The Fair Food

We ate at our local Mexican restaurant and really enjoyed our meal. I always guess at the points, and I think I'm fairly accurate as I've never had a gain after eating. I dutifully counted my chips out before eating them, loaded them with salsa, and enjoyed.

As we were leaving, my son got a shake. Hubby and son each got a funnel cake. They should have got one and shared it as hubs through half his away (that's why he's skinny!), and my son took only a few bites. He's nibbled on it off and on this morning. There's still 7/8ths of it left--that's why he's skinny.

I decided against donuts. I think hubby knew I really wanted a couple, so he bought a bag anyway. He made a very big mistake. He asked me to hold the bag as he paid for and got his funnel cake. The very second he passed me the bag, it was as if the whole world around me disappeared. I saw only the donuts in my hands. I heard nothing, I smelled only the donuts. I jokingly told him I heard the angels sing when he passed the bag.

I ate one. It was hot and it tasted so good. I decided I'd have two total. I ate the other. Yet, there was this bag in my hand. I couldn't resist. I had eaten four of them by the time I came out of my fog. I stood there watching, holding this warm bag of bliss in my hands, waiting for him to finish what he was doing. When he did, he asked me how many, I told him, and he snatched the bag out of my hands. At that point, I was fine. He didn't need to take the bag away, I was not going to eat anymore. Yet I came SO close. I ate double what I wanted, but I was still okay points wise--I figured it to be 8 points. (Thank goodness for flex points!) The instinct to snarf that entire bag was so strong and so overwhelming. It scared me.

I can eat at home fine. I can make wise choices at restaurants I cannot handle warm baked goods. So it was a win and a lose. I lose because I lost control for a few fleeting seconds. I honestly came very close to saying "What the hell" and eating a lot more than I did. I win because I snapped out of it pretty darned fast.

My history with baked goods is not good. Cakes, cookies, brownies, donuts...they all are a reason I got fat, because I cannot limit myself. That, plus I would down a lot of milk with the baked goodies. I do occasionally have a breakfast cookie, but aside from that, I have not had any of the sugary, fat-laden former friends of mine. I know I'm not quite strong enough to have that stuff around. I had half hoped that the donuts would taste like garbage. I had snuck a very small bite of a glazed donut my son had a month or so ago and it tasted disgusting. No such luck last night.

I know my limits, and I guess it was really a good thing that I did what I did. It was a great learning experience. I know that I'm seconds away from a binge if I make poor choices. I'm pretty determined and strong-willed, so I don't think I'll be making poor choices like that. I can guarantee you my hubby won't buy a bag of donuts again!