Emotional Me

I'm sorry. I'm a prolific poster. Can't help it, though. lol

I woke up about 3:30 this morning, somewhere around there. Couldn't sleep anymore. Wandered around the house a bit, decided today I needed to get out of the house. It started raining and I looked out the window at hubby's car. And it hit me: Fear. Sometimes I get a touch agoraphobic. I knew I wouldn't be able to leave the house today. I knew if I needed to get out, I'd have to wait until hubby got off work. And then the tears came.

I sat down at the kitchen table and the flood gates opened. I cried and cried and cried. I have no idea what I was crying about, but I just sobbed. Hubby got up, asked what was wrong, and I told him I didn't know, but it is probably hormonal. He patted me on the back, said sorry, and started his day.

I decided to do something right then. I washed my face, dressed, and grabbed my purse. I told him I was running out to the store real quick. At 5 am. And I did. I didn't think I'd be able to do it, but the fear went away. This doesn't happen too often, and it's never stopped me from going. Best way for me to deal with it is to do something. I drove to the convenience store and grabbed a cup of coffee.

When I got home, hubby and I had a long talk. I shared some things I was very frustrated about. So did he. It started out rocky, but got very productive. I'm just sorry our conversation had to end, because it turned out great.

My period was due sometime this week. I don't know if I'm experiencing it now or after effects from the surgery. I do know my hormones threw me for a loop this morning. I am going to keep track of it for three months and then hit up the doctor again if they don't mellow out. The hormones were as bad as the pain/clotting/heaviness, which hopefully has been alleviated. I don't know where that cry came from, but I think it was a good thing. A cathartic release. Got rid of lots of tension and stress. I think sometimes that's one way my body cleanses itself.

I'm at about 85% today--better than yesterday, almost back to normal. It's cleaning day today. The boys have done a good job--my son has done dishes every day, vacuumed a couple times, but the house is missing my touch. It's really missing my touch. So I think I'll get started touching it.

My tummy is better today and I've already eaten my bran flakes/Fiber One breakfast. We'll have the crockpot cheeseburgers tonight, as I didn't feel like eating them last night and hubby wanted leftovers. I am hoping to get back to my salads, which I miss, and more protein. I just haven't felt like eating normally. Hopefully my bland day yesterday has helped my tummy.

I was thinking, if I'd had this surgery before I started making changes, I bet I would have had a lot of shakes and fast food this week. I know I would have. Pizza delivery, too. Fast food used to make everything better--while I ate it. So even though I haven't eaten balanced the past few days, it's sure better than what I used to do.