This is a stupid post lol

EMOTIONAL STUFF:

I had a terrible time falling asleep last night. I actually was a little emotional last night, thinking about anxiety, the death of my parents, family matters, etc. I was reading a little bit about post traumatic stress disorder, and I may have that. I just love diagnosing myself. When Googling about this, I found a page and this stood out like a sore thumb:

We believe that survivors become stuck in problem behaviors when their pain is
not acknowledged, heard, respected, and understood. Denial plays a great part
here (didn't happen/ shouldn't affect you). Putdowns, dismissal of their pain,
misdiagnosis and other forms of secondary wounding keep survivors stuck.

This pretty much sums up where I'm at on these issues. I will never get acknowledgment from the people I need it most from--nor respect, nor will they listen. They will never understand. So my closure in this is acknowledging the fact that they will never acknowledge, hear, respect or understand. I have to accept this. I have to move on. Now I need to get over that keel over fear I have. Time, patience--I'll get there.

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Woke up very late this morning due to my lack of falling asleep. Everything today was blurred--doing things fast, feeling behind. I don't like those kinds of days at all. I did Sweatin' to the Oldies 2, got school done, and went to our obedience class tonight. We then went out to Taco Bell again. I love Taco Bell Thursday. It's a good thing we don't have one in my town anymore. I stay within points, but I love it so that I would make excuses to go there more than once a week.

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DOG STUFF

I was so smug and thought our dogs were trained so well. Obedience class is really putting me in my place. It's actually not fun anymore but stressful. We're clicker trainers, this class does not allow treats. So that makes it difficult. Really difficult. The distractions our dogs face -- it is difficult. It just makes me feel so stupid.

Border collies are sensitive to sight, sound--the slightest movement. They have to be in order to be good herding dogs. Well, you need to be two steps ahead of them to train them properly, and we aren't. They do fine at home, they do fine on our walks, they do fine on our outings, but they need a heck of a lot of work around other dogs and in the training facility. We really had hopes of doing agility and my hubby wants to do fly ball. I just don't know if I'm smart enough to train these boys. I am, but I'm just feeling frustrated at our lack of progress.

It's frustrating when you ask the instructor how to do something and you get the same pat answer: you have to be the center of your dog's world, you have to be the most interesting thing to your dog. Um, yeah, I get that, but could you give me some advice on doing that? The first night we were in class, I was having a blast, Pip was behaving pretty well, but not focusing on me. I got that spiel and it sunk me. My doggie loves me more than anyone or anything, and the words stung. I now know it's common verbiage in the dog world.

I may order the book Control Unleashed. It's been on my Amazon wish list for a long time.

We train with the dogs every day, but I think I'll up the amount of time. I think instead of doing an afternoon and/or an evening training session, I'll try to add a couple more short bursts in. I also think I'll do it on my own, without hubby or my son. Kids know that moms mean business and my dogs do, too. I think they may learn better from me, even though each has their own person in class.

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Physically I've had "the pain" the past few days. It's been pretty bad. (The pain is a pain in my bowel that I've had off and on for years.) Exercise makes me feel really good.

I bought the new Hungry Girl book at the bookstore tonight. Can't wait to look through it.

Boring post. I like the uneventful days, though.