The coming week is going to be hell. Braces and surgery for my kiddo. He's not one bit happy. Spacers last week did not go well at all. Lots of stress for him and for me. Hubby is working overtime all week--dang, I wish he got paid overtime--and won't be around much.
Sigh. I told hubby cooking is not happening this week. So tomorrow night we're going to grill up some burgers and chicken and just pull them out of the fridge on our own for supper. We have salad fixings to go with. Hubby took my grocery list to the store today and stocked up on pudding, Spaghettio's, soup and other soft foods for my son.
He's very fearful of both procedures. I wish I could erase this, take his fears away from him. But they make him who he is, and he's a wonderful kid. I just wish life didn't have to be so hard for him. And I'll dare say this, but when life is hard for him, it's hard for me.
I didn't blog much last week, and I doubt I will this week. Sometimes all my energies need to go to family and self. I know this week that will be very true.
10.18.2009
10.17.2009
Headaches and Puppy Love
I awoke to a nasty headache. It stayed with me until mid-afternoon when I decided to either do it or not: exercise. About five minutes in, the headache disappeared. Why didn't I do it earlier?!
Nothing new to report. I'm counting calories this week instead of WW. I've consumed more food--which has actually been difficult!, worked out hard, and the scale is the same as it was Monday. Didn't go up or down. Due to my hubby working today, and me being a lazy mom, we ordered Pizza Hut. I had a couple bites and was quickly nauseous. The fat/cheese was just way too much. I finished what was on my plate and had no more. In fact, I picked the cheese off. Unusual for me!
The highlight of my day was due to my puppies. Because I had a headache, I let my son sleep in late. Hubby was at work. I sat down on the love seat, hit play on a FIRM video (I have to watch them before I work out so I can learn the moves, you know) and all three of my border collies jumped onto my lap at the same time. My lap is not that big. They wouldn't budge. I was kind of annoyed. One or two is great, but all three? Pretty soon, though, I was laughing out loud. Those three were kissing my face, licking my arms and loving me like they hadn't seen me in six months.
It's the small moments in life that I cherish most, and I will never forget this morning. That has never happened before, and I needed all that love! My giggles woke my son up, and when he made his appearance, the magic was gone, all three darted off to give him his morning kisses.
Aside from my husband and son, those doggies--they are my world. (And my kitties.) They seem to have a sixth sense and know when to pour on the love. It worked. Even though I had the headache, my spirits were lifted considerably.
Nothing new to report. I'm counting calories this week instead of WW. I've consumed more food--which has actually been difficult!, worked out hard, and the scale is the same as it was Monday. Didn't go up or down. Due to my hubby working today, and me being a lazy mom, we ordered Pizza Hut. I had a couple bites and was quickly nauseous. The fat/cheese was just way too much. I finished what was on my plate and had no more. In fact, I picked the cheese off. Unusual for me!
The highlight of my day was due to my puppies. Because I had a headache, I let my son sleep in late. Hubby was at work. I sat down on the love seat, hit play on a FIRM video (I have to watch them before I work out so I can learn the moves, you know) and all three of my border collies jumped onto my lap at the same time. My lap is not that big. They wouldn't budge. I was kind of annoyed. One or two is great, but all three? Pretty soon, though, I was laughing out loud. Those three were kissing my face, licking my arms and loving me like they hadn't seen me in six months.
It's the small moments in life that I cherish most, and I will never forget this morning. That has never happened before, and I needed all that love! My giggles woke my son up, and when he made his appearance, the magic was gone, all three darted off to give him his morning kisses.
Aside from my husband and son, those doggies--they are my world. (And my kitties.) They seem to have a sixth sense and know when to pour on the love. It worked. Even though I had the headache, my spirits were lifted considerably.
10.15.2009
Not Enough Food?
I was trying to catch up on blogs this morning and didn't get very far. I stopped when I got to Downsizing Doc's blog.
I downloaded the CalorieKing software she mentioned for the free 7-day trial. I plugged yesterday's food in, which brought me to 29 WW points, equal to my journal. (I strive for 29-31.) I didn't exercise yesterday, so I came pretty close to CK's estimate for me.
However, I started playing around by adding exercise in. Whoa. CalorieKing has you eat back your earned exercise calories. I do not do that. Deficit=good, right? Maybe not.
I have noticed that when I do not exercise, my losses are--well, make me happy. When I do exercise, my losses are dismal. I have tried eating a couple activity points back, but that never worked. So this week, gulp, I'm going to try to eat them all back and see what happens.
This scares me. I don't want a gain. Yet, I'm in no rush, I need to experiment as I go and see what happens. If I'm not fueling my body enough, that's not good. And frankly, the workouts I'm doing are much more intense and difficult than Richard Simmons' aerobics tapes. I'm not saying those are easy--but The FIRM stuff is a whole other level. We're seeing physical changes in my body so fast--strength. My husband comments almost every day on my arms, and the fact that I now have a butt. My legs are hard, solid--well, under the fat, but there is definitely hard muscle in there, front and back, calves, shins are showing, etc.
So maybe, I'm just not giving myself enough fuel.
???
I have no idea. This is all so foreign to me. I don't understand it all. I've read and re-read Weight Watchers' information on activity points. Maybe there's too much gray area and I'm just not counting the workouts enough. I don't know.
I'm a little scared to try this. I don't want to jinx myself and have a huge gain or even a small gain. Yet, I think it's worth a try.
Truth be told, even though I'm losing (fairly consistently), I'm not happy with the rate I'm losing. I don't cheat. I weigh and measure everything. I double-check recipes I try. I am well aware my age may have something to do with it, but I think it's worth a try to change things up a bit and just see how it works.
Gulp, gulp, gulp.
I downloaded the CalorieKing software she mentioned for the free 7-day trial. I plugged yesterday's food in, which brought me to 29 WW points, equal to my journal. (I strive for 29-31.) I didn't exercise yesterday, so I came pretty close to CK's estimate for me.
However, I started playing around by adding exercise in. Whoa. CalorieKing has you eat back your earned exercise calories. I do not do that. Deficit=good, right? Maybe not.
I have noticed that when I do not exercise, my losses are--well, make me happy. When I do exercise, my losses are dismal. I have tried eating a couple activity points back, but that never worked. So this week, gulp, I'm going to try to eat them all back and see what happens.
This scares me. I don't want a gain. Yet, I'm in no rush, I need to experiment as I go and see what happens. If I'm not fueling my body enough, that's not good. And frankly, the workouts I'm doing are much more intense and difficult than Richard Simmons' aerobics tapes. I'm not saying those are easy--but The FIRM stuff is a whole other level. We're seeing physical changes in my body so fast--strength. My husband comments almost every day on my arms, and the fact that I now have a butt. My legs are hard, solid--well, under the fat, but there is definitely hard muscle in there, front and back, calves, shins are showing, etc.
So maybe, I'm just not giving myself enough fuel.
???
I have no idea. This is all so foreign to me. I don't understand it all. I've read and re-read Weight Watchers' information on activity points. Maybe there's too much gray area and I'm just not counting the workouts enough. I don't know.
I'm a little scared to try this. I don't want to jinx myself and have a huge gain or even a small gain. Yet, I think it's worth a try.
Truth be told, even though I'm losing (fairly consistently), I'm not happy with the rate I'm losing. I don't cheat. I weigh and measure everything. I double-check recipes I try. I am well aware my age may have something to do with it, but I think it's worth a try to change things up a bit and just see how it works.
Gulp, gulp, gulp.
10.14.2009
Blog Awards
Hadley honored me with this lovely blog Gorgeous Blogger Award! Thank you so much!
The Kittehs also honored me with a wonderful award. Again, thank you. I am very honored.
The Kitteh's award comes with no rules--love that! Here are the rules for the Gorgeous Blog Award:
Rules are: say six things about yourself that your readers wouldn't already know, and then pass it along.
Six things. Can I come up with six more things?? I'll try.
1. When I started my blog, I was adamant that I would not read men's blogs because they lose weight a lot faster. Boy, was I proved wrong on that one and thankfully when I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong and move on.
2. While I pour my heart out on my blog about my anxieties and seem like a weak duckling, I'm not in real life. In fact, I'm a pretty tough cookie when I need to be. (Not always, but when needed.) In fact, sometimes I might even be perceived as bitchy. You all should have seen me have a stand down with the chief of staff of the hospital my dad was in. I stood up to that bast- um, jerk and didn't back down. Well, sometimes I'm a weakling, but usually I'm pretty confident.
3. I worked at Wendy's in college when the "Where's the Beef" campaign was on. I got so sick of people coming up to the counter and saying, "Where's the Beef?" like it was sooooo original!
4. I love Amish communities. It's like going back in time, and I imagine my ancestors and how they lived when I see the horses and buggies.
5. I love to walk cemeteries. What genealogist doesn't? They're very beautiful and peaceful places.
6. My first car was a Gremlin.
There, how's that?
Now, to pass the award on to six others. (Actually, I'm passing both awards to these six.) In honor of my answer to number 1, I hereby award it to the men in my life--well, the male bloggers that I read and enjoy.
1. Sean
2. Fools Fitness
3. Fat Daddy
4. Roder
5. Emmett
6. JackSh*t
Will any of these men put up that cute pink award on their blogs??? Just let it be known, I really enjoy the men in my blogging life.
That's Life
Sometimes things go great, everything is in sync and life is wonderful. Other times, life is messy, people are upset, schedules are out of whack, and it's not so wonderful.
This week, for various reasons, life has not been so wonderful.
Last night I did turn to comfort food for dinner. I made mac and cheese. I weighed my portion, counted my points, and enjoyed every last bite. It's just so clear why I used to binge, why I used to eat unhealthful foods--because they brought me pleasure when life didn't give me much.
Today was another rough day, and I should have worked out but when it was time to do so, I put the VHS in, hit play, then curled up on the couch and watched it. Somewhere along the line, I turned it off and took a nap that lasted an hour and a half. Sometimes we have to listen to our body. Stress tires me.
I tried to blog many times today about the stress and what's going on, but it doesn't matter, none of it is life threatening, it's just life.
I discovered a dirty little secret, though. I was thinking about it all day today and all night. It's when life gets messy that we really need to take pleasure in how wonderful life really is. When I changed my attitude, I sat back and laughed out loud. I get it! That's not to say the stress will go away, but if I change my thinking and enjoy and cherish the moment, it makes it a lot easier.
I was thinking back to when my son was much younger and how stressful it could be at times. I smiled when thinking back. Oh, how I'd love to relive one of those stressful days. That's when it dawned on me that some day in the future, I will look back to this very day, week--and it will be memorable due to events, and I'll smile. So why not smile about it now?
I was not raised to be a positive thinker, to see the glass half full or to look for the silver lining. It's all very foreign to me. I think that's why I love the movie and book The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio so much, because that was my first exposure to a truly positive person. (Especially the movie version.) That's not to say I'm not positive, but I do tend to see the glass half empty. I'm just learning to re-train my brain now. And that's a good thing.
So I'm going to bed early, I'm going to get a good night's sleep, and face the stressful day tomorrow with a smile on my face. It is a choice, and I finally get how to make that choice.
This week, for various reasons, life has not been so wonderful.
Last night I did turn to comfort food for dinner. I made mac and cheese. I weighed my portion, counted my points, and enjoyed every last bite. It's just so clear why I used to binge, why I used to eat unhealthful foods--because they brought me pleasure when life didn't give me much.
Today was another rough day, and I should have worked out but when it was time to do so, I put the VHS in, hit play, then curled up on the couch and watched it. Somewhere along the line, I turned it off and took a nap that lasted an hour and a half. Sometimes we have to listen to our body. Stress tires me.
I tried to blog many times today about the stress and what's going on, but it doesn't matter, none of it is life threatening, it's just life.
I discovered a dirty little secret, though. I was thinking about it all day today and all night. It's when life gets messy that we really need to take pleasure in how wonderful life really is. When I changed my attitude, I sat back and laughed out loud. I get it! That's not to say the stress will go away, but if I change my thinking and enjoy and cherish the moment, it makes it a lot easier.
I was thinking back to when my son was much younger and how stressful it could be at times. I smiled when thinking back. Oh, how I'd love to relive one of those stressful days. That's when it dawned on me that some day in the future, I will look back to this very day, week--and it will be memorable due to events, and I'll smile. So why not smile about it now?
I was not raised to be a positive thinker, to see the glass half full or to look for the silver lining. It's all very foreign to me. I think that's why I love the movie and book The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio so much, because that was my first exposure to a truly positive person. (Especially the movie version.) That's not to say I'm not positive, but I do tend to see the glass half empty. I'm just learning to re-train my brain now. And that's a good thing.
So I'm going to bed early, I'm going to get a good night's sleep, and face the stressful day tomorrow with a smile on my face. It is a choice, and I finally get how to make that choice.
10.12.2009
Monday Morning Weigh In
Weight: 231
Loss: 0
Hmm. Perfectly on plan except my son's birthday, I have no idea how many calories I consumed--but I was very mindful of what I ate. Light on exercise last week. While I always like to see a loss as it gets me closer to my goal, I have no worries about today's weigh in. I'm just going to keep on doing what I'm doing, which is leading a much healthier life. I think I may have a touch of water retention.
~~~
I am having major DOMS today. I had to look up DOMS when I first saw the term--delayed onset muscle soreness. My legs are very sore. Yesterday I did a FIRM tortoise, Better Body and Buns. A tortoise is a FIRM tape that is 75% sculpting and 25% cardio. DOMS means your muscles can be retaining water due to tearing the fibers down. I am learning so much about fitness that I never knew.
Here's what I don't know. On a day you're having DOMS, is it better to do some light exercise or take a complete day of rest? I've seen opinions going both ways. I do know that when I experience "light" muscle soreness, it's as if my muscles are screaming to work out. When I do, that light soreness disappears. So today my legs and glutes are really feeling it, do I do something light? I think I need to experiment because everyone's body reacts differently. I do have a FIRM tape that I find very easy, and it's a Hare, which is 75% cardio and 25% weights--and I would either use no weights or my 2-pounders. I think I'll try it and see what happens.
~~~
We will go to the orthodontist appointment today. We've been downgraded to expect only 2 inches, and the town we're going to is expecting 4 inches. It's warm enough that it is melting on the roads, but clinging to the grass. It's actually quite beautiful.
My body is quite tense today, as I expected. Another reason a light workout may be helpful. Another reason I may be experiencing soreness--but I know the legs is due to yesterday's exercise, it may just be more pronounced. Today would be a perfect day to crawl back into bed. But we're doing school and can't.
Loss: 0
Hmm. Perfectly on plan except my son's birthday, I have no idea how many calories I consumed--but I was very mindful of what I ate. Light on exercise last week. While I always like to see a loss as it gets me closer to my goal, I have no worries about today's weigh in. I'm just going to keep on doing what I'm doing, which is leading a much healthier life. I think I may have a touch of water retention.
~~~
I am having major DOMS today. I had to look up DOMS when I first saw the term--delayed onset muscle soreness. My legs are very sore. Yesterday I did a FIRM tortoise, Better Body and Buns. A tortoise is a FIRM tape that is 75% sculpting and 25% cardio. DOMS means your muscles can be retaining water due to tearing the fibers down. I am learning so much about fitness that I never knew.
Here's what I don't know. On a day you're having DOMS, is it better to do some light exercise or take a complete day of rest? I've seen opinions going both ways. I do know that when I experience "light" muscle soreness, it's as if my muscles are screaming to work out. When I do, that light soreness disappears. So today my legs and glutes are really feeling it, do I do something light? I think I need to experiment because everyone's body reacts differently. I do have a FIRM tape that I find very easy, and it's a Hare, which is 75% cardio and 25% weights--and I would either use no weights or my 2-pounders. I think I'll try it and see what happens.
~~~
We will go to the orthodontist appointment today. We've been downgraded to expect only 2 inches, and the town we're going to is expecting 4 inches. It's warm enough that it is melting on the roads, but clinging to the grass. It's actually quite beautiful.
My body is quite tense today, as I expected. Another reason a light workout may be helpful. Another reason I may be experiencing soreness--but I know the legs is due to yesterday's exercise, it may just be more pronounced. Today would be a perfect day to crawl back into bed. But we're doing school and can't.
Argh
I just had a panic attack. It wasn't unwarranted, my concern, but my body reacts so strongly. Hubby was snoring really weird and I tried to wake him up for about three minutes and he wouldn't wake up. It was scary. Then he woke up, said hi, rolled over, and quit snoring. He's been very tired and putting in tons of extra hours at work, so he was completely exhausted. He snores when he sleeps on his back. There was nothing to worry about--yet I did.
Anyway I cried, and I shook, and my heart felt as if it would beat out of my chest. Why can't I have normal reactions to things? Why does my body do that to me? I took a half a Xanax and it helped. I'm waiting a half hour to see if I need to take another half or not. I'm better, my heart is no longer racing, and I'm not shaking, but my mind is wired up like I had tons of caffeine and am imitating the Energizer Bunny.
Good grief.
I think had I not witnessed both my parents have heart attacks and go unconscious, that I might not have such strong reactions to things like this. But my body takes me back to both mom and dad, mom 16 years ago and dad a year and a half ago, and my body remembers and I react. I hope to someday get over this. I don't know how, but it would be nice to not have my body react like it does.
~~
Tomorrow I'm supposed to take my son to the big city to get his spacers put in for his braces. Well, here I am wide awake, which isn't good, plus we're expecting 5 inches of snow tomorrow. Normally if the temps are okay, I don't worry about driving in snow. But, this is the first significant snow of the season, and people drive like idiots, forgetting they need to slow down. Plus, if there's wind, I don't like to drive in it due to visibility. Yet I grew up in snow country and I know how to drive in it, have driven through blizzards that "came up" and can do okay. I told the orthodontist that I would not travel to an appointment if it was snowing and he said that was fine and understandable. (Bet his scheduling staff would think differently.) Yet we've got to get those spacers in to get the braces on. And I'm in a heightened anxiety state--I'll be anxious tomorrow, just because it takes awhile to get it out of my system.
This sucks. If I had my way, I'd get up, try to get the appointment postponed to later in the week when we're expecting 60 degree temps, and just stay home, do school and chill. That's the easy way out. I'll have to make the decision early tomorrow so I can notify them. Ugh. I hate making decisions like that, but I also hate driving in snow and the day after a panic attack.
On a positive note, I didn't even think about turning to food. I used to calm myself a bit and turn to sugar for comfort. I don't have any sugar, but I realized it didn't even pop into my brain. It used to be something would happen, and I'd sit down to catch my breath and eat at the same time. So I guess another step forward on that one.
~~~~
Thanks for the comments on the photos. I was embarrassed to post September's photos for some reason. (The bra, which I already posted here! Plus, the super tight orange shirt around the gut.) I have firmed up which is more apparent in real life than in the photos. I don't like posing for those--what overweight person likes their photo taken? Reminds me of having a mug shot every time...but it's fun to compare them, I guess.
~~~~
Finally, a note to Kelly. I forgot to respond, but I did read your comment about a blog. Start a blog! Do it! Use blogger, it's very easy! If you need help, email me. My addy is at the very bottom of the page. My husband says (and I agree) that this blog is the single most important tool on my health journey. He's right. He said the other thing is that I found the FIRM and am exercising seriously now. He's right again.
So Kelly, do it! Do email me anyway and I'll share some links for stat counters, skins, etc. I'm no expert by any means, but I know enough to help you get started. =)
Anyway I cried, and I shook, and my heart felt as if it would beat out of my chest. Why can't I have normal reactions to things? Why does my body do that to me? I took a half a Xanax and it helped. I'm waiting a half hour to see if I need to take another half or not. I'm better, my heart is no longer racing, and I'm not shaking, but my mind is wired up like I had tons of caffeine and am imitating the Energizer Bunny.
Good grief.
I think had I not witnessed both my parents have heart attacks and go unconscious, that I might not have such strong reactions to things like this. But my body takes me back to both mom and dad, mom 16 years ago and dad a year and a half ago, and my body remembers and I react. I hope to someday get over this. I don't know how, but it would be nice to not have my body react like it does.
~~
Tomorrow I'm supposed to take my son to the big city to get his spacers put in for his braces. Well, here I am wide awake, which isn't good, plus we're expecting 5 inches of snow tomorrow. Normally if the temps are okay, I don't worry about driving in snow. But, this is the first significant snow of the season, and people drive like idiots, forgetting they need to slow down. Plus, if there's wind, I don't like to drive in it due to visibility. Yet I grew up in snow country and I know how to drive in it, have driven through blizzards that "came up" and can do okay. I told the orthodontist that I would not travel to an appointment if it was snowing and he said that was fine and understandable. (Bet his scheduling staff would think differently.) Yet we've got to get those spacers in to get the braces on. And I'm in a heightened anxiety state--I'll be anxious tomorrow, just because it takes awhile to get it out of my system.
This sucks. If I had my way, I'd get up, try to get the appointment postponed to later in the week when we're expecting 60 degree temps, and just stay home, do school and chill. That's the easy way out. I'll have to make the decision early tomorrow so I can notify them. Ugh. I hate making decisions like that, but I also hate driving in snow and the day after a panic attack.
On a positive note, I didn't even think about turning to food. I used to calm myself a bit and turn to sugar for comfort. I don't have any sugar, but I realized it didn't even pop into my brain. It used to be something would happen, and I'd sit down to catch my breath and eat at the same time. So I guess another step forward on that one.
~~~~
Thanks for the comments on the photos. I was embarrassed to post September's photos for some reason. (The bra, which I already posted here! Plus, the super tight orange shirt around the gut.) I have firmed up which is more apparent in real life than in the photos. I don't like posing for those--what overweight person likes their photo taken? Reminds me of having a mug shot every time...but it's fun to compare them, I guess.
~~~~
Finally, a note to Kelly. I forgot to respond, but I did read your comment about a blog. Start a blog! Do it! Use blogger, it's very easy! If you need help, email me. My addy is at the very bottom of the page. My husband says (and I agree) that this blog is the single most important tool on my health journey. He's right. He said the other thing is that I found the FIRM and am exercising seriously now. He's right again.
So Kelly, do it! Do email me anyway and I'll share some links for stat counters, skins, etc. I'm no expert by any means, but I know enough to help you get started. =)
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