Potato Casserole

Potato Casserole

POINTS® Value: 5 Servings: 8

Ingredients
1 1/2 cup(s) 1% low-fat milk
1/4 cup(s) all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp table salt
1/4 tsp black pepper
48 oz frozen potatoes o'brien
8 oz Hormel Pillow Pack Diced ham
1 1/2 cup(s) low-fat shredded cheddar cheese
1 cup(s) reduced-fat sour cream

Instructions: Heat oven to 400. Spray 13x9 pan. In medium saucepan, combine milk, flour, salt and pepper; blend well. Cook and stir over medium-high heat until bubbly and thickened. In large bowl, combine potatoes, ham, sour cream, cooked sauce and 1 cup of the cheese; mix well. Spoon potato mixture into sprayed dish. Sprinkle top with remaining 1/2 cup cheese. Bake at 400 F. for 15 to 20 minutes or until casserole is bubbly and cheese is melted. Let stand 5 minutes before serving.

Week 3 Menu

Our dinner menu:

Monday: Ham, Scalloped Potatoes, Yams

Tuesday: Round Steak, Baked Potatoes, Salad

Wednesday: Steamed Chicken, Rice, Veggie

Thursday: Taco Bell (out of town)

Friday: Potato Casserole, Eggs

Saturday: Ham, Scalloped Potatoes, Yams (repeat, but we like it)

Sunday: Hamburgers, Oven-baked Fries, Salad

For lunches I usually have a sandwich of some sort. Snacks include air-popped popcorn, fruit, English muffin, baby carrots (my new potato chips!), ice cream treat, V-8, etc.

For breakfasts I usually have Kellog's Complete Bran Flakes and Fiber One cereal with 1% milk. If I'm really hungry, I'll have an English muffin with it. I start the day with a heck of a lot of fiber!

Exercise???

Morning conversation with my husband:

DH: So have you started exercising yet?
ME: Huh?
DH: What are you doing for exercise?
ME: Hmmmm.
DH: Are you exercising?
ME: To be honest, I'm too fat yet to exercise. It's painful. Give me a few weeks to lose a few more pounds. I did clean the house yesterday and I broke out into a sweat, and I had to virtually run from the parking lot into Walmart as it was so darned cold the other day. I broke a sweat and got my heart pumping and out of breath doing that. So I'm working on it.

Excuses excuses. BS, really.

I know darned well that exercise is critical. I need to get off my fat butt and get going. It's good for everything including anxiety. Seriously.

More of the conversation:
DH: Would you like a weight bench and some free weights?
ME: I asked for that a couple years ago and you said no way. (Quit the garbage, Jo...just say yes and quit playing games with the poor man!)
DH: Would you like it?
ME: Yes, I wouldn't mind doing Body For Life. I'll have to re-read it, of course, and I might need some help, but yes.
DH: Okay.

And off he went. I'm sure he's forgotten about his offer by now.

I can't rely on him getting all that stuff. I need to rely on myself to get moving.

Today's goal: Dig out my Richard Simmons tapes and dust off the Leslie Sansone DVD I bought after Christmas, pick a few of the "short" ones, set them on top of the TV, and do one. And do one tomorrow. And the day after that. And so on.

The Journey

This blog could be about Weight Watchers alone. It's a great program. It teaches one how to eat more healthfully. It could be full of recipes, tips and tricks.

There's just more to it than that, though. I love Weight Watchers--it works for me. What it doesn't do is teach why we got to the point we got to in the first place.

There's a reason a person gets to 282.5, and it isn't just because said person overeats. If I really want to beat this, win, and be truly healthy, I need to figure it out.

SeaShore left a comment about social anxiety and CBT therapy. (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.) Her comment struck me, resonated with me, and piqued my interest. I had just ordered a couple of books on CBT at the beginning of the year. I've been reading through them. There are no CB therapists near me as I live in a very small town in the middle of nowhere. Plus, I have gone to therapy three times in my life and I never got anything out of it. I think finding a good therapist is like finding a needle in a haystack. No offense to therapists out there--I think you need to click with the therapist and I've never been able to do that. They've never tried to help me move forward, which is what I want to do.

Social Anxiety. I think I probably have this. I do have an official diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder. I recently had to go to an event with my son where there were going to be a lot of people. I didn't want to go, but we have to do things for our children. I slipped a Xanax before I left and I made it just fine. I never take Xanax unless I'm having a panic attack, but this exception really did help.

People make me nervous. I know they're nice, but I am terribly afraid of judgment. I judge myself harsher than anyone out there would probably judge me, but still I have that fear. Fear runs my life. Believe it or not, I do have a fear of being thin. I think that is why I did so great on Weight Watchers the last time only to end up gaining it back. I was afraid of the new body, afraid to be out of my norm, afraid to get attention, afraid of whatever. Pretty stupid, huh?

I'm a logical person, and I know all this fear is ridiculous. I know that--yet I allow myself to have it anyway. The books I ordered have helped a little bit, and I'm trying to talk myself through situations. Last night, after reading the comment, I spent some time at Amazon looking at social anxiety books. There are so many out there. Almost every title has the word shy in it. I am not shy. Is that weird? I'm not. I can be awkward and uncomfortable, but I'm not shy. I was as a kid, to the point I couldn't speak at times, but now I can speak to anyone. The thing is, I just don't always want to. (And this does make me lonely at times.) It makes me uncomfortable. I'm afraid of what they'll think of me.

So poking around Amazon, I found another book in which I ordered: Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. When I was reading through the preview, she mentioned the three levels of fear: Level 1, which she states is the surface story, things that happen and things that require action; Level 2 which are not situation orientated, rather they involve the state of mind and ego; and Level 3, "I can't handle it."

That hit me like a ton of bricks. As my massive panic attack started, the one that landed me in the hospital overnight, that was my very thought: "I can't handle this. No more, I can't do it." The truth is, I did handle it, just poorly. She says the first two levels of fear translate to I can't handle statements as well.

She then states: If you knew you could handle anything that came your way, what would you possibly have to fear? NOTHING.

That is what made me order the book. I cannot wait for its arrival so I can read it. It just hit me. We handle everything in life. There are just better ways of handling things. I handle stress and fear by eating or by having panic attacks. Or both.

Two steps forward. I woke up this morning thinking about that, and I must admit I was in a much more cheerful frame of mind--something that is rare, as I'm not a morning person.

~~~
Still going gang busters with Weight Watchers, haven't gone over points yet. I need to plan menus for next week and hit the grocery store. Maybe, just maybe, I'll plan a day outing to the store. Maybe. lol

No Make No Bakes

My son had me run this recipe through just to see. I won't be making these, because when I do, I eat 10 of them. ugh

No Bake Cookies
POINTS® Value: 3Servings: 24

Ingredients
2 cup(s) sugar
8 tbsp unsalted butter
1/2 cup(s) unsweetened cocoa
1/2 cup(s) 1% low-fat milk
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 cup(s) peanut butter
3 cup(s) oatmeal

Mix and boil for one minute. Pour while hot over peanut butter and oatmeal.;

I'll try haystacks instead, with Fiber One, chocolate chips and peanut butter.

Lean Cuisine's Mac and Cheese

One word: Yuck.

6 points of chemical-tasting food. From my first bite to my last, it tasted like I was eating a science experiment.

Not worth it for me. Will work on a homemade recipe.

I have often wondered how many overweight people out here love mac and cheese. It's always available at buffets, it's a huge seller at grocery stores. When our homeschool group toured one of our local grocery stores, they told us it was one of their highest sellers. Who knew? Me, because I love it. (Probably one reason I'm fat!)

DH hates it. DS will eat it on occasion.

So I'm off to scour some healthier recipes or make my own.

I do like to freeze food, and I wonder if I cook the mac al dente if it would freeze well.

My hubby asked me if I was ready to give mac and cheese up. I told him no way, it's one of my favorite things. What I need to do is find a healthier recipe and learn to eat in small quantities. Dare I admit that I can and have eaten an entire box of Kraft in one sitting? I need to learn it's a side dish, not a main dish. And a half a cup of it savored is better than an entire box.

Confessions

I have some confessions to make. I think they are related to my
weight, although I might not know the exact connection at the moment. These are things I plan on working on as dilligently as I work on counting points.

1) I have an anxiety disorder.

There's a long story to how it came about which I will share later. I
think it was always there, but recently brought to the surface. I've been diagnosed since May of last year.

2) I'm getting to the point I don't like to leave the house.

I do my grocery shopping at night. I go out at night. Maybe I'm a
vampire. Nope, I have to go out during sunlight hours many times each week
driving mom's taxi. I prefer to go out at night, though. My hubby
and I have discussed I may be becoming slightly agoraphobic. I
personally think that there are fewer people out at night, and that means less
social interaction for me--the fat one--with others.

3) I have insomnia.

I was supposed to go for a sleep apnea test, but I kind of forgot to go. I
probably have it, as I am exhausted during the day. I need at least 8-9
hours of sleep at night. About two hours after I get up in the morning, I
am utterly exhausted.

4) I nap every day.

I get so tired that I just cannot not nap. Which perpetuates number 3. Every day during my son's reading time, I nap.

5) I don't shower and get dressed first thing in the morning.

I have three dogs, and for some reason I think that after I go potty, they
must. I figure if I have to go NOW so do they. And once they go out,
they're in high play mode, need fed, need to go out again. Then I have to
get my son up (or he gets up) and we eat breakfast and start school. We
start school at 9am every day (or close!). Sometimes with all the busy-ness of
morning, I don't get showered and dressed until 11 or 12 or 1. I
hate that. In fact, aside from my health, this is the #1 thing I hate in my life.

6) I am recovering from the most traumatic year of my life.

The anniversary of everything starting was March 6 of last year. It
involved a major surgery, a heart attack, nursing home, more surgery,
hospitalization and finally death of a loved one. It involved me being
away from my home for over three months last year. I was hospitalized due
to a massive panic attack during this. Shortly after I got home, my
husband was hospitalized. My son was diagnosed with a lifelong condition
that technically is a disability, although his condition is mild, thankfully. There's lots more, it was as if a black cloud followed me the whole year.

I am still a wounded bird from all this. I think that's one of the reasons
I don't like to leave the house now, and why I've been having mild panic
attacks.

7) I am a perfectionist. I hate to admit I have problems. I want to pretend I'm perfect. I am not. That's one reason I decided to write this post.

I do feel most of these issues are health- and weight-related. Seeing the photo of myself (on the sidebar) taken a couple weeks ago was what I needed to wake up. I think I will feel so much better emotionally and physically when I get some of this weight off. I think many of these issues will resolve, plus my self-esteem will rise.

The last time I lost weight--I think it was 2001, I'll have to check--I was perfectly on plan. Never cheated once until the day I quit. One Snicker's bar and a whole lot of stress did that. The part I did not work on was why I got so fat to begin with.

Why is crucial now. I think it's as important as counting points.

I have always said the easy part is losing the weight. We all know it's not easy to do that! The hard part comes in keeping it off. I still believe that, although I know it's not easy to lose it. Stress, pressure and not having my ducks in a row led me to gain back what I lost before.

So this post is a reminder of what I need to work on in my life besides counting points, starting an exercise program, and incorporating healthier foods into my life.