math. We are hopeful there is something to give him a better quality of life.
In 2002, we took him to an educational psychologist that specialized in gifted children. He was diagnosed as gifted but learning disabled, his disabilities were auditory processing disorder and processing speed disorder. So the poor kids has lots of things going on in his brain. He's as smart as a whip, but struggles with tasks. This is why we homeschool, as it was the recommendation of the psychologist. His public school teacher pulled me aside at the end of his last year in school and told me that she thought homeschooling would be the perfect fit for him. If you know anything about public school teachers, most are vehemently opposed to homeschooling. She did not know we had already made the decision to homeschool the next year.
Years ago when we had him tested, I was on Weight Watchers. I had lost 72 pounds. On our trip home, I bought a Snicker's bar at a gas station. I ate my emotions. The rest is history: I gained it back plus some.
I worry about high-stress events, because I get very emotional over my sweet boy. I worry about my resolve. This time, however, I'm doing it for my health and I get it. I'm finding a new normal, and a damned Snicker's bar isn't going to make anything better. This isn't quite as stressful or life-changing, but any time I deal with my son, every cell in my body hurts.
We also start our yearly standardized testing this week. Routine will be shot, and it's stressful because timed tests for him are murder. He does a great job every year, but it wipes him out. It wipes me out because I feel his stress.
I also have a very major project I need to get completed this week. I have to pay bills. My house needs cleaned. I didn't finish the laundry today. I didn't go to the grocery store tonight.
I can't find the paperwork I need for DS's appointment. I put it in a special file and I can't find the special file.
I am feeling overwhelmed.
Next Sunday is the first anniversary of my father's death.
Tomorrow morning I'm going to continue to search for the paperwork. Then I think we'll do something we never do: Go shopping during school hours. I need to get the groceries, because if I don't have them in the house, it will be too easy to order a pizza, go through a drive-through, or screw up. And I'm not setting myself up for failure.
Tomorrow afternoon we'll take two practice tests. We'll go through our review book, just like they do in the public schools. We're going to work ourselves into testing mode.
I was in a crabby mood all day, and I after writing this, I just realized why. I'm overwhelmed and stressed out.
I hate holidays. There, I said it. lol
It's going to be a very stressful week, and I'm already showing signs of it. We're taking my son to the doctor to discuss ADD. Any time we do something for my son, it pains me. It pains me because I love him so much and I don't want him to hurt. It pained me when he was diagnosed with epilepsy last summer. Now on medication, his thinking is clouded and his attention issues are at an all-time high. He's always had focus and attention issues, but meds, puberty, all that...it takes him 2 hours a day to do math. We are hopeful there is something to give him a better quality of life.
In 2002, we took him to an educational psychologist that specialized in gifted children. He was diagnosed as gifted but learning disabled, his disabilities were auditory processing disorder and processing speed disorder. So the poor kids has lots of things going on in his brain. He's as smart as a whip, but struggles with tasks. This is why we homeschool, as it was the recommendation of the psychologist. His public school teacher pulled me aside at the end of his last year in school and told me that she thought homeschooling would be the perfect fit for him. If you know anything about public school teachers, most are vehemently opposed to homeschooling. She did not know we had already made the decision to homeschool the next year.
Years ago when we had him tested, I was on Weight Watchers. I had lost 72 pounds. On our trip home, I bought a Snicker's bar at a gas station. I ate my emotions. The rest is history: I gained it back plus some.
I worry about high-stress events, because I get very emotional over my sweet boy. I worry about my resolve. This time, however, I'm doing it for my health and I get it. I'm finding a new normal, and a damned Snicker's bar isn't going to make anything better. This isn't quite as stressful or life-changing, but any time I deal with my son, every cell in my body hurts.
We also start our yearly standardized testing this week. Routine will be shot, and it's stressful because timed tests for him are murder. He does a great job every year, but it wipes him out. It wipes me out because I feel his stress.
I also have a very major project I need to get completed this week. I have to pay bills. My house needs cleaned. I didn't finish the laundry today. I didn't go to the grocery store tonight.
I can't find the paperwork I need for DS's appointment. I put it in a special file and I can't find the special file.
I am feeling overwhelmed.
Next Sunday is the first anniversary of my father's death.
Tomorrow morning I'm going to continue to search for the paperwork. Then I think we'll do something we never do: Go shopping during school hours. I need to get the groceries, because if I don't have them in the house, it will be too easy to order a pizza, go through a drive-through, or screw up. And I'm not setting myself up for failure.
Tomorrow afternoon we'll take two practice tests. We'll go through our review book, just like they do in the public schools. We're going to work ourselves into testing mode.
I was in a crabby mood all day, and I after writing this, I just realized why. I'm overwhelmed and stressed out.
Week 13's I Can Do That
I'm clueless. This used to be easy, pick something healthy to focus on and incorporate it. Small changes. Now I'm coming up empty!
I enjoyed my walk, and now that it's spring and fairly nice, maybe I should switch my exercise routine up and walk--my puppy would appreciate it.
In visiting with hubby, he informed me I need to do more strength training. He wants me to use the BowFlex. I hate the BowFlex. Someday, maybe, I'll use it.
I love to think out loud, which is what I'm doing here. I think I'll do Richard Simmons' toning stuff this week. I have Blast and Tone, Tonin' Uptown, Tonin' Dowtown, and another one I can't remember the name of that I didn't care for that much.
If I recall correctly, somewhere on Richard's website he mentions that you should do cardio for 30 minutes and tone for 30 minutes every other day. The opposite days are just cardio days for longer duration. You on a Diet says every day you should walk 30 minutes and stretch for five minutes. Three times a week you should do strength work.
By the way, You on a Diet has free videos on their website. You can watch and download their 20-minute workout free. Scroll to the bottom of the page. So I could do that, too. I watched it last night and it's a bit dull, and I don't know that I can do it all at this point, but it's something to work toward.
So I guess I've just settled on my I Can Do That for the week: TONE. Build those muscles, burn more fat, strengthen the core, burn more fat.
Yeah, I can do that. =)
I enjoyed my walk, and now that it's spring and fairly nice, maybe I should switch my exercise routine up and walk--my puppy would appreciate it.
In visiting with hubby, he informed me I need to do more strength training. He wants me to use the BowFlex. I hate the BowFlex. Someday, maybe, I'll use it.
I love to think out loud, which is what I'm doing here. I think I'll do Richard Simmons' toning stuff this week. I have Blast and Tone, Tonin' Uptown, Tonin' Dowtown, and another one I can't remember the name of that I didn't care for that much.
If I recall correctly, somewhere on Richard's website he mentions that you should do cardio for 30 minutes and tone for 30 minutes every other day. The opposite days are just cardio days for longer duration. You on a Diet says every day you should walk 30 minutes and stretch for five minutes. Three times a week you should do strength work.
By the way, You on a Diet has free videos on their website. You can watch and download their 20-minute workout free. Scroll to the bottom of the page. So I could do that, too. I watched it last night and it's a bit dull, and I don't know that I can do it all at this point, but it's something to work toward.
So I guess I've just settled on my I Can Do That for the week: TONE. Build those muscles, burn more fat, strengthen the core, burn more fat.
Yeah, I can do that. =)
Week 13 Menu
1) Crockpot Cheeseburgers, baked fries, salad
2) Cola Chicken, rice, salad
3) Salmon, wild rice if it's point friendly, salad
4) Italian chicken, noodles, salad
5) Baked Ziti, salad, mock garlic bread
6) Grilled burgers, baked fries, salad
lunches: tuna salad, deli meat, apples, carrot chips, peaches, cottage cheese
breakfast: Bran flakes & Fiber One cereal
snacks: breakfast cookies, pretzels, apples, popcorn, baby carrots, tomato juice, V-8, sugar-free jello
2) Cola Chicken, rice, salad
3) Salmon, wild rice if it's point friendly, salad
4) Italian chicken, noodles, salad
5) Baked Ziti, salad, mock garlic bread
6) Grilled burgers, baked fries, salad
lunches: tuna salad, deli meat, apples, carrot chips, peaches, cottage cheese
breakfast: Bran flakes & Fiber One cereal
snacks: breakfast cookies, pretzels, apples, popcorn, baby carrots, tomato juice, V-8, sugar-free jello
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)