Reflections of My Day

What a day.

Last night my period started. Sorry, to my male readers, but it's my blog, my issues and that pesky monthly Aunt Flo is an issue. Frankly, I have called it many things, but a period is a period. Let me tell you, they're definitely NOT happy.

Anyway, I knew that would mean today would be high-pain day. It was. I was also surprised because I had not had a panic or anxiety during PMS. I was hoping I'd make it through this time without. No such luck.

My son finished all of his standardized test and we are officially done with seventh grade! Woo-hoo. Boo-hoo. He's growing up too fast. I enjoy watching him mature, grow and become such a super young man, but I miss my baby, toddler, young boy, too. It just goes too fast.

After he finished testing, I gathered all the material to send back. That's when I started shaking. That's when the noise started bothering me. It's as if all the noise is magnified 100 times and I cannot hear myself think, nor can I concentrate. I think it took me about 10 minutes to double-check the list of four items that needed to be sent back. I was just flustered. I then had to gather some checks for deposit, three altogether, and that took me about ten minutes, too.

We hopped in the car and drove to the post office. Got that done, purchased new stamps because I missed that they went up and had to pay my postal carrier 13 cents last week that I was short. We then drove to the bank and I swear it took me five minutes to get the three checks out, and then find the deposit slip which was with the checks. The teller kept chatting with me..."How are you today? It's lovely out, isn't it?" (Small town teller boredom, I think.) I wanted to scream shut up I'm trying to think! lol

I found it bizarre. Driving? Fine, not a problem. Doing the minute tasks? Strange, difficult.

Then we drove to the library to return books. Son ran them in while I waited in the car. I wasn't in the mood to get new books. He came out, jumped in and started chattering. He does that from time to time, it's one of his sweet quirks. Right now he's chattering about astronomy and things I don't know about. His dad teaches him in this area. The noise of my sweet child, whom I love more than anything on the face of this earth, was about to send me over the top.

I looked at him and apologized, then asked him to please not talk to me until we get home. That is one of the worst feelings a mother can have--not coping in the moment to the point you have to ask your child to not talk. It makes me teary thinking about it.

This is just CRAZY.

Once we got home, I really started shaking, my breath was rapid and I was just a jittery mess. The dogs all barked when we came in, happy to see us. Son was playful with them and the noise increased. Even though I'm getting loves from my Pip and his brothers (he is a half brother to our other two boys), I just was a mess.

I picked up the phone, called hubby and asked when he was coming home. He asked me why and I said I'm having a Calgon moment. He laughed, understood, told me to take a Xanax, and he'd be home shortly.

I did. He was. I sat, did deep breathing, trying to relax. I was in awful pain all day, too. I needed to take a Motrin, but I chose Xanax--the anxiety was worse. When hubby got home, that sweet man gave me a back rub. He even used lotion, and he never does that. It helped tremendously.

When I got up, ta da, I was fine again. Back to normal.

Thank God for Xanax. And hubby.

I am so sick of this that I could just scream, though.

I have my physical on Monday. I did not think to call the office in time to inform them of my cycle. They normally don't do physicals during cycles. I'm going anyway. I can go back another time for the icky part.

I poked around my blog a bit and made a big list of what all I wanted to discuss. I am thankful that I blog about this stuff, because sometimes I forget it when I'm not experiencing it. I am going to print two copies of my list, one for the doc and one for me. I'm taking a Flair marker so that I can write and scribble notes while the doctor talks.

Top of the list that I want relief from:
periods anxiety leg swelling "the pain" -- that pain I get in my bowel

My list goes on. I wrote down everything I could think of. Blood sugar, lipids, hip pain, blah blah blah. At the very top of the list I wrote out my weight loss chart, my exercise chart....gotta start with the good stuff.

There are no guarantees in life, no guarantees about health. Bad things can happen to people at a moment's notice. But by golly, I am making small steps to better things. My small steps are turning into a great-big mountain. I'm trying to get healthy. That is my number 1 goal. I think the doctor will think I'm either anal, or she'll get that I'm dead serious about this. Hopefully the later, because that is the case.

I did not exercise today. The cramp pain was too bad, shooting down my legs even. I had planned on exercising when I got home from errands. Well, I was too panicky to do so. I remember the time that I was having anxiety and the workout alleviated it--but today I was too far gone to do it.

I hope and pray that I will be able to get some help at this visit. I'm going to ask about hypnotherapy, too. I'm going to ask a million questions.

The day was not lost. We got a lot done, and it was a milestone day: the last day of 7th grade. Yet it was tough emotionally for me. I'm sure my anxiety makes it tough on son, too.

The good thing is tomorrow I should be feeling much better.