I just ordered:
Dr. Lee's PreMenopause book
progesterone cream
an expensive hormone saliva test
Is it quackery? I don't know. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I know my hormones are crazy--I don't need a test to tell me that. I know I'm estrogen dominant--I've had doctors tell me that. I have evidence of the ovarian cysts. I've had fibroids since I was 28. I have other symptoms, but it's very safe to say I'm estrogen dominant.
I've read Dr. Lee's book a few years back. I'm going to give this a go for a few months and see if it helps.
Last night was awful, I woke up all night long in pain. Today I've spent most the day in bed. The ovarian pain, cramp-like pain, and pain shooting down my legs. This is not living. I wrote a quote from Jack LaLanne awhile back that struck me: "I don't care how old I live to be, but I want to be living while I'm living." Me too.
I don't know why everything has to be such a fight, but fight on. I've stuck with this since February of '09 and I'm not about to quit now. Fight on.
10.29.2010
10.28.2010
Here We Go Again
Today was to be a fun day. DS had an appointment in the big city, so we were also going to do some shopping, lunch, then more shopping.
On the drive up, my old foe "the pain" reared its ugly head. Again. It got pretty intense. Many times I thought about turning around to go home, but didn't. We made it up there fine, and sitting in the waiting room was torture for me because I wanted to lie on my stomach which helps ease the pain or else curl up in a ball. Can't do that in public--well, I suppose I could do that in public, but I may not be in public for long if I did. Someone would cart me off.
This morning I'd say I was an 8 out of 10. It was intense.
As we left DS's appointment, I stopped at Walgreen's. I remembered the last time I had the pain I tried plain old aspirin and it helped numb the pain more than anything else had. I bought a bottle of baby aspirin, so I could carry it in my purse and not need water to take if the need arose. I snarfed down four delightful orange-flavored candies. Within a half hour, the "edge" was taken off, I didn't feel like moaning, and I was down to a 4-5. We went to lunch, Sam's Club for a few needed items. I have so much pride, I had zero energy and I wanted to be all hunched over that cart. Instead I had DS pick up our items and I walked straight and slow as molasses.
Then we stopped for a Starbucks, because I'm only in civilization once a month and I knew that would make me feel better mentally. It did. DS enjoyed his hot chocolate. And then I drove home. The drive home was uneventful. I was hurting, but not enough to cry out or moan or groan or gripe or b*tch like I sometimes do. (Yes, I am a whiner.)
Damn it all. I just had this issue a week ago?Or was it two weeks ago? I am documenting everything. Who do I call? I live in a small town and there are two clinics. I left the big clinic because i hated it. I had complained for years of gyno problems and was ignored. The new doc jumped on my complaints and referred me to the big city. I've had two surgeries in the big city. There are not a lot of options, especially with our insurance, and I really don't have much of a choice.
This is mentally very difficult for me. I want to kick, cry and scream that this is no fair. I've been having awful periods, cramps, PMS, bloating, crazy hormonal swings for 35 years now! I'm 45. Five gynecologic surgeries now. I'm so done. I want the ovaries removed pronto. But what I want and what I get are two different things...time will tell. And the big question is would that be worse than what I'm experiencing now? Lack of hormones? Who knows.
I'm going to sulk over this for a bit because I usually follow my gut instinct and I don't have one on this--I don't quite know what to do. I can get into the doctor PDQ, so I just need to make up my mind.
Maybe another reason I don't blog much: who wants to read all this negative crap all the time. BUT that is my life at the moment. AND I am convinced my gyno problems/hormonal problems are slowing my weight loss. Try to prove that, huh. lol What do I know, though!
On the drive up, my old foe "the pain" reared its ugly head. Again. It got pretty intense. Many times I thought about turning around to go home, but didn't. We made it up there fine, and sitting in the waiting room was torture for me because I wanted to lie on my stomach which helps ease the pain or else curl up in a ball. Can't do that in public--well, I suppose I could do that in public, but I may not be in public for long if I did. Someone would cart me off.
This morning I'd say I was an 8 out of 10. It was intense.
As we left DS's appointment, I stopped at Walgreen's. I remembered the last time I had the pain I tried plain old aspirin and it helped numb the pain more than anything else had. I bought a bottle of baby aspirin, so I could carry it in my purse and not need water to take if the need arose. I snarfed down four delightful orange-flavored candies. Within a half hour, the "edge" was taken off, I didn't feel like moaning, and I was down to a 4-5. We went to lunch, Sam's Club for a few needed items. I have so much pride, I had zero energy and I wanted to be all hunched over that cart. Instead I had DS pick up our items and I walked straight and slow as molasses.
Then we stopped for a Starbucks, because I'm only in civilization once a month and I knew that would make me feel better mentally. It did. DS enjoyed his hot chocolate. And then I drove home. The drive home was uneventful. I was hurting, but not enough to cry out or moan or groan or gripe or b*tch like I sometimes do. (Yes, I am a whiner.)
Damn it all. I just had this issue a week ago?Or was it two weeks ago? I am documenting everything. Who do I call? I live in a small town and there are two clinics. I left the big clinic because i hated it. I had complained for years of gyno problems and was ignored. The new doc jumped on my complaints and referred me to the big city. I've had two surgeries in the big city. There are not a lot of options, especially with our insurance, and I really don't have much of a choice.
This is mentally very difficult for me. I want to kick, cry and scream that this is no fair. I've been having awful periods, cramps, PMS, bloating, crazy hormonal swings for 35 years now! I'm 45. Five gynecologic surgeries now. I'm so done. I want the ovaries removed pronto. But what I want and what I get are two different things...time will tell. And the big question is would that be worse than what I'm experiencing now? Lack of hormones? Who knows.
I'm going to sulk over this for a bit because I usually follow my gut instinct and I don't have one on this--I don't quite know what to do. I can get into the doctor PDQ, so I just need to make up my mind.
Maybe another reason I don't blog much: who wants to read all this negative crap all the time. BUT that is my life at the moment. AND I am convinced my gyno problems/hormonal problems are slowing my weight loss. Try to prove that, huh. lol What do I know, though!
10.27.2010
I'm No Good...
at blogging! Started a new exercise blog and can't even keep up with that. I was hoping would get me in the blogging habit--it hasn't!
I have major brain-freeze for blog posts.
Anyone have some ideas they want to throw at me?
I just keep plugging away like the Energizer Bunny. Scale's not moving again, but I am losing inches. It's not stopping me, and I'm trying not to whine about it so much but enjoy my fitness gains. Since starting walking outside and walking videos, my legs are changing! Still aiming for 20,000 steps a day. Most days I meet or surpass that. Some days when I'm tired or aching, I give myself a break.
Last week's averages:
20,853 steps
8.9 miles
2,501 calories burned
A little low for me, especially the calorie burn. I've been playing around with those walking workouts instead of doing my beloved step. I've been skimping (ignoring) weight work even though Leslie does do some toning in her walks. Today I pumped iron with The FIRM's Firm Strength. My immediate goal is to get back to my strength workouts 3 times a week and step workouts--with the addition of a walk here and there.
I think the novelty of the new Leslie workouts I got, plus the step count, has blinded me--but I'm ready to get tough again.
That's all I've got.
I have major brain-freeze for blog posts.
Anyone have some ideas they want to throw at me?
I just keep plugging away like the Energizer Bunny. Scale's not moving again, but I am losing inches. It's not stopping me, and I'm trying not to whine about it so much but enjoy my fitness gains. Since starting walking outside and walking videos, my legs are changing! Still aiming for 20,000 steps a day. Most days I meet or surpass that. Some days when I'm tired or aching, I give myself a break.
Last week's averages:
20,853 steps
8.9 miles
2,501 calories burned
A little low for me, especially the calorie burn. I've been playing around with those walking workouts instead of doing my beloved step. I've been skimping (ignoring) weight work even though Leslie does do some toning in her walks. Today I pumped iron with The FIRM's Firm Strength. My immediate goal is to get back to my strength workouts 3 times a week and step workouts--with the addition of a walk here and there.
I think the novelty of the new Leslie workouts I got, plus the step count, has blinded me--but I'm ready to get tough again.
That's all I've got.
10.19.2010
Poof, Knock on Wood
After my moaning and groaning, whine city post last night...
I woke up this morning with NO pain. Zero, nada, zilch.
WHEW!
I have scrubbed my bathroom which desperately needed attention. I have walked laps in my garage. I have moved my body at will with NO pain.
I plan on a good workout as soon as I finish cleaning up my kitchen.
I have my energy back!
It is the strangest thing, the body. I'll sure take the relief. It is very welcome. Crossing my fingers that it lasts!
I woke up this morning with NO pain. Zero, nada, zilch.
WHEW!
I have scrubbed my bathroom which desperately needed attention. I have walked laps in my garage. I have moved my body at will with NO pain.
I plan on a good workout as soon as I finish cleaning up my kitchen.
I have my energy back!
It is the strangest thing, the body. I'll sure take the relief. It is very welcome. Crossing my fingers that it lasts!
10.18.2010
Rough Times
I don't want to share this, but I have decided I have to keep my blog going which means sharing my journey. I do go back and read it from time to time and it's nice to have the history there--the good, the bad and the indifferent.
The pain, the very pain that was so severe from January to June, relieved by surgery in June, is back. It's back, it's angry, and I'm miserable.
It's been rearing its ugly head here and there. About a month or so ago we went on a 3-mile family walk. It was so severe that DH actually offered to go home and get the car. I had too much pride for that, but I was crying and he even had to take the leash to my Pippy Pup.
It's been there a few times but it left shortly so I was hopeful. Well, Wednesday it came and has not left. I broke down and cried this afternoon. I told hubby that I just cannot deal with this. I can't. It will break me. I'm cracking.
I'm so upset, so depressed, and miserable. I can't do my workouts--that's awful! I can't bend over, I can't lift my right leg--a knee lift. Can't clean the bath tub, or empty trash cans. Yesterday I was able to vacuum some of the floors. It's frustrating to not be able to do normal day-to-day thing. I can do dishes.
Zero energy. It just sucks the life right out of me. I lie down A LOT. I hate lying down,I'm an active person now. Tonight I actually watched 1 1/2 hours of TV without getting up! Aside from NCIS, I just don't watch TV. And when I watch NCIS, I march in place.
This sucks. Have not called the doctor yet. I'm dreading it. I'm dreading the "wait and see," the lack of compassion for the pain. I'm not asking for meds, because frankly, they don't work. I took a left over pain pill from my surgery yesterday. I think it was Vicodin. It numbed the pain but didn't take it away. I hate the feeling of being drugged up, so why bother.
So I'm trying to be proactive, drop the inflammation in my body, watch my blood sugar spikes--today was great!, continue to move. Believe it or not, I managed to get 12,000 steps in. Each and every step had pain with it and I didn't want to take it, but I DID IT. I did it for me.
So I'm very sad, scared and frustrated right now.
That's life.
Believe it or not, I forgot to weigh in this morning. That says something as I'm a daily weigher.
This just sucks.
The pain, the very pain that was so severe from January to June, relieved by surgery in June, is back. It's back, it's angry, and I'm miserable.
It's been rearing its ugly head here and there. About a month or so ago we went on a 3-mile family walk. It was so severe that DH actually offered to go home and get the car. I had too much pride for that, but I was crying and he even had to take the leash to my Pippy Pup.
It's been there a few times but it left shortly so I was hopeful. Well, Wednesday it came and has not left. I broke down and cried this afternoon. I told hubby that I just cannot deal with this. I can't. It will break me. I'm cracking.
I'm so upset, so depressed, and miserable. I can't do my workouts--that's awful! I can't bend over, I can't lift my right leg--a knee lift. Can't clean the bath tub, or empty trash cans. Yesterday I was able to vacuum some of the floors. It's frustrating to not be able to do normal day-to-day thing. I can do dishes.
Zero energy. It just sucks the life right out of me. I lie down A LOT. I hate lying down,I'm an active person now. Tonight I actually watched 1 1/2 hours of TV without getting up! Aside from NCIS, I just don't watch TV. And when I watch NCIS, I march in place.
This sucks. Have not called the doctor yet. I'm dreading it. I'm dreading the "wait and see," the lack of compassion for the pain. I'm not asking for meds, because frankly, they don't work. I took a left over pain pill from my surgery yesterday. I think it was Vicodin. It numbed the pain but didn't take it away. I hate the feeling of being drugged up, so why bother.
So I'm trying to be proactive, drop the inflammation in my body, watch my blood sugar spikes--today was great!, continue to move. Believe it or not, I managed to get 12,000 steps in. Each and every step had pain with it and I didn't want to take it, but I DID IT. I did it for me.
So I'm very sad, scared and frustrated right now.
That's life.
Believe it or not, I forgot to weigh in this morning. That says something as I'm a daily weigher.
This just sucks.
10.17.2010
We Have Blood Sugar Spike, Big Time
So I took my blood sugar several times today to see how foods affected me. All day it was great. Tonight, I was hurting and in a lot of pain and since I was experimenting (that's my excuse) I decided to have some Kraft Macaroni and Cheese for dinner. I was stupid and forgot to take my blood sugar before, d'oh!, but an hour after? 153. The highest it had been all day was 107.
We got spike, baby, big time.
Experiment working. Got it through my thick skull now: starch/pasta=NO JO!
Damn.
Well, I feel powerful knowing this--finally seeing the numbers, I have the science. I knew that wasn't good for me, but seeing is believing. Got it.
We got spike, baby, big time.
Experiment working. Got it through my thick skull now: starch/pasta=NO JO!
Damn.
Well, I feel powerful knowing this--finally seeing the numbers, I have the science. I knew that wasn't good for me, but seeing is believing. Got it.
Perfectionism
I'm a perfectionist. It's definitely a fault, but it is a big part of who I am. When my perfectionism doesn't yield the results I desire, I get upset.
Case in point, my weight loss the year of 2010. Despite not being a cheater, weighing and measuring everything that goes into my mouth, and exercising faithfully, the weight is not coming off at the speed I desire. I might add, the weight is not coming off as it would appear to if you looked at my stats on paper. Far from it.
So what's a perfectionist to do? Shrink into herself, quit blogging, become frustrated, but NEVER GIVE UP. That's me, that is a big part of who I am.
This past week was a bear for me. I had a panic attack on Tuesday. Haven't had one for quite awhile. Took two Xanax which helped, but Wednesday I felt drugged and sluggish. Wednesday evening my old foe, "the pain," came back to greet me. Thursday and Friday the pain was really bad. No DVD workouts, yet I managed to keep my step count high.
Yesterday, with the help of a heating pad, I was feeling better and was able to get a strength workout in. I attempted a step DVD, but by that point the pain was back and I couldn't do knee lifts.
Today, knock on wood, I'm feeling okay and will attempt a cardio workout shortly.
This just isn't the kind of thing I want to blog about. I want to say, "Wow, it works fast and well when you eat less and move more!" I don't want to blog about struggles all the time. Yet I can't turn my back on my own story, and this blog is my journal, so I decided to come out of my shell and share.
The past few days I have been doing a lot of reading. A couple readers in the past suggested I had symptoms of PCOS. I never looked it up because I thought surely my doctors would tell me if they suspected PCOS. Crickets. I looked up the symptoms and about fell out of my chair. PCOS is on my list of questions to ask my doctor about the next time I go in. I have many of the symptoms, including the chief complaints that get people into the doctor in the first place. Ahem.
Another area I've been reading about a lot is Insulin Resistance, also known as Pre-Diabetes, Syndrome X or Metabolic Syndrome. Now in the past three years I've seen three different GPs. One of those was covering for my GP at the time, and I was very sick with pneumonia/sinusitis/etc., and couldn't see my regular doctor and saw Dr. W. He is the only one of three GPs that has ever said to me that I was pre-diabetic. I remember it well, his exact words were, "I see you are pre-diabetic." The others? Crickets.
It frustrates me because I think that physicians should tell us when we have conditions, disorders, etc. I don't like being treated for symptoms, I want my physicians looking at the larger picture. I want them to share enough info with me that I can read on my own and make choices to change my lifestyle.
Gee, I didn't need any of them to tell me I was too fat weighing in at 282.5 pounds, or that my blood sugar was 2 points from labeling me diabetic, or that my blood pressure was borderline high. WAS being the operative word. They did share my lab results so I knew my lipids results. I gathered all those lab reports and put them together. I am so damned proud of myself for working hard and vastly improving my numbers. I just looked at them again this morning and it gave me a rush: See, that weight may not be coming off as fast as you like, but look at your awesome blood work, Jo! Fantastic!
But, but, but...researching further, the fact of the matter is: I still qualify for insulin resistance. I've still got Syndrome X, Metabolic Syndrome, or pre-diabetes. That does not make me happy. So what do I do about that? Continue my exercise routine. It's given me wonderful results. Lift heavier--time to up those weights. Building muscle is of the utmost importance. I'm still shooting for 20,000 steps a day. And even this week when I felt puny, I was still able to get 20,000 all but one day.
But what about diet? Aha, here is where I need some work. I've always believed in the motto: Everything in moderation. Do not eliminate anything, just use moderation. Well, obviously that hasn't held true because aside from a once-a-month visit to Taco Bell, I have given up fast food. I have given up caffeine. I didn't set out to give that up, but my body revolted and it was necessary. So now I'm going to have to change some things further. I think it's time to slowly switch over to a glycemic index diet. Yup, I never wanted to do this, but I think it's imperative that I do so. Obviously insulin is not working right in my body, my hormones are all messed up (insulin is a hormone, I just learned that this year!), and I need to get them under control. So all this talk of clean eating that I avoid, hide my head under the covers, well, it's time for me to go there.
It's time to give up processed foods. Aaaaaaccckkkk. The breakfast cereal will be the most difficult. In fact, I don't know that I will give it up. In my quest for perfectionism, I bought myself a blood glucose monitor even though I was not diabetic. So this morning I took my resting glucose level (78) and then ate my bowl of cereal. Shortly I'll take another reading to see how badly it spiked. I'm going to do that this week and see what foods spike my blood sugar. I'm trying to be very proactive here and eliminate foods that spike too much.
It's going to be tough, but I'm worth it. And I'm not one to be black and white and throw everything out immediately and start something brand new right now--that, for me, is a recipe for failure. Gradual changes work best for me.
So that's my plan this week.
I guess this has turned to more than just weight loss and a number on the scale. I am scared of the inflammation going on in my body. I want those hormones under control. I ordered some books, and have further research to do. So instead of feeling frustrated, I'm feeling a bit empowered today. This whole shift came about because I cannot bare to live with the ovarian pain that I've had this entire year. My body is inflamed, and if I really do have PCOS, I understand that the insulin hormone not working correctly is actually irritating my ovaries. At least that's what I could gather so far from my research. Well, I don't need PCOS for that to happen--supposedly it's just how things work.
I'll update on my progress.
Case in point, my weight loss the year of 2010. Despite not being a cheater, weighing and measuring everything that goes into my mouth, and exercising faithfully, the weight is not coming off at the speed I desire. I might add, the weight is not coming off as it would appear to if you looked at my stats on paper. Far from it.
So what's a perfectionist to do? Shrink into herself, quit blogging, become frustrated, but NEVER GIVE UP. That's me, that is a big part of who I am.
This past week was a bear for me. I had a panic attack on Tuesday. Haven't had one for quite awhile. Took two Xanax which helped, but Wednesday I felt drugged and sluggish. Wednesday evening my old foe, "the pain," came back to greet me. Thursday and Friday the pain was really bad. No DVD workouts, yet I managed to keep my step count high.
Yesterday, with the help of a heating pad, I was feeling better and was able to get a strength workout in. I attempted a step DVD, but by that point the pain was back and I couldn't do knee lifts.
Today, knock on wood, I'm feeling okay and will attempt a cardio workout shortly.
This just isn't the kind of thing I want to blog about. I want to say, "Wow, it works fast and well when you eat less and move more!" I don't want to blog about struggles all the time. Yet I can't turn my back on my own story, and this blog is my journal, so I decided to come out of my shell and share.
The past few days I have been doing a lot of reading. A couple readers in the past suggested I had symptoms of PCOS. I never looked it up because I thought surely my doctors would tell me if they suspected PCOS. Crickets. I looked up the symptoms and about fell out of my chair. PCOS is on my list of questions to ask my doctor about the next time I go in. I have many of the symptoms, including the chief complaints that get people into the doctor in the first place. Ahem.
Another area I've been reading about a lot is Insulin Resistance, also known as Pre-Diabetes, Syndrome X or Metabolic Syndrome. Now in the past three years I've seen three different GPs. One of those was covering for my GP at the time, and I was very sick with pneumonia/sinusitis/etc., and couldn't see my regular doctor and saw Dr. W. He is the only one of three GPs that has ever said to me that I was pre-diabetic. I remember it well, his exact words were, "I see you are pre-diabetic." The others? Crickets.
It frustrates me because I think that physicians should tell us when we have conditions, disorders, etc. I don't like being treated for symptoms, I want my physicians looking at the larger picture. I want them to share enough info with me that I can read on my own and make choices to change my lifestyle.
Gee, I didn't need any of them to tell me I was too fat weighing in at 282.5 pounds, or that my blood sugar was 2 points from labeling me diabetic, or that my blood pressure was borderline high. WAS being the operative word. They did share my lab results so I knew my lipids results. I gathered all those lab reports and put them together. I am so damned proud of myself for working hard and vastly improving my numbers. I just looked at them again this morning and it gave me a rush: See, that weight may not be coming off as fast as you like, but look at your awesome blood work, Jo! Fantastic!
But, but, but...researching further, the fact of the matter is: I still qualify for insulin resistance. I've still got Syndrome X, Metabolic Syndrome, or pre-diabetes. That does not make me happy. So what do I do about that? Continue my exercise routine. It's given me wonderful results. Lift heavier--time to up those weights. Building muscle is of the utmost importance. I'm still shooting for 20,000 steps a day. And even this week when I felt puny, I was still able to get 20,000 all but one day.
But what about diet? Aha, here is where I need some work. I've always believed in the motto: Everything in moderation. Do not eliminate anything, just use moderation. Well, obviously that hasn't held true because aside from a once-a-month visit to Taco Bell, I have given up fast food. I have given up caffeine. I didn't set out to give that up, but my body revolted and it was necessary. So now I'm going to have to change some things further. I think it's time to slowly switch over to a glycemic index diet. Yup, I never wanted to do this, but I think it's imperative that I do so. Obviously insulin is not working right in my body, my hormones are all messed up (insulin is a hormone, I just learned that this year!), and I need to get them under control. So all this talk of clean eating that I avoid, hide my head under the covers, well, it's time for me to go there.
It's time to give up processed foods. Aaaaaaccckkkk. The breakfast cereal will be the most difficult. In fact, I don't know that I will give it up. In my quest for perfectionism, I bought myself a blood glucose monitor even though I was not diabetic. So this morning I took my resting glucose level (78) and then ate my bowl of cereal. Shortly I'll take another reading to see how badly it spiked. I'm going to do that this week and see what foods spike my blood sugar. I'm trying to be very proactive here and eliminate foods that spike too much.
It's going to be tough, but I'm worth it. And I'm not one to be black and white and throw everything out immediately and start something brand new right now--that, for me, is a recipe for failure. Gradual changes work best for me.
So that's my plan this week.
I guess this has turned to more than just weight loss and a number on the scale. I am scared of the inflammation going on in my body. I want those hormones under control. I ordered some books, and have further research to do. So instead of feeling frustrated, I'm feeling a bit empowered today. This whole shift came about because I cannot bare to live with the ovarian pain that I've had this entire year. My body is inflamed, and if I really do have PCOS, I understand that the insulin hormone not working correctly is actually irritating my ovaries. At least that's what I could gather so far from my research. Well, I don't need PCOS for that to happen--supposedly it's just how things work.
I'll update on my progress.
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