Some New Goals

I need some new goals to work toward.  If we don't set goals, we just float and go nowhere.

1) To get back into ONEderland.
2) To get back to my lowest weight of 174.
3) To workout daily, and rest days do stretching
4) To learn kettlebells, not just do kettlebells.  There is a difference.  I need a lot of work.
5) To ride the *(%$# Airdyne three times a week.  Small goal for that to get me started. I don't like riding a bike at all, but it's all I have for cardio (besides kettlebells) and it is a must.
6) To improve my attitude!  See #5.   Working on a positive attitude.
7) To get back into my clothes.  I have two pair of jeans that fit right now. I refuse to buy a larger size.  Refuse.
8) To eat healthier.  I admit my food choices haven't been the best.  I don't like to cook, so I'm working on ways around that. (Looking for HEALTHY crockpot recipes. Then I can go into the kitchen in the peace and quiet of morning, prepare my food for the day (and beyond) and just be done.
9) To work on stress reduction.  Major need for this.

My weight just kind of floats around the same area, but my body has changed.  Stress=cortisol=belly fat. My tummy, to me, is huge. I'm very uncomfortable.  Photos make me gag, I don't like how it looks.  But it's not about looks, it's about health.  And belly fat is indicative of heart troubles...so it has to go. I don't want it anymore.

I've never been one for rewards.  The reward is the number on the blood tests, the size of clothing, but most importantly, feeling better and being able to do more.  I am going to save up for a trip for some kettlebell coaching this spring.  I don't know where I'll get the money, because I don't have a job.  I'll figure something out, though.

Remember the AA prayer?  God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.  Yeah, that.  Some things are great, some things aren't.  Just have to focus on the POSITIVE, change what you can, and go with the flow what you can't.  I can change what I eat, I can work on stress reduction, I can up the exercise.  And I will.

Dedication. Focus. Do the work. Kick ass and crush it.

I haven't blogged in months.  It's been quite a ride since May. I'm still fighting my weight, but more importantly, my mind.

I am now a full-time student working on a bachelor's degree.  I entered school as a junior and funny, it's going to take me three years to get the degree.  Sadly, they only approved me for three semesters in student loans.  I don't know where the money will come from.  Let nothing stand in the way, though.

Went to a kettlebell clinic put on by the wonderful Valery Fedorenko from the World Kettlebell Club.  I have a LOT to learn.  He helped me quite a bit, but I need to practice like crazy.

Struggling so much getting in the groove.  It's hard to balance all of life.  I am uncomfortable, though, and need to get back where I was.

Feet still awful.  Seeing a specialist this week.  Crossing my fingers that relief will come.

I had "it" for quite awhile.  I look at that sidebar and see "it."  "It" needs to come back into my life.  I don't know how at the moment.  I don't know what the magic is.  The flame is inside me, it's an ember at the moment, but like a Phoenix, it will rise again.  I just need to figure out how to get it flamed.

That's it.  Going to try to blog more as it really helped me get to where I am.  Things kind of fell apart when I quit blogging.

It's time.  Swing that bell, count those calories.

Dedication.  Focus.  Do the work.  Kick ass and crush it.

Lost Photo

Trying to boost my self esteem tonight, I was looking at photos. I found the top photo. It SHOCKS me. I know I was fat, big, but I actually don't remember being this big. Funny thing is, I still see myself as huge and when I pull clothes out of the dryer, I still think they've shrunk.  I have a very warped sense of my own self.  Thought I'd share. While I still have a ways to go, I've come a long way!!!

HURT

I have hurt to the depths of my soul, every cell in my body.  I just cannot figure out what to do with my life. What I'm doing right now is just not working for me.  At all.  It's a life not worth living.

When you cannot get a job, when you cannot even get an interview for a "crap" job (meaning below 8 bucks an hour), you're pretty much a loser.  Yes, I worked for almost seven months and made under $8 an hour. Fortunately I liked what I did enough that it wasn't that bad. I transferred to supposedly the same job and it wasn't, I gave notice after my second day.  And now I'm unemployed.

School.  I'm looking at going back to school for a bachelor's degree. That is a huge bucket list for me.  I am plagued by self-doubt, insecurity, lack of confidence, fear...every negative emotion there is.  Oh, and how the heck will I pay for it???

But that all brings me to diet.  Today I blew it. Depression hit me hard, I spent the majority of the day in bed.  And I did the horrible thing I just don't do:  I ordered Pizza Hut.  Yup, I ate it.  Guaranteed, I'll be up five pounds tomorrow mostly due to sodium.

My mentor told me, "So, you ate bad tonight, get back on target tomorrow."  Made it seem so easy.  And it is. It really is--if only I can convince myself of that and not continue to beat myself up.

I also did not work out tonight.

So, the day is over. I'm ready for a new one.  Tomorrow will be better.

I just cannot seem to bring it altogether, dietary intake/fitness/mental outlook. You need all three to lose, get fit and succeed.

UGH

Tomorrow is another day.  We all can do it!

GET TOUGH! DO THE WORK!!!

Do the work, that's one of my FAVORITE sayings now because it is what it takes to get where you're going.

Struggling with a lot of foot pain. Severe.  Had to take a rest day yesterday from my kettlebells because the foot pain was so bad I couldn't walk.  Today it's better.

Struggling with getting my caloric intake to my magic numbers.  Hungry.  THAT is mind over matter, and habit.  Getting there.

Came across a quote today that I love:

I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. -Michael Jordan

Isn't that great?  Our failures make us succeed.

Never give up.  Anything is possible!

Ouch!!!

Well, I'm back.  Life isn't always fair, I don't always make wise choices, and, well, here I am.  I need to put health first again.  The others will fall into place.

To lose fat, it is imperative to have a supportive community. One must give support, one must receive support. Blogging did that for me.

To get healthy, one must make smart choices and work hard. I'm back on the wagon doing the World Kettlebell Club's Pentathlon.

I am plagued with problems with my feet from plantar fasciitis to burning, prickling sensations.  The latter, the doctor insists will go away now that I no longer work on my feet.  I just hope.  The plantar fasciitis, well, June 2nd is the day it started, the day of my first 5K.  Hopefully it will end soon.

I need to take an open and honest look at my food. While I eat healthier than 90% of the people out there--ask me how I know--I could eat much healthier.

So back to blogging.  If you read this, drop me a line so I can follow your blog!

I am NOT pleased with that scale. Nor am I pleased to announce I've already lost 7 pounds.  Oh well, it is what it is, water under the bridge, time to move on and get busy.

Time to DO THE WORK!!!

My First 5K--I DID IT!

Dang it! How do I rotate this in the new format?  YIKES...I've lost all blogging abilities!

Here I am at the finish line.

Time: 42:16
Hope: 45  My best in training was 48 minutes.  I beat my HOPE time! WOOT

Did not enjoy it during the race, was grumpy--some people were kind of rude, and I kept thinking that I could do this at home for free and not pay gas money, entry money, etc.  When I saw that time at the finish line, that changed my mind.  I didn't cry until I started walking to my car and then it hit...the tears just poured.

ME--282.5 pound former me--I wogged (jogged/walked) a 5K.

This is the first of many...

HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!