Tagged!

Caitlin and Hallie have tagged me for a meme.

RULES
1.Respond and rework; answer the questions on your blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your invention & add one more question of your own.

2. Tag eight other people.

What is your current obsession?
My health.

What are you wearing today?
It's night and I'm in my jammies.


What’s for dinner?
We had pizza and salad.

What’s the last thing you bought?
An ice cream sundae for my son at McDonald's after our train ride.


What are you listening to right now?
Family Guy. I love Family Guy.


If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
An hour? That's such a short time. I guess to visit my parents' graves.

Which language do you want to learn?
German. Ich vergesse meine Deutsch. I am learning Spanish with my son, but I have no desire to learn Spanish.

What do you love most about where you currently live?
I don't like where I live. Not one bit. I guess I could say it's a safe community.


What is your favorite color?
Anything pastel.


What is your favorite piece of clothing in your own wardrobe?
My jammies. lol

Describe yourself in three words?
Introspective, competent, goofy.

If you had $300 now, what would you spend it on?
My son's college fund or books.

What are you going to do after this?
Read blogs.

Your favorite smell?
Coffee.

Do you collect anything?
Vintage stuff--mostly kitchen related.


What makes you follow a blog?
Depends on the type of blog. I read vintage blogs because I like the pretty pictures. lol I love weight-loss blogs because of the common goal, trials and tribulations, and inspiration!

Do you like to comment on blogs or just lurk?
I try to comment on most, but I read so many that I get behind very fast.


What's your favorite kind of onion?
Dried onion flakes. lol Onions make me cry so bad that I don't use them.

What’s one thing you dream of doing? Dreaming--having dreams! I have just started dreaming again! Owning a pop-up and actually going camping.

What is your biggest regret?
I don't look at life in terms of regrets. If I had to name a regret, I suppose it would be not taking my health seriously and getting so fat.


What is your favorite thing to do on a rainy day?
Clean the house. I'm warped, I know.

Do you have a tattoo?
Nope, nor will I. I'm too modest for a tat, plus I fear needles and pain.


What are your favorite books?
OMG, can't answer this one, too many to choose from. As a mother, I would choose The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio which is my favorite movie as well. That book made me want to be a better mother. I have far too many favorites to list, though.

Are you left handed, right handed, ambidextrous, or a little of both?
Right handed.

Are you a big fan of memes?
Yes, I actually like them.

What vegetable do you least like to eat?
Anything from the cruciferous family.

What is your favorite vegetable?
Yam.


Who is your favorite NASCAR driver? (if you're a fan, answer; if you're not, leave blank)
blank!

What are you good at? What do you wish you were better at doing?
I am very good at organizing things, events, homes, etc. I am very good in my role as a home educator. I research a great deal and take our school seriously. I'm very good at researching things that I'm interested in. I was very good when I had a career as a court reporter.

I wish I was better at multi-tasking and paying bills.

What was your happiest day?
The day my son was born. Second happiest was the day I got married.

List at least 3 things you want to do before you die.
I don't know!


If you had one day left to live, what kind of buffet would you go to?
None, if I couldn't be with my son and husband! If they could be with me, it would definitely be an Italian buffet with lots of pasta and bread sticks.

If you could spend a romantic night with any celebrity without any repercussions, who would you spend that wonderful night with?
Call me weird, but I have no desire to spend a romantic night with a celebrity. I've been married nearly 20 years and that is the furthest thing from my mind. I do think Brad Pitt is a perfect male, but that doesn't mean I want to, um, do him. lol

Are you a morning person or a night owl?
Night owl!


Tag:
I tag everyone that I follow. (I know, that's way more than 8!) If you have a blog and read mine and I don't follow yours, please leave a comment and I will follow you! If you like memes, please let me know. I know some don't and I don't know who to tag!

All Aboard!

My son and I got to take a train ride today. The Union Pacific, my favorite railroad, hosted a free trip on their Safety Train. Even though I am extremely familiar with trains, I actually learned a couple things. It was informative and fun.

This post has nothing to do with food, diet, exercise, but it lifted my spirits considerably! My son enjoyed it, too.

My dad worked for the Union Pacific for over 40 years. When I was a kid, I took a lot of train rides. As an adult, I've taken a few, too. Amtrak is great, but it isn't nearly as fun as the old-fashioned cars that we rode on today. The smell, the rocking, the whistles...took me back to my childhood. I remembered my dad during the entire trip.

Here are some pictures. Isn't it amazing how much my son looks like me?

Spring Cleaning the Body

You know how when you spring clean your house, you take stuff down, wash walls, curtains, vacuum, clean carpets, declutter, etc. In the process, it makes one huge mess. You work and work, polishing, fixing, making changes, and then you put it all back together. Then it's streamlined, neat and clean, less weighty and wonderful.

I liken that to fixing my body right now. Started Weight Watchers in February, found a new doctor, having the ablation, anxiety flairs that I'm working on, and now the latest bit to throw into the mess: I think I have an ulcer.

The last period I had, I took 800mg of Ibuprofen frequently for pain. What was I thinking? Oh, yeah, that I wanted relief from the pain as the doctor recommended that. Well, I noticed I'd actually been taking Tums frequently. Then I realized I've been sleeping with three pillows so I'm propped up a bit. Last night my stomach was burning. It still is. I think the Ibuprofen and anxiety have caused an ulcer.

I'm not ready to pick up that phone yet and call the doctor. I feel like a hypochondriac. I'm not. Really, even though I complain about aches and pains and phantom fears, I think I'm just getting in tune with my body again.

I think I'm right in the middle of that body spring cleaning, where everything is a mess, and I'm going through and getting rid of the body and mind clutter, and waiting to put back all the pieces again. Sadly, unlike spring cleaning a room or a house, it doesn't take days or a couple weeks, it takes more time than that.

The good news is that it's happening. The process has started. No turning back now, as things are messy and they need to be cleaned up. Oh, how wonderful it will be when everything is put back newly organized, refreshed, healthy and clean.

Happy July

Oh, a brand new month, time to wipe the slate clean and start fresh.

I have chosen to not let anxiety bother me today. Ahem. lol So far so good.

Last night, even though I was a tad shaky, I forced myself to go out of the box. At 8:30 I told my son to put his shoes on, we were going to a movie. I don't typically go to movies--too expensive. I needed to challenge myself to do it, though. I made it through the dentist appointment, I knew I needed to continue to push. So we went to see Up. Loved it! I actually had tears running down my cheeks twice. Great movie for any age. My anxiety came with me to the movie, and I sat and practiced breathing, holding it in, exhaling. Pretty soon it was gone as I escaped into the movie.

I ate one of my son's Butterfinger bites that he bought. When we could see the nutritional info on the box, I was horrified to learn that 1 of those bites was 1 point. Egads. It was good, but not that good. Surprisingly, I did not miss stuffing my face with popcorn.

Today is going to be a slow, relaxing day. I have lots of things to do around the house. Instead of making a list that will overwhelm me, I'm going to do it as I see it. I can get a great deal of work accomplished doing this. It's sort of like the book If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, but at the end of the day I usually have a lot to show for my effort.

Tomorrow my son and I have a fun day planned. We're going to take a short train ride. After that, I have three full days that I don't have to go anywhere. We are not doing anything special for the 4th other than going to fireworks. Hubby has Friday off, so it will be nice to have my rock around for three solid days.

Looking back at the month of June, and specifically at my exercise calendar, I do not like what I see. Not one little bit. Much of June I was plagued by pain, a lot of pain, but not the entire month. So I am going to challenge myself to exercise 16 days straight until my surgery. I don't know how long I'll have to take off after that, but I can and should work out before. Every little bit helps, and I want to be strong for that. And for life, for me.

I have also not done my regular grocery shopping/menu planning for this week. Shoot, it's only Wednesday. lol We're pretty well stocked, but I'm about out of salad so it's time to get that task done.

One final comment. UGLY. It's an ugly word. If someone were to ask me point blank if I thought I was ugly, I would answer no. I am not ugly. However, I'm very real, and I know that I can be ugly. Dressing in clothes too big or ill-fitting, not fixing myself up, etc., that makes me look ugly. My glasses make me look ugly. There's a fine line, and I know the difference. I guess I'm trying to say I am not dissing on myself at all, I'm just reality based. I know when I look ugly. Like first thing in the morning...that's not a pretty sight! And the great thing about realizing all of this: it's easy to change. A couple well-fitting outfits for when I'm out and about, taking five minutes on my hair as opposed to letting it air dry, etc. Makes all the difference in the world.

So no, I am not ugly.

I'm happy to report that I have met JackSh*t's challenge! As I told him in my email: I did it! I met your challenge. Victory is mine, all mine. =) This challenge met, now to conquer the world, and I WILL conquer the world! (Said in Stewie Griffin style.)

Decision Making Day

DS and I both had dentist appointments today. The orthodontist decision was made for us, as DS needs to be seen soon. Appointment made. Apparently we no longer have insurance for orthodontia. That sucks.

After having a massive panic attack Sunday, one started today but I thwarted it with Xanax and sleep. I called my doctor to make an appointment to discuss this in further depth. Besides today and Sunday, I had three mild attacks last week. This is not living. I'm still not ready to talk about Sunday, as it was really bad, but I will soon. I think it's good to get it out and I use the blog as my memory sometimes. Who likes to remember bad stuff.

After all the reading and research I've done, I know that cognitive behavioral therapy is considered a good choice for anxiety. I have been to three counselors in my life over specific problems and never got any advice or any better. I know there are good people there, but I know it's difficult finding them. I will discuss that with my doctor.

I am also going to ask her about hypnotherapy. I believe I could use it to help me relax and to quit some bad habits.

It's time. I've been skirting around this for awhile now. The attack Sunday was so bad I was ready to go to the hospital but I couldn't even get out of the bed. It came out of the blue--I think it was a delayed reaction. Maybe. I don't know. Today's? I am clueless.

Time to treat the whole person, not just weight loss. I need to get this stuff figured out. Honestly, I'd rather clean public toilets than go through therapy, but I need help.

The worst part about this anxiety stuff is when it hits me, I question my sanity. Am I crazy? What in the hell is wrong with me? I know I'm not crazy. I'm grounded, I'm down to earth, I'm sane. Why do these stupid attacks hit me? I've had types of anxiety since I was a teenager. I used to get intense headaches. Last year, after watching dad have his heart attack, lifting him to the ground and starting CPR and all the "stuff" that followed, I had my first major, official panic attack. I've had them ever since. Time for them to hit the road.

One final decision. Last night I decided that going gray is just not working. After cutting off all my hair to get all the dyed hair off, growing it out, and getting to the point my hair is totally natural--took over a year to do that--I realize it is not a good look. So if I'm feeling up to it tonight, I'm going to Walgreen's and buying two boxes of color. I have really thick hair, I need that much for an initial color. This makes me mad because not coloring every few week was so liberating. I'm too young to look so old, though. It looks sloppy and unpolished, even when I have spent time to really style my hair.

That's it. My son's dental health, my mental health, and my emotional health with a box of Clairol.

Our Monday

Hubby had a doctor's appointment in the big city, so we left the house at 8:45. He took the entire day off so we could have fun. At the last minute, we decided to leave the dogs home which would shorten our trip. There's just nothing more fun that taking your dogs into the pet store, but we'll save that for another day.

We hit the book store, and I wasn't feeling hot so I grabbed a decaf at the Starbucks and went outside and waited for the boys. Then to the pet store without our babies and then out to lunch. Hubby insisted on Wendy's. I told him I couldn't do it, I wanted Taco Bell because I know the points there. We compromised on both--I'd drive through TB and take it in to Wendy's. I really don't like doing that, so I caved.

At Wendy's, I was-a-gonna get a burger and baked potato. The thought of eating a dry potato didn't appeal to me, and I didn't have butter spray in my purse. I thought of a side salad, but I don't like salad dressing--I use Fiber One cottage cheese. So I did it, I got a #1: single, fries and a diet Coke. Swapped my fries for my son's, as his were the small size. Total points: 16. Worth it? Well, it tasted good but I was starving two hours later. Not worth it for 16 points. I prefer hamburgers at home with my light buns and baked fries if I have to have fries. We usually just eat a salad now with a burger.

I love beef and won't ever give it up, but I prefer the 93% as opposed to whatever Wendy's is.

After that we went to Sam's Club. Spent $104 and got stocked up. Got some good deals, chicken, wings and shrimp for the boys, and then I found it: Cabot's 50% Light Cheddar Cheese. Heather had blogged about this cheese and I couldn't believe I actually found it!

Got home, put everything up, played with the pups and then I had to have some cheese. I cut a slice, weighed it and hit 1 ounce on the dot. 2 points. It was 2 points of heaven. Lower fat cheese with taste! It did not taste like cheddar, but it was so good. I knew it would be great on pizza. Hubby liked it, too, and he's really picky about cheese.

So tonight for dinner, the boys ate their stuff and I made pizza. I didn't have English muffins, so I used the sandwich thins. Toasted them, added pizza sauce, then shredded the cheese, then toasted again. 3 points for two mini-pizzas. It was heaven. I will never buy a frozen pizza again. The sandwich thins were perfect! Great with a salad. Mmmmm.

Next time I go to the store I will use a trick I learned on Heather's blog. She combines 2% cheese with the fat free to lower the points. She says it melts great, and if you watch her last video, you will see that it does. That Cabot's cheese is so flavorful that I'm sure I won't notice FF cheese in the mix.

I had a rough day yesterday that I will blog about later in the week. (Massive panic attack.) My body ached all day today and it was a chore doing all that walking. I had intended on working out when we got home, but I was just so stiff and sore I couldn't. I know that it would have helped that stiffness, but I couldn't. I took a long nap instead.

I want to thank Ang for featuring me as her blogger of the week. I was very honored that she chose me. When she sent me the questions, one really through me for a loop. It was the question about dreams. I had not realized it until I was answering her question, but I quit dreaming a long time ago. My husband and I had several long talks about it. Seems he quit dreaming, too. I don't know why he quit, but I know my weight was why I didn't dream.

So all thanks to Ang, hubby and I have been dreaming out loud, brainstorm dreaming, if you will. We've had some wonderful conversations about what we want. Of course everything is thwarted by lack of money, however, we have settled on a goal with lots of possibilities. We have started a fund to buy a pop-up camper. We've been looking at places we can camp that are close--and there are a lot. This is something we can do with our dogs as well. We used to camp a lot before our son came along, but life got in the way, I guess. We're older now, and sleeping on the hard ground isn't too appealing to either of us.

So thanks, Ang, you really touched our family in a very positive way. =)

Monday Morning Weigh-In

250

-1

32.5 gone forever. 88 or so to go.

May I just say this loss was pure luck. On my birthday I didn't count points. I was mindful of what I ate, but I didn't count. Breakfast and lunch--great. In the car driving home, I had an intense desire for Fritos. (I keep wanting to spell them Freetos--they are anything but freeing!)

We stopped at a gas station, and they didn't have any small bags. I bought a regular size bag of Fritos for in the car. Ouch, can we say idiot? I had some. I enjoyed every last bite. I had more than a serving, but I didn't have a half a bag. My son took the bag out of reach after I asked him too. High salt, junk food=baaaaaaad.

When we got home, I weighed an ounce of Fritos. One ounce is 4 points. FOUR! Let me just say, it's not very many, either.

For supper we had Pizza Hut, my favorite pizza. I did not go overboard and eat a half a pizza.

I was very fearful I'd have a gain. I lucked out.

Yesterday? Completely back on plan. No cheating, no Fritos, no left-over pizza.