I have three siblings. I am on speaking terms with one. That one called me tonight to inform me that the other sister has stage 3 ovarian cancer, and just had surgery two weeks ago. Apparently "the other sister" also has an ileoscopy bag, and that surgery was performed six months ago. The other sister is also on oxygen.
I cannot contact "the other sister" because that would get speaking sister in trouble. "The other sister" attacked me and as soon as all was said and done with the estate, I had very little contact and then she just quit emailing altogether. I was not sorry about that.
I feel very numb. I am too afraid to Google stage 3 ovarian cancer, but it doesn't sound good.
The bottom line is that I love the other sister, but I cannot be around her. She put me in harm's way, she was violent, she attacked me in front of my son, she was a severe alcoholic and put my son in harm's way. I could write a book about all that happened. I've always been very hesitant about sharing this, but this is the cause of my anxiety disorder. And as a blogging friend mentioned, I probably have post traumatic stress disorder due to it. It was that bad.
So while I want to reach out, I don't dare--because speaking sister would get in trouble. Speaking sister does not know what to do because she, too, has been attacked by the other sister and has very little contact. Violence is not acceptable and neither of us want to open ourselves up to it. Same with the emotional and verbal abuse.
But then again, as I said, deep down I do love the other sister--I just cannot be around her and need to protect my son from her. And me. I'm at a loss as to what to do--because there's really nothing I can do.
Except...pray. As much as this person hurt me and my family, I don't wish her harm and would never wish this upon her. My heart does ache for her.
So I'm sending out a prayer request for "the other sister." She needs to be lifted up.
I also have a request. If there's anyone out there that can give me a generic "this is what this means" so I don't have to research, I would appreciate it. With me facing my own ovary issues, needless to say, I am scared shitless. I see my surgeon on the 26th and the first thing coming out of my mouth is my sister has stage 3 ovarian cancer. I am wondering if that should change his course of treatment for me.
Life is short. Be kind. Live it to the fullest. Do no harm.
I'm so sorry. Can you work to find a way to forgive her, so at least you can be at peace with yourself?
ReplyDeleteThe tumor involves one or both ovaries with tumor implants confined to the abdominal cavity but outside the pelvis, or there is cancer in the pelvic, para-aortic or groin nodes.
ReplyDeleteIIIa The tumor is grossly limited to the pelvis and the lymph nodes are negative but there is biopsy-proven microscopic cancer on the intra-abdominal (peritoneal) surfaces.
IIIb The tumor involves one or both ovaries and there are tumor implants on the peritoneal surfaces less than 3/4 in. (2 cm) in diameter. The lymph nodes are negative.
IIIc The tumor involves one or both ovaries, there are tumor implants on the surface of the abdominal cavity greater than 3/4 in. (2 cm) in diameter or there is cancer in the pelvic, para-aortic or groin lymph nodes.
Five-Year Survival
About 20-50 percent.
I am sorry about your sister.
That being said..the 20-50 percent thing is just a statistic...not a person.
When my brother was diagnosed with aids...it was past the initial stage and they gave him two years...its been at least 4. He is still doing well.
Hugs to you. i hope you can figure out a way to communicate.
I feel for you. I grew up with a step father that was like your sister. I loved him but didn't ever want to be around his abusive ways. Then I got a call one day at work from his friend saying he had stomach cancer and was dying and really wanted to get in touch with me and my mom. But he didn't know how to reach us.
ReplyDeleteI spoke to my mom about it and she said she would see him. Since he was so sick he couldn't drive I offered to pick him up. I'm happy I had that last chance to see him. He was able to tell me he was sorry and I truely believe him.
However, it NEVER took away the pain I had from all the bad stuff he did. I NEVER really changed my feelings towards him. I'm sure it made him feel better though.
If your sister knows how to get in touch with you I think she will do so if she really wants to. If not, like you said, just pray for her. You can forgive someone but it doesn't mean you have to ever forget what happened and forgiving does not mean you have to allow them back into your life.
I will add your sister and you into my daily prayers.
If you need someone to talk to please feel free to email me at jk51958@yahoo.com I'm here for you.
Hugs,
Joanne
Oh I'm so sorry for everything you are going through. Obviously you got some good statistics in the comments but from a personal view my great grandmother at 71 was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian and uterine cancer when I was 10. She was operated on, and then given a few rounds of chemo therapy. I will not lie, even from a ten year old point of view it was not pleasant. The doctors gave her a few months. She lived another year. I am sending prayers for your sister and you and your family. God Bless
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear this Jo. What if you wrote her a letter and tell her you found out from another source (not your speaking sister)?
ReplyDeleteI've been through the wringer with my sister too, but in this case, life is too short.
I am praying for you.
ReplyDeleteHARD AND INTENSE AND LONG.
carla
Thinking and praying for you and your sister...
ReplyDeleteLife is short...I hope and pray for the best---for her health and your relationship.
My best always
Sean
I am so sorry for all of you. There is nothing you can do but support if she asks for it. Know that we are all here for you.
ReplyDeleteBlood or not...toxic is toxic and you come first. Pray for her, but put your energy into yourself and the talking sister. You love "that sister" in your heart and will help her as you help yourself and keep your faith.
ReplyDeleteVery sorry to hear this. Can you maybe just send a card, not mentioning anything, but just saying I want you to know that I am thinking of you and even when I don't see you, I have nothing but love for you? something like that?
ReplyDeleteK.
my blog: www.it-is-time.com
Oh my goodness!! I will be praying for your sister and your family! I am so sorry to hear about the past and all of the issues that you had. It sounds like a horrible ordeal. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers :)
ReplyDeleteI said a prayer for you just now -- will keep doing so as well.
ReplyDeleteI will include you and your family in my thoughts and prayers, but I do think that taking care of YOU should still be priority one. If a way through this darkness can be found, make peace with your sister, if not, take care of yourself and make peace with that. I'll be thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear that Jo. I am with Kyle. Do take good care of yourself and we are here to listen no matter what.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you. Take care.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. This must be really hard for you.
ReplyDeleteYou have to make decisions in this situation that YOU will be able to live with long term and that's what matters.
(((HUGS)))
I'm sorry :(
ReplyDeleteHey babe..As I said before I'm sending you and her prayers. If she wants you, she will reach out. You can forgive (it's your choice) but you will never forget..That doesn't make you bad that makes you smart.
ReplyDeleteMuch love to you..I'm an email away..
Sometimes, all you can do is pray...
ReplyDeleteJo ... I'm very sorry to hear about your "other sister" and your torment. It sounds as though your sister is very ill. Maybe the best thing for you to do is just pray if that's what you want. Maybe another option is if she is near the end of her battle with this silent killer is to pay her a visit. You could tell her exactly how she has hurt you and how her "attack" has affected your life and that you do love her and forgive her for her past behaviours but that it's something that you will never be able to forget. That being said if she in any way was abusive towards your son, I would not be able to forgive that. Do what is in your heart. You do not want to let her pass away without having said what you need to. It might just be what you need to ease your pain.
ReplyDeleteSending hugs!!!
I would definitely mention it to your doctor and you and your family will be in my prays
ReplyDeleteJo, I'm sorry to hear about your sister. I agree with Kyle - toxicity is NOT good for you!
ReplyDeleteI had an aunt that fought ovarian cancer for 10 years. If she had not been agressive, she would not have lived as long as she did. Regarding your heatlh, if you feel you need to be more agressive or get a second opinion, DO IT. I have high hopes that everything will be work out just fine for you, but I've certainly added you to my prayers.
Wow Jo...I imagine you're all tied up in knots over this. I wish I had some good advice. You can never go wrong with prayer...sometimes it's all we have...and on the other hand, the only thing that will work. I'm praying for you.
ReplyDelete