Me, Wyoming, Teenager

This picture was taken in the early 1980s, somewhere literally in the middle of Wyoming. I am a native of Wyoming, born in Laramie, and though I lived in Colorado at the time, I was visiting family. You can't tell, but I am wearing my cowboy boots. I was a wannabe cowgirl--that was completely normal attire to me. I ***want*** those legs back!


I was in my upper teens here. I look at this photo and think...those legs, that butt! Wow. Those were size 28 Levis, 501s. The sad thing is I never knew I had a great body then.






This is me in 1987 at Christmas. I was 22. I was home visiting mom and dad. I think I was in the upper 130s here. I felt f-a-t. I would gladly take that body back, too. I sure wouldn't wear a crop top, though. lol This photo makes me smile because it brings back wonderful memories. I was in love at the time. It pained me to be apart from him at Christmas. All I talked about was him. Well, 23 years later, "him" can be found on my couch at this very moment, sound asleep. lol

Even though my lower half was "chunky," and I always think that when I see this photo, I still like the photo. So 80s, so me.

I was cleaning up a bit and I uncovered this spiral notebook. It was my weight loss journal when I reached the 160s. I had taken a few photos of myself in thinner days and one in my then-fat period and journaled a little, and was trying to inspire myself. I'm glad I came across it because it did inspire me.

Now I'm a 40-something, and bodies change, hips spread, but I just wonder what I will be like when I get where I'm going. I doubt seriously I'll ever have that teen-aged body again, but the 22-year-old body, along with some sagging, hip spread, gray hair, etc., I think may be very possible.

Gives me hope. =)

Surgery Postponed

Monday's surgery has been postponed. The results from the genetic testing did not come back yet. I figured they couldn't get them done that fast.

So I will wait. I hate waiting. I'm not a good waiter. lol Nerves. Well, that and the stupid pain. Was really hoping and ready for some relief from that.

Oh well. I know it's a good thing to wait for--knowledge is power. Rather be proactive.

I think I'll scour the net for recipes. We're getting stuck in a rut food wise, and it's time to spice things up a bit. Food always takes my mind off things. lol

Seashore at Goal!!!

I am so very happy this morning. I'm so behind on blog reading, but just hit up my blogging friend/fellow border collie lover Seashore's blog. What did I find?

She made goal! She looks fantastic!

What a hero she is! She lost more than 100 pounds. Woo-hoo!

Please drop by and give her a great-big congratulations. She earned it!

Way to go. =)

Car Ride

I told hubby tonight that I just want to get in a car, all by myself, and drive. He asked if I'd like to drive to the next town and go to a store I like to go to.

NO.

I want to get in a car and drive and drive and drive until I can drive no further. I just want to run away.

He asked if I'd like to scream in a field. No way! I'd do it while I was driving, in the privacy of my car with the engine running so that no one could hear me or see me and think I was crazy. lol I just want to run away.

Can moms/wives run away?

Just want to leave all my troubles behind for awhile.

Instead I settled for a quick trip to Wal-mart, NCIS and a little internet time. Not quite what I was going for.

=)

Had another doctor apt today. Had blood work, exam, etc. All for surgery that probably won't happen because test results probably won't be back in time. I don't like going to the doctor.

The rest of the week is FREE. Nothing on the calendar. That is such sweet relief! Hoping I'm feeling better because I'd really love to get some double workouts in because I'll have the time.Just need the body to cooperate.

My car is still calling me...let's go for a ride.

When the Going Gets Tough...

the tough go to thrift stores!
~~~

I drove to the big city this morning for my doctor appointment armed with the info about sissy's ovarian cancer. The doctor said that information changes everything. So I probably will not be having surgery Monday unless my genetic testing comes back Friday and it's negative.

They're testing me for the mutated gene, as breast and ovarian cancer can run in families. Mom had breast cancer, sissy has ovarian cancer.

The scary part? If I have this gene, he's referring me to an oncologist and said I'll have ovaries and breasts removed. I know I turned as white as a ghost when he said that. If I do not have the gene, we'll do what we had planned on doing. He said sorry, he knows I'm in pain and I interrupted him and said this is more important and he agreed.

By the time I got to the lab, I had tears streaming down my face. Couldn't help it, didn't care, I just let the fear go. The gal at the counter was an absolute angel as I couldn't even think straight enough to fill out the standard form--husband's name, insurance stuff. She helped me.

Got the blood drawn, went into the bathroom, washed my face and decided back to life as usual. It's out of my system now, just wait and hope for the best. My gut tells me I'll be fine. Who knows. So I decided to hit the thrift stores.

I found so many exercise videos I almost cried, as I had all the Firms I had found. I did get a new, unopened Cathe video and a Beach Body Slim Series stretch video which is highly recommended. Also found a mint condition crockpot crock that is identical to mine. Bought it on the spot because mine cracked! And then I was strolling electronics and found what I thought was a 20-inch TV. It was next to two 13-inch TVs so I guessed 20. $35, and it looked brand new. I checked all the channels, the volume worked--and so I bought it for my son. They loaded it into my car.

When I got home, I couldn't lift it, it was too heavy. We got the tape measure out and it's a 27 inch TV! lol Hubby said a few choice words over the phone. But shoot, it was $35 and it worked and had a good picture!

And that's life. I was very pleased with my doctor as he answered all my questions. I had my mini meltdown and left it there at the lab and ended up having a great time all by my lonesome.

So who knows what Friday or next week will bring. One beautiful day at a time. =)

Monday Morning Weigh-In

205.5
-2

Yay! Inching my way down. =)

Another Late Nighter

Whew. What a week. I guess it is officially Friday, which is a good thing.

My son and I went out of town for his ortho appointment. Then we went to lunch at, where else, The Olive Garden. I always get the dressing on the side and use very little. It's my once-a-month joy. I love eating there. And yes, I eat a bread stick or two. Today I had three and had to suffer a bit tonight because of it! I was really full, though--uncomfortably full.

I am a very emotional person. I never hide it, I wear it on my sleeve, and I make no excuses for it. It is who I am. I love deeply, cry at the drop of the hat over emotional stories. Yes, I've cried reading blogs. Yes, I cry when bloggers have great victories. I cry over sad things, too. That's who I am. It's unsettling to some, especially my husband.

So, obviously, I had a very emotional week. I actually took a few Xanax this week to get myself calmed down. I wasn't having panic attacks per se; rather, my mind was racing. Too much to sleep every night. I always have an after effect of feeling just a bit off the next day. So tonight I told hubby I'm letting nature take its course. I'm listening to some of my favorite music on the iPod, just balanced the checkbook, sent some emails, and thought. A lot. Tomorrow I'm not setting the alarm and will wake up when the dogs can stand it no longer and wake me. lol

On the homeschool front, we have finished everything but Math and German. So we shall continue to plug away at those, plus we're doing spelling every day as that is DS's weak spot. DS is a science lover, so we're doing that, too. This frees up some of my day, so I'm really hoping that tomorrow and over the weekend, I can channel my Grandma, Grandmother and Mom to help me clean my house. lol

All three ladies were immaculate with their housekeeping skills. None worked outside the home, and it was their job which they did proudly and well. Me? Well, I'm busy with school, playing around too much online, chasing after two cats and three dogs, picking up after two boys, one a grown man and one growing into a man. I am not them.

All of my grandparents were born in the 1800s. Isn't that weird? I'm 44 years old, and the youngest of two youngests. My dad's Grandpa was in the Civil War. Just weird, the time frame. These women came from a different time period when being a housewife was more, well, respected than it is today. I always wanted to be like all three, but I had a career, then lived life.

I think there's a happy medium. With five animals, there is a lot of hair and extra work. With men that like to and do cook often, there are a lot of dishes. Times have changed. I do know when my son grows up and goes out on his own, I want a year to be like the heroic ladies in my life. Then I want to live in the real world.

So tomorrow, I'm going to channel all three women and clean, clean, clean--after a good, hard workout. I had pain issues today and fatigue. My body is absolutely craving movement, though. So I shall appease that craving by getting in a good step workout and cleaning.

It was a nice day. The spring air was wonderful, the smell of lilacs in the air just brought a smile to my face, and spending the day with my son was priceless.