Sometimes I Just Don't Get It!!!

I need to really listen to my body. This week I didn't hear what was going on--until this afternoon.

DS's surgery was Monday. Tuesday, my hubby left to work out of town. I don't like sharing that info until he's home safe and sound, so I'm breaking a rule here. I had "the pain" issues this week, plus a period.

Sometimes I am just dense. Every period I seem to get an anxiety attack. I was marveling how I was able to get through DS's surgery without a Xanax. I made it through Tuesday until hubby called to let me know he'd arrived at his destination. I had "the pain" and I felt light-headed many times through the week. I felt off. I kept thinking it was related to the pain.

Hit me with a 2x4. Why, as someone who has suffered with anxiety issues, do I NOT see it?

As DS and I were finishing decorating our tree this afternoon, I started shaking and feeling light headed. The shaking is when it dawned on me--this is a panic attack. I took a Xanax, and a half hour later my shoulders dropped from my ears into normal position, the shaking stopped, my breathing became normal and the light-headedness left. I'm still a bit jumpy, but good grief, I feel better.

I have really struggled this week. Those who read my blog may have noticed I haven't been reading their blogs this week. I sit down to the computer and I just can't focus, so I get up. I tried to read blogs earlier, read two, posted, then had to stop.

DUH

When is this stupid anxiety going to leave me? When will I be able to lead a normal life? If I have to have the stupid anxiety, when will I "get it" and realize I'm having anxiety? Had I recognized it earlier, I would have been taking Xanax. I could have taken a half a pill and probably thwarted it--or at least alleviated the scary symptoms. When I don't see things for what they are, it comes on fast and furious and a real full-blown panic attack starts. That is just the worst feeling to me--scary.

Now I know.

Just a note to myself: When your son has surgery, it's a big deal. When your hubby leaves town, it's a big deal. Christmas, and memories, missing my parents=big deal. Pay attention!

I had planned on doing my workout about now. Not gonna happen after taking a Xanax. Instead I'll probably curl up and take a nap--which will further help me relax. I can work out tonight.

I also ate lunch when the panic attack came on. I hadn't eaten anything since this morning, and that broke my eat-every-three-hours rule. Low blood sugar does not help matters.

At least I hadn't baked cookies--I probably would have gobbled them up.

I may be slow to realize what's going on, but now that I see it, I can change my ways to take care of myself. Nap, eating often, and a good workout are great ways to help, so all three will be done.

UGH

Celebrating Blogging Friends

I love to celebrate my blogging friends' victories! I get all teary eyed because I am so happy for them!

Pam has a huge victory, she has lost 100 pounds!!!!

Go give her a congrats!

Way to go, Pam!

A Little Low Tonight

I'm bummed. I wanted to work out today, but my body told me otherwise.

"The pain" that I've talked about since I started this blog, that I've had off and on for years, visited me today. It was so bad I would break out in a sweat a time or two. I believe it's probably an ovarian cyst, or something female related.

Three different doctors and still no diagnosis. I need to schedule an appointment, because the truth is, the pain has been with me for almost two weeks now. It has been annoying but not enough to stop me from working out up until today.

This sucks.

On a good note, I had my lovely 2-day period. That uterine ablation worked wonders. No longer am I on the couch with the heating pad for a day or two with cramps. No, that just happens when the cyst pain is there like today. lol I am thrilled with the results from my surgery this summer--beyond thrilled. We just need to figure out this stupid pain thing and things will be good.

On another good note, my Christmas present came. I know what it is because I ordered it--under DH's instruction to do so. I opened it, but my son made me promise to not use it. Hubby made me promise to not put one foot on it.

I simply had to open it because you just never know if something gets messed up in shipping, and I had to check and see that it was all in one piece--or rather, that the several pieces were in tact. Ahem. I'm so bad. Do I share what it is or wait til Christmas? I'll wait for Christmas, but it's exactly what I wanted, came in three boxes, and takes up a lot of room. Plus, it's fitness related. lol There's actually three different things.

One final note. I share a lot about buying this and that. I have spent a lot of money in the past few months on fitness stuff. That's coming to a halt as of Christmas. I'm excited to get stuff--and even more excited that I'm using it all--that we're all using it, and I don't share by means of bragging. We couldn't normally afford this stuff, but my dad left me some "fun money." I have spent almost all the fun money on my fitness stuff and don't regret one dime of it. So no, we're not money bags or well off or any of that. It's been a rough two years with all the sorrow I've gone through, and I kind of had a lot of joy buying the rebounder, the cheap used bike, the videos, the heart monitor, etc. I'm worth it, and it really lifted my spirits to be able to get this stuff. And like I said, I'm using it--and loving it! I know my mom and dad would be very happy with how I've spent the money.

Here's to tomorrow, may it be pain free and a great day for all of us, and may we all get a great workout in!

Heart Rate Monitor

I got a new "toy." I got a Polar Heart Rate Monitor. I'm loving it.

I had no idea what to get, but I wanted to know what my heart was doing, and I wanted a better idea of what my calorie burn was. I had my husband find me a monitor because it was all Greek to me. I ended up with a Polar FT60. Hubby picked that because you can change the batter yourself, and he thought my old eyes would have an easier time seeing the display. It was a bit more expensive than I wanted to pay, but well worth it.

I had balked at both BodyBuggs, GoWearFits and heart rate monitors because I thought all three would be uncomfortable. I just couldn't wear an arm band all day, even though the calorie burn is supposed to be more accurate. I didn't think I'd like a chest strap with a HRM, but I was wrong. I cannot feel it when it's on. It's very comfortable. I was also nervous it wouldn't fit and I'd have to order a larger strap. Nope, had to take it in to fit me!

When I'm working out, I switch the watch to show the zone I'm working in. My heart rate is very important to me and I'm not the best at perceiving my exertion. This is great for me to watch, telling me when to push it a little more and when to back off. I love it, actually.

The calorie burn feature is great as well. I always knew those calorie charts all over the internet must be crazy, and boy was I right. My workouts are way lower than what they suggest. The workouts I've done since obtaining my HRM:

The Firm The Tortoise: 345 calories burned
The Firm's Volume 6: 226
The Firm's Not So Tough Aerobics: 251
Jari Love's Ripped and Chiseled: 219 (and this was a killer!)
Rebounder jogging with 3-pound weights for 20 minutes: 177

This was an eye opener for sure. So my goals have changed a bit. I am going to try to workout 6 days a week instead of 5, and I am also going to try for 20 minutes on either the rebounder or the bike daily in addition to the workout tape. These I can do in 10-minute chunks. I'm not going any more than that. I only want to do what I can maintain for life, and I love doing my tapes and it's very easy to hop on the rebounder for a quick 10-minute jog. The bike will be a bit more difficult for me, only because it's in our basement. I'm thinking I can use it on laundry days when I'm downstairs. =)

My heart rate monitor gave me a fitness test. I was a little shocked with the results, as I thought I was fitter--a wee bit at least. I scored a 27, which is fair for my age. I'd hate to know what it was when I was at 282 and before I found The Firm. So while this was shocking, it is yet another way for me to watch and improve my fitness. I'm going to keep on plugging away as I have been and hope my fitness continues to improve.

I was very afraid I'd become obsessed with my new toy. And I was. I decided to allow myself to be obsessed with it for a good, solid week. I watched the watch constantly during workouts. That was partly to learn my zones, and partly because it was fun to watch. If I had a second, I'd switch to see the calorie burn. I think I'm over the obsession now, as I don't care about the calories during a workout now. I just occasionally glance to see what zone I'm in.

I'm very pleased with my purchase, and I plan to use this every time I work out. I am glad I didn't get it sooner, because with a fitness score in the fair category, it may have crushed and overwhelmed me had I got this when I didn't hit the fair category--as I know I was below this.

Here's a link to my HRM. I was very shocked, as the price has gone up $20 from what I paid for it a couple weeks ago!

Tuesday Morning Weigh-In

I may be a day late and a dollar short, but fortunately, I'm also two pounds short. Forgot to weigh yesterday.

Weight: 223.5
Loss: 2 pounds

Yay!

~~~~~

DS had a Tylenol & Codeine pill last night. It took his pain away and wound him up tighter than an 8-day clock. He was wide awake and loquacious. Finally he drifted to sleep about 4:30 in the morning. Ugh, another short-on-sleep night for me. When he got up this morning he informed me he doesn't want to take the codeine unless he has to. His pain is mild, so fortunately he won't be higher than a kite today.

Home, Safe and Sound

All went well. Whew.

My sweet son cried and shook, he was so scared. The oral surgeon was absolutely fantastic with him--patient yet leading him in what to do. I went into the surgery room while they covered him up, attached the monitors, etc. My son was squeezing my hand so hard I thought I'd lose the tips of my fingers. Then the doctor said I would stay until he was asleep. That shocked me.

That was the weirdest experience of my life! They put him to sleep right then and there, the surgeon asking him what he ate for Thanksgiving. I watched his eyes get droopy, his fingers never quit squeezing. It took about two minutes--much longer than I remembered with my last surgery. He looked so peaceful lying there--yet it was also kind of creepy.

I had to pry my son's hand off mine so I could leave. The doctor pointed to his cheek, told me to kiss it, and he would take good care of my son.

When he woke up, they shoved him out the door. lol I just hate how they do that! They did it with me, too. I think an extra hour, so a person is really awake, would be nice. Yet the experience wasn't that bad.

My son may say differently, as he started hurting on the way home, and couldn't eat the Frosty we got him which they told us he'd be able to eat. He was bleeding, and he followed me in that he was whiny, crabby and mad. Got home, hubby got the medications and when they kicked in, he was wide awake, feeling much better, had his melted Frosty, pudding and a Carnation Instant Breakfast. He's lying on the couch watching TV with his Dad at the moment.

We'll start school again Wednesday, as I think he might be sore tomorrow.

Now, how did Mom handle it? Well, I put on a brave face, smiled, reassured this was totally safe and that DS would be fine. All the while I was freaking out inside thinking, "What if it isn't fine and I lied to my child?" Watching him go out was creepy--while I found it absolutely fascinating to watch the pros at work doing their job, I don't know that I'd like to witness that again.

When we went to get the Frosty, I was starved. I got a burger and fries. I haven't had a fast food burger and fries in MONTHS. The burger was fantastic. The fries? Awful! They were so full of salt, cold, tasteless. I ate them anyway because I was hungry. Forget about the safe snack that was in my purse. 640 calories for my lunch. I don't regret it, but it was emotional eating because I did have something with me.

Driving home, I kept sighing. I felt as each muscle group in my body was giving way at a different time. All the stress released and it was just odd. My husband kept looking at me as I was driving, because I would do a loud sigh and then shake my arm. It was strange. To top that weirdness off, I did not sleep last night. I slept from 12-2, woke up and couldn't sleep. About 4:30 I drifted off again to wake at a little after 6. I don't do well without a full night's sleep.

The best thing is it's all done and over. Whew. For my health, I learned I really need to keep the Calorie King book I bought to carry in the car--in the car. I didn't have it. If I had, I would have had 2 singles for 440 calories instead of 1 at 220 and fries at 42o. I didn't know calorie counts or WW Points for either item, because I haven't eating that way since January.

What a day. All I know is my baby is not in pain, he's resting comfortably, that he was able to eat a bit, and that he should recover fairly quickly. We survived.

Thank you for positive thoughts and prayers. They were greatly appreciated.

Oral Surgery

My baby, er, teenager's oral surgery is tomorrow. Would appreciate good vibes, positive thoughts and prayers. I guess the only thing that really makes us nervous is the anesthesia and possibility of a seizure. Otherwise, I think it's a pretty minor surgery but will take a few days for him to eat normally. My son tends to be like me, a Wendy Whiner, so recovery will be interesting. I shouldn't say that--many times he's like his father and makes no complaints whatsoever when he's sick. Hmm--wonder which it will be.

We're hitting the store in a bit to stock up on ice cream, eggs, cottage cheese, yogurt, pudding, Spaghetti O's--that's just for me! Just kidding. lol I have a few other soft foods on my list, plus DH and my menu stuff.

Nothing new here. Don't know if I'll report my weigh in tomorrow morning or not as we have to leave early.

Behind on blogs again, but my laundry is all done, the bills are paid, the house picked up, the menu and grocery list made, etc. It's amazing when I don't spend time on the computer how much I get done around the house. Yet I miss reading blogs terribly. I need to find a happy medium.

Well, off to the store.