Here We Go Again

Today was to be a fun day. DS had an appointment in the big city, so we were also going to do some shopping, lunch, then more shopping.

On the drive up, my old foe "the pain" reared its ugly head. Again. It got pretty intense. Many times I thought about turning around to go home, but didn't. We made it up there fine, and sitting in the waiting room was torture for me because I wanted to lie on my stomach which helps ease the pain or else curl up in a ball. Can't do that in public--well, I suppose I could do that in public, but I may not be in public for long if I did. Someone would cart me off.

This morning I'd say I was an 8 out of 10. It was intense.

As we left DS's appointment, I stopped at Walgreen's. I remembered the last time I had the pain I tried plain old aspirin and it helped numb the pain more than anything else had. I bought a bottle of baby aspirin, so I could carry it in my purse and not need water to take if the need arose. I snarfed down four delightful orange-flavored candies. Within a half hour, the "edge" was taken off, I didn't feel like moaning, and I was down to a 4-5. We went to lunch, Sam's Club for a few needed items. I have so much pride, I had zero energy and I wanted to be all hunched over that cart. Instead I had DS pick up our items and I walked straight and slow as molasses.

Then we stopped for a Starbucks, because I'm only in civilization once a month and I knew that would make me feel better mentally. It did. DS enjoyed his hot chocolate. And then I drove home. The drive home was uneventful. I was hurting, but not enough to cry out or moan or groan or gripe or b*tch like I sometimes do. (Yes, I am a whiner.)

Damn it all. I just had this issue a week ago?Or was it two weeks ago? I am documenting everything. Who do I call? I live in a small town and there are two clinics. I left the big clinic because i hated it. I had complained for years of gyno problems and was ignored. The new doc jumped on my complaints and referred me to the big city. I've had two surgeries in the big city. There are not a lot of options, especially with our insurance, and I really don't have much of a choice.

This is mentally very difficult for me. I want to kick, cry and scream that this is no fair. I've been having awful periods, cramps, PMS, bloating, crazy hormonal swings for 35 years now! I'm 45. Five gynecologic surgeries now. I'm so done. I want the ovaries removed pronto. But what I want and what I get are two different things...time will tell. And the big question is would that be worse than what I'm experiencing now? Lack of hormones? Who knows.

I'm going to sulk over this for a bit because I usually follow my gut instinct and I don't have one on this--I don't quite know what to do. I can get into the doctor PDQ, so I just need to make up my mind.

Maybe another reason I don't blog much: who wants to read all this negative crap all the time. BUT that is my life at the moment. AND I am convinced my gyno problems/hormonal problems are slowing my weight loss. Try to prove that, huh. lol What do I know, though!