I Did Not...(more whining--the Queen of whining!)

-catch up on blogs. I tried, but had to quit
-exercise
-clean the house
-do the laundry
-watch tv
-read a book
-buy groceries

I had a bad weekend. Plagued by anxiety, it was a Xanax-popping weekend. Light- headedness, anxiety, feeling as if I wanted to climb out of my skin, nausea extreme. The worst? That pain, the ovary pain. It was high yesterday, high today. It's not constant, but when it hits, it hits hard.

I do have a doctor appointment the beginning of February. I'm flat out going to ask if she'll put me in medically induced menopause. I know they can do it, I was in it for six month when I was 28 while they were monitoring my first fibroid.

This is drastically reducing the quality of my life when it hits. I sure don't want surgery, I'm still kicking myself for not demanding a full hysterectomy instead of the ablation. The ablation, however, was a huge success. My problem was more than that, though, I have had "the pain" for years, and it gets worse as I get older. Thankfully I no longer have the gusher, soak the sheets bleeding and the cramps so bad I'm on the couch two days. So I am very thankful for that.

I have had three gynecological surgeries in my life. I've had problems since I started menstruating when I was 10 years old. I'm tired of this.

The worst part? I've been without exercise for two days. I missed Thursday as well due to the pain. The pain is deep inside, and it is extremely stabbing when it hits. Sometimes it's a dull ache, but usually it makes me double over. I cannot walk straight, let alone work out.

Uncle. I give. Fix it.

Having said all that, life could be so much worse. I feel guilty complaining about a few days a month when some live with much worse conditions. Really, I am thankful that my physical woes are what they are. But by golly if they can do something to help, I really would appreciate it.

Otherwise, I think I need to accept that this is what it is, have no guilt when I cannot work out, and arrange my schedule knowing it's going to happen. So I can change my attitude about it. I would bet $100 they will not put me in a medically induced menopause. So I just need to adjust to it, unless they can offer something to help.

Motrin? Doesn't even touch the pain. In fact, the drugs I got after my surgery this past summer? Mildly numbed the pain, but it was still there. I've used them all up.

So life is behind in every way, and I doubt I'll be catching up on blogs for awhile. I'm sorry. I love following everyone's journeys and feel a deep connection with my blogging friends. I just hope you all understand.

Love, Jo
the basket case lol