Why Is it?

Why is it that in my quest for better health, my health has taken a nose dive?

Tonight I feel old, achy, and I hurt. Kidney stones, fibroids, ovarian cysts, adhesions, pain, two surgeries, yada, yada, yada. The last few months (years!) have taken a toll on me. I am worn out. I am physically and mentally exhausted.

This stinks.

I will not give up.

My mom used to phoo-phoo the term survivor. She said everyone survives or else they die. She said she prevailed. Yes, I like that. Mom's been gone nearly 18 years, but I still hold her near and dear. Mom prevailed over many things, but died at 59 way too young. She was always ill.

I will prevail.

Damn, why does it have to be so hard?

Another "episode" tonight that had me bawling so hard my chin was shaking and wouldn't stop. I ended up in my bed in some weird position which looked crazy. I practiced deep breathing. Finally it stopped as suddenly as it came on. Then I just ached. Again.

It is so hard to keep a chipper, positive attitude. I do have hope, though. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully.

I managed to break 10,000 steps today. For that, I am very proud. No workout, just getting up and moving every so often. It helps physically and mentally.

Thursday can't come soon enough.

It's a Kidney Stone!

Just got a call from my doctor's office. The CT shows I have a kidney stone. !!!!

Taken from Dr. Google:

Kidney stones may not produce symptoms until they begin to move down the tubes
(ureters) through which urine empties into the bladder. When this happens, the
stones can block the flow of urine out of the kidneys. This causes swelling of
the kidney or kidneys, causing pain. The pain is usually
severe.

Emphasis mine. No sh*t, Sherlock.

I feel so relieved to know what's causing the pain....plus nervous to see what happens next. My doctor is setting up an appointment with an urologist. I'm shaking, I'm teary, I'm relieved, I'm VALIDATED, and I'm feeling so damned strong to know I've gone through this without pain medication--but I'll sure as heck take it if it's offered, no questions asked.

Ring, phone, give me an appointment time, and hopefully it's SOON!

The phone rang as I was typing, I get in on Thursday.

Relief, soon, please. Thank God for the CT scan.

Perplexed

Well, what a day. Doctor wants to rule out kidney stones and get a better picture of what's going on, so I'm having a CT scan tomorrow. Will find the results out in two weeks when he's back in town.

Forgot to ask for pain meds, as DH and I were thrown for a loop by that.

I think this is a good thing because I did have blood in my urine awhile back and I guess I feel comfortable getting it checked out. This should have been done the appointment after my emergency room visit.

So will know more in a couple weeks. In the meanwhile, I will continue to try to relax. There's no way in hell I'm going to take 800 mg of ibuprofen 3x a day for two weeks, though. I value my stomach too much. I think if the pain gets severe, I will call and discuss it.

I'm not very happy, but that's not directed at anyone or any professional, I'm just not very happy. This whole thing is very stressful and I'm just tired. Insomnia has been bad. Eating has not been clean nor good. Ahem. I can help that drastically by getting my butt to the grocery store. You can't eat good food if you don't have it at home.

Life goes on.

When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown

Nervous Nellie

1-4 Stats
step count: 11,789
miles: 5
calorie burn: 2163

1-5 stats
step count: 5477
miles: 2.3
calorie burn: 1926

Ouch. One can always tell when I don't feel well by my step count. Clearly, both days, not good.

Tomorrow is my doctor appointment. I'm a nervous Nellie. Anxiety is high. Fear, dread, denial all present, but so is the pain which showed up yesterday to remind me why I have this appointment.

My hope is for aggressive treatment as opposed to pieces, parts. I'm a big picture gal and that's what I want for treatment.

That's all I've got to write about. Just a bundle of nerves the past few days.

Monday Evening

steps: 22090
miles: 9.4
calorie burn: 2670

Long day today. Physically I felt better than I have in awhile, but I simply had no energy. Strangely, I got a lot of movement in but didn't accomplish much. The house needs cleaned, the laundry needs done, and I had hoped to hit it hard--only I didn't. I did get a workout in but I didn't have much oomph with that.

Getting a bit nervous for my doctor appointment. I am hoping and praying for good news. I think it's time to have a hysterecomy, and I'm hoping that's the recommendation. Not that I want surgery, but I want relief.

Thank you so much for the recommendations on my last post! Put some goodies on my Amazon wishlist.

Tomorrow I am facing the great big world. I haven't left the house since I saw the doctor last week. I have to mail a package that I should have done today or last week, and I have to pick up some groceries. Will be nice to get outside even though it's so darned cold.

Hubby and I were talking about treadmills tonight. Oh, do I know how to dream big. The brand that he likes and I've read is highly recommended is expensive. I would love to have one. Sometimes I wish we were rich with money--although we are rich with things other than money.

I think the perfect workout routine for me, if I were feeling well, would be to walk a few miles a day, do a cardio every day--either step aerobics or a rebounder workout, and strength train 3x a week. Throw in some stretching, and I'd be very happy. I really look forward to the day that I can do my Ilaria Montagnani DVDs. The kicking is just too much for me right now.

I used to foo-foo walking because it wasn't that intense, but I've learned it can be when I am outside listening to music with a high BPM to push me along. I think it has helped me. I don't consider Leslie Sansone walking tapes, even though she does. It's marching--it's different. It's okay, and I do a lot of them, but it's not the same. sigh...can't wait until spring when Minnesota warms up and the ice melts.

Don't have much to say tonight. Perhaps that's because I'm tired and I should be in bed!

Need Recommendations! Cookbooks, Food Processer, etc.

Steps: 21480
Miles: 9.1
Calorie Burn: 2420
Felt better today, was able to get around much better, but still not 100%.

Okay, so tonight I've been thinking about kitchen/food/appliances/my love-hate of cooking and the fact that we are now going our separate ways with meals.

In the past, I have not purchased many cookbooks at all. I find recipes online. However, I would like to buy some. Desperately seeking recommendations for low-calorie, healthful cookbooks. What do you have, what do you love?

Also, I would like to buy myself a good food processor. The one I have was from the '80s and it was junk then and junk now. I cannot even shred carrots in it because they are a soggy, disgusting mess. I want to make soups, I want to blend up veggies and mix them into foods. I'm thinking Kitchen Aide...what do you have, what do you love?

Another goody I want is a immersion blender. I know I wouldn't need both, but I do use my old blender a bit but it is so old it doesn't separate and I want something that comes apart and the blade part can go in the dishwasher.

I want quality here, I want this stuff to last. I have learned it does not pay to buy cheap.

Finally, can anyone share their opinions on Joanna Lund (is that her name?) cookbooks? I noticed she had a food processor cookbook. Are her recipes really healthy? Are they GOOD?

Sure didn't plan on doing anything new and special this year, but I think I would like to learn to cook better. I call myself kitchen challenged. I have proof, at this very moment I'm looking at a burn that is healing from Christmas Eve's dinner when I hit my wrist on the oven rack. d'oh

I'm not looking for "clean" eating cookbooks, but close to clean eating--if that makes any sense. I do not mind an occasional can of Healthy Request cream soup. The more natural ingredients, the better...but I'm not that picky.

Thanks for the help from the kitchen-challenged blogger.

p.s. If you can think of any other kitchen necessity, please share. I do have a Kitchen Aide mixer.

A Fresh New Day!

Today was a fresh new day, a fresh new year, and I felt a lot better. Still crampy, still twingy, but better. I am grateful.

Step count: 20,140
Miles: 8.53
Calorie Burn: 2388

I did three workouts, which I logged on the fitness blog. All very easy workouts, but it felt great to be back in the groove.

I used to belong to an exercise check-in that I loved very much. I feel like I'm friends with the women there and always looked forward to what they did, what they had to share, and to reporting in. When the pain started and my workouts changed, I started feeling uncomfortable reporting my workouts. Not because they were judgmental--nothing could be further from the truth, they're wonderful. It was ME...I felt uncomfortable that I couldn't be doing what I wanted to be doing. So I debated using that new blog I set up or not because it does bother me the days I can't even do a workout.

After thinking long and hard about this, I will still pop in to the check-in and say hi and support my friends, but I am not going to report my workouts there. For some reason, if I do it in my own space, I just don't feel so--I don't know, so--well, I just feel more comfortable. That's the kind of thing where one worries because I don't want to hurt their feelings because we're internet friends, but I have to do what works best for me. I still feel funny about it, but my gut is telling me that it's the right choice.

Happy with my decision to rename the blog! Thanks for the supportive comments. =)

Have decided after spending some time looking for new recipes that we all will like that it is futile. I never believed in making separate meals (unless we were having a free-for-all night) but I think for everyone to get proper nutrition with the foods they like, that I'll start doing meals for the boys and something separate for me. That means I get to spend tomorrow online searching for new recipes that sound good to me! I know what the boys like: they're easy. I think that will be a winning solution.

Still planning on a breakfast night once or twice a week. Some type of eggs...cheap and easy protein. Plus, I love breakfast food but I have a weak tummy in the morning and could never eat eggs that early.

Feeling much more hopeful today. I'm glad I decided to start blogging again. I think I needed to rekindle my outlet.

I didn't get much done around the house today, but overall it was a pretty good day. Just wish my son would quit playing Lady GaGa over and over. I don't mind him sharing his music, but I wish he'd hit shuffle so we could hear a greater variety. Paparazzi--I can't get it out of my head! lol

Happy New Year to all!