Monday Evening

steps: 22090
miles: 9.4
calorie burn: 2670

Long day today. Physically I felt better than I have in awhile, but I simply had no energy. Strangely, I got a lot of movement in but didn't accomplish much. The house needs cleaned, the laundry needs done, and I had hoped to hit it hard--only I didn't. I did get a workout in but I didn't have much oomph with that.

Getting a bit nervous for my doctor appointment. I am hoping and praying for good news. I think it's time to have a hysterecomy, and I'm hoping that's the recommendation. Not that I want surgery, but I want relief.

Thank you so much for the recommendations on my last post! Put some goodies on my Amazon wishlist.

Tomorrow I am facing the great big world. I haven't left the house since I saw the doctor last week. I have to mail a package that I should have done today or last week, and I have to pick up some groceries. Will be nice to get outside even though it's so darned cold.

Hubby and I were talking about treadmills tonight. Oh, do I know how to dream big. The brand that he likes and I've read is highly recommended is expensive. I would love to have one. Sometimes I wish we were rich with money--although we are rich with things other than money.

I think the perfect workout routine for me, if I were feeling well, would be to walk a few miles a day, do a cardio every day--either step aerobics or a rebounder workout, and strength train 3x a week. Throw in some stretching, and I'd be very happy. I really look forward to the day that I can do my Ilaria Montagnani DVDs. The kicking is just too much for me right now.

I used to foo-foo walking because it wasn't that intense, but I've learned it can be when I am outside listening to music with a high BPM to push me along. I think it has helped me. I don't consider Leslie Sansone walking tapes, even though she does. It's marching--it's different. It's okay, and I do a lot of them, but it's not the same. sigh...can't wait until spring when Minnesota warms up and the ice melts.

Don't have much to say tonight. Perhaps that's because I'm tired and I should be in bed!

Need Recommendations! Cookbooks, Food Processer, etc.

Steps: 21480
Miles: 9.1
Calorie Burn: 2420
Felt better today, was able to get around much better, but still not 100%.

Okay, so tonight I've been thinking about kitchen/food/appliances/my love-hate of cooking and the fact that we are now going our separate ways with meals.

In the past, I have not purchased many cookbooks at all. I find recipes online. However, I would like to buy some. Desperately seeking recommendations for low-calorie, healthful cookbooks. What do you have, what do you love?

Also, I would like to buy myself a good food processor. The one I have was from the '80s and it was junk then and junk now. I cannot even shred carrots in it because they are a soggy, disgusting mess. I want to make soups, I want to blend up veggies and mix them into foods. I'm thinking Kitchen Aide...what do you have, what do you love?

Another goody I want is a immersion blender. I know I wouldn't need both, but I do use my old blender a bit but it is so old it doesn't separate and I want something that comes apart and the blade part can go in the dishwasher.

I want quality here, I want this stuff to last. I have learned it does not pay to buy cheap.

Finally, can anyone share their opinions on Joanna Lund (is that her name?) cookbooks? I noticed she had a food processor cookbook. Are her recipes really healthy? Are they GOOD?

Sure didn't plan on doing anything new and special this year, but I think I would like to learn to cook better. I call myself kitchen challenged. I have proof, at this very moment I'm looking at a burn that is healing from Christmas Eve's dinner when I hit my wrist on the oven rack. d'oh

I'm not looking for "clean" eating cookbooks, but close to clean eating--if that makes any sense. I do not mind an occasional can of Healthy Request cream soup. The more natural ingredients, the better...but I'm not that picky.

Thanks for the help from the kitchen-challenged blogger.

p.s. If you can think of any other kitchen necessity, please share. I do have a Kitchen Aide mixer.

A Fresh New Day!

Today was a fresh new day, a fresh new year, and I felt a lot better. Still crampy, still twingy, but better. I am grateful.

Step count: 20,140
Miles: 8.53
Calorie Burn: 2388

I did three workouts, which I logged on the fitness blog. All very easy workouts, but it felt great to be back in the groove.

I used to belong to an exercise check-in that I loved very much. I feel like I'm friends with the women there and always looked forward to what they did, what they had to share, and to reporting in. When the pain started and my workouts changed, I started feeling uncomfortable reporting my workouts. Not because they were judgmental--nothing could be further from the truth, they're wonderful. It was ME...I felt uncomfortable that I couldn't be doing what I wanted to be doing. So I debated using that new blog I set up or not because it does bother me the days I can't even do a workout.

After thinking long and hard about this, I will still pop in to the check-in and say hi and support my friends, but I am not going to report my workouts there. For some reason, if I do it in my own space, I just don't feel so--I don't know, so--well, I just feel more comfortable. That's the kind of thing where one worries because I don't want to hurt their feelings because we're internet friends, but I have to do what works best for me. I still feel funny about it, but my gut is telling me that it's the right choice.

Happy with my decision to rename the blog! Thanks for the supportive comments. =)

Have decided after spending some time looking for new recipes that we all will like that it is futile. I never believed in making separate meals (unless we were having a free-for-all night) but I think for everyone to get proper nutrition with the foods they like, that I'll start doing meals for the boys and something separate for me. That means I get to spend tomorrow online searching for new recipes that sound good to me! I know what the boys like: they're easy. I think that will be a winning solution.

Still planning on a breakfast night once or twice a week. Some type of eggs...cheap and easy protein. Plus, I love breakfast food but I have a weak tummy in the morning and could never eat eggs that early.

Feeling much more hopeful today. I'm glad I decided to start blogging again. I think I needed to rekindle my outlet.

I didn't get much done around the house today, but overall it was a pretty good day. Just wish my son would quit playing Lady GaGa over and over. I don't mind him sharing his music, but I wish he'd hit shuffle so we could hear a greater variety. Paparazzi--I can't get it out of my head! lol

Happy New Year to all!

New Year, New Blog Name!

It had to be done. It really bothered me every time I saw 282.5. I had to change the name of my blog.

I am no longer 282.5. That seems like a lifetime ago. I've worked hard, changed my ways, and it was time.

That's just not me now. Sorry, don't have a current photo to insert--will have to get dolled up and pose one of these days.

So the decision needed to be made, what do I name my blog? There was only one answer, and this blog name has been floating around my brain for months.

The Tortoise.

Slow and steady wins the race. Persevere. Stick with it, keep plugging away. Yup, that's me. Then, of course, there is The FIRM connection.

That's a favorite workout of mine, plus the fact that the categories of FIRM workouts were Tortoise/Hare/Strength/Cardio...it was a no brainer.

I was a bit worried that The Tortoise was negative, picturing a slow and awkward tortoise crawling at a snail's pace. But that's how I get around some days myself. I think it's more positive than negative.

So new year, fresh new start. I am now The Tortoise. I will win.

2010 Reflections

If I could only use one word to describe the year 2010 it would be this: pain. This was the year that threw me for a loop, things intensified, and it made my life a living hell.

Contemplating the year, I can't help but wonder if my weight-loss woes were not related to the fact that my hormones were all screwed up. From what I'm learning, if one is screwed up, they all are.

The year wasn't all bad, and I learned I am much stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. I learned I do have what it takes to keep going, to continue to strive to make my life-my health better. I'm one tough bird.

Yes, I rock. (If I do say so myself.) (That's not arrogance, it's confidence.)

New Year Resolutions? I have none. Keep on doing what I have been doing.

New Year Hopes? To have a hysterectomy and get rid of this pain once and for all. To become athletic, to work out like a fiend because I love it. To laugh, to love and to find peace.

Best gift of 2010 to myself from myself: My now-large collection of exercise DVDs, weights, BPM music from Collage and some goodies from Anna Benson: original FIRM ankle weights, old FIRM catalogs--only a FIRM fanatic (or collector) could understand that!, a dowel and foam wedge from Anna Benson's collection, and a Susan Harris key chain which I use. The bestest (yes, I know that's not a word) is about 11 music CDs that came from Anna Benson's personal collection. Some of her notes were left on them, stickers stating, "Fast Cheetah, Strong Bear" good beat, doodles, etc. I cherish these. The music is fantastic--Anna had a gift of music and I am thrilled with this and in fact, I'm listening to my "Firm music" playlist right now.

I now own every single workout Anna ever sold, FIRMS, FitPrimes and KickButts. Love them to pieces! Now if God would grant me my health back, I plan to put them to very good use. (I run in spurts with pain, I'm hoping that I'm to have a reprieve soon and can do some of these before another bout hits me.)

If only I could find an original Firm 90-Day Rotation pamphlet, I would be happy with my collection. I'm a goober, I know it. I also know if I find that, there will be something else I'll want. lol

I also have a majority of Cathe's workouts. Again, waiting on my body to give me a green light. Then there's Gin Miller, and Stephanie Huckabee and Jari and Classical Stretch and ....I'm a vidiot, I have my favorite instructors and I love to workout.

At this stage in my life, aside from family, this is what makes me happy. Five years ago I would have never imagined. This is what I want for me in 2011--I want to go, go, go, doing the workouts I love, love, love.

So 2010 was a good year in many ways, but I did always have that dark cloud hanging over my head. I think with the news I received yesterday, that my 2011 is looking extremely hopeful and my wishes will come true. Just need patience and some time.

Patience and time--I'm good at that, even if I whine about it. I am seriously contemplating changing the name of this blog to The Tortoise. The Tortoise wins the race. The Tortoise is also a FIRM workout and a FIRM classification of workouts. Tortoise workouts are mostly strength with some cardio thrown in. It would be the perfect title for me!

Happy New Year to all! May we all be blessed with good health and good fitness.

I Have a Diagnosis

Fibroid necrosis. One of my fibroids is dying.

There may be more to it, but what we know for sure now is what the ultrasound showed. The fibroid was black, showing it was dying thus the horrid pain. There are some other issues that upset me but aren't earth shattering.

There are three fibroids, and the one that causes me pain shoots off to the right and I'm wondering if it is hitting the ureter, too. One of the fibroids is pushing on my bladder, which makes me have to go all the time. My uterus goes all the way up to my belly button. I was shocked by that. (It's extra large because of the fibroids.) This office has the most fantastic ultrasound tech I've ever come across, and she answered a million questions for me. Where is this, what is that next to, etc. I now know where all my organs are--plus she showed me my bowel and a bit of the upper belly. Way cool.

I'm sore tonight, have sharp twinges, but am mobile. Hubby and I went to the grocery store after the doctor and I filled that cart with crap. Kraft Mac & Cheese? What in the h-e-double-toothpicks was I thinking? (Yes, that's what I ate for dinner, too.) A loaf of French bread. HUH? Cinnamon rolls for DS for New Years morning. It was pretty damned stupid to go shopping when I was emotional.

Time to get a grip and not eat my emotions. That does not happen to me very often. I'm just feeling a bit frustrated because the severe pain is the same spot it's always been only it's worse now, and I can't help but wonder if it was the fibroid all along. That doesn't make me happy because I have a history with problem fibroids and, well, never mind. I'm not sharing my angry thoughts here.

The good news is I know what's causing the pain and will see the gyno next week. Loved the gal I saw today, professional and she listened. She actually looked at my pain chart! Kudos to her--she's the first one that has. I felt I was heard, and that is half the battle. I did find it, um, amusing that she suggested Ibuprofen for pain. Um, do ya think I haven't tried that? And Aleve? And aspirin? I told her I took ibuprofen just for inflammation purposes and she wants me to continue that and to keep on top of the pain. She asked me what I did for pain and my answer was: I SUFFER. lol Drama queen--but true.

I am feeling angry, frustrated, scared because I can't help but think there's another surgery in my future. I'm also feeling hopeful because damn it all, I want to work out hard, I want to get the rest of this weight off and move forward and be an athlete. I want that as much as I want to be pain free. So I'm an emotional basket case tonight.

Step count will be over 16,000 tonight. Didn't do a workout, but I had lots of nervous energy and have been walking around the house, resting, walking around some more. (Yes, it's called nervous pacing.) It's just more comfortable to get up and move around every so often, too.


~~~~~~~

Also, a great-big thank you to two of my favorite bloggers that reminded me that they did not lose all their weight in a year, one was shy of two years and the other took three. That made me feel SO much better. xoxo

Never give up, it's never too late!

Wednesday Recap

Step count: 16,943
Miles: 7.18
Calorie Burn: 2365

Woke up feeling better, "the pain" was gone, but replaced with bladder pain. The new pain is much easier to deal with, but still stabs. Called the doctor and got an appointment for tomorrow. I'm wondering if this whole pain thing isn't gyno related at all, but rather kidney/bladder/something else entirely. I have in my mind that I have kidney stones. That was brought up in the ER, but I have no back pain. Who knows. Taking DH with me and planning on being aggressive. (I'm so not aggressive, so will really try hard. I'm tired of this.)

Managed to do a video today, Gin Miller's Ramping Cardio Express. It's kind of like a step video, but not really. She uses a ramp, and when I use anything, I use my slanted risers and step bench. Today I just pretended it was a Leslie video and did the whole thing on the floor. Felt SOOO good to move, even though it was short duration. Total Fitness DVDs had these Ramping videos on sale dirt cheap awhile back and I bought all of them. No regrets at all, as they're very pleasant and have lovely music. When I use a step bench with them, I actually get a very good calorie burn and intensity rating with my fitbit.

We took down all our Christmas stuff today. DH mentioned it made him sad. DS didn't say anything. I just wanted clutter to be gone and my living room back to normal. That is SO not like me--I usually have it up after Thanksgiving and take it down on New Year's Day. I just don't want Monday to hit with a pile of work, school to start, and me burning the candle at both ends.

Adding blogs back slowly to the new Bloglines. I got reminded why I backed off on reading so many. I'm very, very happy for the bloggers that are having great success! But--but--but I turn it inward and it makes me very sad. I've been working my @$$ off and not seeing the same rewards. How can that be that I am so happy for someone yet it makes me sad about my journey at the same time?! How can it be that I've been at this almost 2 years, rarely cheat, exercise to the best of my ability, and yet I haven't even lost 100 pounds yet? Throwing a bit of a temper tantrum here. Damn it all.

Put a great quote at the top of my blog. It was just SO me. I keep plugging away at this despite everything. Never give up. Here's the quote: Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use. ~Earl Nightingale Isn't that great? Fits me so well--me, the tortoise.