Bye Fire

Could not handle the flames, my eyes are too old. Feel like a plain white background for awhile--it's neutral, that's what I need.

Got extremely irritated and stressed this afternoon and so I laid down with my iPod and listened to a hypnosis downlowd from Dr. Amen? (spg?) I had to pay for it, but it was good. It's actually a weight-loss hypnosis thing, but I knew it would help me relax--and it did! Good stuff. Then when I got up, I was starving. lol...so much for the weight-loss hypnosis part working. ;-)

Discovered that both Starkist and Chicken of the Sea make low-salt tuna. Thrilled about that because there's 750 mg of sodium in a can of Chicken of the Sea. Was disheartened to learn my grocery stores don't sell it. I could put a request in, but I could also order online.

Yesterday had a killer day with step count: 26,300! Will not be repeating that today, but will be in the upper teens again.

Ordered a blood pressure monitor, more glucose blood test strip strips (I'm not diabetic but I watch my blood sugar) and a new kitchen scale today. The new scale measures fluid ounces as well, which is why I bought--that plus my old WW scale is stained, ugly, and the plastic is cracked. It's been well used.

I'm still struggling with my feelings on this medication that has been prescribed. I do not think it's healthy for my heart, my lipids and my blood sugar. Plus, my blood pressure is normal and this is a high dosage of blood pressure medication. Am I going to pass out if I take it? So I may (or may not) cut a pill into fourths and take one fourth a day to see what it does.

I am a complete and utter chicken shit and cannot bring myself to call the doctor about this. This is my character flaw, has nothing to do with anyone else, but I just don't want to deal with it. So I may write a letter listing all my concerns--and that list is damned long. This is partly why I bought the blood pressure monitor today and the glucose test strips. I still cannot fathom taking a medication that may raise blood sugar, triglycerides and LDL. I already fought those battles and WON. Why go backwards health wise! Yet this medication is the standard treatment for what I've got. I am so torn. My gut says no and hell no. My inner good-girl says I should follow doctor's orders. It just seems wrong, though.