Wow, what a weird two days.
Yesterday, day 1, was going great. I was in a good mood, productive, getting things done. Hubby came home for lunch, we had a nice visit. After lunch, I was going to go to the gym to work out. Then out of nowhere, a wave of sadness overcame me. It was the weirdest experience. I wept. I wept and I wept. Not full out crying, I just had tears streaming down my face. I finally snuggled up in my bed with my iPod on and slept a bit. Hubby came home from work, and I was still weeping. I felt like garbage. Tried to read funny things on the Internet, didn't help. About 8:30 that night, it left as fast as it arrived. I was normal.
Thus, I decided to take responsibility and finally seek help for SAD. I called the doctor this morning and they got me in right away. I went this afternoon and was prescribed Lexapro and Ambien. I requested the Ambien because I have not been sleeping. It's worked very well for me in the past. The Lexapro he informed me causes weight gain. I came home MAD. No way. Not at the doctor, but at weight gain. I googled and did NOT like what I saw. I did keep in mind that what you find on the internet, first-hand stories, are usually extreme cases. Those that have no problems usually don't post. I was freaked out. Not going to happen.
I had errands to run, a child to take to classes, and I was busy. Didn't make the gym because my doctor appointment lasted way too long. He did draw blood to check my Vitamin D levels. Anyway, got home, had supper, then off to karate class. I was ON tonight at karate. Sometimes I feel so dumb there and uncoordinated. Tonight everything clicked. After, we stopped at the pharmacy to pick up the meds.
I talked to the pharmacist. We talked a long time about the Lexapro. She looked the meds up and stated that I have a 1% chance of having a reaction to the meds, and it can be either appetite suppressant OR stimulant. She said the odds were low. I laughed inside because knowing my luck...
I'm going to think about it for a few days before making my decision. If I were to gain weight, it would kill me. It would put me in a depression far worse than what I am in now. I've worked too damned hard. On the other hand, it may not. She said that it takes about three weeks before it takes effect. So if I see appetite is increasing, I can call the doctor. I was prescribed a very low dose. Decisions.
So needless to say, this kind of thwarted the first two days of my Kick Ass challenge. That's NOT going to stop me, though. Tomorrow I'm hitting the gym. In fact, tonight after karate I did some work in the weight area of the gym and then I hopped on the elliptical for awhile as hubby played basketball.
Calories, I was over 300 yesterday. I was over about 300 today, too. Tomorrow will hone in on that.
So while I didn't meet my fitness or caloric intake goals yesterday or today, at least I took a huge step forward by visiting my doctor. Plus, I felt great today. I was happy. Cold, though! LOL I will never understand this, but I will face it head on. I'm determined, tough, strong and smart--I'll make this work. Look how far I've already come. This will not beat me.
Plans tomorrow: Shower, dress, breakfast in front of the computer which is conveniently located next to my light box. LOL What a great excuse to park my butt for awhile. Then morning chores and then off to the gym. It's a weight day tomorrow and when I'm done I'll do some form of cardio. That elliptical uses muscles I'm not used to using and I get tired, fast! LOL Will have to build up each day. I was told I can take my own DVDs with me, so I may do that. I can do them in our karate area. I'm not sure. When I'm all done, I plan on practicing my karate in our area in front of the mirror with no karate people around so I can clean my kata moves up.
One final note, I couldn't get in to see my doc, but I saw my son's. The first thing he said to me: You look fantastic! He noticed my weight loss! WOOT! And for the record, I was wearing long johns, jeans, shoes, a t-shirt and a big, heavy oversized hoodie when I got on the scale. That's a lot of weight in clothes. I weighed in there at 179 fully dressed. Do you ever wonder if your scale at home is accurate? I have been in that "I don't believe it" mode for the past few months when I see 17 as the first two numbers. 27--yeah, I remember and believe that. But 17. Yes, it's real, and yes, my scale is accurate. Go me!
Bring it. Crush it. Just do it--because I can.
1.17.2012
1.15.2012
Life Has Changed!!!
It's been awhile since I've blogged. I was thinking about that last night and I've kind of hidden myself from my blog and the blog world because I didn't like my attitude the past year. My blog reflected it. 2011 (and before) was full of pain, physical and mental. The physical was so bad it got me, I was negative, I was "ugly" with my thoughts and words. That's here and I didn't want to face it.
It is what it is. That part of my journey was a necessary evil, I suppose. I'm better now. I've sure changed a hell of a lot, too.
At the current moment I'm battling SAD. I'm taking 3000 IU of Vitamin D daily and sitting with my light box. I have moments of slight depression, but NOTHING like last year. The worst thing this year is intense, horrible food cravings. I'm thinking it was about December and I was hungry! Physically hungry! My stomach started growling. I don't think I've ever been that hungry. All I wanted were carbs. It was a battle. However, when I did some research I found that a symptom of SAD is carb cravings. It releases a chemical in our brains to help fight the depression. Go figure.
Now? I'm still hungry, but not to the degree that I was. My carb cravings are greatly reduced, but still there. I can deal with it now.
What's new in my life:
We have officially stopped homeschooling. My son was accepted into an online charter school which starts the end of the month. This was a HUGE weight lifted from my shoulders. I hated teaching math, and he had far surpassed me in science. Now he can spread his wings and fly, I don't have to worry about transcripts, and he'll be college bound. It was bittersweet, I was down for a few days. That was our way of life for over seven years. I did a damned good job for him. He learned well and his standardized test scores were off the charts. Now he needs to learn differently, with instructors with different expectations. I'll spend a week or two helping him adjust to the new style, and then he'll be on his own. (Well, just like he would if he were going to a brick and mortar school. I'll still be checking on him!)
I joined Soldiers' Angels at the beginning of November and I absolutely love it. It filled a void in my life, a need to volunteer and make a difference while supporting our troops. I have met the most wonderful people through this, both soldiers and other angels, and I am just blessed. I have adopted three and I write to at least four new soldiers each week, sometimes more. I was extremely blessed to hear back from a female and she inspires me greatly. I chat at night with two other soldiers, and with one in particular, I am constantly laughing. This has greatly enriched my life in many ways.
I joined karate! I decided I needed to do something physical outside of the house. I googled martial arts and my hometown and found a karate club. I went and watched one night and joined on the spot. When I came home, talked to my husband, I asked him to join with me. He did. We go three times a week, started the end of November, and while I totally suck at it, LOL, we are loving it. It's a great group of people and we're both expanding our minds.
Our karate is held at a local health club. Going there three times a week, we'd walk by the weight area. They have a machine called a Gravitron. I watched someone using that one night while we were in karate. Oh, I wanted to try that. It's a pull-up/chin up/triceps dip assist machine. That sold me on the membership. Anyway, through our insurance, we were able to get a reduced rate. We joined Wednesday and I worked out at the gym for the first time Friday. Waiting on the paperwork, but will go again Monday.
What, me going out of the house and working out in public? Yup. Me. Because I can. Still a little iffy on the confidence, only because it's new. I'm going for the weights. It's definitely the BOY area. I've already met some nice people, and that was one of the main reasons to do this.
I released a lot of people from my life. Those who sabotaged me. Those I used to meet at McDonald's. Those who tried to get me to stray from my new lifestyle. They were unhealthy for me. It's time to meet new people. I finally have the confidence.
About the beginning of December, I went into maintenance mode intentionally. I lost a lot of weight fast and hit a size 14. I had not been in a size 14 for nearly 20 years. This journey has always been about health, and the getting thinner part was just a great bonus. Until now. It kind of freaked me out. My husband said that I went from being fat to pudgy. He no longer sees me as fat. That freaks me out. Yes, it makes me happy, but it is STRANGE. I cannot describe my feelings. I needed to stop, maintain, and let my mind catch up with my body.
The thing is, I'm now scared. I'm scared to move forward. I'm scared of the unknown. I'm scared of getting thinner. Believe it or not, it is more difficult NOW than it was at 282.5 pounds. I don't know why. I'm getting close to "normal" and I haven't been "normal" in so long, that it's frightening to me.
So what do I do when I'm scared? Run, hide my head under the covers and make the world go away? Nope. Now I face my fears. If I can join a gym and go there, I can face this. It's not going to be easy, but I will. So tomorrow I'm going to start Jo's Kick Ass 60-Day Challenge. Will write more about that later. I'm going to blog every day. Blogging prolifically got me going in the first place, and I need the help to finish this off.
2012 is the year I'll meet goal.
Speaking of goal, I don't have one other than an idea of what I want to look like. Do I want to pick a number? I don't know. A very good blogging friend is an inch shorter than I am, hit 145 and was very fit. She wore a size 8. I thought she looked fantastic. So 145? If I'm MUSCLE, which is the plan, might just be my goal. I can't say with certainty because I'll know it when I get there.
Fitness: Time to kick it up. I had TREMENDOUS results doing The Skogg System, walking and watching my calories. I lost over 40 pounds in four months. I built muscle! I could see it in my shoulders, I could feel it under my remaining fat. I love kettlebells and Michael Skogg is a great instructor. So why the gym then, a gym with no kettlebells? Because my need to be around people is greater, my need to get out into the world. In the perfect world, I'd live in Portland and go to the Skogg's gym. But I don't. So I plan on doing one Skogg DVD a week, and doing a total body weight workout 3x a week at the gym. I also plan on bumping up my cardio. I am going to walk 30 minutes daily still. (At least 30 minutes.) That's my meditation time and I won't give that up for anything. However, I'm going to add some HIIT, some step aerobics, and the stair stepper and elliptical at the gym, too.
It's time to kick ass.
In this 60-day challenge, I also plan on challenging myself to be more productive in my home. Still thinking through what all I want to accomplish in that area.
So tomorrow, world, here I come.
It is what it is. That part of my journey was a necessary evil, I suppose. I'm better now. I've sure changed a hell of a lot, too.
At the current moment I'm battling SAD. I'm taking 3000 IU of Vitamin D daily and sitting with my light box. I have moments of slight depression, but NOTHING like last year. The worst thing this year is intense, horrible food cravings. I'm thinking it was about December and I was hungry! Physically hungry! My stomach started growling. I don't think I've ever been that hungry. All I wanted were carbs. It was a battle. However, when I did some research I found that a symptom of SAD is carb cravings. It releases a chemical in our brains to help fight the depression. Go figure.
Now? I'm still hungry, but not to the degree that I was. My carb cravings are greatly reduced, but still there. I can deal with it now.
What's new in my life:
We have officially stopped homeschooling. My son was accepted into an online charter school which starts the end of the month. This was a HUGE weight lifted from my shoulders. I hated teaching math, and he had far surpassed me in science. Now he can spread his wings and fly, I don't have to worry about transcripts, and he'll be college bound. It was bittersweet, I was down for a few days. That was our way of life for over seven years. I did a damned good job for him. He learned well and his standardized test scores were off the charts. Now he needs to learn differently, with instructors with different expectations. I'll spend a week or two helping him adjust to the new style, and then he'll be on his own. (Well, just like he would if he were going to a brick and mortar school. I'll still be checking on him!)
I joined Soldiers' Angels at the beginning of November and I absolutely love it. It filled a void in my life, a need to volunteer and make a difference while supporting our troops. I have met the most wonderful people through this, both soldiers and other angels, and I am just blessed. I have adopted three and I write to at least four new soldiers each week, sometimes more. I was extremely blessed to hear back from a female and she inspires me greatly. I chat at night with two other soldiers, and with one in particular, I am constantly laughing. This has greatly enriched my life in many ways.
I joined karate! I decided I needed to do something physical outside of the house. I googled martial arts and my hometown and found a karate club. I went and watched one night and joined on the spot. When I came home, talked to my husband, I asked him to join with me. He did. We go three times a week, started the end of November, and while I totally suck at it, LOL, we are loving it. It's a great group of people and we're both expanding our minds.
Our karate is held at a local health club. Going there three times a week, we'd walk by the weight area. They have a machine called a Gravitron. I watched someone using that one night while we were in karate. Oh, I wanted to try that. It's a pull-up/chin up/triceps dip assist machine. That sold me on the membership. Anyway, through our insurance, we were able to get a reduced rate. We joined Wednesday and I worked out at the gym for the first time Friday. Waiting on the paperwork, but will go again Monday.
What, me going out of the house and working out in public? Yup. Me. Because I can. Still a little iffy on the confidence, only because it's new. I'm going for the weights. It's definitely the BOY area. I've already met some nice people, and that was one of the main reasons to do this.
I released a lot of people from my life. Those who sabotaged me. Those I used to meet at McDonald's. Those who tried to get me to stray from my new lifestyle. They were unhealthy for me. It's time to meet new people. I finally have the confidence.
About the beginning of December, I went into maintenance mode intentionally. I lost a lot of weight fast and hit a size 14. I had not been in a size 14 for nearly 20 years. This journey has always been about health, and the getting thinner part was just a great bonus. Until now. It kind of freaked me out. My husband said that I went from being fat to pudgy. He no longer sees me as fat. That freaks me out. Yes, it makes me happy, but it is STRANGE. I cannot describe my feelings. I needed to stop, maintain, and let my mind catch up with my body.
The thing is, I'm now scared. I'm scared to move forward. I'm scared of the unknown. I'm scared of getting thinner. Believe it or not, it is more difficult NOW than it was at 282.5 pounds. I don't know why. I'm getting close to "normal" and I haven't been "normal" in so long, that it's frightening to me.
So what do I do when I'm scared? Run, hide my head under the covers and make the world go away? Nope. Now I face my fears. If I can join a gym and go there, I can face this. It's not going to be easy, but I will. So tomorrow I'm going to start Jo's Kick Ass 60-Day Challenge. Will write more about that later. I'm going to blog every day. Blogging prolifically got me going in the first place, and I need the help to finish this off.
2012 is the year I'll meet goal.
Speaking of goal, I don't have one other than an idea of what I want to look like. Do I want to pick a number? I don't know. A very good blogging friend is an inch shorter than I am, hit 145 and was very fit. She wore a size 8. I thought she looked fantastic. So 145? If I'm MUSCLE, which is the plan, might just be my goal. I can't say with certainty because I'll know it when I get there.
Fitness: Time to kick it up. I had TREMENDOUS results doing The Skogg System, walking and watching my calories. I lost over 40 pounds in four months. I built muscle! I could see it in my shoulders, I could feel it under my remaining fat. I love kettlebells and Michael Skogg is a great instructor. So why the gym then, a gym with no kettlebells? Because my need to be around people is greater, my need to get out into the world. In the perfect world, I'd live in Portland and go to the Skogg's gym. But I don't. So I plan on doing one Skogg DVD a week, and doing a total body weight workout 3x a week at the gym. I also plan on bumping up my cardio. I am going to walk 30 minutes daily still. (At least 30 minutes.) That's my meditation time and I won't give that up for anything. However, I'm going to add some HIIT, some step aerobics, and the stair stepper and elliptical at the gym, too.
It's time to kick ass.
In this 60-day challenge, I also plan on challenging myself to be more productive in my home. Still thinking through what all I want to accomplish in that area.
So tomorrow, world, here I come.
11.28.2011
175.5
I emailed my husband this morning to inform him of my new weight: 175.5. I got on that scale five times to make sure. lol He replied that it is a magical number and a huge milestone in HIS eyes. It is a "round" number and I see what he's saying.
It's nice to no longer be obese. It's nice to wear size 14. It's nice for that scale to continue moving downward. It's nice to see an end in sight. It's nice that I can fill in my goal chart. It's nice that the legs in my size 14 pants are loose. (Darned tummy, that's not. lol)
I'm just SOOOOOO happy. I've got this.
To infinity and beyond!
It's nice to no longer be obese. It's nice to wear size 14. It's nice for that scale to continue moving downward. It's nice to see an end in sight. It's nice that I can fill in my goal chart. It's nice that the legs in my size 14 pants are loose. (Darned tummy, that's not. lol)
I'm just SOOOOOO happy. I've got this.
To infinity and beyond!
11.21.2011
Goodbye Obesity, I'm Now Overweight
I hit another major goal. I have gone from being obese to overweight according to the BMI charts.
WOOT! Only 28 pounds until I'm in the normal category! Watch me do it!
WOOT! Only 28 pounds until I'm in the normal category! Watch me do it!
11.14.2011
Size 14!!!!!!!!!!
I just bought a pair of jeans a couple weeks ago, size 16. They were loose in the leg. Well, they kept getting looser, so today I went to the thrift store and found three looks-like-new jeans. Levi's, Vanderbilts and a generic pair. All size 14.
Went to the fitting room, put them on, and ALL fit.
I cried. I could not help it, I cried.
I have not been a size 14 in more than 18 years.
When I got to the register, I cried. I told the clerks I had lost 103 pounds and how long it had been since I wore this size and they cheered me on.
I am on TOP of the world.
Went to the fitting room, put them on, and ALL fit.
I cried. I could not help it, I cried.
I have not been a size 14 in more than 18 years.
When I got to the register, I cried. I told the clerks I had lost 103 pounds and how long it had been since I wore this size and they cheered me on.
I am on TOP of the world.
11.07.2011
100 Pounds Gone!!!!!!!
101.5 to be exact!!!WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anything is possible. Just keep at it.
10.14.2011
180's
I don't blog much anymore. I don't know why! I'm really kicking it right now with weight loss.
Anyway, I hit 189 pounds today. First time since 1993 that I've been in the 180s. I broke my "192" curse. I got to 192 in 2001 and again in January of this year. Both times I gained weight. The first time was stress and I gave up. This year it was the kidney stone surgery/depression/change of diet due to the kidney stones.
Well, since August 1st I've been hot and on the move. I busted that curse and plan on keep going all the way to goal--whatever that is. I updated my goal page, and I'm re-thinking what exactly my goal is. I still say I'll know it when I get there.
Unbelievable to think I'm in the 180s. Me. After all the grief, pain, and hard work: finally. I'm six and a half pounds from losing 100 pounds. I WILL be there soon.
Anyway, I hit 189 pounds today. First time since 1993 that I've been in the 180s. I broke my "192" curse. I got to 192 in 2001 and again in January of this year. Both times I gained weight. The first time was stress and I gave up. This year it was the kidney stone surgery/depression/change of diet due to the kidney stones.
Well, since August 1st I've been hot and on the move. I busted that curse and plan on keep going all the way to goal--whatever that is. I updated my goal page, and I'm re-thinking what exactly my goal is. I still say I'll know it when I get there.
Unbelievable to think I'm in the 180s. Me. After all the grief, pain, and hard work: finally. I'm six and a half pounds from losing 100 pounds. I WILL be there soon.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)