Make It Happen

The other morning when I woke up early and hubby and I had that great talk, it was inspiring. Sadly, he had to leave for work before we finished. I was very surprised when it continued when he got home from work that day.

That morning I shared with him my biggest worry, a worry that I have not shared with anyone. I felt so alone, and I didn't think he'd understand. I didn't think I could go to him with it. Just getting it off my chest lifted the weight off my shoulders--the weight of the world. I was very surprised to learn that he had the exact same worry.

I was floored. I looked at this man in a whole new light. He's not the worrying kind. I do enough of that for the entire family. That one little conversation did more to lift my spirits than anything. It eased my loneliness. It quenched my thirst. It did not ease my worry, nor his, as we will both always have that--but it made us both stronger.

That afternoon, as our conversation continued, I shared some other things. The topic of conversation flirted around things that we'd both been avoiding, things on our to-do list that weren't getting done. Then we started making plans.

We need a new roof and new front window. We also need to clean up our landscaping. So I grabbed my notebook and a pen, he rolled his eyes and said, "No, not the notebook!" lol My list making drives him crazy. He suggested he make the list, and he grabbed his mechanical pencil. He made the list. And away we go.

We have had our old car that may or may not run anymore sitting in our driveway for a few years. Yes, years. It embarrasses me to no end: we've fought about it, we've thrown money at it in the form of insuring it. Well, yesterday I called the auto salvage and today they're coming to get it. Goodbye, old Subaru. The only car we have ever bought brand new off the lot, it has traveled many a mile. My fondest memory of that car was bringing my baby home from the hospital. Hubby drove 20 miles an hour the whole way home at my insistence. The worst memory of that car was my mom having a heart attack in it. sigh Today, it will be gone. It will be a memory.

Today we are ordering rock, and a lot of it. Our back yard has a 25-35 or so area that is a dog run. The dogs have destroyed all the grass, and it is now weeds and dirt. We will clean the area up, do whatever prep work hubby says, and lay the rock. This will ease my house cleaning duties considerably, as the boys bring dirt in on them.

Hubby is also going to do something he has wanted to do since we bought the house. He is going to take out the front porch and sidewalk to our door and start fresh. He has never liked it. Then he will lay a brick sidewalk. Oh, that will be pretty! We're also going to put river rock in the front beds.

We also need to get a roofer lined up and windows priced.

We're making progress. We're moving forward.

This past February, when I weighed 282.5, I would not have had the energy to even think of doing all these things. All I did was complain about the car and dog run. I wouldn't have had the energy to landscape, to shovel rocks into a wheelbarrow, or even to plan it all out. Shoot, I couldn't even bend over.

This journey is much more than about a number on a scale. This journey is about life. After only a 35-pound loss, I am beginning to live--really live again. My hopes and dreams are back. I am more physically active than I was. My mind is not so clouded. It still may be a bit cluttered, but I can think through that clutter now. I'm working on that clutter. The clouds are gone.

My weight loss may be slow, but I am the tortoise. I keep on going. I will win the war. And in the process, I will reap benefits that I couldn't possibly even imagine.