My Photo Post...

I live with a lot of fear...fear of the unknown and fear of the known. I have generalized anxiety disorder. I have always had fear of having my photo taken -- when I got fat, that is. The photo on the side bar was one that woke me up. Yesterday's photos that I posted, though, really hit me.

I need to feel those emotions. I need to write them down. I need them in stone, because damn it, I don't ever want to be here again.

When hubby got home from work yesterday afternoon, I showed him that blog post. And then I cried. Then sobbed. Good man gave me a hug. I was pretty darned low yesterday.

This journey is about health, as mine is poor. This journey is about quality of life. While I may be alive and kickin', my quality of life sucks. Physical pain, high triglycerides, pre-diabetes, yada, yada, and emotional pain. Such as...

When I checked in at the motel last week, they had screwed up my reservation. I had requested a ground-floor room. Any guesses as to why I wanted a ground-floor room? (STAIRS) I ended up getting a room with two double beds on the ground floor at no extra cost to me due to their mistake. The nice lady at the counter said, "I have hip problems climbing stairs, too." I said nothing about hip problems. I explained that I had a lot of stuff to carry in, but mostly I wanted on the ground floor due to the fact I had a 3-month old puppy with me that when need be, I'd have to run outside fast. So she just looked at me and assumed hip problems. Yes, I have issues with my right hip. But still!

So anyway, I need to write these emotions down because when I feel a binge coming on, I need to read in my own words about the emotions and the physical limitations I'm experiencing now to keep me on the straight and narrow.

So the photos made me sad and freaked me out. I posted them anyway. I faced my fears. I was honest with what I wrote. This is a food and exercise journey but mostly it's a mind journey. As hard as that post was for me, it's the right direction to get this right in my mind.